Stepping Out of the Shadows
by TM Twilight Girl
Summary: What if Edward's motivation for dating Bella wasn't becasue he loved her but because he was frustrated by the fact that he couldn't hear her?  What if he lied about a lot of other things as well?  WARNING: Abuse and a later chapter non-sexual SPANKING.
1. Blood

**Author's Note: I haven't published anything in awhile because I've been afraid that I wouldn't be motivated to finish like before, but I can guarantee you that this time is different because I am already writing the last chapter of this story. I will try to update regularly, but not every day. **

**WARNING: This story includes elements of abuse, and corporal punishment, though corporal punishment isn't the main theme of the story. I wasn't going to include it because I felt it was too harsh for this story, but the story kind of took me there, so I willingly followed. The story also has a few lemons.**

**This story probably isn't for you die hard team Edward's out there because he isn't always very nice in this story, though he doesn't stay that way. This is a Bella/Carlisle story because that's what I've been fantasizing about for awhile now. **

**Without further ado, I present to you, **_**Stepping out of the Shadows.**_

**Chapter 1 – Blood**

_Happy birthday to me._ I sarcastically thought to myself while Carlisle stitched me up in his office. Despite my protests, I had actually gone to the birthday party Alice and Edward basically forced me into having. To say that it didn't go well would be a gigantic understatement. It started with a tiny paper cut and ended with Edward throwing me into the wall and shattering a couple of vases which led to an eight inch gash on my left arm. Oh, did I mention that Jasper tried to kill me? Well, that was the _best_ part. Jasper momentarily lost control when I cut my finger, and he lunged after me. Edward tried to protect by pushing me out of the way and ended up pushing me a _little _too hard causing me to be thrown against a table with flower arrangements on it. _All_ of the vampires except Carlisle had to leave the house so that they didn't eat me.

_Did I mention that I hated parties?_ No? Well, now I hate them even more than ever. I dislike being the center of attention, and a birthday party guarantees that I will have to have the spotlight on me. Also, I hate presents. Most people, especially women, didn't understand, so let me explain. When my parents buy me gifts, I feel badly that they are spending their hard earned money on me. When my acquaintances get me presents, they really don't know me well enough to get me something I could actually use. Then there is Edward. With him, it's because it only points out the fact that he has so much more than I have, and I have no way to come close to reciprocating. I probably could accept normal boyfriend gifts like flowers or perfume, but Edward always goes waaaaaaaaaay overboard. He gets me things like a sixty-five inch plasma TV for my bedroom, or a MacBook Air so I wouldn't get a virus and had high speed internet lines run out to my house so that I didn't have to wait on the modem. Also, he bought me a car, a freaking car! I refused. One time I mentioned needing to go to the bookstore, and he bought me a Kindle with five hundred thousand books on it and credit to buy another million. I don't even know how he got it to hold that many books. What was I supposed to say to something like that? I told him not to buy me anything else. I thought I was clear, but he still got me a birthday present. He _claimed _that it was alright because he technically _made _ me the present. The present he gave me was a CD of the song he had written for me. I still planned on throwing a fit because I saw that he hired the New York Symphony Orchestra to perform it. I don't think he knows how to give a gift that isn't extravagant.

Alice's behavior is excusable. She has an undiagnosed mental illness. She's a shopaholic. Let me see if I can explain. Alice bought me so many clothes that she had to renovate one of the spare bedrooms in the Cullen mansion to become a closet to hold them all. Most of the clothes in it cost more than my car, which honestly isn't saying much, but still.

I believe the birthday fiasco was Alice's idea. She and Edward have this crazy idea that I need to experience _all_ of the human rites of passage. They even dragged me to prom in May, and I'm not even kidding a little bit about the dragging. They tricked me into going and didn't even tell me until I was almost there. When I got mad that they had tricked me, Edward _dazzled_ me. If you don't know what vampire dazzling is, then let me tell you it's not nice. From what I hear about roofies, it's kind of like that. You can be talked into basically anything and everything. The dazzling vampire stares into the poor human's eyes and BAM! the human does whatever the vampire asks. I started closing my eyes so that he couldn't do it anymore, but it turns out, his breath was just as effective at making me lose control.

Aside from all of his control issues, I couldn't be happier. Edward was my life. He was my first kiss, my first (and last, hopefully) boyfriend, and my best friend. I couldn't imagine spending a single day without him.

And I was confident that I wouldn't have to spend many days without him. Despite his insistence that he would never change me because he valued my humanity, I believed with all my heart that someday, I would be a vampire. You see, he once told me that vampires are basically unchangeable creatures, and once they found their mate, they were forever bonded and inseparable. And I believed it. My dull and boring life had become an extension of his glorious existence. Everything I did revolved around him. He was my world, the very air I breathed.

When I first came to Forks, I had become friendly with some of my other fellow students, but when Edward and I started dating, it became hard to maintain those friendships. The Cullen's weren't exactly social with the other students, and it ended up isolating me from the rest of the population except for them. Alice and Emmett were really my only friends. Jasper and I were cordial, but he kept his distance so that my scent didn't bother him. Rosalie and I were another story. I don't know what her problem with me was, but I could tell that she didn't like me. Edward's "parents," Carlisle and Esme were awesome, but I didn't really know them that well. Of course, I knew their basic histories, but the only personal things Edward told about them were that Carlisle was compassionate and caring, and Esme was the perfect mother. It was no wonder they were together. They weren't affectionate like Alice in Jasper and nowhere near as all over each other as Emmett and Rosalie, but they were perfect.

Of course, they were _all_ perfect, every single one of them. What did Edward see in me anyway? I was just a plain, ordinary human. There was nothing special about me. I wasn't beautiful like Rosalie or bubbly and perky like Alice, or feminine and girly like Esme. I was just plain, old, clumsy Bella, a simple human who didn't even know how to be a human the right way.

Carlisle amazed me as he stitched me up, not even flinching at the smell of my blood when all of the other vampires couldn't even be in the area.

"How long did it take you to be able to do this?" I asked Carlisle.

"Learn restraint enough to become a doctor? About fifty years." He answered.

"What did you do during that time or did you always know you would be a doctor once you could control your thirst?" I wondered.

"I wouldn't say that I _knew_ I would become a doctor, but from very early on, I _hoped_ I could." He explained. "After I got over the initial shock of becoming a vampire, and past the self-loathing, I saw my newfound form as sort of a chance to be who _I_ wanted to be instead of who I was expected to be.

"I vaguely remembered from my human existence that I thought I would enjoy practicing medicine, and even as a vampire, I had an overwhelming desire to help people. You could say it was and still is my raison d'être. That is why I chose to learn all I could about the medicine and really science in general. The only setback was the sheer volume of blood I had to endure."

"Was it very difficult?" I asked.

"At first, I didn't think it would be. It wasn't hard to restrain myself around humans. _That_ only took three years. After I could safely be in a crowd for long periods of time, I enrolled in medical school, but I had to leave when I discovered the amount of blood I had to endure. I could think around the desire for a time, but after awhile, I had to leave and clear my head. It took me probably fifteen years to be able to be able to withstand the amount of blood necessary. The remaining time, I perfected my restraint until I was sure that I wouldn't make a mistake. After nearly three centuries of practice, I am almost immune to the pull of human blood. I barely notice it anymore." He explained with a pleasant look on his face. "It was more than worth it, though. I receive great enjoyment from my work."

"And the world is a better place because you put yourself through all of that." I added.

"Thank you for saying so." He responded looking rather embarrassed as he continued to carefully stitch my arm.

"Are you blushing, Carlisle?" I teased. "I didn't think that vampires could blush."

Again, he looked embarrassed as he spoke to me, "We technically can't blush, but that doesn't prevent us from looking embarrassed."

That was new to me. Edward never looked embarrassed. He was always so confident in everything he said and did. Alice was the same, and I doubt that Emmett was capable of being embarrassed even when he was a human.

He finished my stitches while I was distracted and applied a topical analgesic to help manage the pain.

"I'm going to take you home tonight." Carlisle explained. "Edward is in no state to do so. I'm sure he'll be in your room by the time you wake up tomorrow."

"Okay," I answered thickly.

Carlisle led me down the stairs, content to walk at my pace. That was new to me. I rather enjoyed not being whisked down the stairs without as much as a warning. The first few times it happened, it caught me off guard. It made me feel like throwing up. Luckily for Edward, I managed to keep my lunch down and Edward stayed clean.

"I'll just get your presents for you." Carlisle announced as he quickly gathered my gifts.

"Thanks," I tried to sound appreciative.

"Edward told us that you would really appreciate all of this, but you were too shy to ask. It's not true. Is it?" Carlisle observed.

"I'm sure he meant well." I defended.

Edward probably told them exactly what to get me. He most likely believed that I needed all of this stuff that his family gave me. I think that Alice must have strayed from Edward's predetermined list, but the others definitely got me things that Edward had at least approved. Carlisle and Esme got me airline tickets to see my mom anytime I wanted. Emmett got me a stereo for my car and installed it for me. Rosalie hijacked my car last night and switched my engine for a high performance model. Jasper got me a GPS. Alice got me clothes, of course. Edward looked annoyed at her when I opened it. I kind of liked it. It was a nice dress that I could wear on special occasions, though it would stay in my drawer until I needed it.

Carlisle sighed at Edward's behavior. I didn't understand why. I know that Edward wanted the best for me.

"I should have asked you directly." Carlisle told me apologetically.

He didn't ask if I still wanted the presents. I guess he knew that I wouldn't want to hurt anyone's feelings by not accepting my presents. Once it was clear that Edward was dragging me to this party whether I wanted to go or not, I tried hard to not let all of the Cullen's know that I was against this party and the presents. Obviously, I failed. I didn't want them to feel bad after going through all of the trouble, and now at least Carlisle would know that I didn't appreciate what I had been given. I felt awful.

"I can see that you're upset that you didn't fool us, but don't feel too badly, Bella." Carlisle laughed and lightened my mood considerably. "I don't think a human would have realized that you didn't care for your presents or this party in general."

"If you say so," I laughed back at him, knowing that my acting skills left something to be desired.

Carlisle really seemed to know a lot about me, more than I knew about him. I understood that vampires had extraordinary observation skills, but I still wondered how much I really knew about him. I decided to use my time alone with Carlisle to get to know him better. While he was stitching my arm, I felt like I got a decent insight into his early vampire life, but I still desired to know more about the unique Carlisle Cullen. Once we got seated in my truck, I began questioning him.

"So…" I drawled, wanting to ask him about his relationship with Esme, but chickening out at the last second, "what do you like to do for fun?"

"Of course, I enjoy baseball and even football with my children, but I really take pleasure in woodcarving, especially precision work. Clocks are a specialty of mine." The smile in his voice relayed the delight he got out of this most unexpected pastime.

I would dearly love to see this artistic side of Carlisle Cullen. It mirrored my own attempt at creativity with sculpting. I hadn't gotten a chance to sculpt often because the work required great concentration, and when I was with Edward, my attention to detail was severely lacking. I did, however sculpt as often as I could when Edward was hunting. Lately, I wasn't able to have time with my hands in clay very frequently. Edward almost always insisted that I go shopping with Alice when he was gone so that he could make sure I was safe. Sometimes, I could get a few hours in when I spent time with Emmett, but it wasn't nearly enough to create the present I was planning to give Edward for Christmas. I was hoping that I could talk Alice into letting me sculpt this weekend instead of going to Rodeo Drive for a rare weekend of overcast shopping, but I would probably be too embarrassed to say anything to her.

"Could you show me sometime?" I asked after a long pause. "I would love to see some of your work."

"Of course, Bella," he smiled at me as we pulled up to my house. I realized for the first time ever, that the vampire riding in my truck didn't once complain about the speed at which I drove, and on top of that, he didn't insist on driving.

He and I both got out of the truck, and he walked me to the door.

"Thank you for seeing me home, Carlisle." I hugged him for the first time. He smelled really good, different from Edward, but still very good. It was a very good thing I knew and loved his wife, Esme, otherwise I would have embarrassed myself trying to flirt with him.

"It was my pleasure, Bella." He hugged me back. "I enjoyed getting to know you better."

"Did you?" I asked incredulously. "I mean, I think I got to know you a little better, but we didn't really talk about me."

That thought struck me. Edward _always_ asked questions about me, my thoughts, my feelings, my past, but he would hardly ever divulge anything personal about himself. I would have never known about his passion for music if Esme hadn't spilled the beans the first time I went to his house.

"Yes, Bella I did get to know you better." Carlisle laughed. "I found out that you don't like parties or presents, you're very curious, and rather gracious about our nature, and your eyes sparkled when I told you about my artistic side, which leads me to believe that you are rather artistic yourself."

"Um, yes," I admitted sheepishly, "I sculpt."

"So…" He teased me. "I'll show you mine if you show me yours."

"I can't believe you just said that." I giggled nervously as I blushed.

Carlisle looked like he wanted to tell me something else, but he didn't get the chance.

"Charlie's coming, probably to see what's taking you so long. Take one of these for the pain." Carlisle handed me a small bottle of pills and ducked his head to excuse himself. He ran off very gracefully.


	2. Shattered

**Author's Note: Thank you to all who reviewed the first chapter, and thank you to all who read, but didn't review, but decided to read the second chapter as well. **

**WARNING: Edward is a real bastard for **_**awhile**_** in this story.**

**DISCLAIMER: I forgot to mention this in the first chapter, but I don't own Twilight, and I intend no copyright infringement with this story. It's just a idea that's been floating around in my head.**

**Chapter 2 – Shattered**

I tried to stay up until Edward came to my room, but I ended up passing out from the pain pills around two hours after I got home. After I finally drifted off, I thought I would slept peacefully because of the medicine, but all it did was make it impossible for me to full wake from the nightmare I was having. I dreamed of what I imagine hell was like. I was in a black sea of nothingness, drowning. I could see nothing, and I could only feel heartache. Time had no meaning, and I felt that I would never escape. I finally woke up when I heard the alarm go off.

That was really weird, Edward usually woke me up, and I never set the alarm anymore unless I knew that he wasn't going to be there. I _might _have set the alarm last night. I was pretty loopy from the medicine. It seemed kind of coincidental, though. If I was loopy, I probably wouldn't have set the alarm. I would have just woken up too late to go to school. I shoved out of my mind the thought that Edward had come into my room and set the alarm, and left before I woke up.

I went about getting ready for school, including grabbing some random clothes out of my closet. Alice usually picked out my clothes, but when she went hunting or if it was too sunny, I had to get my own clothes. Alice thought that I was fashion challenged, but that really wasn't the case. I absolutely hated my closet. I avoided it as often as I could. I spent as little time in there as possible. I never told Alice that, so she was becoming more and more exasperated by my lack of fashion sense.

I fully expected Edward to pick me up. He didn't. That didn't bode well for me. I slowly made my way out to my truck, dreading whatever was going to happen. Little did I know, my doom was coming sooner than I had expected.

There was an envelope on the passenger seat of my truck. I recognized the elegant writing on the front as Edward's. The letter seemed to repulse my hand. I had to fight to get the thing in my grasp. It was just a letter, for goodness sake. Why couldn't I just grab the letter? When I finally managed to hold on to the envelope, my hands shook as I opened it. I hadn't even unfolded the letter, and I felt physically sick. I had a very hard time not throwing up my breakfast. I stood beside my truck as I read the letter.

_Bella,_

_The events of last night's party have caused me to question our relationship, or rather your unhealthy fascination with me. I have only recently begun to realize that you thought that our companionship was something more than what it was. Someone as plain and ordinary as you could never hold my interest for very long. Just look at the two of us._

_I only ever intended this… whatever you want to call it, to be a distraction from the monotony of school, but my time with you has begun to bore me. On some level, you had to know that my interest in you was merely clinical. The only reason I ever took note of you was because I believed that your mind was unique. I wanted to know you better so that I could figure out why I couldn't hear you, to learn if you had some great power over me. Don't fool yourself; you do not have such a power. Some time ago, I realized that your mundane human mind wouldn't be of great interest to me even if I could hear it. It's probably a blessing that I couldn't hear you._

_I hope that you already realized that I was never going to change you, and this could only end in one of two ways, either I leave you or you die, and I can't justify staying with you until either me or one of my family members kills you. It wouldn't be fair to ask my family to continue to struggle to keep you alive. Could you imagine the guilt the offending party would feel if they slipped for a moment and accidentally killed you? I can't do that to them any longer, especially when my curiosity with your mind has waned._

_It's best to separate you from them now before they start to become attached to you because one day we will have to leave. I know that it would be easier on you if we just left now, but my family does not intend to move at this time. We need to remain here for a few more years, but please don't embarrass yourself by attempting to remain friends with my siblings. My family only ever thought of you as a novelty, nothing more than a passing whim. Your human reactions amused them, but I assure you, they are more than ready to move on to the next quirky human._

_Because of my perfect memory, I will never forget you. Likewise, because of my rather unique nature, I doubt that you will ever forget me even though you are only human. That being said, I have already moved on. I have merely been biding my time, waiting for the right opportunity to arise, and making absolutely sure there could never be anything between us. Now that I am sure, I must bid you goodbye._

_Edward_

I had to read the letter a few times because my mind couldn't comprehend the words the first time. My eyes saw them, but my brain couldn't understand what I was reading. I tried to read it out loud, and still the words didn't make any sense to me. I actually heard myself saying them, but it might as well have been in a foreign language because they made absolutely no sense to me. But the third time I read it, I finally grasped the meaning, and it shattered me. I threw up my breakfast right outside my truck. I knew that I didn't have the will to make it back inside the house, so I curled up on the seat of the truck and cried, screamed really. Even after there were no more tears, I stayed there for hours before I finally had the strength to walk back into the house. I took Edward's letter with me and thought about destroying it, but ultimately decided against it. I kept it as a reminder of the pain associated with opening myself up to someone. This is what love got me, a gaping hole in my chest that could never be healed. I hid the letter inside my favorite book, _Wuthering Heights_.

Charlie got home after work and found me in my room, curled up on my bed, staring at nothing. I was in a fetal position, trying desperately to hold myself together. My tears had long since dried, but the hollowness in my chest was slowly becoming both more painful and more profound. It was becoming harder and harder to breathe.

"School called and told me that you didn't show up today." Charlie informed me, sounding very worried.

I knew that I had to tell him at least the general details even though I could hardly get the words out of my mouth. I knew he would either hear about it or figure it out.

"Edward," it nearly choked me to say his name, "and I broke up this morning. I was too emotional to drive." I finished my explanation robotically. I never once looked in Charlie's direction.

Even though I couldn't see him, I could hear his angry grunts, and I knew that he was turning purple from rage. He continued breathing heavily until he was calm enough to talk to me.

"What happened?" He asked cautiously. It sounded like he wasn't sure if he wanted to know or not.

_Okay, Charlie, you see, my perfect vampire boyfriend finally decided that I wasn't good enough for him, and he left me before his older brother could eat me._ That would be a pleasant conversation, and it totally wouldn't result in me spending the rest of my life in a mental institution, I thought sarcastically. I couldn't even tell him the slightest detail about it.

"I don't want to talk about it." I muttered.

"Did he cheat on you?" Charlie demanded.

I knew I had to answer this one. If I just repeated my mantra that I didn't want to talk about it, Charlie would assume that Edward did cheat on me, and I didn't want him to charge into the Cullen house with a shotgun. Obviously, the bullet wouldn't even dent Edward, and it would be clear that there was something different about the Cullen's. Charlie didn't need to know about the world of vampires. It would just open a can of worms that he doesn't need to open. It would only change him. Not knowing was better, trust me.

"No." I sighed.

"Did he try to pressure you into…" He started to ask, but I cut him off.

"No."

Actually, I wondered about that. Edward did seem more interested in sex lately, but something was off for me. I couldn't put my finger on it, and I really didn't want to head down that path right now, but Edward had been trying to push my boundaries in our physical relationship. Maybe that's why he left me because I wouldn't sleep with him. He did say that he wanted to make sure there was nothing between us. Maybe if I had given in, there would have been. I am so stupid. Who says no to an amazingly gorgeous man like Edward Cullen?

"Then why, Bella?" Charlie pressed.

I searched my mind for a semi-plausible explanation that wouldn't end up with Charlie storming over to the Cullen house and yelling at Edward for awhile or attempting to physically harm him. That would only end badly for Charlie.

"It just didn't work out." I breathed, trying very hard not to break down. "These things happen."

That was all that I could come up with, and yes, I knew it was lame, but it was all I had. I hoped that Charlie would leave it there. I highly doubted that it would work. Being a police officer, he was naturally inquisitive. He usually rested at nothing to get to the bottom of anything he wanted to know.

He surprised by laughing. _Nothing _was funny anymore. There was nothing in the world that could ever make me laugh again. Still, Charlie continued chuckling to himself. I finally looked in his direction to see what was so funny.

"So I suppose it's okay if I _finally_ tell you that I never liked that boy?" He smiled at me, hoping to cheer me up. Actually, Charlie looked like it was Christmas morning. This was the best news he'd heard in a very long time.

His attitude about Edward didn't help in the slightest. It only made me feel worse that Charlie could see that Edward and I weren't meant to be together, but I couldn't see it. Why didn't I know that Edward has always been too good for me? It isn't like he never told me.

"I never liked the way you always seemed to do what he wanted to do, even when he wasn't around." Charlie explained.

I didn't really remember doing very many things I didn't want to do with Edward. Sure, there was the prom, and the birthday party, and the shopping trips, and now that I think about it, many, many times that we did the things he wanted to do rather than what I preferred. I _thought_ that I had been happy in our relationship. I _was_ happy to do anything as long as he was there. Now, I felt it didn't matter what I did; I would never be happy again.


	3. Liar

**Author's Note: Thank you to all who reviewed. **

**I wanted to answer a question that a reader brought up, but they didn't have PM's turned on so, I couldn't respond. They wanted to know if Bella tells Edward off. She does have words with him a few times in this story, but my story mainly isn't about her being angry with him, it's about her moving on and learning to be in a relationship where she is still her own person. I won't give away the Edward/Bella dynamic of this story because it would be too big of a spoiler.**

**Another point I forgot to make is this: The whole story is from Bella's POV.**

**Also, I intend no copyright infringement with this story, and I don't own the rights to Twilight.**

**Chapter 3 – Liar**

In the weeks that followed, I became a zombie. I went to school and home, but I never really saw or did anything. I didn't have a job because Renee insisted on me focusing on my sculpting. I was very grateful that she supported me in this. She was actually my biggest fan, though, Charlie was a close second. She was slightly disappointed that I hadn't been creative in awhile, but she understood that an artist needs to take time off every once in awhile. I really wish that had been the case, but sadly it was because when I was with Edward, he always kept me too busy to sculpt.

When at school, I did my work but refused to speak to anyone more than necessary. It took me all of two days to realize that I had absolutely no one to talk to, basically because I _couldn't_ talk about my heartache to anyone. Even if I still had any friends at school, I couldn't tell them any of the reasons why Edward had left me. My heart was not merely broken, it was completely gone, and I had no way of dealing with my pain.

At home, I did everything Charlie asked, but nothing else. I barely ate and slept, and I probably hadn't said five words to him in the last month. When I did sleep, I woke up screaming like I was being tortured. In fact, I was being tortured. I knew that it was keeping Charlie awake, so I chose to stay awake as long as I could so that he could get some sleep.

One afternoon, I found myself in Charlie's basement where I kept my sculpting materials. I only knew it was Saturday because Charlie had gone fishing this morning instead of work. One Saturday, Charlie was called into work, and I assumed that it was a weekday. I drove all the way to school only to find it was closed.

While I was in the basement, I was pulled toward my clay. Before I realized it, I started working it through my fingers, feeling it, shaping it. When I looked down, what I had created was faceless, though you could still see the pain even without specific facial features. The torso had a distinctive hole ripped through its chest, and its arms were wrapped around itself, holding all of its pieces together. It was me. That was how I felt. For the first time in weeks, I wept. I had lost so much more than Edward when he left me. I had lost all of my friends. Seeing that statue released some pent up feelings inside me, and after what seemed like an eternity of crying, I felt much better.

I didn't even realize how much time had passed until Charlie came looking for me. He had apparently been calling out for me and had freaked out because I didn't answer.

"You scared the hell out of me, Bells." He chided me as he hugged me.

"Sorry." I mumbled.

"That's really good, Bells." He pointed at my creation. "Heartbreaking, but beautiful."

"Thanks."

"When are you going to cast it?" He wondered, gently encouraging me in his own gentle way to take interest in something other than my pain.

"Probably later." I answered, realizing that I had just had the most meaningful conversation with Charlie than we have had in the last month. "I'd rather work with clay a little more. It's more satisfying."

"Then…" he seemed to consider what to do next, "I'll just order us some pizza while you work."

I found sculpting much more therapeutic than I had expected. I spent almost every waking hour down in the basement working with clay. I did eventually cast my original sculpture and turn it into a bronze statue.

For the most part, I didn't plan on sculpting things. I just felt my way through the creative process. It helped me to deal with the pain I still felt inside. Most of the time, I didn't even realize what I was working on until I was more than halfway through. My breakthrough came when I saw that I had created a seven sided polyhedron. It was about the size of a basketball. Each side was the face of a Cullen family member. I nearly destroyed it, but ultimately decided to face my pain instead of running from it. It was probably the best decision I ever made.

As I looked at the faces, I thought about that song from when I was younger, _One of These Things Is Not like the Others_. Only this time, it wasn't me who was not like them. It was Edward. His face looked so arrogant. The others looked relatively happy, and loving. Sorry, Rosalie didn't look happy, but she still didn't look like she felt she was better than me. She actually looked sad, not angry as Edward had always told me. She was angry sometimes, but not as often as Edward had led me to believe. She definitely didn't think that I was a novelty. She could barely stay in the same room with me. Would she have even tolerated me if Emmett didn't truly like me? I kind of doubted it. But if he did truly like me, why would he have not spoken to me for the last six weeks?

I looked at the other faces. I missed Alice. I even missed shopping with her sometimes, _sometimes_. She was my best friend. When I really studied her face, I found it hard to believe that she didn't think of me as a sister the way she had said.

I then saw Carlisle. He looked so compassionate. Could he have been a part of this deception? Would he ever treat _anyone _the way Edward had suggested? I didn't think so, but I needed to figure out why not one of them had spoken to me since my birthday.

Wait. If Edward had lied to me, what would keep him from lying to them as well? But what lie could he have fabricated to keep us apart? I thought about that while turning the Cullen faced polyhedron over in my hands again and again. I paused my fidgeting and looked down. I had inadvertently shifted Jasper's face towards mine. In this sculpture, he looked happy, but in my mind, he looked so upset, like he did when he was absorbing the other emotions around him and was trying to hold all of it inside himself. That made me think of how sorry he must be for taking a snap at me, and I had never gotten the chance to let him know that I forgave him for trying to kill me.

I was probably imagining things, Occam's Razor and all. The most likely answer was that the Cullen's didn't want me. It was probably true. There was still the possibility that Edward had lied to all of us, but I was afraid to hope that was the case. No matter if the Cullen's still liked me or not, I still felt the need to let Jasper know I had forgiven him. I felt guilty that I didn't think about telling him before. He probably felt awful. Edward's letter suggested that whoever tried to kill me would feel really bad. I needed to see Jasper, even if it was just to help him let go of his guilt.

I decided to go to the Cullen house on the next cloudy school day and see if I could talk to him. If he wouldn't see me, I would just leave a note.

The next two days were sunny, and I was too chicken to go to the Cullen house when there was a good probability that Edward would be there. I decided to bide my time until I believed that it was safe to go there and not get berated by Mr. Perfect.

Friday, was the first time it was finally cloudy. As soon as I was certain that Edward would be at school, I jumped into my truck and headed toward the Cullen house. I took my Cullen face sculpture with me as well as the completed bronze statue that symbolized my pain, and on a whim, I also pocketed the _Dear John_ letter Edward had written me. I still had a sneaking suspicion that maybe Edward was lying even though I had no proof of that. As I got closer to their home, I began getting excited to see everyone again even though there was the distinct possibility that they would laugh in my face.

When I finally got there, a very confused Carlisle and Esme were cocking their heads, trying to figure out why I had come to their house. This was a mistake. Maybe I shouldn't have come. There was an uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach. I now dreaded what they would say to me. Would they tease me or kick me out? I steeled myself and climbed out of the cab of my truck.

"It's quite a pleasant surprise to see you here this morning, Bella." Carlisle looked genuinely pleased that I had come to his home. I audibly sighed in relief. "What brings you by?"

"I… needed to speak with Jasper." I whispered.

"Really?" He mused then straightened up his expression. "Of course."

He and Esme led me to Jasper's room where I found him lying in a fetal position on his floor. He looked like I had felt until I started sculpting again. The hole in my chest started tingling again. I had at least partially caused this pain that he was in.

"Jasper?" I called out to him quietly. Though I knew that he did, it seemed like he hadn't heard me. I knelt down next to him and touched his shoulder, trying to comfort him. I avoided touching his skin because I wasn't sure if that was okay with him. "Jasper, it's me, Bella. I need to speak with you."

He made no response other than to whimper. It seemed like he thought that I had come by to do something terrible to him. I felt a deep need inside myself to set him free from this crippling guilt and shame that he felt over something that he had a very hard time controlling.

I sat with crossed legs right next to Jasper's face and kept my hand on him so that he knew that I was still there. I'm sure that he would have been able to smell me even if I didn't touch him, but my gesture was also meant to comfort him.

"I wanted to let you know that I forgive you." I breathed. He finally looked at me. He seemed confused. "In fact, I forgave you a long time ago. I was never upset with you. I'm very sorry it took me so long to realize that I needed to make sure you knew that you were forgiven."

"Then why?" His voice trembled with great sorrow. "Was it because you were scared? It doesn't feel like you're scared."

"I don't understand. Why _what_?" I was very confused as to what he was talking about. "And no, I'm not afraid."

The look on Jasper's face seemed to say, _Are you really going to make me say this?_ I'm sorry that I had to make him say it because I didn't know what he was talking about.

"You left because of me." Jasper wailed.

"Wh-" I started to ask him what in the world he was talking about. _I_ didn't leave anyone.

"It's my fault that Edward is heartbroken, and Alice lost her best friend, and Emmett lost a little sister that he could pick on and give as good as she got." Jasper rattled off very quickly leaving my head spinning a little bit. I couldn't get a word in edgewise. He sighed and then explained. "When I attacked you, it made you realize what a danger even the good vampires were. He said that you never expected to have a reason to be afraid around _us_. When I lunged at you, it put everything in perspective. You broke his heart because I couldn't control myself. I am and will always be the weakest link in this family."

That was enlightening. Why would Edward lie to all of us that way?

"I didn't break up with Edward." I told him, saying Edward's name out loud for the first time since my birthday. I wasn't sure if I should tell them this. Why would they believe me over their beloved son? I swallowed my apprehension and continued. "He broke up with me."

"WHAT?" Emmett and Rosalie both shouted together as the appeared suddenly in Jasper's room.

Jasper's reaction was also anger, but instead, he got really quiet, and his eyes narrowed. Carlisle and Esme just looked at me in shock. At first, I thought that they didn't believe me like I had feared, but the next words out of Rosalie's mouth convinced me that my fear was unfounded.

"That lying sack of shit!" Rosalie snarled as she gripped her hands into fists and shook with rage. "I, of all people should have realized…"

"Edward… broke up… with… _you_?" Carlisle was having a hard time knowing what to believe. I could see that he wanted to believe what I was saying, but he also was reluctant to accept that Edward was lying.

"He told me…" I started crying. "Really, he didn't _tell _me anything. He left me this letter."

I handed Carlisle the letter that Edward had written me. I knew that I couldn't get through telling them exactly what the letter had said. I hadn't even looked at the contents of the letter since the day he left it for me other than to scan it onto my hard drive. Carlisle's voice broke a few times as he read the letter out loud. The others listened, adding their own colorful comments. Rosalie was especially vocal about it. Jasper stayed very quiet but looked more and more deadly. After Carlisle had finished, I was in tears again, having a hard time breathing just hearing the words, even though I knew that some of them weren't true.

"Why didn't I know that he was lying?" Jasper finally spoke. "I can usually tell when someone is lying, especially when they have to sustain the deception for a long period of time. They _usually_ radiate guilt. Edward never did."

"Maybe he didn't feel guilty." I offered. "He lied, but he didn't feel bad about it."

"Like a sociopath?" Carlisle asked. "I don't think Edward's sociopathic. A true sociopath wouldn't have bothered with a non-human diet."

"I didn't say that I thought he had no conscience, Carlisle." I defended. "I think that when he believes that lying will turn out for the greater good, whatever that means to him, that he doesn't feel the slightest bit guilty about doing it."

"But how did I not know that he didn't feel heartbroken? That isn't easy to fake." Jasper wondered.

"I think that with Edward's unique gifts, he could tweak his emotions here and there to make sure you thought he was hurting." Carlisle explained. "We all know it's very easy for him to manipulate people because he knows exactly what you are thinking and can alter his actions and speech appropriately."

"But why bother?" Emmett asked. "If he didn't want to be with Bella, he didn't have to lie to her. He could have just broken up with her like a normal person. There was no reason to completely destroy her and turn us all against each other."

"That is a very good question which I intend to ask my dear _brother._" Rosalie spat.

"Don't you think he would just lie again?" I asked.

"Probably," Jasper answered, "and we would have no way of knowing whether or not he's being truthful."

"I think we'll just have to wait until he truly understands that what he did is wrong." Esme suggested. "He'll come around eventually."

"I think we should beat the hell out of him until he admits what a gigantic asshat he has been." Emmett piped in, flexing his muscles. I had to hold back a laugh. First of all, I thought that Edward probably deserved to be smacked upside the head. Second, I knew that Emmett was often dying to fight with his brothers. Third, by the look on Rosalie's face, it looked like Emmett wouldn't get the chance to hit Edward before Rosalie tore him to pieces.

"I don't care what the rest of you do. I'm not speaking to him again until I feel a fairly large amount of remorse from him." Jasper told us angrily. He was projecting a bit, and I was starting to get angry as well.

"Jasper, please." I snarled. "I'd rather not break my toes kicking Edward in the balls when I go to school this afternoon."

From the tone of my voice, he realized what he had done. He immediately sent me waves of calm and a little bit of humor, probably at the thought of me trying to hurt Edward in that way. Everyone else laughed.

"I think we should all abide by that plan." Carlisle interrupted. "I mean Jasper's plan, not Bella's plan to cripple herself." He added with another chuckle.

We all agreed, and when I say we, I mean that they actually valued my opinion. Anyway… Edward wouldn't be kicked out of the family, but no one would speak to him or purposely think at him until he can convince us that he is sorry that he played with all of our emotions for whatever reason he had. Rosalie still wanted to rip his arms off and beat him with them, but she reluctantly agreed to restrain herself. The best part of this plan was that _I _was going to get to break the news to Edward at school however I wanted to.

Before I left for school, I insisted on Jasper making himself more presentable for Alice because she must be terribly worried about him. The first order of business was his thirst. Since he hadn't been regularly taking care of himself, Jasper went hunting with Emmett. They would probably be gone for at least the rest of the day to really sate Jasper's thirst. Esme and Carlisle walked me back down the stairs.

"What made you think to come by today?" Carlisle asked.

I didn't know how to explain other than to show him, so I led them to my truck. I took the Cullen face clay sculpture and showed it to both Carlisle and Esme. They both gasped and turned it over in their hands again and again.

"I saw Jasper's face and felt guilty that I hadn't let him know that I had forgiven him." I explained. "I had no one I could talk to. I threw myself back into sculpting to sort of work through all of my hurt."

I suddenly felt two sets of ice cold arms wrap around me and pull me into an embrace. The hug was very pleasant and welcome. I had missed this. Charlie wasn't a hugger, so he never thought to hold me during this hard time of my life. Esme was almost more of a mother than my own, and of course she hugged me often, that is… when Edward let me see her. For some reason, Carlisle _didn't_ feel like a second father to me. He was… I don't know. This was the second hug Carlisle had ever given me, and the first one probably didn't count since I initiated it. I really liked being in his arms for some reason. I broke the hug before I humiliated myself in front of his wife.

"What is that one?" Carlisle pointed at my other sculpture, the one of my pain.

I took the bronze statue out of my truck and handed it to him.

"This is exquisite." He breathed.

Esme couldn't help touch it, and it looked like if she could have cried, she would have been.

"This is you?" He asked. I nodded. "I think Jasper felt close to this way himself."

"That's what I thought when I saw him on the ground." I agreed.

"He felt everything we were feeling, all of our sadness, as well as Edward's fake broken heart. That coupled with the severe guilt he was feeling, was just too much for him. He's been like that since your birthday. We've managed to get him to hunt a few times, but mostly, he just remained on the ground, whimpering." Esme explained.

That revelation made me feel awful. I should have ended Jasper's guilt trip as soon as I had thought of it, but I didn't. I was too selfish.

"I'm so sorry." I cried. "I honestly didn't think about Jasper until a few days ago. I should have come then, but I didn't want to see Edward."

"Shh." Esme whispered, once again pulling me into a hug. "Jasper isn't upset with you. He's more than happy that you forgave him today."

I nodded against her. It felt so nice to be loved again. It wasn't what I thought that Edward and I had, but it was still a very necessary part of my life. I had learned that physical affection was something that I craved. Edward had taken that away from me. Great. Now I felt like kicking him again, and I didn't have Jasper to calm me down.

"I was wondering…" Carlisle broke me out of my angry inner monologue. "May I have this?"

Could I let the statue of my pain go? That was almost like asking me to hand over my diary, which incidentally, I didn't have. Sculpting has been like my journal. All of my thoughts and feelings are poured into my work. I had never given something so personal away before, but Carlisle really seemed interested in this for some reason.

"My only concern is that Edward might do something to it." He confessed. "I'd like to keep it in my office at work if you would give it to me."

The only time I had ever let someone inside like this was with Edward, and that was a big mistake. I had let down my walls and told him my thoughts, feelings, and fears, but he never cared. He just cast them away like garbage. Could I really open myself up to such a terrible pain so soon after Edward had nearly destroyed me?

The sheer awe on Carlisle's face told me that he truly appreciated my work like Edward never had. I decided to take a giant leap of faith and let him in.

"Okay." I agreed nervously.


	4. Truth

**Author's Note: I know that I'm updating rather quickly right now, but I have a serious lack of self-control when it comes to posting these things.**

**Again, I don't own the rights to Twilight.**

**Chapter 4 – Truth**

Since the plan was basically to ignore Edward, I decided not to tell him directly. I didn't really want to speak with him anyway. I would just let him hear it from Alice's thoughts.

After I parked my truck in the absolute worst parking spot at the school, I made my way to the lunch room. Edward and Alice were already there, pretending to eat lunch. Edward's eyes were roving the room, and I knew that he was reading everyone's thoughts, probably trying to figure out where I'd been. He'd find out soon enough from Esme's scent all over my clothes. Alice wasn't looking anywhere. She merely sat, staring at the table. I felt awful that I had believed that… what was it Rosalie said? Oh, yeah, it was, lying sack of shit. Alice was my best friend, and I didn't even bother to find out from her if Edward was telling me the truth. I walked up and plopped right down next to Alice. Edward stiffened. Good, I must have gotten his attention. I was petty enough at the moment to be glad that he was upset.

"Why were you with Esme and Carlisle? I also faintly smell Jasper on you." Edward's furious whisper wasn't unexpected. I knew that he would be disappointed that we worked out his plan, at least the part about him lying to all of us. We still had no clue _why_ he had done it.

"I have something I need to tell you Alice." I told her, not even acknowledging Edward's presence.

Instantly, she looked up and locked eyes with me. She was very distressed. It looked like she was going to cry, but I knew that she couldn't. I tried to assure her that I meant no harm by smiling at her. She hesitantly smiled back.

"I spoke with Jasper this morning." I informed her, purposely turning to face her, ignoring Edward. "He seemed to think that _I_ might be angry with him for some reason."

"Why are you doing this, Bella?" Edward seethed. "Don't you remember what we talked about?"

We never talked about anything. He informed me in a letter that I would be embarrassing myself if I contacted his family. There was no discussion, just like always. His opinion was the only one that mattered. I briefly flashed a furious expression, but relaxed it so that I could speak with Alice.

"You're not upset with Jasper?" She sounded truly shocked and a little hopeful.

I shook my head, never once looking at Edward as I spoke, "And he seemed to think that I broke up with Edward because of him."

"And of course you lied to him and told him that _I_ broke up with you?" Edward laughed darkly.

"Carlisle, Esme, Emmett, and Rosalie were very confused about that as well." I said, still avoiding eye contact with the big stupid jerk.

"You didn't break up with Edward, and you're not mad at Jasper?" Alice started getting angry enough to snarl at Edward before she turned back to ask me, "Then why would you ignore us for the last few weeks?"

"Yes Bella, why?" Edward mocked, and that familiar haughtiness pissed me off. I was barely controlling the urge to flip him off when he spoke again, "Please stop this nonsense. Your explanation doesn't make any sense. You're just embarrassing yourself. Please leave."

I had seriously had enough of his shit. I wasn't generally one for swearing, but what the fuck was his problem? If I had the strength, I would have slapped him. Maybe I would tell Rosalie to do it for me. I knew she was dying to.

"The reason." I said louder than I had intended because of my growing frustration with Edward, "that they didn't think I was lying was partially because I am, in fact, a horrible liar, and Edward is quite good at it. When Jasper didn't detect any dishonesty in me, he immediately mistrusted Edward. Also, I let them read this, the reason I've stayed away from you all."

Edward managed to snatch the letter before Alice could read it and tore it to shreds. I chuckled to myself knowing that I had a back-up plan. Not trusting that Edward wouldn't just come in and destroy the letter while I slept, I scanned it into my computer with the very nice printer/scanner that he had bought me.

"Can you plan on reading the image off of my computer later?" I asked her, and she nodded.

"What's wrong with you?" Edward spat at me. "Why would you save such a thing?"

Alice's eyes went blank for a second before they opened in wide-eyed horror at the things that Edward had written me. She gradually became more and more livid. Edward backed away from her. He apparently didn't like whatever she was thinking.

"This is the worst thing I've ever read, Edward." Alice screeched as she slammed her fist on the table. It cracked a little bit, and I grabbed her very nice shirt, silently begging her to move away from the table and talk with me. She wasn't finished with Edward, though. "I don't know what you were thinking, but I hope it was worth losing me as a sister. From now on, I consider you lower than a dog, no, make that lower than a flea on a dog."

Finally she allowed me to take her away from him. We went outside and sat alone on the benches.

"He told me that you said not to search your future. He told Jasper…" She choked back a sob.

"I know. Jasper and I had a talk." I assured her. "He knows that I'm not upset with him, and he was doing so much better when I left."

Alice searched his future and breathed a heavy sigh of relief once she evidently saw that Jasper was going to get better.

"I thought I was going to lose him, Bella." She sniffled even though she didn't have any mucus that she needed to sniffle. "I couldn't see anything in his future anymore. Every time I looked, all I could see was Jasper curled into a fetal position, whimpering. Thank you for bringing him out of that, by the way. What Edward did was…" She started to get very angry again, and took several breaths to calm herself. "The worst part is that when a vampire undergoes a major emotional shift like that, it's very hard to change back. We're rather unchangeable."

"Is that why you mate for life?" I wondered out loud. I didn't actually mean to ask it. I was kind of embarrassed that it had slipped out.

"What do you mean _mate_? Like soul mates or as in animal mating?" She asked, curious.

"I didn't mean to offend you." I whispered. "Edward told me that once vampires find their mates, they are instantly drawn to each other, kind of a love at first sight thing, but more powerful. He also told me that it was impossible to separate them for long even if one dies, the other will follow shortly after."

"I don't think that's exactly right." Alice told me hesitantly. "I can't prove it, so I guess he could be right about that, but I don't believe it myself.

"But you and Jasper…" I argued.

"I understand how it might look that way with us, and yes, I knew that we would be together, but don't you think that my abilities kind of made for a unique situation with the two of us?" Alice asked rhetorically.

"But Rosalie found Emmett and fell in love with him…" I once again countered.

"Yes, Rosalie was instantly attracted to Emmett, but that is different than love. That's sexual attraction. You can be attracted to someone you're not in love with. Emmett and Rosalie, Jasper and I, we all work on our relationships. Though, it's nearly impossible for a vampire to fall out of love because of our unchangeable nature."

"What about Carlisle and Esme?" I asked, not quite willing to give up my beliefs.

"Um… Bella, they're not a couple." Alice told me looking like I should have known this all along or possibly that Edward should have told me.

"Edward told me that they fell in love as soon as Esme's change took place." I explained.

"Have you considered that Edward isn't the most reliable source of information?" She arched a perfect eyebrow at me.

"They're not in love?" I asked incredulously. "But they're so perfect together."

"Except for the fact that Esme is a lesbian." She laughed.

"What?" I couldn't believe what she had just said. Why didn't Edward tell me? Why would he care if I knew that Esme was a lesbian? It was still rather had to believe because Esme was in fact married before she became a vampire.

"We don't advertize it to the general public, but I thought that he would have told you this. After she was changed, she was terrified of men because her human husband had beaten her, and forced himself on her. It carried over into this life, and even though she loved Carlisle very much, and they got married, she could never warm up to the idea of sex with a man. She equated penis with pain. They eventually decided to stay married for appearance sake, but they aren't a _couple._" She explained.

"Wow that's just… very unexpected." I stammered.

"Yes, most people who know think so." She laughed. "I wonder why Edward didn't tell you."

"I wonder that as well." I nodded.

"He's a liar. That's for sure, but I can't figure out why he wouldn't tell you." She shook her head.

"Speaking of Edward, I'm supposed to tell you that no one is supposed to talk with him or have a conversation in their mind with him." I told her.

"Yes, I saw that after we started talking." She nodded with narrowed eyes, silently telling me that she already had no intention of telling him anything. "Although, I think Rosalie might not keep up her end of the bargain."

"You won't see me crying if she beats him up a bit." I admitted.

"Yes, well maybe he won't have seen it in my head, and she'll get a few good hits in." Alice agreed.

"To bad we won't be there to see it." I told her, hoping to surprise her for once in my life. "He's really starting to piss me off."

"We're going shopping?" She squealed, seeing that I had decided to ask her to go.

"I hate to admit it, but I kind of missed it, maybe a little bit." I giggled nervously. "And I believe that Emmett said that he was taking Jasper hunting for at least this evening, possibly longer."

"I'll call Charlie for you and arrange it." She rejoiced. "I'll pick you up at your house at four-thirty. I need to speak with Carlisle before we leave."

"Wait, maybe Rosalie and Esme would like to come as well." I suggested.

Alice searched the future for a few seconds then smiled, "They would both love to. Let's make it a weekend. Carlisle won't mind picking up extra shifts at the hospital."

Alice danced away happier than she had been in a very long time.

After school, I went straight to the basement to sketch an idea I had for a new sculpture and check on some statues I had recently casted. There were two statues, one that was ready but still needed the last coat of patina, and one that still needed the mold marks to be sawed off and then polished. The one that needed more work was of Emmett and Rosalie. I based it off of a picture I had seen of their first wedding. The statue was a dual bust of them sharing their first kiss as man and wife. The picture was just of them at the altar, but I had seen them kiss more than a few times, and I incorporated those memories. The one that was ready to be finished was of Alice and Jasper. Jasper was on his knees, and Alice was standing. They were nearly the same height when they did this. Their foreheads were touching, and you could see the love in their eyes.

"Bella!" Alice said in awe. I still had the statue of her and Jasper in my hand and was getting ready to finish it. I had no idea that Alice was even in my house. She was early, but that was alright with me. Esme and Rosalie were with her. "Did you do this?"

"She's very talented, isn't she?" Esme piped in before I had a chance to respond. "You should see the one she let Carlisle have. It's amazing."

"I didn't even know you were artistic. Why didn't you ever say anything?" Alice wondered aloud.

"Well… I really haven't had much time to…" I stammered.

"Edward never let you sculpt?" Rosalie asked incredulously.

"He didn't exactly forbid me. I just didn't ever get to." I told them. I nearly started crying remembering the way he always belittled my work. It started subtly, but as time went on, the insults got more cutting. "He usually just kept me so busy when he was here."

"And he insisted you shop with me or hang out with Emmett when he went hunting." Alice added.

"Yes." I admitted. "In fact he told me that it would be more productive than me playing at my little hobby."

"Why would he treat you like that?" Esme wondered.

"And why didn't he tell me that you're gay?" I asked remembering another piece of the Edward puzzle.

"I believe I do have some insight on _that_ subject." Rosalie sighed, looking slightly disturbed by what she was about to tell me.

"This isn't the first time Edward tried to make for sure that Carlisle didn't fall in love." Rosalie told me. "When he changed me, Carlisle was hoping that I might be someone he could love. Edward tried to pursue me as well until I took revenge on the men who had raped me and tried to kill me. As soon as Carlisle realized that we weren't compatible, Edward stopped flirting with me as well."

"That liar!" I shouted. "He told me that Carlisle changed you, not for himself, but for Edward, hoping that _he_ would fall in love with you."

"No, but Carlisle would have stepped aside if Edward was really interested in me and I in him." Rosalie frowned. "I'm very glad Edward stopped before I…" She looked ashamed of what she was about to say. "I'm so sorry that I didn't see what Edward was doing with you before you fell for him. I should have said something to you about it."

"You're not the only one, Rose." Esme looked at both of us with an ashamed look on her face. "I should have stopped it with both of you. He pursued me first."

"What?" Rosalie and I both gasped at the same time.

"After I was changed, he tried his hardest to win me over. He really didn't stand a chance with me, though. Even if I were interested in men, he was just an inexperienced little boy who really didn't know the first thing about women. Carlisle and I just wrote his flirtatiousness off to a lack of companionship. That's why we didn't stop him with you, Rose. There were a few reasons we didn't stop him with Bella. First, we thought he broke off his pursuits of Rosalie for the same reason Carlisle had. Second, because of the way he manipulated Jasper's gift, we thought that Edward had actually fallen in love with you. We really hoped that he had. We thought that you might help him mellow out a bit. I'm truly sorry that we put what we hoped for him above your needs." Esme moved closer and closer to me as she spoke and pulled me into a hug near the end.

I wrapped my arms around her and hugged her back.

"See I told you." Alice piped in cheerfully, holding her hand out to Esme who handed her fifty dollars.

"What's that about?" I asked, looking around the room.

"Alice told her that you wouldn't have a problem with her sexual orientation." Rosalie laughed. "Esme thought you'd be uncomfortable receiving affection from her now that you know she's gay."

"Are you serious?" I asked her. "You're like my second mom. Your hugs are nothing but motherly."

"I'm glad you're okay with it." Esme hugged me tighter.

"Why wouldn't I be?"

"Enough of this mushy stuff, let's shop!" Alice commanded and pointed toward the door.

"I need to apply the coating to this first." I pointed to the Alice and Jasper statue. "So that it can be ready for you when we get back."

"You're giving it to me?" Alice sounded shocked. "I love it! Jasper will love it!"

Alice wrenched me away from Esme's hug and pulled me into a bone-crunching embrace before she finally let me go.

"I hate to ask since I wasn't very nice to you when you were with Edward, but do you think you can make one of me and Emmett?" Rosalie asked in an uncharacteristically unsure voice.

"I already have." I told her pointing to the corner where Rosalie's statue was. "I need to smooth the edges and polish it, but it should be done soon."

Rosalie rushed over and stared at the statue of her and Emmett.

"It's…" Rosalie breathed deeply. "It's completely… right. How did you know that my wedding to Emmett, and that kiss was the most important thing in my existence? I ignored you, but you know me so well."

I blushed at her response. Rosalie wasn't finished, though.

"I'm so sorry that I was a bitch. I should have never taken my feelings for Edward out on you." Rosalie sobbed. "I was heartbroken when Edward unceremoniously dumped me. At least when Carlisle figured out that he wasn't romantically interested in me, he let me down gently. He let me know that he loved me and hopefully one day I could see him as a father. Edward ignored me. We might as well have been living in separate countries. That's how it felt with him, anyway, except for the fact that he paraded an endless string of human girls into the house and had very loud sex with them…"

"What?" I screamed. "He told me he was a virgin. We bonded over that. I knew he lied about lots of things, but…"

"Did you…?" Esme asked, horrified.

"No," I shook my head, but crying, "he wanted to about a month before my birthday, but I told him that I wasn't quite ready."

"And he just let it go?" Rosalie didn't quite believe that.

I thought for a long time and the only thing I could really put my finger on was that he asked me over and over again, and I thought that I had said no, but I probably relented after he…

"I don't really remember much about that night. You don't think he…?" I trailed off, horrified that he might have actually raped me.

"Let's get you to Carlisle." Esme suggested, hugging me.

"Fuck that! I'm going to beat it out of Edward." Rosalie yelled as she ran out of the basement.

"Let's go with her." Alice ordered. "After she's done with him, it's my turn."

Even though I couldn't read minds, I knew that Alice was at least slightly miffed that shopping would have to be postponed. She was still pissed at Edward for what he may or may not have done. So was I, quite frankly, and I wanted to get to the bottom of it. I just wished that I could help Rosalie beat on Edward a little bit.


	5. Revelations

**Author's Note: Double digit review numbers! I'm so happy! Thank you to all of you who are reading this as well. I hope you continue to come back for more.**

**So, in case you're wondering, I started with the post-birthday aftermath because even though I changed some of the events prior to it, I didn't want to rewrite all of Twilight just to change a few details.**

**I intend no copyright infringement with this story it is purely for my amusement.**

**Chapter 5 – Revelations**

Edward wasn't at the Cullen house when we got there. Alice saw him leaving just before we arrived. We assumed that he read Rosalie's thoughts and took off before we got there. Alice told us that he had gone to the hospital, probably to use the people and Carlisle as a buffer so that Rosalie couldn't attack him. I insisted on going there to confront him. Rosalie stayed behind because she didn't want to be tempted to cause a scene with Edward. Rosalie explained to me that she had been raped and nearly killed when Carlisle changed her. Esme stayed with her because Rosalie didn't feel like being alone. This new revelation about how low Edward may have sunk had brought up emotions in Rosalie that she preferred remained hidden. I could relate to that.

Alice drove me to the hospital because she didn't want me to be alone with Edward. I was really glad because I didn't want to be alone with him either. There were still so many things that happened during our relationship that I hadn't dealt with. Some things he had done that I just couldn't even think about.

Edward was lounging arrogantly on the couch in Carlisle's office when I entered. I never wanted to slap someone so much in my entire life.

"Something on your mind, Isabella?" Edward asked haughtily.

"Did you…" I choked. "Did you…"

"Did I what, Isabella?" Edward smirked. He knew that I preferred to be called Bella and was referring to me as Isabella to piss me off. That was really stupid because what he called me was the last thing on my mind at the moment. "I know you know how to speak."

"Spit it out, Edward." Alice growled. She was very upset with Edward. I had never seen her look so deadly. "Did you dazzle Bella into sleeping with you?"

"It's so hard to remember." Edward taunted.

I lunged at him, but Alice restrained me. I was pretty glad because I would have only hurt myself.

"Did you?" I screamed at him while still in Alice's grasp.

"I'd be interested in hearing the answer as well." Carlisle looked livid as he strode into his office, his eyes didn't remain on Edward long though. They almost immediately went to where the statue I had given him sat on a shelf. Once he saw that it was undamaged, he breathed a sigh of relief, as did I.

"Hmm… let me think…" Edward drawled.

I was taking very large, controlled breaths to manage my rage. If he had done what I was afraid of, I wouldn't stop Rosalie from tearing him a new one. In fact, I would probably ask Emmett and Jasper to help her.

"Why would I want to lower myself to do such a thing?" Edward finally answered, sounding disgusted at the very thought of sex with me.

"You _asked_ me to!" I screamed once again, struggling to free myself from Alice's mighty grasp. "You practically begged me to, remember!" My voice was increasing in both pitch and volume as I spoke. "For a long time, I thought that you broke up with me because I said no."

"Please, Bella. You're only embarrassing yourself." He laughed humorlessly.

It took me awhile before I could calm down enough to form a rational thought. I took very controlled breaths to even out my temper. After I finally stopped trying to escape from Alice, I managed to look at Edward and beg him with my eyes to answer my question.

It looked like he wasn't going to answer me. I guess I had to resort to asking Carlisle to check. That was really embarrassing, but I knew that I needed to know. I had to understand just how much he had damaged me.

"I guess I'll need a pelvic exam, Carlisle," I blushed, and Carlisle nodded sadly, "after the Amazing Kreskin here leaves, of course. I don't want him seeing that, even through your mind."

"I won't leave." Edward told me defiantly. "There is nowhere you can go that I won't see your precious little naked body."

"What is your problem?" I screamed at him, once again my rage was ignited. "Is there something wrong with people keeping some things private?"

For a brief second, I saw a look flash across his face. I was on to something.

"That's it!" I exclaimed, now elated that I had some insight into Edward's torment of me. "You have to know everything. That's why you did all of this because you can't hear me. All of the controlling, the dazzling, spying on me while I sleep, it was all because you're frustrated by the fact that you can't hear me. You hate the fact that a simple little human is better than you at something, and that drives you crazy."

"Alright!" Edward yelled back at me, clearly trying to divert attention from what I had said. "I didn't have sex with you. Are you happy? You were too stupid to give in and have the best night of your life. I _did_ try to dazzle you, but you stubbornly refused, dumb bitch." I thought that Alice and Carlisle were both going to start growling at him from the looks on her face, but they managed to keep control of their tempers. They probably were mentally ripping him a new one, but he didn't let on. "I finally managed to dazzle you enough that you didn't say no, but you were so out of it, it would have been like having sex with a dead fish."

"Could you be any more disgusting, Edward?" Alice finally managed to yell. "Bella is a wonderful person that you treated like garbage!"

"_I_ treated _her_ like garbage?" Edward asked incredulously. "_She_ is the one who threw away her chance to make love to me!"

"_Make love? _ That's not what it would have been, and you know it!" I barely controlled my rage through gritted teeth. "I doubt that love had anything to do with what you wanted from me!"

"Who are you to think that I could ever love someone like you?" Edward spat back at me. "You should have jumped at the chance I was giving you, but instead you chose to continue you meager little existence without the pleasures that someone like me could bring you."

"I don't think I can trust that you actually backed down, Edward. You never did that before." I glared at him. "I'm still going to have Carlisle check because you are a liar. You have done nothing but lie to me the whole time we were dating, and you've been lying to your family for God knows how long before that."

Edward looked like he wanted to say something but thought better of it. I glanced at Alice who shook her head. He obviously hadn't _planned_ on saying anything, so she couldn't see it.

"Edward, while I am not kicking you out of the family, I don't think we can be around you right now. We were going to let you stay, but with this new revelation, I think it would be both safer for you and emotionally healthier for the rest of us if we just took a little break from one another." Carlisle finally spoke up. "I'd like you to spend some time by yourself for a few weeks and decide whether or not you'd like to remain with this family. If you wish to stay, you may, but I wouldn't expect your siblings to forgive you quickly, especially if they think that you aren't truly remorseful."

Edward stared at him for a few minutes, daring Carlisle to completely kick him out, but Carlisle wouldn't do it. I bet that just chafed, so to speak, that Carlisle would care enough about the feelings of an insignificant human that he actually asked his extremely gifted vampire son to leave. This whole confrontation made me curious. I knew why he hurt me. He was frustrated with his inability to hear my thoughts, but why in the world would he use hurting me as an opportunity to hurt Jasper as well? I decided to be petty about it. I knew I couldn't punch Edward like I wanted to, so instead, I decided to hurt him the only way I knew how.

"Alice, don't search the future, but remind me to ask Jasper something later." I told her, winking.

"Okay, Bella." Alice giggled, catching on. Carlisle actually chuckled a bit at that as well. Alice pulled out her phone to dial Jasper's number. "Let me just call Jasper and Emmett and ask them to cut their hunting trip short."

"Don't be such a child, Bella." Edward told me, rolling his eyes. "There is nothing you have to ask Jasper, and you know it. You are just trying to get a rise out of me."

I knew that he was using reverse psychology on me. He had done this before on a few occasions. I recognized the signs. It usually didn't work on me. He usually had to resort to dazzling me to get the information out of me. I shuddered at the thought of what he did to me when I managed to go against his wishes, but quickly suppressed my horror. I smiled petulantly back at him knowing that Alice and Carlisle wouldn't allow him to overwhelm my senses or torment me today.

"If you say so, Edward." I laughed. "Isn't it just killing you that you don't know for sure if I have to ask Jasper something, and if I do, what it is that I have to ask?" I paused for effect before I told him, "It's about you, by the way."

"Go to hell, Isabella." Edward spat at me as he pushed past Carlisle and out the door.

"He's really leaving." Alice told us. "I'll let you know when he can't hear us anymore."

When Alice implied that Edward might still be able to hear us, I realized how loud I had been in Carlisle's place of work. I was a bit embarrassed that I couldn't control my temper a little better.

"I hope you don't get in trouble for the outburst I caused." I apologized.

"Strangely enough, this room is soundproof, Bella. Don't ask me why. It was like that before it became my office." He chuckled at it a bit. "Humans can't hear what's going on in here, though, of course, I could."

"If Edward came here so that he could use the hospital as a buffer, he didn't pick a very good room." I giggled.

"I think he chose my office because as soon as I sensed him in the building, I began worrying that he might destroy your wonderful statue." Carlisle admitted, ashamed. "I had no idea he would come here, Bella. I was heading this way to make sure he didn't damage it when you and Alice arrived." He continued to fret. He was really upset about that? "I'm so sorry that it was ever alone in the same room with him. I know how much of yourself you poured into this masterpiece. I feel awful."

All of a sudden, I started to see Carlisle in a whole new light. First of all, Carlisle was single and available; though I was sure I didn't have a chance. Second, he cared deeply about my feelings, something I never experienced with Edward. While we were dating, it wasn't as though I even thought about whether or not Edward considered my feelings. My feelings simply didn't matter. I feel differently with Carlisle, though. I was sure that Carlisle did care about me, but I was fairly confident that he thought of me as a daughter, not a potential girlfriend.

"I don't expect you to post a guard here to ensure the safety of my statue twenty-four hours a day." I smiled at him.

"I know that, but you just gave it to me today, and I'm not anxious to lose my new favorite piece of artwork." He admitted sheepishly.

His favorite piece? I blushed furiously at that. He truly treasured the statue I had given him. I now wasn't as nervous about giving it to him. I was very glad that I had entrusted my statue to Carlisle. He was more than worthy of this creation.

"Edward's half way to Canada." Alice interrupted a few minutes later. "If you still think you need a pelvic exam, he's far enough away that he won't see it. If you don't actually want a pelvic exam, we can still find out the results. If Carlisle decides to check you, I can tell you what the results are, and you don't have to go through with the indignity of it if you don't want."

"Let's do that." I nodded.

Carlisle concentrated for a minute, then Alice's eyes unfocused. She was slipping into a vision.

"You're still a virgin." She confirmed. "It seems Edward was telling the truth, _for once_."

I sighed and then broke down into relieved tears. Carlisle hugged me and stroked my back until my tears finally dried. It felt very nice to be in his arms once again. I actually had a hard time letting him go, but right now, I couldn't depend on anyone the way I had with Edward. It didn't matter who it was, I couldn't date anyone right now. I had to be _me_ again first before I could be with someone else. I never again wanted to lose myself like I had with Edward. I didn't know when I would be ready to date again, but I did know that it wasn't right now.

Since the shopping trip was officially cancelled, and Charlie still thought I was going to be gone, Alice insisted that I spend the weekend with them, especially when I needed to talk to Jasper so badly.

I decided since it had been awhile, and Alice had been denied the pleasure of a shopping trip, that this would be the perfect opportunity for her to engage in her second favorite pastime, Bella Barbie. She was overjoyed.

She selected a multi-colored top in earth tones with various sized rectangles all over the top with a brown short pleated skirt and a wide white belt. She capped off the look with white knee-high boots. She applied thick makeup to my eyes and gave my hair large curls. I looked like I belonged in an episode of _Charlie's Angels_.

When I was eating dinner, Carlisle had come home from work. He rolled his eyes when he saw me.

"Alice." He looked toward her room and spoke more loudly than necessary. "Why did you feel the need to force Bella into this get up?"

"She didn't _force_ me, Carlisle." I giggled. "I let her have her wicked way with me."

"You do know that if Emmett had heard you say that, his head would have exploded?" He chuckled at me.

"Anyway…" I rolled my eyes at him. "She asked me if she could try something that was out there to see if I like it, and now that we tried it, we can safely put this in the _never wear this again_ category."

"Absolutely," he agreed, "you are far too beautiful to be wearing that much makeup."

I blushed furiously and wordlessly finished my dinner. He couldn't have meant that romantically. He must have meant that as a fatherly gesture. I have to get the idea of _us_ out of my head. It is an impossibility.

After dinner, I washed Alice's makeup off of my face and brushed my hair out before putting on pale pink long sleeve silk pajamas. I went downstairs to watch a movie with Alice, Rosalie, and Esme. Carlisle joined us about halfway through it.

Though he said nothing about my wardrobe change, I kept hoping he would notice and comment one way or another, but he never did. What's wrong with me? I know I don't want a relationship right now, but I can't help but think about whether or not Carlisle will find me attractive.

I went to bed after the movie, disappointed that Carlisle hadn't said anything.

Jasper didn't come home until after I had gotten up the next morning. Everyone waited for me to ask the big question. I was fairly impressed that Alice hadn't searched the future once Edward left. I had only meant to keep it from him, not keep her in the dark.

"Sorry, Alice." I whispered. "I should have clarified earlier. You could have checked. I was just messing with Edward."

"I know that, but I also know that you dislike being the last to know things, and since it was your question, I thought I'd let you ask it instead of searching it out for you." She explained.

"Okay, then, on that note, I should probably just get on with it." I laughed.

Everybody came downstairs. They were all curious about what I needed to ask Jasper.

"Did Alice tell you my theory about Edward's frustration with me?"

"Yes, and I think you're right." He answered me.

"But I think it's deeper than that." I went on. Jasper nodded thoughtfully. "I think he actually thinks he's better than everyone else."

"He's subtly suggested that to me before." Alice admitted.

"Is there some sort of hierarchy, like humans are lowest, then regular vampires, then gifted vampires, then extremely gifted vampires?" I pressed, looking back and forth between Alice and Jasper.

"I detected something like that in his feelings for others. He considers Alice and me better than the rest of the family, and all of us better than you because you're human." Jasper told me. "Of course, he puts himself at the very top."

"So do you think that he considers you a threat to him because you are gifted like he is, or do you think he wanted to split you up?" I wondered.

"The former." Jasper told me. "I've been thinking about that. He actually considered both you and me a threat to him. That's why he was hardest on us."

"I figure that he thought of me as a personal affront to his world-view since I am just a pathetic human that he should be able to have power over." I agreed.

"You are not a pathetic human." Carlisle scowled at my choice of words.

"Edward thinks I am," I countered, "but I no longer place much stock in his opinion of me."

"That's good to know." Carlisle smiled at me.

"He thinks he should be the head of this family, doesn't he?" Rosalie interjected, very angrily. "I think this has been coming for a long time."

"That's what I think." I nodded. "When I've thought back about our time together, I realized that he thought since he had more information than everyone else, he should be the one that made all of the decisions. He also guarded that information like the CIA guards the NOC List. And I'm sorry to say that I believe it's why he hung around Alice so much. He wanted to know the things she saw, and didn't want to trust her to share since he refused to share his knowledge with others."

"That's what this has been all about, a power play?" Esme asked.

"I believe so." I told them. "I don't mean to offend any of you." I said nervously. "I actually believe that _all_ vampires are gifted. It's just that some of the gifts are more subtle, less supernatural, but still important and powerful. Edward, for example, is a terrible leader. That is a gift that he simply doesn't have, though he believes that leadership will come to him if he has enough power."

"So, you're saying that my gift is leadership?" Carlisle asked, nervously.

"_One _of your gifts is leadership." I clarified, smiling at him. "You are also compassionate, and nearly immune to blood." _And completely beautiful._ I added silently. Where did that come from?

Jasper cleared his throat and cocked an eyebrow at me. I blushed and looked away from him. It would be best for my self-image to change the subject.

"What about my gifts?" Emmett asked hopefully. I was glad he offered a way out.

"That's easy." I smiled at him. "You're very strong, obviously, but you also have the rare gift of fun. For an un-aging vampire, you sure know how to make the most of your time, and find the fun in all situations. You are also gifted with directness. I love the way you are never afraid to speak your mind."

"And Rosie?" He urged me to go on.

"She's beautiful, of course, and passionate, and has a great sense of justice. I also think she has a gift of persuasiveness." I looked over to her. She was nervously grinning at me.

"What about Esme?" He once again pressed.

"She has the gift of being a mother, the ability to love unconditionally." I told them, smiling at Esme. "She also knows exactly what to do to make you feel better, and has the ability to see the best in everyone."

"Thank you." She mouthed to me.

"In fact, I bet that she's been dying to share with us some good points about Edward because she can't bear the fact that we've been basically ripping Edward to shreds for awhile now." I told them.

"Yes." She nodded. "I think he can still come around. I don't see how right now, but I know that he isn't beyond help."

"We _all_ need to keep that in mind." Carlisle told us pointedly. "We've all made mistakes, and have something to be forgiven for. We need to keep ourselves open to the possibility that Edward might one day truly seek forgiveness."

Could I forgive him? I'd like to think so, even if he never asks for it. Could I fall in love with him again? I really doubted it. There were just so many things he had done that I couldn't ever forget.

"Do you really believe that, Bella?" Rosalie asked me.

"That _all_ vampires have gifts? Absolutely." I told her confidently.

"I think you're mistaken in your logic, Bella. You said that all vampires are gifted, but I think you're forgetting that humans are gifted as well." Carlisle pointed out. "Take you for example. You're observant and insightful; you're extremely averse to hurting others, even to the point of causing yourself pain, and of course the ability to keep Edward out of your mind."

There was a slight pause before I saw Jasper cock his head at Carlisle who immediately looked away embarrassed. That couldn't be what it looked like. It just couldn't. Carlisle certainly liked women who were beautiful like Esme and Rosalie. That's why he changed them, because he hoped they would fall in love with him. Even though he said that I was beautiful earlier, I in no way compared to Esme and Rosalie. I would never be beautiful like that. I would always be plain, simple Bella.


	6. Pictures

**I'm getting so many wonderful reviews. I'm so happy that everyone seems to like my story so far.**

**I know nothing about sculpting other than what I read on the internet, so if I get it wrong, I'm sorry, but I tried. **

**I hope this chapter helps explain why Alice never said anything…**

**Chapter 6 – Pictures**

I got back home on Sunday morning, but Charlie had already gone fishing. I immediately went downstairs to start the process of finishing Rosalie's statue.

It was nearly three in the afternoon when I applied the first coat of patina. In my humble opinion, I had gotten it right. It looked and felt perfect. All of the passion that Emmett and Rosalie shared was evident from one look at the statue. I was rather pleased with myself.

I ran upstairs to call Rosalie and let her know that it would be completely ready in two days, but the phone was already ringing. It was Jacob.

I hadn't spoken to him in forever. He told me that my dad had asked him to call me and invite me down to La Push for dinner since Charlie was staying to watch the game with Billy. I decided that this was as good a time as any to start opening myself back up to the world. I hadn't really had a friendly conversation with anyone other than the Cullen's since last March. That was a really long time to be shut off from people. I was eager to stretch my Edward-free wings.

I decided to shower and get the sculpting smell off of me. I rather liked it, but some people didn't care for it. Once I dried off, I headed to Jacob's. When I got there, I immediately noticed that Jacob had grown over a foot since I had seen him last. Wow! He was huge. After a bone crunching hug, Jacob led me into the living room where Billy and Charlie were already eating pizza and watching the game.

To say that Billy was pleased to see that I had gotten over Edward would have been an understatement. He was ecstatic, but then again, so was Charlie, and so was I for that matter. Jacob, on the other hand, became furious when any of the Cullen's were mention or even alluded to, so after awhile, we stopped mentioning them altogether.

After Charlie and Billy really got into the game, Jacob and I adjourned to the garage where Jacob was building a car, a VW, I think. It was easy to talk to Jacob, as long as I didn't mention the Cullen's. That made me think of the first time I had met Jacob. He had told me a story that he claimed he didn't believe as to why the Cullen's weren't allowed on Quilleute land. It seemed to me, that for whatever reason, Jacob had started to believe that story.

We mostly talked about his friends, Embry, Paul, Jared, and Sam, and some guy named Quil that didn't really hang around them very much right now, but again for some reason, he was sure that Quil would soon be hanging with them. Since my friends were off limits, I gladly questioned him about his.

"Do you have a girlfriend?" I asked him, honestly curious, and really hoping that he did because he was sending off vibes that he was very interested in me. I simply wasn't ready for a relationship. And Jacob seemed very angry about something. I definitely couldn't be with someone who had anger issues. I could be his friend, but I couldn't see us together.

"Umm… no." He sounded uncharacteristically unsure of himself. He blushed furiously, reminding me of myself. I swallowed hard, knowing that I was right about his feelings for me.

"You have a boyfriend?" He sounded hopeful.

"I'm kiiiiiiinda still getting over a bad break-up." I winced, hoping that he wouldn't get mad at the mention of my relationship with Edward, even though I didn't say his name.

"Oh, yeah." He mumbled, but didn't get angry. He just seemed disappointed. I really needed to figure out a way to make sure I didn't hurt him because I enjoyed having him as a friend.

"What do you need to finish this car?" I asked him, quickly changing the subject.

Jake rattled off a few car parts whose names might as well have been in Klingon because I didn't understand a word of it, but it got his mind off of asking me about my love life or lack of love life.

By the time I went home, Jake had unsuccessfully tried to teach me how to tell the oil pan from the… You know what? I have no idea what the second part was, but I still had fun with Jacob.

When I got home, I sculpted instead of going to bed. Part of it was that being with Jacob had inspired me. The other part was I disliked going to bed. I was afraid of the dark. I had been since I was younger, and Edward had really done some things that I don't like to think about that didn't help with my fear. And a few nights ago, and not for the first time, the bulb in my nightlight had burned out in the middle of the night, and I woke up screaming. I decided to sculpt to forget my fears. I didn't like the way my anxiety medicine made me feel.

As the clay went through my fingers, I remembered the story that Jake had told me that led me to figure out the Cullen's secret. As was my custom, my fingers started shaping the clay of their own accord. I lost track of time as I fashioned the figure. When I finally saw what I had created, it took my breath away, not in a conceited way, but in an epiphany kind of way.

I had created a bust of Jacob except that the right half of his features resembled that of a wolf. When I _really _thought about the story that Jacob told me, I remembered that he said that he was descended from wolves. What if that part of the story was true as well? What if Jacob was a wolf? Weren't werewolves supposed to be the mortal enemies of vampires? I decided to file this away for further review. I looked at my watch to see what time it was. It was four-thirty in the morning. I was going to be tired today.

I thought that if I went to sleep now, I wouldn't get up when the alarm went off. Instead, I worked on my wolf/Jacob sculpture a little more, creating the mold. At six-thirty, I started getting ready. I looked like death warmed over, but I still felt better than I had in awhile.

I floated through school that day, kind of rejoicing that it was sunny enough that I wouldn't have to hear about how much I needed sleep. Edward always used to say things like that or have Alice tell me, but neither one of them would be at school today.

Clearly, Alice's absence from school was no guarantee that I would go through my day without hearing about it. She was waiting for me at my house when I got home and gave me an earful about taking care of myself.

"What were you thinking, staying up all night?" Alice scolded me the second I walked through the door, effectively scaring the crap out of me.

"I was thinking that it was none of your business." I bristled, narrowing my eyes at her. "And hello, Alice, it's nice to see you too."

"But Bella, you have to take your health seriously. Your fragile human body needs sleep." She ignored my sarcastic greeting and continued reprimanding me.

"So you're saying that I can't sometimes make questionable decisions? You do realize that I am both a teenager _and_ an artist? Missing one night of sleep isn't the end of the world, you know? Or maybe you feel that it's your duty to run my life because I clearly have no idea how to do it?" I shouted at her. I knew I was overreacting because I was tired, but her little speech was reminding me of the things Edward used to say to me.

"What?" She questioned me, looking a little hurt and a little confused at my rant. "I just was pointing out…"

"Don't you think that I'm aware that I stayed up last night, that I _know_ that I'm tired?" I countered whatever she was about to say. "You are neither my mom nor my babysitter."

"I never said that I was." Alice defended herself.

"My _fragile_ human body needs sleep." I threw her words back at her in a rather mocking tone.

"I only meant to say that…" She started to explain, but I cut her off.

"That if I don't promise to get a good night's sleep every single night, you're going to come back here and dazzle me until I do?" I accused.

"I would _never_ do that." She retorted bitterly.

"Then why does it feel like Edward sent you here to make sure I was being a good little human?" I asked, my voice laced with accusation.

She immediately got it. At the mention of Edward, she gasped and shook her head in horror.

"I'm so sorry, Bella. I never thought of it like that." Alice's lip quivered. "Edward didn't send me here this time. I was just falling back into old habits. I didn't realize that he was using me to control you. He used to pressure me into making sure you did everything he wanted, but I thought he was only looking out for you. He would justify it by saying that he only wanted what was best for you."

"I'm sorry too, Alice." I responded. "I should have known you didn't mean to control me the way Edward had. I'm especially sorry that I implied that you would dazzle me to get your way. I just need a little more independence than you're used to giving me. I can't go back to being the person I was with Edward. I don't like her very much."

"I understand, Bella." She nodded. "I won't pressure you anymore."

"No, Alice," I sighed, "It's completely okay for you to disagree with me. It's just not okay for you to impose your will upon me because you're so much stronger than I am or dazzle me or guilt me into doing something I don't want to do."

"Of course," she agreed.

"Even if you _really_ think that I will be missing some important rite of passage. I want it to be my choice. I would rather regret not doing something than be manipulated into doing it against my will." I added.

"I don't think I understand." Alice braced herself for my explanation.

"You and Edward both seemed to be under the impression that I needed to be a typical human. You both seem obsessed with making sure I have all the experiences a _normal _human would have, like prom, my birthday, and the full makeover associated with senior pictures." I told her. "I never wanted any of those things. I'm _not_ normal, and I'm okay with that. I'm not okay with you or Edward trying to change me into something I'm not."

"You _didn't_ want to go to prom?" She seemed genuinely confused.

"Did you think that I did?" I asked incredulously. "Couldn't you see that Edward had to trick me into going with him? He didn't even have the courtesy to ask me until I figured it out on the way. I wouldn't have even known until we were there if Charlie hadn't called."

"He told me that he knew that you would love it if he just got you there. I searched the future and saw you dancing." She looked utterly shocked. "You looked happy."

"No, I was pissed that I really had no recourse but to go with him since I was crippled and had no way to get home. He dazzled me into looking happy once we were there." I remembered. It actually made me a little angry to relive it.

"Did he really dazzle you that often?" She asked, afraid of the answer.

"Pretty much whenever I didn't agree with him," I told her, silently adding with a shudder, _that is, until he decided to be sadistic._

"I actually knew that you didn't really want a birthday party." She admitted. "Edward just told me that you needed it. He seems to always know just what to say to convince me to acquiesce."

"Yes, he's manipulative." I agreed.

"But senior pictures?" She asked incredulously. "Who doesn't want to look fabulous for senior pictures? Edward said that you didn't even want to take them because of your poor self image."

"No, he lied. Imagine that." I laughed bitterly. "I wanted a more natural look, but he wanted a glamorous look. When I wouldn't agree with him, he talked you into 'surprising' me with a makeover. He knew that I wouldn't want to hurt your feelings by telling you that I didn't want a makeover."

"Bella, if you don't want to do something, all you have to do is let me know. A real friend doesn't get mad if you don't do every little thing they ask." She assured me.

"Yes, but…" I paused nervously. "I thought that you knew what he was doing to me since you didn't stop him."

"I had no idea, Bella." Her eyes begged me to believe her.

"Why didn't you tell me why you were giving me a makeover? I didn't even know what we were doing until we pulled up to the photo studio." I asked her rather critically.

"He told me not to tell you. He said that he didn't want to give you time to be nervous about the pictures." She shook her head in disbelief at the part she'd played in my abusive relationship.

"No, he apparently had canceled the appointment I had made and made one himself so that I didn't have a chance to re-do it my way." I tried to hold back my tears. "He told me he'd be watching me to make sure I didn't try to disobey him."

I finally couldn't hold back any longer. I began weeping at the memories that had resurfaced. She pulled her arms gently around me and walked us to the couch so I would be comfortable while she held me.

"He abused you, Bella." She finally said it out loud. "My brother basically tortured you for months, didn't he?"

"Yes," I admitted.

"And you thought we all knew about it and were helping him?" She asked rhetorically. "You must have felt so alone."

"Even if you didn't know, why would you believe me over your brother?" I tried to explain my reasoning for never telling them.

"And you couldn't tell Charlie because you couldn't tell him why Edward was able to do the things he did." She guessed.

I nodded against her chest.

"I'm sorry that he did this to you." She cried tearlessly with me. "I wish that I had known. I would have stopped him."

"Why _didn't_ you see and stop him?" I asked her, finally daring to for the first time. I felt that if we were really going to be able to be friends, I needed to know the answer to this question.

"He told me that you were a very private person and begged me to stay out of your alone time with him." She explained, sobbing.

I blew out a breath that I didn't even know I was holding; relieved that there was a plausible explanation to why Alice never helped me. She hugged me tighter.

"Why would you trust me at all if you thought that I helped Edward hurt you?" She wondered.

"Because I saw Jasper lying on the floor, mentally beating the hell out of himself, and I knew that even if you were aware that Edward was tormenting me, you would at least regret your part in it if it caused Jasper that much pain." I sighed. "And like you said before, I was all alone."

"He cut you off from society." She realized. "You had no one you could share this with."

"Not until I finally got up the nerve to let Jasper know that I had forgiven him." I sighed.

"I'm surprised that you were as quick about it as you were." She told me. "I would have probably held a serious grudge against us for a very long time."

"I'm not like that. I'm too weak to hold a grudge for long." I cried.

"Not weak, Bella, you're the strongest person I know." She corrected me. "It takes real strength to forgive someone. You are strong, Bella Swan. I can see that you're going to forgive Edward before the rest of us, and he hurt you much more than he hurt us."

"I'm not there yet, but I've already started to forgive him." I admitted sheepishly.

"I know." She laughed.

After that tearful conversation, I hoped that maybe she finally understood what it was like for me to be in such an unhealthy relationship, at least the parts I was willing to share. There were some things I was too embarrassed to tell her, but I needed her to see that I couldn't live like that anymore. I dearly wanted to be her friend, but I wasn't willing to lose myself in the process the way I had with Edward.

"We still have a week to get the final pictures in to the yearbook committee." She announced. "How would you like to do it again, _your way_? I'd have to break in to the school and delete the one Edward approved, but we could definitely get a new appointment."

"Would you really let me decide what I wear and how I do my hair and makeup?" I was skeptical but excited.

"Of course, Bella, it's your picture." She agreed. "But can I please help? I promise to let you stay in control."

"That actually sounds good." I acquiesced. "Will you make the arrangements? I need my beauty sleep."

"Yes, I will." She squealed and then asked me sheepishly, "Can I please buy you some dresses to choose from? I won't search the future to see which one you like. I promise."

"No blue." I told her forcefully. I refused to wear the color blue since Edward left me. At first, it was because the color reminded me of him and made me sad. Now, it was because I thought that he was trying to control me, subtly suggesting that I shouldn't ever wear any color but blue.

"I can understand that." She giggled. "I'll try other colors."

"Do you think they'll let me do some with my sculptures or actually sculpting something?" I asked. "Edward said that they wouldn't allow it, but I don't think he was being honest."

Alice checked the future for me.

"I know it's a bit of a shocker, but Edward lied about that as well. It'll be fine to include some of your sculptures." She told me. "They actually like to incorporate hobbies and interests into their pictures. I saw the proofs of the ones that Edward had you do, they weren't very personal, were they?"

"Not so much, no." I shook my head, remembering how Edward had told them all the poses he wanted to see me in, and I just went along with him to get it over with. I didn't really get a say in any of it.

"The pictures were going to be sent to your house, since Edward insisted on paying. Do you have them?" I was curious to see them.

Alice once again looked at the future.

"Yes, but he hasn't even opened the box." She looked confused. "Maybe he had plans for them before you broke up. I'll get them back for you, though."

After that, I finally went upstairs and fell asleep for about an hour. I set my alarm so that I could have some dinner and still get sleep tonight. When the alarm went off, I smelled food cooking. I ran downstairs to rescue Charlie from his cooking disaster only to find Esme cooking dinner and Charlie still not home. I should have known it wasn't him because the food actually smelled edible.

"Alice went shopping. She asked me to make dinner for you since she thought you'd be sleeping for awhile." Esme hugged me. "I also brought you these pictures that Edward had in his room."

I opened the box and found my original senior pictures. I looked like a different person, and it wasn't just the hair, makeup and clothes. It was the look on my face. I was smiling, but I looked slightly out of it. It was the dazzled look. I hated that look. I started ripping pictures and crying.

At first, Esme held me, but soon, she put dinner on the backburner and started a small but controlled fire so that she could help me dump the pictures in. After all the pictures were destroyed, I began sobbing uncontrollably.

"It's okay, Bella." She grabbed me and pulled me into a hug, gently stroking my hair.

"I can't be her." I whimpered. "I don't want to be like her again. I hate her."

"You don't have to be, sweetheart." Esme assured me. "You're wonderful just the way you are."


	7. Watching

**Author's Note: Okay, so I said that I was currently working on the final chapter of this story, but I'm not so sorry to say that it turned out that I couldn't end it there. I have fallen in love with my own story, especially Carlisle. Although I am currently on Chapter 24, and I thought that 23 was going to be my final chapter, I don't have any plans to wrap it up any time soon.**

**That being said, I will be updating more slowly because I am writing new stuff and revising the old stuff at the same time. The new stuff will have lemons in it, and I feel awkward writing lemons, so it might be awhile before I finish. I have no schedule. I just have to write the stuff I'm feeling at the time, so I hope that you can be patient with me.**

**Chapter 7 – Watching**

Alice kept her promise to refrain from watching the future to see which outfits I would pick, but she did bring by fifty-eight different outfits to choose from. I happily tried them all on, knowing that for once I could choose my own clothing. She did seem a little put out that I only chose two of them because I already had one I wanted to wear, but she was placated when I told her that to make up for it, I would keep _all_ of the outfits she had bought me. For once, Alice looked truly shocked.

Three days after I destroyed all of the original senior pictures, Alice took me back to the portrait studio for the appointment that I should have had in the first place. I had three outfits, and several of my finished sculptures including the ones of Alice and Rosalie. I didn't ask Carlisle for the one I had given him. Though it was my favorite, I didn't feel that one was appropriate for a happy senior picture.

Alice did my hair which looked only slightly fancier than normal, which is what I wanted, and my makeup, that this time didn't make me look like I was five years older. My outfits and backgrounds were much more _me_.

I had the grey smock which I wore when I sculpted. It was even one that had remnants of old projects still stuck to it. It wasn't normal, but it was who I am. The background we chose was simple white. It really contrasted the sculptures I had chosen. Alice even brought some spare clay, and had the photographer snap shots of me while I worked. I saw the digital images, and thought they were wonderful.

The second outfit I wore was a simple black long sleeve silk shirt with skinny jeans. It wasn't something that I would usually wear, but when I tried it on, I fell in love with it, and I swear, I had never seen Alice as happy as she was when I picked that outfit, and that's really saying something considering how happy Alice normally is. I teased her by telling her that I wanted this look in my second favorite pastime, emergency room visits. She thought that was silly, and pointed me toward the red backgrounds. She thought it would go great with my outfit. Although I agreed, I had a hard time deciding between a cloudy sky with roses strewn all around or the apple orchard with a barrel of real apples.

Alice gave me the good points on both of them, but refused to pick for me. I ultimately went with the roses because for some reason, I couldn't get that saying out of my head; _an apple a day, keeps the doctor away,_ and I really didn't want to keep a certain doctor away… Why in the world would I think that now? I was embarrassed and blushed furiously, but Alice never asked me why. I'm not sure what she actually thought I was embarrassed about, but I was sure that it wasn't the real reason. When I inspected the proofs of this session, I was blushing in many of the pictures, but I thought that it was normal, for me anyway, and I loved them.

My last outfit was a large print, brown and white sun dress that went just past my knees and had spaghetti straps. When I put that dress on, Alice quickly did my hair in a messy-ish updo. My background was the beach. I don't know how they did it, but it looked just like First Beach in La Push. I even let them use the fan to blow my hair a bit at the end. It looked great. It truly was perfect. I was really glad that I had Alice as my friend to share this with me.

Before we left the studio, she asked me if it was okay to pay the guys to destroy all of the proofs from the original set so that Edward couldn't ever get a hold of them and replace the ones I had destroyed. I heartily agreed. She even paid extra so that they would send the digital copies of these to the yearbook staff today. Even thought I knew it was a real possibility that Edward might flip out and destroy my new pictures, I was happy that I had the chance to do it my way. I had gotten the senior pictures I had wanted in the first place, and Alice managed to control herself enough to help without taking over.

We arrived back at school just as lunch was starting. I was still wearing my sun dress but now it was semi-covered with a brown jacket. I got some pretty interesting comments about the way I was dressed, and my makeup, most of them from the guys. But the icing on the cake was the fact that Edward decided to come to school today even though he clearly didn't stay away for a few weeks like Carlisle had asked. He was livid and became increasingly so every time I smiled or laughed. Maybe he had seen what I was up to through Alice's mind. Maybe it was because he knew I had destroyed all of the pictures that he had approved. Maybe he didn't want me to be happy. I shrugged it off for the time being. My life no longer revolved around what did and didn't make Edward Cullen happy.

"Something has upset poor Edward." Alice laughed. It looked like she thought it was funny. "He's thinks that I had no right to take your pictures out of his room. He considered them his personal property."

"They might as well have been," though I knew that I was being petty, I smiled and waved at him, "because the girl in those pictures was not me. She was the mindless marionette that Edward used to control."

While I spoke, Edward's control started to slip. I swear that I saw the table he was gripping crack. I snickered, but immediately felt bad that I was relishing someone else's misery, even if that someone was Edward.

Edward made a face like he was growling, though I heard no sound.

"I just told him that you destroyed all of the pictures, and I paid to have the proofs destroyed as well." She explained, giggling. I laughed.

"Let's eat outside." I suggested, trying to be the bigger person. Just because Edward tormented me for many months and unceremoniously dumped me, I wasn't going to give him the satisfaction of stooping down to his level.

Weeks ago, I ate outside merely to avoid being in the same room with him for fear that seeing him would bring up the hurt that I so carefully kept inside myself. Now, I actually wanted to give _him_ a break, not really caring whether or not he decided to reciprocate. For me, forgiving is all about what I choose. It has nothing to do with what Edward has chosen. Don't get me wrong. I don't trust Edward any more than I could beat him in a footrace, and I still disliked him quite a bit, but I could no longer call what I felt for him, _hate_. When Alice took me to the portrait studio today, I had a blast, but I also had an epiphany. I couldn't let what Edward did to me change me into a cold, unforgiving person, any more than I could go back to him and be marionette Bella again.

After school, I went to the basement to sculpt. I didn't change. I simply put my smock on over my dress. I started working on a new sculpture for Esme. It was a reflection of the motherly love I feel coming out of her. I hadn't been down there very long when I heard a loud knocking on the door. Usually, it wouldn't interrupt my work, but this was the loudest knock I had ever heard. I was surprised that whoever was doing it didn't break the front door. Taking off my smock, I went up to see what was going on.

To my surprise, it was Jacob. He looked rather upset about something. I assumed it was because it had taken me awhile to hear him.

"I thought I was going to have to break down the door to get your attention." Jacob pushed past me angrily.

"I don't always hear the door when I'm working." I admitted, sheepishly. "Is something wrong?"

"Other than the smelly bl…" Jacob looked like he was choking on his words before he changed topics. I had no idea what was so smelly that he was talking about. Nothing smelled bad to me, unless he was talking about the sculpting smell. "No, I just wanted to see you. You look amazing, by the way."

Jake looked me up and down, kind of creeping me out a little, and pulled me into a bone-crunching hug. Before I could tell him to knock it off, an earsplitting roar erupted in my living room. Edward was here. Jacob started shaking uncontrollably and snarling. Jacob tried to push me behind him, but accidentally knocked me across the room into the coffee table. I landed wrong on my left ankle and twisted it. I screamed out in pain. Maybe one day I would learn to land more gracefully when someone pushes me out of harm's way, but I kind of doubted it.

I knew that Jacob didn't like the Cullen's but this was ridiculous. I briefly wondered what Jacob's problem was. Then, I remembered my sculpture of the half Jacob, half wolf. If Jacob was a werewolf, he and Edward were mortal enemies. Even though Jake had just hurt me, and Edward was being an ass, I still didn't want either of them to be hurt by the other, and I didn't want Charlie's house to be destroyed as collateral damage. I decided to call for back up. I couldn't understand why Alice hadn't already shown up. I tried to hobble to the phone, but I gave up after a few steps when I nearly screamed in pain. I decided crawling was safer. I crawled backwards so that neither of them could see up my dress.

First, I tried Alice's cell phone, but it went straight to voicemail. She must have gone hunting, or she was having private time with Jasper. I decided to call Carlisle's cell next. He picked up on the first ring. I was incredibly glad.

"Hello, Bella," his voice sounded pleased that I had called him.

"I think Jacob is a werewolf." I screamed. "And he's really angry."

"I'll be right over." He sounded upset.

I was kind of shocked that he accepted my crazy theory so easily.

"WAIT!" I shouted. "Edward's here as well. I think they're going to fight."

"I'll get Emmett and Rosalie." He told me. "We'll be there as soon as we can. Stay on the line and try to give Jacob a little distance. Teenage werewolves are somewhat unpredictable. Did he hurt you?"

"A little, but it wasn't really his fault. Jake was fine until Edward showed up and started growling." I explained, finding the need to defend my friend. It wasn't Jacob's fault that Edward was here. "I think that he only reacted to Edward's sudden appearance in my living room. I was a little upset myself."

"I see." Carlisle said thoughtfully. It sounded pleasant, but I was pretty sure that he was just controlling his anger.

I waited in the kitchen while Edward and Jacob snarled at each other in the living room. Carlisle chatted with me about meaningless things, pretty much making sure I was alright or hadn't gone into shock or anything. At the end, I sensed a change in his tone that made me really pay attention to what he was saying.

"I'm here. Hang up and cover your ears so that I don't damage your hearing." Carlisle commanded.

I immediately obeyed. I didn't have to wait long to figure out why he had me hang up.

"Edward Cullen!" Carlisle thundered. I had never heard so much authority in his voice before. I could even hear it very loudly and clearly though my hands had to be muffling at least some of it. Carlisle was usually so restrained and controlled, but I realized now that he was much more powerful than his human façade would suggest. "You will leave this house immediately and go home! Emmett, Rosalie, take him with you."

After the shouting had subsided, I hopped precariously on one leg to the corner and peeked into the living room and saw that Jacob had calmed down considerably, but was still not happy about Carlisle being there. Jacob looked conflicted but very concerned.

"I need to go home. I've been holding off phasing into my werewolf form as long as I could, but I don't think that I can anymore." Jacob's voice sounded like he was about to lose control. "Will you be okay with…"

I nodded, and he left, quickly. A few seconds later, I heard a loud howl.

"Are you alright, Bella?" Carlisle asked, looking nervously at me, rushing to my side.

"I think I sprained my ankle." I admitted.

Carlisle scooped me up and carried me to the couch and carefully took off my shoe. I fought to protect my modesty in my short dress. Carlisle retrieved me a blanket when he correctly interpreted my distress. He then proceeded to examine my ankle. His fingers were very delicate on my foot as he probed. It felt rather sensual having him touch me in even this very clinical way. I shivered but not just from the cold.

"It does look like a bad sprain. You'll probably need crutches for a few days. I'll have Alice bring you some later." He told me. His usual calm had now returned. He was still concerned about me though. "Did Edward attack you?"

"No. I think that Jacob was just surprised by Edward. He shoved me backwards, kind of like Edward did at my birthday." I rambled. "I am concerned; however, that Edward is apparently stalking me."

"Jacob suggested that Edward had been lurking around outside when he got here." Carlisle nodded. I cocked my head in confusion. I hadn't heard Jacob say anything to Carlisle. "You probably couldn't hear him. He spoke very softly. Werewolves can speak in low tones and have excellent hearing as well."

Great, that meant that another mythological creature that was more magnificent than me.

"Can you tell me what happened?" Carlisle asked, keeping his very cold hand on my foot to help prevent swelling. I very much preferred this to an ice pack.

"Jake was just hugging me. He's very friendly. He expresses himself physically. Edward had no right to charge in here like that." I told him, becoming angry at the memory.

"You're right, and he will be dealt with." Carlisle looked rather annoyed himself. "Edward shouldn't assume that he will be allowed entrance into your home. He has lost that privilege. As for whom you date, that's your business, not Edward's."

"Jake and I aren't dating, Carlisle." I laughed, knowing that I really couldn't handle dating Jacob. After being with Edward and losing myself temporarily, I knew that I needed to be in a relationship with a more mature man. "I know he has a crush on me, but he's just a friend."

Carlisle looked fairly happy, briefly, then arranged his face carefully back to concern. What was that about? Why would Carlisle be glad that Jake and I weren't dating? That thought put a smile inside my heart. It looked like Carlisle might be interested in me. I was so happy!

I then remembered that I wasn't happy. I was angry and a little scared. If Edward wanted to become my shadow, there was nothing I could do to stop him. I wasn't even sure that Carlisle could restrain him if Edward really wanted to be here. And _would_ Carlisle protect me from his son? I shook with fright at the thought. I could not go back to letting Edward control me.

"How am I supposed to feel safe in my own home, Carlisle?" I asked very worried. I doubt that I would be able sleep well for a few days because I would be afraid that Edward would show up. "I'm going to constantly wonder if he's outside listening to everything I do. He used to watch me while I slept. He said that it was to become more accustom to my scent, but I think it was because I talked in my sleep, and he could get insights into my mind that he couldn't get when I was awake. Do you think that he's doing that again?" That was actually the least of my worries. What if he…

Carlisle sighed and ran his hand through his hair.

"I don't know how often he has been watching you, but I assure you the problem will be taken care of. I'm going to limit his interaction with you to school and if you decide to visit our home. If he ever comes here again, he will be officially kicked out of my family. That means no protection from the wolf pack." Carlisle explained. "That will effectively force him out of the area."

"What do you mean, 'no protection from the wolf pack'?" I asked.

"Well, we have a treaty with them. We don't hunt or harm humans, and they don't destroy us, and they allow us to live on our land. We don't go on their territory, but either side can go into the neutral territory. That includes this house. If we kick Edward out, he won't be able to come here without risking being attacked by Jacob or one of his friends." Carlisle explained.

I felt somewhat safer, but still a little worried that Edward could find a way around Carlisle's edict. I was also happy, much happier than I had been in awhile because Carlisle was willing to lose his son over me. He really cares about me. For the first time, I hoped that we could one day be together. Before, I found him attractive, but I hadn't ever pictured myself with him. Now, I wanted nothing more than to be with him, to really get to know him intimately. I blushed. I was; however, a little concerned that we might be moving too quickly. Would he be patient enough to wait for me if I wasn't as eager as he was?

"As to whether or not he watches you while you sleep, we could either take turns watching him at night or you, until we can trust him again. I know that it's not ideal, but I'm afraid that's the best we can do right now.

"Watch _him_ please." I begged. "I don't like the idea of having no privacy again."

I really didn't know how to feel about this whole situation. Edward didn't want to be with me, but he did feel the need to be near me. Why? I reviewed the things I knew or suspected about Edward. First, I knew that Edward had dated me because he wanted to eventually be able to hear my thoughts, and he couldn't stand that he couldn't hear me. Second, he thought that his gift gave him some sort of right to rule. But why would he continue to lurk outside my house and bust in when Jacob gave me a hug? Maybe even though he doesn't actually love me, he is still protective of me for some reason I can't understand. But maybe he wasn't so much protective as angry that I was getting over him. And now that I thought about it, why does he seem to be annoyed that I am happy? It's almost like he didn't really want me to get over him, like he was hoping to break me.

That led me to my second epiphany of the day. Edward _did_ want to break me. He was hoping that I would be so heartbroken and have no friends or resources to get over him that whatever barrier I had in my mind that prevented him from hearing me would implode and he would finally be able to hear my thoughts. Luckily, I never react the way he expects. After much heartache, I didn't break; I became stronger. This led me to a terrifying thought.

_What would happen to me when Edward realizes that he will never hear my thoughts?_


	8. Presents

**Author's Note: Sorry that this chapter took so long to get up. Maybe it's old or something… Anyway, I added quite a bit to it because it was going to just hit the highlights of Christmas, but I decided that I wanted to know all the details. I had to make a big spreadsheet to keep track of the gifts and the game that they played. I hope it doesn't get too monotonous. With Emmett there, though, that would be pretty difficult. His part was my favorite. I hope you enjoy this chapter as much as I did. Also, this chapter is much longer than my other chapters. It's a bit of funny fluff. I like it as a tension breaker from all of the other difficult stuff in the other chapters.**

**Chapter 8 – Presents**

It was November, and I decided to make all of the Christmas presents I was going to give away. I had never done artwork like this. I had always worked with clay or bronze, but this time I was working with copper wire. I wanted to make personalized ornaments for all my friends and family, but the bronze would be too heavy and weigh down the boughs of the Christmas tree. With this technique, I would bend the copper wires around to make a shell of the shape I was intending. I hoped that I could stretch myself a bit with this project.

For Charlie, I made a fish, a boat, and a police badge. The fish was my favorite of the group. I thought that he would like it as well. Renee was harder. She had so many and varied interests that were constantly in flux. I decided to make her a sun, because she loved to be where it was warm and sunny, and one that looked like her favorite hat, a cell phone, and an apple because she was a kindergarten teacher. I made Phil one of a baseball bat, a glove, and also a sun because he played for the Suns. His sun was different, though, because it was stylized to look like the logo on his jersey.

I also made ornaments for the Cullen's and Jacob. For Jacob, actually gave him that half Jacob/half wolf statue and a copper dream catcher, kind of like the one he had given me for my birthday. Alice's were the easiest to come up with because I knew her the best. I made her a shopping bag, a pair of stilettos, and a crystal ball. For Jasper, I made a gun and a sword like he would have carried in the Civil war, and a horse. With Jasper, I had to ask Alice what he was in to because I didn't really know anything about his past. It was fun getting to know him a little better as I made Christmas presents for him.

For Emmett, I made a bear, a football, and a video game controller. For Rosalie, I made a mirror, a hairbrush, and a car. For Esme, I only made one because it was so elaborate and because I had helped on another present for her. She got a replica of the Cullen home. Carlisle got a crossed hammer and chisel to commemorate his love of woodworking, a cuckoo clock, and I almost made him a stethoscope, but guessed that he probably had plenty of those, instead I made a caduceus. Yeah, I didn't know what that meant either until I Googled "symbol for medicine." It's that winged staff with the snakes that symbolizes the medical professions.

That just left me Edward. I almost didn't make anything for him, but in the end, I decided that he was still a part of my life, and even though he was frustrated by me, he really did help shape the person I had become. I decided to make him sort of a pair of mesmerized eyes, a piano, and a mountain lion. I wasn't sure if I should give them to him though. I would be kind of a bummer if he just destroyed them. I hoped that Alice would tell me if he planned on doing that.

This gigantic project took almost all of my free time right up to three days before Christmas, and I lost a lot of sleep because of it, but that was actually okay with me especially since I found a snake in my room one night. I didn't even want to go in there for a week after. I am completely terrified of snakes, even the non-poisonous variety. I barely made it to the phone in a panic and called Charlie who came to kill the snake for me. I debated about calling Carlisle instead, but then I would have to confess my deep fears to him, and probably also tell him that I suspected that Edward had something to do with the unwelcome snake. I knew that if it was true, Edward would be kicked out of his family, and I didn't really want to be the reason that he was kicked out.

The snake night was one of the few nights I didn't get any sculpting done. I had to take an Ativan to calm down enough so that I could sleep, and even then, I slept on the couch. Almost every other night, I was in the basement sculpting.

I did set aside time to spend at the Cullen's house during this time. I would have felt badly if I had neglected my friends for the purpose of making them presents. Most of the time, I went to their house, and I didn't see Edward. He was there, but he spent most of the time in his room. Sometimes, I did see him, but he was on the outside looking in. Carlisle, Esme, and I were the only ones who ever tried to include him in anything. He usually looked around the room at the disapproving faces of his siblings and headed back upstairs to his room.

I also spent time in La Push with Jacob. In fact, the day I finished with the ornaments, I drove out to see him to give them to him.

"Hola hombre lobo," I teased him calling him a werewolf in Spanish.

"Hola yourself, chica torpe," He countered, calling me a clumsy girl. I think he must have used babelfish on that one. He had been coming up with more and more elaborate and crazy things to call me like cara pálida (pale face) or muchacha flaca y blanca (skinny white girl).

We ate lunch and laughed for awhile, and then I gave him his presents. He loved them, but he was worried because he hadn't gotten me anything. I settled for the maiden voyage in his nearly finished VW.

Afterwards, I headed home and mailed Renee and Phil their presents. I had to pay extra to get them there on time, but I didn't want to give them to her late.

The next day, two days before Christmas, I had planned on going to the Cullen's house to give them their presents, but Charlie had just been informed that he would need to be at the station on for the next two days due to some unexplained animal attacks in the woods, and asked me to do Christmas with him early. I agreed as long as he didn't mind that I spent the next two days at the Cullen's. Alice even managed to call in the middle of our negotiations and invited me over for Christmas, insisting that I wasn't imposing.

Much to my surprise, Charlie had gotten me a smart phone for Christmas. It was awesome. I spent the rest of the afternoon downloading my music and a few aps. Charlie loved the ornaments I made him. He called them a real work of art. I blushed furiously.

On Christmas Eve, I drove to the Cullen's house. Alice had planned a real family time. Even Edward decided to join us, but he seemed defeated, like he had lost his will to live. We played board game, and card games, and of course, I lost all of them, miserably, but I had fun.

I ended up going to bed around two, but still, Emmett came screaming down the hall at five-thirty in the morning to wake me up for presents. He insisted that we all wear our ridiculous footed pajamas down for present time.

Alice organized present giving time. We were all numbered by year of our birth. Carlisle was one; Jasper, two; Esme, three; Edward, four; Alice, five; Rosalie, six; Emmett, seven; and me, eight. We all got a paper sack with everyone else's number. Starting with Carlisle, we would pick a number, ask that person any question, and give them the gift they had gotten for them. The only rules were that the answer had to be truthful, and you couldn't ask the same question someone else had already asked.

"And you can't search the future to find out what we're going to ask and highjack our questions." I took the opportunity to amend the rules.

"Or pluck them out of our heads…" Jasper added, looking at Edward.

Everyone agreed, though Alice and Edward didn't seem too thrilled with our additional rules, they agreed as well.

Carlisle was first. He drew number four. Edward groaned. It looked like he already hated this game.

"What do you like the most about your power?" Carlisle asked in all seriousness. Edward looked surprised that Carlisle didn't ask something a lot harsher.

"I like… being the most well informed person in the room." Edward shocked me that he was actually being honest.

Carlisle, satisfied with Edward's answer, handed him the present.

Edward opened it. It was an iPad.

"It has composition and mixing aps already on it." Carlisle told him.

"Thanks." Edward barely looked at him. I think he was starting to feel ashamed for his behavior, but I didn't really know if I could believe him.

Jasper went next, and drew number four as well. Edward groaned once again.

"What one thing that you've done do you regret the most?" Jasper scrutinized him while Edward tried to think of something.

"That's hard to say, Jasper." Edward sighed heavily. "I guess underestimating all of you, especially Bella."

We all took that to mean that he wasn't upset about hurting us, only that he had gotten caught. Jasper threw Edward's present at him. Edward caught it easily and opened it. It was a very ugly Christmas sweater. Instead of a Christmas tree, it had a black tree-like shape on it, and at the top was perched the all-seeing eye of Sauron. I assumed that Alice _hadn't_ picked this one out.

"Thanks." Edward said again, this time with much distain in his voice, but the rest of us snickered a bit.

It was Esme's turn, and much to the amusement of everyone, except Edward, she picked out number four as well.

"Is my number the only one in there?" Edward asked Alice.

"No," she laughed and shook her head, "you saw me put all the numbers in."

Edward rolled his eyes and looked at Esme awaiting her question.

"Why didn't you tell Bella that I'm gay?" She wondered.

Edward sighed before answering, "I didn't want Bella to know that Carlisle was available. He was interested in her, and I didn't want her to choose him."

I looked over to Carlisle and saw that he was clearly embarrassed at Edward's revelation. I wondered why he didn't say anything, but then remembered that I was seventeen at the time. It would have been weird and possibly illegal if he were dating me. Now, however, I really wanted to know if he was interested in me. He seemed a little flirty at times, and I was definitely wanted to pursue a relationship with him.

Esme handed Edward her present. It was a new stereo system for his Volvo. He seemed rather appreciative of it.

"Thank you." He kind of smiled at her.

He sighed before pulling a number out of the bag. He chose number seven, Emmett.

He got a wicked grin on his face and asked, "If you had to cheat on Rosalie with either Alice, Bella, or Esme (if she were straight), who would it be with and why?"

"You are _so_ going to pay for that." Emmett laughed heartily. It seemed like Emmett was starting to be willing to have fun with Edward. "Alice because, no offense to Bella and Esme, but at this point in my existence, I wouldn't want to break either one of you in."

"No offense taken." I mumbled. I didn't want to be "broken in" anyway. It looked like Esme shared my sentiments.

Edward handed Emmett an envelope. At first I thought that he might have only given him money, not wanting to put any thought into his choices, but then Emmett yelled and pumped his fist. Edward had gotten him good seats for a Seahawk's game, apparently in a skybox.

"Thanks, man, but I'm still going to get you back for that question." Emmett cheered.

"My turn!" Alice squealed and drew number one. If she had picked Edward as well, I was going to laugh, but she didn't. She picked Carlisle.

"Have you ever kissed a human on the lips?" She asked him. I blushed for him, wondering if she was hinting that we should kiss. I hoped that he thought we should as well.

"No," he answered quickly, looking shocked that she had asked such a thing.

Alice wagged her eyebrows in my direction before handing Carlisle an envelope. He opened it and read it to us. It seemed an anonymous donor had paid to update all of the computers in the hospital and provide tablet computers for the doctors to do charts on. He was very excited.

Rosalie made a big flourish before picking a number out of the bag. It was my number. I swallowed, knowing she could make me really squirm with a super personal question.

Rosalie eyed Edward and asked me, "Would you have asked Carlisle to have Edward destroyed if he had actually used his Jedi mind trick to force you to have sex with him?"

"No." I answered. "I couldn't force Carlisle to kill his own son."

Her head snapped around to me. She was surprised by my answer. I didn't think she would like it, seeing as how she had killed those who raped her, but she actually nodded in approval at what I had said.

"Your present's in the garage. It's more safety features for your truck. You know, brakes and an airbag. I'll install them before you go home." She told me.

"Thank you." I smiled at her.

"Come on number four!" Emmett chanted as he reached into the sack. He pulled out number three. "Damn."

"Should I be offended?" Esme laughed.

He shook his head at her and scratched his chin, trying to think of a good one.

"How many women have you been with?" He finally asked her.

"Three." She admitted, with her head ducked down. I didn't know why she was embarrassed. Three wasn't exactly a huge number for as long as she's been a vampire and known she was a lesbian.

"So… your gift was going to be breakfast in bed, but Rosalie told me that bringing a deer carcass into the house would upset you for some reason." Emmett teased her, and we all laughed at him.

We were all still laughing at his joke when Emmett handed her some papers. They were the deed to a Victorian style house that needed to be remodeled. Esme squealed.

I took my time pulling the number out of the sack. Much to my chagrin, I chose Edward. I knew that at some point, I would choose him, but I hoped to get some easier ones first.

"Go on, Bella, now's your chance." Emmett cheered. "You can finally get some answers."

I shook my head. I didn't come here today to torture Edward. I came to enjoy time with my friends.

"If you could stop mentally hearing one human at school, who would it be and why?" I asked.

He didn't look as grateful as I had hoped when he answered, "Colby Atchison."

Jasper howled in laughter. I didn't think that he would find anything Edward said funny. This must have been good.

"Why?" Several of us asked at the same time.

"Because he's gay and in love with me. I'm pretty tired of seeing me give it to him in the ass." Edward winced as he said it.

The rest of us joined in laughing with Jasper.

"I would pay money to see that thought." Rosalie giggled.

I handed Edward his present. He opened it and just stared for a moment.

"Thank you, Bella, they're beautiful." He smiled at me, but looked like if he could cry he would.

Carlisle took his turn next, and pulled out number five, Alice.

"What's the biggest mistake you've made because you've trusted your vision?" He asked her.

"Hmm…" She looked unsure. "When I thought that we had made the misstep that sent Bella to James. She almost died because of it."

I shook my head at her. I almost died because of me, not her.

Carlisle threw her keys to a car.

"A Lotus Esprit?" She squealed. "And it's pink. Thank you, Carlisle."

Jasper picked Esme next.

"What's the best thing about being a mother?"

"Being able to love you all so much and rejoice with you in your successes." She told him.

He carefully gave her a box. When she opened it, she gasped. I had actually helped Jasper with this one. It was part of the reason that I only gave her one ornament.

"Where did you get this?" She asked him. She held statue of her infant son who had died shortly after he was born. It sort of looked like her.

"From sketches of him that you have drawn over the years. I took them to Bella, and she helped me sculpt it for you." Jasper answered.

Esme flew across the room and hugged Jasper. "Thank you so much." And then she hugged me.

After Esme had regained her composure, she drew my number.

"Where did you learn to sculpt?" She asked.

"Books, and community courses." I answered.

"I put your present in your basement." She smiled. "It's new sculpting material." 

"Thank you. I always need more clay and bronze." I hugged her.

Edward picked Rosalie. "Who would you have chosen, Carlisle or me?"

"You, but only because I didn't see the real you." She spat at him.

Edward looked upset with her assessment of him. Maybe he did want to be a better vampire.

When she opened Edward's present, she found a car part, that she had been looking everywhere for. She nodded her thanks to him.

Alice picked Jasper next.

"Besides me of course, who do you most enjoy feeling and least enjoy?" She asked.

"Least is Edward because I'm not sure if what I feel from him is true, and most is a tie between Carlisle and Bella. They are both so generous in spirit. They get a real joy out of doing and giving to others." He smiled at us.

I blushed and looked away.

Alice's gift for him was the Confederate flag that hung in the town where he was born

Rosalie drew Alice. "What's your favorite sexual position?"

"Damn, Rose." Emmett laughed. "Good one."

"Reverse cowgirl." She answered it, but saw my confusion and felt the need to explain it to me. I kinda wished she hadn't. "The woman is on top facing away from the man. It really helps hit the G-spot."

Rosalie gave her a shopping trip for both of them as well as Esme and me in Paris. Although I didn't really want to shop, I was excited to go with them.

"Yay! Spring Break will be cloudy almost every day! We are _so_ going then!" Alice cheered.

Emmett got Rosalie this time. I winced knowing he would ask another embarrassing question.

"Where would you most like to have sex that we haven't yet done it?" He wagged his eyebrows at her.

"This better not be the gift, a trip to whatever I answer." She narrowed her eyes at him, and he shook his head.

"Inside the Great Barrier Reef." She told him with confidence.

"Awesome." He answered.

He gave her new rims for her car. They were beautiful.

I picked Jasper.

"What did you think of Alice when you first met her?" I wondered. I knew that Alice could be a lot to take in, especially when meeting her for the first time.

"I was curious about her. I had never met a vampire anything like her. I was of course, attracted to her, and excited that a wonderful woman like her could ever be interested in me." He kissed her after he answered.

Jasper, of course, loved the ornaments I had given him and he politely thanked me.

Next, Carlisle chose Rosalie.

"Would you be willing to accept Bella as your sister and part of this family?" He asked her, though he mentioned nothing about changing me.

"I already do consider her my sister, though, I would still advise against changing her. She still has so much she can do with her life." She answered.

Carlisle seemed satisfied with her answer and handed her an envelope with a picture. It was a picture of a large garage in Detroit and the title to it. Rosalie squealed.

"I'm so glad I have some real space to work when I need to!" She rejoiced.

Jasper picked Alice.

"What naughty fantasy do you have that we haven't played out yet?" He wagged his eyebrows at her.

"Peter Pan and Tinkerbell." She laughed at him

"Only because I refuse to wear the damn tights, pixie." He scowled.

"You asked." She reminded him.

He handed her a box which contained a bunch of nail polish.

"Where did you find these?" She asked in shock. "They are so rare and expensive."

"Only the best for you, baby," he kissed her on the lips.

Esme picked Carlisle.

"If you couldn't develop the control to become a doctor, what would you have become?" She smiled at him.

"Before I could control myself enough, I moonlighted as a shoemaker. I worked so quickly that the local villagers thought that I had elves helping me. It's where the fairy tale comes from." He chuckled nervously at the memory.

Once our amazement at Carlisle had died down a little, Esme gave him his present of new wood carving tools and more finish for the wood. He was very appreciative.

Edward picked Esme, but looked defeated as he asked her, "If you could change one thing about our family, what would it be?"

I think he was begging her to not pick him from the sound of his voice. It looked like he knew that most of the family had already given up on him and wished he wasn't here. I was confident that Esme wasn't one of them. I was sure that she had at least started to forgive him. She had the remarkable ability to love both Edward and I completely even when he had hurt me. I knew that she still loved him, even then. I admired her.

"I would have liked to have been able to fall in love with Carlisle the way he loved me." Her voice shook as she answered. "It hurt me so much that I couldn't give him myself."

Carlisle and I rushed to her side. Of course, he beat me by a mile because he was so much faster than I. We both hugged her. I couldn't help being drawn to the hurt she was casting off. I hugged her fiercely, clinging to her pajamas, wanting desperately to take her pain away from her, but I couldn't.

After we had settled down, Edward gave Esme a grandfather clock. It was gorgeous.

Alice picked me.

"Of all the outfits I bought you for senior pictures, which is your favorite one that you didn't wear?" She gave me a knowing look.

"It was a red sweater dress." I told her sighing. "The only reason I didn't pick it because I didn't have any shoes to go with it."

She giggled as she handed me a box. When I opened it, I laughed with her. It was a pair of low heel red shoes that went perfectly with that dress.

Rosalie picked Esme.

"Have you ever been in love?" She cocked her head to the side, honestly wanting to know.

"No." Esme admitted, but looked wistfully away.

Rosalie handed her a picture of a beautiful keyhole fountain that Esme had been looking at for awhile. Esme gave her a big hug.

Emmett picked Jasper. I thought about plugging my ears so that I didn't have to hear it, but Carlisle scooted next to me and whispered in my ear.

"Best if you just listen to it." He breathed in my ear, sending shivers down my spine. "He'll be worse on you if you don't."

"But you'll protect me, won't you?" I flirted with him a little.

"Absolutely." He kissed the top of my head, and I blushed.

"Anyway…" Emmett waited until we were all paying attention. "Have you ever felt so much lust coming off two people that it made you cum in your pants?" Emmett asked with a surprisingly serious face.

"Don't flatter yourself, son." Jasper teased. "You and Rosalie are not _that_ horny all the time."

"Answer the damn question." Emmett growled.

"The answer is, no." Jasper laughed.

Emmett threw Jasper a box. It was some sort of Army video game thing, but Jasper liked it.

I picked Alice.

"What's your favorite thing about Bella Barbie?" I tried to understand he a little better.

"Easy," she smiled at me, "spending time with you."

I gave her the ornaments I made for her, and she loved them.

Carlisle picked Esme.

"Have you been trying to avoid finding love because you feel badly that you couldn't make yourself fall in love with me?" Carlisle looked worried.

"Somewhat." Esme nodded. "I just feel so guilty that I couldn't be…"

"Don't." He shook his head at her. "I have only ever wanted you to be happy. Find someone. Be happy."

He handed her what looked like a bill of sale. She squealed. "It's the assets from a remodeling business that has declared bankruptcy. Carlisle bought all of them for me!"

Jasper drew Carlisle's number.

"What's your favorite surgery to perform?"

"Brain surgery, though I only really get to do that as emergency surgery in small hospitals because larger hospitals have neurosurgeons on staff, and if it isn't an emergency at a small hospital, they will send them to the larger ones." He explained.

Jasper handed Carlisle a rather large book about modern breakthroughs in chemistry.

Esme picked Rosalie.

"What is one thing you truly hate about being beautiful?"

"I seem to attract the attention of lecherous men." She looked sad.

Esme handed Rosalie a picture of a beautiful antique bed and said, "I know you and Emmett broke the last one."

"And the one before that, and the one before that," Emmett told her suggestively. "What's the over/under on how long it takes us to break this one?"

"Three weeks." Alice admitted reluctantly.

"I take under." Edward smirked.

"I think that you're screwed if you break that bed. I got over." Jasper winked at Rosalie who nodded back to him.

"What do you think, Bella? Carlisle?" Emmett asked.

I blushed and looked away from him.

"It's tradition, Bella!" Emmett complained.

I shook my head.

"Emmett," Carlisle's quiet but authoritative voice broke me out of my embarrassment, "I know that there isn't a lot of privacy in our family, but I would prefer it if Bella and I were left out of this asinine bet."

"Esme?"

"Sorry, Em, but I'm with Jasper. I'll take over as well." Esme shocked me by actually betting.

"Excellent." Emmett rubbed his hands together.

Edward picked Jasper.

Edward smiled wickedly at Jasper before asking, "If you could burn one outfit that Alice bought you, what would you choose?"

"Sorry, babe, but it's that ugly pink shirt." He answered.

"It isn't _pink_." Alice bristled. "It's _salmon_."

"Like I said, pink." Jasper laughed.

Edward handed Jasper a very old copy of _The Art of War._ Jasper smiled appreciatively.

Alice picked Rosalie.

"What's the most risqué place that you and Emmett bumped uglies?" Alice smiled brightly.

This was getting out of hand. I thought we were trying to get to know one another better, not see which of them could turn me the deepest shade of red.

"Daytona winner's circle." Rosalie answered.

Alice handed Rosalie a pink slip for a boat. It was docked in South Africa.

Rosalie picked Jasper.

"Who is the best smelling human that you've resisted?"

"They all smell pretty good to me." Jasper admitted.

Rosalie gave Jasper an antique lithograph from the civil war.

"Is… that me?" He pointed at the picture. "Rosalie, this is wonderful." He breathed in awe.

Emmett _finally_ picked Edward.

"Awesome!" He pumped his fist. "If you had to have sex with one of the _men_ in the family, who would it be and why?" 

Edward rolled his eyes at the question.

"Jasper because he has long beautiful hair." Edward answered quickly and turned toward Jasper. "Sorry, man."

Emmett gave Edward a letter. Edward read it in awe. It was a hand written and signed letter from Debussy.

My turn. I picked Esme.

"Out of all of the places you've lived, what is your favorite?"

"Here." She smiled. "Right now. I feel like my family is complete here in Forks."

I gave her the large ornament that looks like their house.

We took a break before the fifth round because my stomach growled. The married vampires decided to take the time to relieve a little tension. I also took the opportunity to talk to Edward in private.

"I wasn't actually trying to embarrass you with that question." I told him apologetically.

"I know." He sighed. "And I am also aware that you could have been so much more vindictive with the question. Especially after I heard the way my answer to Jasper's question sounded to everyone else."

"What do you mean?" I was confused.

"When I said that my biggest regret was underestimating all of you, especially you, I didn't mean your ability to figure out the truth. I meant that I regret underestimating your value as a person." He explained. "And I deeply regret the things I did to you."

"What?" I asked very bewildered by his admission.

"I have come to see that I have been incredibly immature and foolish for some time now. I now see that you are an amazing woman." He told me. "I was wondering…"

"Time to start again!" Alice dragged me away from him.

Alice pulled me to my former spot, next to Carlisle and directed him to pick another number.

Carlisle chose Emmett.

"If you had to trade lives with a fictional character, who would you pick?"

"Tough one, dude." Emmett paused thoughtfully. "James Bond or Captain Kirk? Hmm… better go with Captain Kirk. He gets laid all the time, and he gets to fly a fucking space ship."

Carlisle stood and unveiled the largest plasma TV I had ever seen. I would have sworn that some stadium somewhere was now missing their Jumbo-Tron. Needless to say, Emmett was excited.

Jasper picked me and grinned slyly at me.

"If it wouldn't have injured your foot, would you have really kicked Edward in the balls that day?" Jasper, obviously talking about the day we all figured out he was lying.

"No, not right when I got to school, I probably wasn't mad enough to do that until later in Carlisle's office, but I definitely would have done it anyway if Alice hadn't held me back." I remembered, thankful that Alice had held me back.

Jasper handed me a book with lots of different sculptures in it.

"This is wonderful, Jasper, thank you." I hugged him, briefly, not wanting to make him suffer.

Esme picked Emmett.

"If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?"

"I'd want to be able to give Rosalie children." Emmett smiled sadly at Rosalie.

Esme handed Emmett an orange football jersey with number sixteen on it. I had no idea what that meant, but Emmett seemed excited.

"A real Peyton Manning jersey!" He hugged Esme. "You are awesome!"

Edward picked Alice and smirked at her. She narrowed her eyes at him, not wanting to ask the question that was on his mind.

"How often do you tell people that you've had a vision because you know that it will get you what you want?"

"I think you already know the answer to that one." She muttered. "Quite often, okay. Maybe once or twice a week."

We all laughed at her, mainly because we all already suspected as much. She had just never admitted it.

Edward gave Alice a pink diamond tennis bracelet. She was slightly mollified.

Alice picked Esme.

"What's the most important quality your dream girl must have?"

"She _must _love my family." Esme smiled at us.

Alice handed Esme two books, the first about Scotland, the second about Scottish clans. No one had any idea why, and Alice wouldn't elaborate, but she insisted that Esme read them.

Rosalie picked Carlisle.

"What's the worst excuse you've ever heard as to why some so-called _virgin_ is suddenly pregnant?"

Carlisle thought for a moment, then chuckled. "One young lady told me that she and her boyfriend never had sex, but she was pretty sure he might have masturbated in her bathroom. She must have used the tissues he cleaned up with when she ran out of toilet paper."

We all were reduced to a fit of giggles.

Rosalie handed Carlisle an antique chess set.

Emmett also picked Carlisle. Emmett wore a smile that would make a sailor blush.

"On the subject of medicine… What's the weirdest thing you've ever had to dislodge from somebody's ass?"

"I didn't ask for a story, because I didn't want to know, but the weirdest thing was a tuba mouthpiece."

"Ewwwwwwww!" We all yelled at the same time.

Once our disgust had subsided, Emmett gave Carlisle a very old book with home remedies. Most of them were ridiculous knowing what we know now.

I picked Rosalie.

"What kind of car would you like to drive that you haven't driven yet?" I asked her.

"Bugatti." Rosalie moaned like it was making love to her. "That is like a vampire's wet dream."

I blushed, and Carlisle threw Rosalie a dirty look.

I gave her the ornaments I made for her, and she thanked me.

Carlisle picked Jasper. I knew that meant that he would pick me on his last turn.

"When you were training newborns, was there a certain quality that made specific newborns harder to teach?" Carlisle asked him.

"The ones who thought they were especially gifted were always more of a challenge. They felt entitled." Jasper briefly threw a look at Edward when he said this, but Edward let it slide.

Carlisle handed Jasper a pocket watch. It looked very old.

"Is this yours?" Jasper was astonished. "You're giving me _your _pocket watch?"

"Yes, son." Carlisle hugged Jasper. "I want you to know without a doubt that I consider you a son and am very proud of you."

I remembered from _To Kill A Mockingbird_, the passing on of a father's watch was very symbolic of a father's pride in his son. Jasper, being from a different time grasped the meaning as well.

After Jasper composed himself, he chose Rosalie.

"What's your favorite naughty Halloween costume?"

"I like the angel." She caught Emmett's eye and he nodded in agreement.

I so did not want to know about that.

Jasper gave Rosalie an open wheel racing experience. She was so excited.

Esme picked Alice.

"Who's your favorite person or vampire to give a make over to?"

"Easy, Bella." She smiled at me.

Esme and Carlisle had obviously coordinated because she gave Alice a license plate for her new car. It said _PINKTINK._ Alice loved it.

Edward picked Carlisle.

"If you could have a real power…"

I cut him off, "What do you mean _real_ power? Like you're special, but he's not? Because let me tell you something, Edward Cullen…!"

"I'm sorry Bella, poor choice of words." Edward threw his hands up in surrender. "What I meant to say was, if you could have a supernatural power, what would you want it to be?"

Carlisle stared at me with his mouth open for a few moments before he regained his composure and answered.

"I guess I would like to have super diagnostic skills, like House without all the kidney failure." Carlisle told him.

Edward gave him new cufflinks and some expensive ties. I could tell that he meant it as a surrender, that Carlisle was indeed his father, much like Carlisle's symbolic gift to Jasper. This meant something more than just the gift.

Alice picked Emmett.

"Which Hollywood celebrity do you get in the most trouble for ogling?"

"Yvonne Strahovski from Chuck." He said as he dodged a blow from Rosalie.

Alice giggled as she gave Emmett a trip to Australia.

Rosalie also giggled when she realized that Alice knew she wanted to have sex in the Great Barrier Reef, and had set it up for them by giving her a boat and Emmett a trip to Australia.

Rosalie picked Edward. I could see by the look on her face that she wasn't anywhere close to forgiving him yet. I knew that her question was going to be brutal.

"How many girls did you sleep with _while_ you were dating Bella?"

This time I couldn't help but cover my ears. I didn't want to know. Carlisle pulled me toward him so that I could bury my face in his chest. I started crying softly up against him, and he hesitantly stroked my back.

By the time Carlisle let me know that it was over, Edward had a rather disgusting looking fruit cake in front of him.

I asked for a bathroom break so that I could wash my face. I took my time to calm myself down. I felt much better when I returned.

When I sat down, Emmett had picked my number. I groaned.

"If you had to lose your virginity…"

"Emmett, that's enough!" Carlisle cut him off tersely. "Bella clearly isn't comfortable with that kind of question."

"What's your favorite food?" He asked lamely.

"French toast and bacon." I told him, but thinking of the other question he almost asked me, I nearly said, Carlisle. That would have been mortifying.

Emmett smiled, handing me a rather large box. I opened it and groaned. It was a case of bandages. It had roughly four thousand Band Aids in it. Hilarious.

I picked Emmett, but there was no way that I could embarrass him the way he had tried to embarrass me.

"What human food would you least want to have to eat?"

"I would eat a lot of things on a dare, but I would never, _ever_ eat a banana." He wagged his eyebrows at me.

I once again blushed.

Carlisle didn't pick a number. He knew it was me. He turned to me, but hesitated trying to work up the nerve for something.

"Would you accompany me to a museum in Seattle?" He sounded very formal as he asked.

"I would love to." I smiled brightly at him.

He then gave me one of his hand carved cuckoo clocks and an envelope. The cuckoo clock was exquisite. It was so detailed and beautiful. I would hang it up in my room when I got home.

The envelope held an acceptance letter to the Yale school of fine art. I hadn't even applied there. Carlisle admitted to sending my sculpture to the head of admissions. He immediately fell in love with it and was coming to Forks to meet with me in three days to discuss my future at Yale.

Jasper knew he had Emmett, and had apparently been working on a good one for this occasion because he was smiling when he asked, "Has Rosalie ever caught you masturbating?"

Before he could answer, Alice was giggling.

"Yes, several times." He mumbled.

Apparently it was possible to embarrass Emmett. I smiled at Jasper, and he winked at me.

Jasper handed Emmett tickets to Mixed Martial Arts. Emmett did a dance around the living room.

Esme looked at Jasper.

"Is there anyone you have a hard time manipulating with your gift?"

"Pretty much anyone who knows about it. I'd say Edward is the hardest because he knows when I'm doing it." Jasper was honest in his answer and didn't really say Edward's name like a curse as he had just a few days ago.

Esme retrieved a Confederate rifle and handed it to Jasper. He smiled appreciatively.

Edward also had me as his last turn. He looked really nervous as he asked me, "Bella, do you think you could ever forgive me?"

"I already have, Edward, a long time ago." I admitted. "I don't think we can date, but I'm not opposed to trying to be friends."

His face fell a bit when I said that we couldn't date. I think he must have been hoping that we could once again be together.

He handed me an envelope. Inside were two letters. The first was to me, he apologized for all of the horrible things he said and did to me while we were dating and afterwards. The second was a letter that he addressed to Jacob. It was also an apology for attacking him in my house and pretty much causing him to injure me. This was truly the best gift Edward had ever given me, and though it cost him a considerable amount of pride, it didn't cost him a dime of his money.

I knew that Alice had Edward, and that she was still pissed at what he had done to Jasper, but she looked like she was debating something with herself.

"What did you hope to accomplish by hurting Jasper and Bella?"

Edward sighed deeply. "I hurt Jasper because his gift was something that I hated having to live around. I hurt Bella because I wanted to break her heart, hoping that it might crack her shield or at the very least, she would welcome me back with open arms and be more compliant. It was a mistake, a very big one."

Alice handed Edward tickets to the symphony. He thanked her quietly.

Rosalie had Emmett.

"Which girl in our family would you most like to see me make out with?"

Emmett eagerly jumped in, "B…"

That earned him an angry glare from Carlisle, and he quickly changed it to. "Alice."

Rosalie gave him a hunting week with the guys that they could go on while we were in Paris.

Emmett had Alice.

"If you were going to have sex with…" he paused and looked at Carlisle who was growling, "…Rosalie, would you go sixty-nine, or would you take turns?"

I turned my head toward Carlisle. "Please don't let them tell me what that means." I begged him.

He covered my ears once again while Alice answered. He unplugged them once Emmett was retrieving Alice's present. It turned out to be pink luggage.

My last turn was Carlisle. I really didn't know what question to ask him. What I wanted to do was ask him if this trip to Seattle was a date, date, or if we were just going as friends, but I chickened out at the last minute. I finally decided to ask him something simple.

"What should I wear to this art exhibit?" I asked him.

"I'd say that red sweater dress you were talking about." He smiled at me. "That sounds just about perfect.


	9. Pain

**Author's Note: I'm pleased to say that the last chapter was well received. I really liked how it turned out as well. This one, though much less fluffy, is one of my favorites. This is also where I depart more from traditional Twilight canon. I hope you enjoy my twist.**

**Chapter 9 – Pain**

Carlisle's contact with Yale proved to be a very nice, but persistent man. His name was Steven Alcorn. He met with Charlie and me and went over everything I needed to know about Yale. He offered me a full scholarship and basically begged me to study at Yale. For some reason, he asked about my upcoming trip to the museum with Carlisle. I thought that was a little weird, but I shrugged it off for the time being.

Charlie was so proud of me. I took a bit of the wind out of his sails when I didn't commit to go to school there. Dr. Alcorn basically offered me anything I could want if I just committed to go to Yale. He even told me that he had talked with my mother and she was fully supportive of my acceptance. Charlie begged me to take the scholarship as well, but I had to think it over. The more I thought about it, the less comfortable I was that Carlisle had done this. When he had first given me the present, I was still a bit floored that he had just asked me out on a date, and I didn't really think about the fact that he had basically decided my life for me, just as Edward had done.

When we were dating, Edward didn't start out as a mean, bullying son of a bitch. He worked up to it. He started by making little decisions for me, and I didn't care as long as we were together. My tolerance of this apparently gave him permission to try more insidious forms of controlling me. Before I knew it, my whole life was revolving around his, and Bella Swan ceased to exist. I knew that I had to nip this thing with Carlisle in the bud before I turned my life completely over to someone else.

I was further incensed when Alice called to congratulate me and tell me that she and the rest of the younger Cullen's had also been accepted into Yale. Alice was going to go back for interior design. Jasper was actually going to try pre-law, this time. Emmett thought it would be funny if he took home economics. Rosalie was doing mechanical engineering again, and Edward was doing psychology because he wanted to work through some control issues. I went over this in my mind many times, and I was definitely feeling a little mistrustful toward Carlisle for orchestrating this. I planned on talking to him about this on the way to the museum in Seattle.

I wore the red sweater dress that he requested. It was long sleeved and came about two inches above my knees. I curled my hair into soft curls and put the very front of it up in a clip. Alice texted me her personal thumbs up at my work. That didn't help my mood any, though. I just got more pissed that she thought I needed her seal of approval.

My fuming anger lasted until about ten minutes before Carlisle was supposed to show up. It dissipated into worry. I was very nervous to talk about this with Carlisle. I couldn't ever imagine saying anything like this to Edward when we were dating. I paced around the living room, while I waited for Carlisle to show up.

When he picked me up promptly at eight, he didn't say anything about my obvious fretting. I think he must have assumed it was nerves.

"You look beautiful this morning, Bella." He smiled at me. I managed a weak smile in return.

"Thank you." I blushed and looked away.

_Maybe I shouldn't ruin our time together by asking him about this._

**Like hell, you shouldn't**.

_But what if he doesn't want me anymore when I tell him what I think?_

**Then you can find someone who isn't trying to change you into what they want.**

_But I really like him…_

**You REALLY liked Edward and look what happened with him.**

My inner monologue was driving me crazy.

"I'm very excited that you agreed to come with me this morning." He sounded so happy. I hated to ruin it.

_Maybe I will wait until it comes up naturally in conversation. _

**No, you need to know now, before you are completely and utterly under his control. **

_But…_

**No but's. **

_Okay, fine!_

I pretty much decided to ignore what he had said to me. I tried to steer the conversation towards what I wanted.

"Are you also moving to New Haven?" I asked him as calmly as possible. I don't think that he suspected me.

"Yes, we are all planning on moving together." He smiled at me. "I know Alice told you about all of their plans, but I don't think she told you about my plans. I have accepted a professorship at the local teaching hospital. Esme is still undecided."

I tried to smile back, but instead, I looked out the window to avoid his gaze. I chickened out. I couldn't do it. He looked so happy, and I couldn't ruin that. He must have thought that I was just nervous or something because it didn't seem to faze him at all.

"Have you ever been to this museum?" He asked. "It's really very nice."

"No, I've never been." I told him, trying desperately to forget that he had planned my life for me.

"This should be a real treat for you then." He told me brightly. "I have a little surprise for you, though."

He looked slightly embarrassed as he started to tell me something. Oh, this would not be good.

"What?" I was really tense at this point.

"I hope you aren't offended, but the reason I wanted to bring you tonight was because Dr. Alcorn placed your statue on a traveling tour of the best new artists. It's here at the museum today." He confessed, looking a little pleased with himself.

My plan to forget what I assumed he had done was suddenly out the window. My blood was boiling, and I clenched my fists tightly as I took a big breath to let him have it. Yes, I know that it was an overreaction, but I snapped. All of the hurt that I felt for the last few days welled up inside me and came out as tears. Gone was the chicken who couldn't confront anyone. I could barely control my rage as I spoke to him. He looked slightly shocked that I would be so angry.

"When I gave you the sculpture, I thought that it was for you, that you would treasure it, but you actually shared it with someone that I didn't know, and now it's on display at the museum. That was a very personal piece, a picture of my soul. I gave it to you, not Yale or the museum in Seattle." My voice was shaking with the fury that I felt. "I trusted you with a piece of my heart and you used it to do exactly what I was afraid would happen. You planned out my whole life for me."

Carlisle pulled to the side of the road and slammed on the brakes. He opened his mouth as if to say something, but then closed it, finding no words to say.

"Aren't you going to dazzle me so that I will be happy about this?" I asked angrily, definitely pushing it further than I should. "Are you going to bully me into accepting the scholarship? Have you arranged my housing for me as well?"

Carlisle winced at that. He probably had hoped that I would live with them. I was about to lay into him again when he dry sobbed. I was shocked out of my rant.

"How could I be so stupid?" Carlisle didn't even look at me as he lowered his head to rest on the steering wheel. I wondered why in the world he would be so distraught over my reaction. "I acted just like Edward, didn't I?" He took a breath, but I didn't answer him. I was still far too angry. "I wasn't thinking, Bella. I honestly didn't realize how this would seem to you. Please forgive me."

"Why did you do this?" I asked. I know… I should have forgiven him right away, but after Edward left me, I couldn't be as trusting as I once was. I was afraid to let anyone get too close. I was tempted to get out of his car and hitchhike home. My hand twitched on the handle of my door.

Carlisle finally spoke, interrupting my escape plans, "Because I wanted to do something nice for you, and I knew that you didn't like it when Edward gave you extravagant gifts. Also because I knew that if I sent it away, Edward would be less likely to break it." His voice was raspy and full of regret. "Please, don't leave."

The ice in my heart started to melt away. I remembered that I had promised myself that I wouldn't let what happened between Edward and me, change me into an unforgiving, cold-hearted bitch. I _was_ not that person. It was true that I had become more cautious, but I didn't want to become callused. My hand fell away from the door handle as I reached out with my other hand and touched Carlisle's hand to try to comfort him.

When our skin connected, something extraordinary happened. I felt all of the pain he was experiencing move from his body to mine. It was like I absorbed all of the hurt he had inside him. It was excruciating. Not only did it affect me emotionally, but once my heart had taken in all the hurt it could handle, the pain manifested physically. I was in a tremendous amount of pain. It felt like someone was punching a hole in my chest. Though I didn't think I had any breath in my lungs, I whimpered in pain. Soon, the whimpers became a piercing screech.

It took the scream to alert Carlisle to what was happening. He immediately broke the connection between his skin and mine, hoping to alleviate the horrible sensations I was feeling. It helped somewhat, but the pain was only gradually tapering off. Carlisle unfastened my seatbelt and cradled me in his arms, careful not to touch my skin to his.

"Breathe, Bella." He whispered, stroking my back. "Take deep breaths with me." He inhaled and exhaled slowly. "Focus on the rise and fall of my chest, and match yours with it."

It was hard work, but still he encouraged me.

"That's it." He whispered. "In and out through your mouth. Slowly, Bella, just breathe."

I concentrated on matching my breaths with his and on the sound of his voice. It helped distract me from the gripping pain. Slowly, the pain went away. Still I kept breathing deeply until I couldn't even feel a twinge.

"What was that?" I asked, bewildered.

Carlisle seemed to calm down when he heard my voice. He hadn't seemed tense before, but I could tell now that he was definitely more relaxed.

"I don't know." He answered honestly. "When you touched my hand, I slowly started feeling less pain from the guilt over hurting you."

"That's how you felt?" I gasped in horror. "How could you endure that much pain without crying out? I thought I was going to die from the pain."

"Hmm." Carlisle pondered it for a bit. "I think it's because vampires experience emotions more intensely than humans. You must have somehow absorbed my emotions, and your heart couldn't handle it, so it manifested as physical pain."

"That sounds about right. Have you ever heard of this happening before?" I asked. "It hasn't ever happened to me, but maybe you've heard of this in someone else."

"I don't think so." He shook his head. "Jasper can do something similar. He can feel others' emotions and change them, but it felt like you were absorbing mine, at least the hurt I was feeling."

"I felt like that too." I admitted, starting to cry. I felt awful that I had caused him to feel that way by not forgiving him immediately. "I should have forgiven you immediately. I'm sorry I let my anger…"

"No, Bella, you were right." He stopped me. "I didn't treat you with the respect you deserve. I should have consulted you before I sent your work to Dr. Alcorn. I didn't realize that he would send it on tour around the country, but that hardly matters. You entrusted me with a picture of your very soul, and I should have guarded it more closely."

"But, still, I overreacted." I insisted. "I said some very hurtful things to you that you didn't deserve."

"You did, but it's completely understandable." He assured me. "You were used to not being able to fight back. Of course, you would lash out at me, either that or fold and become something that you're not."

"You can justify my actions all you want, but I know that I was wrong." I started crying again. "Will you please forgive me?"

"Of course, I forgive you. I already have." He hugged me. "Will you forgive me for my serious error in judgment?"

"Yes." I hugged him back.

I sat in his lap silently for a few moments before I got the courage to ask more questions.

"When did you find out that Dr. Alcorn was sending my sculpture on a tour of the country?" I asked him.

"He told me the day before it was unveiled in Hartford. He didn't so much ask me if it was okay as tell me that it was happening. I think he was hoping to entice you with a bit of fame." He stopped and laughed. "He didn't know you very well, did he?"

"No, I guess not." I laughed with him.

"Apparently, I didn't know you as well as I thought either." He mumbled. He obviously hadn't forgiven himself yet.

"Don't, please." I told him. "You're forgiven."

"That doesn't change the fact that I have put you in the uncomfortable position of having your private emotions on display for the world to see. Do you want me to have him remove your statue from the tour?" Carlisle asked me. "I'm not sure Dr. Alcorn will be very happy about that, though. Your piece has been kind a big draw. But it doesn't matter. If you don't want it on tour, I will call him immediately."

"No, that's okay." I told him, shaking my head. "Just promise me that in the future, you'll let me make my own decisions."

"Yes, of course, I promise." He vowed, sounding very sincere. It was kind of hard to trust my instincts on this since they had been fooled so easily by Edward, but it was very hard not believe him. Carlisle had never been dishonest with me.

I was relieved that he wasn't trying to control me. He had simply made a mistake, and he was deeply sorry for it. And that sorrow caused me to try to comfort him and led me to touch his hand which transferred his pain to me. I had to know if that is what happened. Without warning, I reached out and touched his hand again, just to see if I could reproduce the phenomenon.

Carlisle gasped, expecting me to scream again, but nothing happened. There was no pain; nothing weird happened at all, well except for the fact that I rather enjoyed holding Carlisle's hand. To my surprise, Carlisle liked it as well. He laced his fingers between mine and pulled my hand up to his mouth and placed a gentle kiss on the back. I shuddered in response. This was a very pleasant feeling.

Soon, our moment was interrupted by my phone. I recognized the ringtone _Every Step You Take_ by the Police as the one I had given Alice. Carlisle laughed.

"Hello Alice." I giggled.

"I saw what happened earlier. The whole family is a little concerned about it." She told me.

I didn't know that they would have a problem with the affection Carlisle was showing me. I tried to slide off of Carlisle's lap. He stopped me, holding me firmly in place.

"We're not upset about that, Bella!" She laughed. "We're concerned about what happened the first time you touched him."

"We think I absorbed his pain." I told her.

"Yes, we think that as well. We have a few ideas to test that theory, if you're up for it later. But just to warn you, it will be painful for you." She informed me, then teased, "I don't want to endure the wrath of Bella like Carlisle did earlier, so it's your decision."

"Yes, well, I'm sorry about that." I blushed and started tearing up again.

"Alice, we've both apologized, and we've forgiven each other." Carlisle rubbed my back as he told Alice over the phone. Even though he didn't speak loudly and his mouth was nowhere near the phone, I knew that she would hear him.

"By the way, are you two ever going to make it to the museum, or do you plan on cuddling for the rest of the day?" She teased him and hung up.

Actually, cuddling all day sounded pretty good to me, but then I wouldn't get to see my work of art.

"Museum?" He questioned, laughing.

"Museum." I consented, sighing.

It was a wrench sliding back into my own seat so that we could finish the drive to Seattle, but I finally managed to do it. Carlisle was a bit more composed than I, but he still wouldn't let go of my hand until I mentioned that I couldn't fasten the seatbelt with only one hand. He let it go just long enough to make sure I was safe, and then once again claimed it.

He was so shy, so unsure. I was astonished when I looked into his eyes and saw fear. Fear of what?

"Is this okay with you?" He spoke barely loud enough for me to hear. "I don't want you to feel pressured."

I thought he was still talking about the museum and my work being on display, and I wasn't sure if I was okay with that. At my hesitation, he dropped my hand like I had stung him.

"If you just give me a little time…" I started.

"No," he shook his head trying to control his emotions, "if you don't feel for me as I fell for you, I will never force you."

_That's_ what Carlisle was talking about? How could he not know how I felt about him?

"What? No, Carlisle," I grabbed for his hand, but he kept it out of my reach, "I wasn't rejecting you. In fact, I'm _really_ glad you're interested in me. I thought you were talking about the museum and my statue."

He looked torn, like he wanted to believe me but was afraid to. He still refused to let me have his hand.

"You are the kindest, most compassionate man I know. Why would I not want to get to know you better? I've wanted you to ask me out for some time now." I tried to reason with him, starting once again to cry. "Please tell me that I haven't ruined this."

"Really?" His face lit up. "Of course you haven't ruined this. I was desperately afraid that _I _had ruined it. I would like to be more than friends." He was suddenly nervous. "I have romantic feelings for you."

"I feel the same way about you." I smiled at him and reached for his hand again. This time he allowed me to take it into mine. "I'd like to… be with you, but can we please take it slowly?"

"As slowly as you want." He assured me.

The rest of the drive to the museum was nice but quiet. We had both had our fill of drama for the day, and we just wanted to enjoy one another's company.

Carlisle was a perfect gentleman, of course, as he guided me with his hand on my lower back, through the museum. As he had told me earlier, my piece was actually the highlight of the tour. On top of that, pieces that I had made for my mother were also included. The name on the display was Elsabet Marali. I was kind of glad that Dr. Alcorn had decided to protect my anonymity. Carlisle chuckled at the name. He claimed that the names had the same meaning as mine.

"Why did he change my name?" I asked, rather surprised.

"I guess I have another confession." Carlisle told me sheepishly. "When Dr. Alcorn told me what he was planning on doing, I asked him to give you an alias. He didn't understand, but he agreed even though he had to make some last minute changes. I think that he was a little glad to keep you anonymous because he wanted to keep discovering you all to himself. I had no idea what names he had picked, but I kind of like it."

"I'm glad you did it, Carlisle." I assured him, squeezing his hand.

"Did you do these other pieces?" He asked slightly in awe. "I thought he had only the one piece. I'm not even sure where he got these other ones."

"My mom," I sighed, "I left these at her house in Phoenix. Dr. Alcorn told me that he had been in contact with her. I didn't know that she sent him some of my earlier works. Some of these are five or six years old." I told him, pointing at the other sculptures. "Renee and Charlie want me to go to Yale as well."

The area around my exhibit was surrounded by many different people. Most of them were talking about how amazing my work was. Many were artists themselves. I could tell which were experienced by the observations they made.

As I stood there and listened to them, I realized that I really wanted to expand my skill set, and I thought that maybe Yale would be a good experience for me. I think that Carlisle noticed my reluctance to move on. For about ten minutes, he gave me space, and didn't ask me any questions. It was nice to not have him constantly asking what I was thinking.

"I was just thinking," I took a deep breath, and Carlisle turned toward me, slipping his arm around my waist, "that maybe I wanted to go to Yale after all."

"Really?" He smiled, absolutely shocked.

"I think I want to check out other art programs first, but I have to admit, this alias thing that the two of you came up with is perfect for me. I love to create, but I don't want the whole world to know me." I whispered trying to keep our conversation from the other people in the room.

Carlisle's eyes lit up as he thought of something. He leaned in closer and whispered back to me. It felt very intimate. "Would you mind if I get you an agent?"

"I don't understand why." I was confused.

"Your agent could further protect your anonymity. We could negotiate privacy as part of your acceptance to whichever school you choose." H explained, moving even closer to me and continuing whispering.

"You can set up some interviews, but I would like to choose for myself." I agreed.

"Of course." He nodded.

I really enjoyed the rest of the exhibits as well. The whole time we were there, either my hand was in Carlisle's or he had his arm around my waist. It didn't feel possessive. It felt affectionate. I liked having a physical connection with him.

On the way back to his house, still holding his hand, I decided to get to know this wonderful person better, and perhaps have a better drive back than we had out here.

"Tell me something about you that I don't know." I begged him.

"Well, let's see…" He thought for a moment. It looked like he was trying to come up with something good. "How about the time that I almost got married in Maryland?"

"Okay…" I was nervous about where this story was heading, but I also was glad that he was so willing to share personal history with me.

"It was 1874, and I worked at a small hospital in Maryland. The head of the hospital, Dr. Emerson Stafford had a fifteen year old daughter who liked to come around and flirt with all of the male doctors. I was her favorite target, but of course, I didn't reciprocate. Some of the other doctors did. In fact, she was bedding at least three of them inside the hospital, and two others elsewhere.

"It was no surprise to me when she turned up pregnant. Her father went ballistic when he found out. He demanded that she tell him who the father of her child was." He sighed at the memory.

"She said that _you_ were the father?" I asked incredulously.

"Yes, apparently she also screamed my name during sex sometimes, though I had never touched her. When her father came bursting into my office and threatened to kill me, I told the truth. He didn't believe me since all of the men who were possible candidates for the father of her child, eager to cast the blame on someone else, had told him that they had seen us together in compromising situations.

"The man actually brought his daughter and a minster to my house the next day to force us into a wedding. I felt really badly for the girl, but not enough to actually go through with the farce of a wedding. I again denied any intimate knowledge of the girl and refused to say the vows. She cried a bit and begged me not to shame her any further.

"I knew that I would have to leave town to get away from this scandal, but I couldn't let my good name be damaged any further, so I dazzled her into telling the truth." He took a deep breath and gauged my reaction. I was fine with this since he was in an impossible situation, and it wasn't like they were in an actual relationship where she could expect to be treated as his equal. There didn't seem to be any way that he could have gotten out of it without either a wife and a child, or the whole town believing he was an abandoner.

"I really dislike taking away someone's will, and that was one of only a handful of times I have ever had to resort to dazzling." He admitted. "But I just didn't see any way around it."

"It doesn't look like she gave you much of an option, Carlisle." I told him, squeezing his hand more tightly.

"No, she didn't." He sighed still regretting the need to charm her. "It didn't take much dazzling before Wilma finally admitted that she and I had never been intimate and gave a list of possible fathers for her child."

"Did they ever find out who the father was?" I wondered.

"No, sadly, Wilma died when her father tried to perform a highly dangerous abortion." Carlisle shook his head sorrowfully.

I had forgotten that we were still holding hands when I wished I could ease some of the sadness he was feeling, and again slowly but surely, emotional pain crept into my body. This time, the physical pain was not nearly as severe, but it was still there. I gasped at the sensation, and began to tear up. I cried softly, but he heard me anyway and pulled his hand out of mine.

This time, Carlisle didn't pull the car over to comfort me. He just sped faster toward his house. I hunched forward gripping my chest while he rubbed my back and urged me to breathe. We were about fifteen minutes from his house when the pain subsided.

"I'm better now." I told him, grabbing for his hand. He tentatively took mine and watched my face for any sign that I might be in pain. Eventually, he relaxed and focused on the road.

I started thinking about what his family would say about our hand holding, and that got me to thinking about Esme.

"Umm…" I hesitated. "Are you going to get a divorce? I mean, I know that you and Esme are only married for show, but I'm a bit worried about what people will think of you if they see us together and you are still married."

"The family actually has a contingency plan for that already. We knew that it was a real possibility that either Esme or I would eventually want to date someone. Though we tell people that we are married, there are actually no legal documents stating that we are. There is no marriage certificate, and it's not on her driver's license. She isn't even on my medical insurance." I giggled a bit at this. Why in the world would they need medical insurance? "In fact, as far as the law is concerned, we are in-laws. Her legal name is actually Esme Platt. She is my dead wife's sister. She moved in to help me with my children. We only tell people that we are married because neither one of us were interested in a relationship." He explained.

"Do you think we should be open with our relationship?" I wondered.

"I would like to, but I am worried about how you will be treated. Maybe we should wait until you are in college to announce it." He suggested. "Maybe your parents will be more accepting, then."

"I was thinking that as well, except about the impact on you, not me." I nodded. "I want everyone to know that we're together, but I do understand that anonymity-wise, it might not be the best idea to tell everyone right now. It would definitely bring unwanted attention to your family."

We were greeted by Alice as we pulled into the drive. She was bouncing up and down and grinning wildly. I couldn't say that I was nervous about her reaction, but the others, I feared wouldn't take the news so well. Jasper might not be so bad. He seemed to roll with the punches. Emmett would probably tease me relentlessly, and Rosalie would probably go back to hating me. Esme might be a little weird because of her fake relationship with Carlisle. I knew that she didn't love him that way, but I still couldn't help feeling a little strange thinking about how to interact with her. And then there was Edward. How would he take my change in relationship with Carlisle? My mind was quickly going over the possibilities, and none of them were good. Well, there probably were good ones, but I couldn't think of any.

Carlisle rushed over to my door to open it as soon as he had the key out of the ignition. He grabbed my hand once again and laced my fingers through his.

"You two are so cute." Alice smiled at us and grabbed my other hand. "But it's our turn with Bella. You can come too if you want."

Alice dragged towards her living room. Carlisle followed never letting go of my hand.

"I set up interviews with five highly respected art agents. I didn't even look to see which one you would choose." Alice announced. "Jasper, Edward, and Esme all want to go with you."

"I think Jasper and Esme will be okay." I told her. "I'm not sure that I trust Edward enough to keep his opinions to himself."

"I told him that you would probably feel that way, but you can still expect him to try to make his case later." She sighed.

"Where is everyone?" I asked her.

"They went for a quick hunt so we could test your new ability." Alice told me. "They'll be back in…"

"Now." Emmett announced as he rushed into the room and grabbed me into a bear hug.

"Let her breathe." Edward and Carlisle said at the same time.

Emmett let me down with a laugh. I worried about Edward. Did he want me to be with him? Is he jealous of Carlisle? Would the redefinition of the relationship between Carlisle and me cause Edward to relapse?

"How are we going to do this?" I asked, looking around the room. Carlisle shrugged but looked a little upset. Emmett smiled. Rosalie looked a little worried. Esme looked a lot worried. Jasper didn't look like he was looking forward to this. Alice looked unsure. Edward glared at all of them.

"Does someone have to volunteer to hurt themselves? I'm not sure I like this idea." I confessed.

Alice opened her mouth to tell me her idea, and Edward growled at her. What was his problem?

"Edward, don't you think it's better to let her figure out her gift when a doctor is around instead of by accident when the circumstances aren't as controllable?" Alice narrowed her eyes and retorted verbally to whatever he had been planning on saying.

Ah! I was going to be in pain. That's why Edward wasn't thrilled about their plan. It made sense now.

"I want to try it," I said quietly, "if it's not too much trouble to you all."

"No." Edward growled at me through his teeth. "I won't…"

"You won't what, Edward?" I stood up and shouted. "You won't _allow_ me to do this? Is that what you were going to say?"

Edward took a deep breath and looked very ashamed of himself. "Forgive me." He sighed very remorsefully. "Old habits die hard."

Before I could say anything, Jasper spoke up. "He's hurting, Bella, touch his hand."

I took a deep breath to brace myself, then reached out and grabbed Edward's hand, but nothing happened. Why? Maybe it was something to do with the connection I felt with Carlisle. Maybe Edward was faking again, but then again, Jasper didn't seem to think so. I looked into Edward's eyes and saw just how sad he was that he had forgotten himself and slipped back into old habits, and I wanted to take away his pain. Slowly, but surely, Edward's pain started transferring to my body.

Edward's pain was soon causing me to gasp for air. It was every bit as painful as Carlisle, and soon it was becoming too much for me to handle. I vaguely recall someone telling me to let go of Edward's hand, but I absolutely couldn't. It was like a need for me to remove all of his pain once I started. Soon, I was wrenched away from Edward and cradled in Carlisle's arms where he was encouraging me to breathe deeply and evenly.

Soon, the pain had vanished and I was dreading the next round of experimentation.

"Are you sure you want to try this again right now?" Carlisle asked me. "I don't like seeing you in pain like this. You've already done this three times."

"Yes, but I did learn something this time." I told him. "I think."

"Was it that you have to want to take away the pain?" Jasper guessed. "I didn't feel the pain leaving Edward and going into your body until I felt that you _wanted_ to ease his pain."

"I think that's it." I confirmed.

"But all we've tried is emotional pain. I wonder what would happen with physical pain." Jasper pondered aloud.

"She's had a hard day already." Esme worried. "Couldn't we do it some other time?"

"I'd like to try now." I told them. "Which one of you is going to injure themselves?"

"Surprisingly," Edward commented sarcastically, "Emmett has agreed to get into a fight for your benefit."

"Yes, but no one actually agreed to punch me yet." Emmett sighed. "I guess they all think that I would pay them back if they hit me."

"That's because I _know_ that you're planning on hitting the one who hurts you, and Alice saw you paying her back when she decided to volunteer." Edward responded.

"Maybe I should do it." Rosalie volunteered. "We all know you wouldn't dare hit me. Besides, I owe you for breaking my new bed."

Emmett looked like a child who had just had candy taken away from him. The rest of us laughed knowing that he would never be stupid enough to hit Rosalie. She casually walked over to him and ripped off his pinky.

"Son of a bitch!" Emmett yelled and held out his hand so that Rosalie would reattach it, but instead of giving it back to him, she walked back to her seat and kept it in her hand.

"Let him feel this for a minute, Bella." Rosalie stopped me. "I warned him about the damn bed."

"I _still_ can't believe he only lasted five days." Jasper complained at the loss of the bet.

"You're one to talk, _dear_ _brother_." Emmett seethed through his pain. "I know for a fact that you and Alice broke Esme's kitchen table two weeks ago."

Esme narrowed her eyes at Alice. "You said that it was Emmett fighting with Jasper."

"Busted!" Edward laughed at her.

"Whatever, Edward! You dented Rosalie's Beamer with Bella in August?" Emmett rounded on him.

I was mortified. I never went anywhere near Rosalie's car. I silently shook my head, begging Carlisle to believe that I had never done this with Edward.

"He did what?" Rosalie screamed.

"Oh, yeah, I overheard what I can only assume was her giving him some fabulous head." Emmett wouldn't let it drop. My face was becoming very red, though I was sure that I had never done what he had suggested. "Edward was moaning Bella's name…"

"I never…" I looked at Carlisle through my tears, pleading with my eyes for him to believe me.

"It wasn't Bella." Edward looked ashamed and couldn't meet my gaze. "It was…"

I was about to tell him to stop it when Carlisle intervened. "Edward, I would appreciate it if you kept the specifics of your infidelity private. Bella obviously doesn't want to know."

"But maybe I should confess…" Edward looked nervous.

"I have already forgiven you, Edward," I sobbed, "but that doesn't mean that I want to hear exactly how deeply you humiliated me."

"The humiliation is mine, Bella." Edward admitted. "Please don't feel that way."

"How can I not, Edward?" I practically screamed at him. "Not only did I let you treat me like crap, but also I find out that you were screwing around behind my back. Could I be any more pathetic?"

"You're not pathetic, Bella." Carlisle whispered in my ear. "Edward was an idiot to treat you that way."

"And I was an idiot to let him." I argued.

"I am a very good liar, Bella." Edward reminded me. "You aren't the only one I fooled, remember?"

"I'm sorry, Bella." Emmett begged me to forgive him. "I shouldn't have brought that up. I honestly thought it was you."

"Even so, Emmett." Carlisle scolded him. "What did you hope to accomplish by humiliating her?"

"I hoped to get my damn finger back." He growled at Carlisle, reminding him that he was still in pain from the loss of his finger.

"Sorry, Emmett." I said as I hopped off of Carlisle's lap.

I took a deep breath and walked over to where Emmett was sitting. Once again bracing myself for the upcoming pain, I reached out my hand and touched Emmett, trying to ease his pain. This time, the pain wasn't gradual. It was immediate and very intense, and localized to my finger where Emmett's pain was. I let out a blood-curdling scream. The pain was comparable to what I had felt when James bit me.

I was unaware of anything but the pain I felt until I was suddenly free from the excruciating intensity, though it didn't completely go away. When I finally stopped screaming, I found myself on Carlisle's lap. Edward was sitting as close as he possibly could to us.

Everyone else was gathered around Emmett staring at his hand. I was trying hard to focus on anything but the still horrible pain in my finger. I whimpered as I cradled my hand to my chest and protected it with my other hand. Carlisle buried his face in my hair and whispered something I couldn't hear.

I finally caught Emmett's eye, and he was smiling.

"That was amazing." Emmett marveled. Rosalie had obviously given him his finger back before I was aware.

"Have you ever seen anything like that?" Esme asked Carlisle.

"Never." He seemed tense. "I assumed that she would take his pain away, but I never thought that it would reattach he finger."

"What?" I gasped, the shock of it momentarily distracting me from the pain. "I did what?"

"His finger was suddenly not in my hand anymore." Rosalie explained, still a little baffled by what had happened. "And then before I could realize, it was back on his hand."

"Really?" I sat in shock. "That's just…"

"Amazing." Carlisle finished for me. "_You _are amazing."

"I think I'm done for now." I told them. "That _was_ amazing, but… that hurt, a lot. In fact, it still hurts quite a bit. Please don't make me do that again tonight."

"I'm honestly hoping that you never have to do that again." Carlisle admitted before he turned all doctor on me. "May I see your finger?"

I held out my hand and showed it to him. He inspected it carefully, touching it as gingerly as possible. I squeaked.

"Is it sensitive to touch?" His wonderful bedside manner was shining through.

"Yes." I hissed, wincing as he touched it some more.

"Can you move it?" He asked me.

I took a deep breath before I tried to move it. I only moved it a fraction of an inch when the pain hit me so bad that I couldn't hold back a gut wrenching scream.

"No!" I grunted through the pain. "It hurts too much!"

"It doesn't seem to be broken." He told me. "Other than the pain, it seems fine."

"My finger doesn't hurt at all, and it would normally hurt pretty badly for a day or two, depending on how bad the break was." Emmett interrupted.

"Maybe mine will quit hurting in a few days then," I hoped.

"Let me give you something to ease the pain." Carlisle begged. "And I want to wrap it to another finger to keep it immobile until it's better."

"Okay." I agreed.

Carlisle sent Edward to get me some medicine and a binding and made short work of bandaging it.

"That seemed to hurt more than emotional pain. Can you tell me how it was different?" Jasper wondered.

"Instead of all-over pain and gradual like when it was emotional, it was localized and very sudden." I told him.

"You mean his finger hurt, so your finger hurt?" Jasper asked.

"Yes, and very badly, like as bad as a vampire bite." I confirmed.

"That's what it sounded like." Edward told me.

"I kind of wonder if it would work on humans, and how it differs from vampires." Alice told me. Edward threw her a nasty look, and Carlisle sighed and shook his head. "Not that we can let you, I'm just wondering."

"I was wondering the same thing." I admitted. "I bet the pain would be less, and probably more bearable since, as Carlisle told me, vampires feel emotions more deeply than humans. You probably also feel physical pain more acutely as well."

"That's a fair assessment." Carlisle agreed. "But please don't go around touching humans trying to ease their pain. We don't want you gaining any unnecessary fame because of your healing powers."

"Are you kidding?" Emmett teased. "I say we take this show on the road and make some money off of the little freak."

I started to get upset at the comment even though I knew that he meant it as a joke, but Carlisle stood up for me. "She is neither a freak, nor a side-show act, Emmett. She's a miracle."


	10. Thirst

**Author's Note: I added a bit of content to this chapter. Hopefully, it does what I intend. I want to make Edward's recovery from "Assholiness" (yes, that's a new word) to be marked with ups and downs. It isn't an easy journey for him, and he will stumble many times before he completely changes. Some of his stumbles are more profound than this chapter, but please keep in mind that he does want to be better, and eventually he will get there even if he does some deplorable things before he reaches the point where he defeats his inner monster.**

**Chapter 10 – Thirst**

"Let me take you home, Bella." Edward offered after I had spent most of the day at the Cullen residence.

"I'm not so sure…" Carlisle worried.

"I promise I just need to talk to her for a little bit." He seemed genuine.

I looked at Carlisle's face and I could tell that he was nervous about me being alone with Edward. I knew Edward wanted to make his case for going with me tomorrow, and I thought I owed him a gentle letdown. I in no way intended to let him come to choose an agent with me, but I thought it would be less humiliating for him to be let down in private.

"I don't think so…" I hedged, glancing at Carlisle to make sure he wasn't upset with me.

"You don't need my permission, Bella." Carlisle assured me. "If you want to speak with Edward, I trust you."

"I _promise_ to be good." Edward mimicked swearing on the Bible.

"I'll watch and make sure." Alice eyed him suspiciously and then rounded on Edward who was obviously not happy with her. "Don't even think about asking me to not watch, Edward. I won't fall for that again. You're lucky that I'm not insisting on camping outside Bella's door while you talk to her."

"I don't think _that's_ necessary." I told her. "Just watching should be fine."

"Will you speak with me?" Edward nervously asked me.

"Okay, Edward." I consented.

"Call us if you need something." Carlisle told me as he pulled me quickly toward himself and kissed the back of my hand.

Edward was quiet the whole ride to my house. He must have been trying to figure out exactly what he was going to say. Once we were sitting in my living room, Edward started to talk.

"I was working up the courage to ask you for another chance, but I can see that I'm too late for that." He finally managed to say.

I winced slightly at that, knowing that I probably wouldn't have taken him back even if Carlisle hadn't asked me to start a relationship with him.

"Edward… I…" I stammered. I had no idea what to say to him.

"I figured it would be like that." He told me sadly. "I didn't think you'd go for it anyway, but I was planning on wearing you down slowly with my charm."

"That's the problem, Edward." I told him, exasperated. "I don't want to be charmed."

"Don't be ridiculous, Bella. _All_ women want to be swept off their feet." Edward smirked.

"You are a seriously arrogant son of a bitch." I snapped at him. "Who are you to presume you know what _all_ women want?"

"Bella, Bella, Bella," he sighed condescendingly, "I'm Edward Cullen. I hear…"

There was a tense silence before Edward came to his senses.

"Shit." He swore. "I really didn't bring you home to pick a fight with you."

"You just have a hard time breaking the cycle?" I asked.

"I've been like this for so long." He explained, very dejected. "I want to be better, but I just keep failing. It's very hard for a vampire to change, even more so than a human."

"Please don't give up. I'll help you. I'm sure Carlisle will help you." I told him. "I'll try to find a more subtle way to tell you that you're being an ass."

"I don't know how to change." He confessed. "The only thing I've ever successfully changed about myself is suppressing the urge to kill humans, and that was only because Carlisle physically stayed with me for years until he was sure that I wouldn't do anything I would regret. Besides that, I've never had much discipline, even when I was human."

"Really?" I found this hard to believe. "I thought that your era was all about preparing young men to be the unquestioned head of household. I would have thought that your father would have made sure you were disciplined."

"He did… when he was there," Edward said very slowly, like he was remembering a fuzzy memory, "but he was often gone on business, and my mother couldn't bear to punish me. Mostly, I got away with anything when my father was gone… and my mother would try to cover for me when he was at home. Basically, he had to physically catch me doing something, or I wouldn't get any consequences for my behavior."

"Your mother didn't want you to be hurt. I'm sure she thought she was doing you a favor." I tried to empathize with her.

"Yes, I'm sure that was her reasoning." He sighed.

"I'm sure that your mother loved you." I told him.

"She did, and so did my father," he conceded, "though _he_ would have had my hide if he had seen the way I treated you."

"Had your hide?" I didn't quite understand what that meant.

"You know… taken me to the metaphorical woodshed, made it so I wasn't able to sit comfortably for a month…" He didn't actually want to say the word. He was clearly embarrassed by the idea of being spanked even rarely as a child.

"He would have _spanked_ you?" I don't know why, but I felt that the word needed to be said out loud. We couldn't dance around it.

"That's how it was done when I was human." He nodded his head, clearly not of the same opinion that I was regarding saying _spank_ out loud. "But my mother didn't see it that way. After I was born, she was unable to have any more children. Since I was her only child, she gave me everything I wanted."

"It sounds like they both loved you very much." I told him. "She just didn't know how to tell you no."

"And it had emotionally handicapped me for eternity." He blamed her.

"And I had to be grown up when I was five, Edward." I told him rather exasperated by his readiness to push the blame for his behavior on someone else. "_Everyone_ has to overcome things that other people have done to them. Parents, siblings, _boyfriends_, all do things to us that have the potential to change the way we see the world. We can't use the whole nature/nurture debate as an excuse for our behavior. We have to realize that our choices define us, not the mistakes of others."

"You're right; Bella, but I don't know how to change. I've made some terrible choices. I don't want to be like that anymore." Edward dry sobbed.

"Make new choices, Edward." I told him. "Grow up."

"What if I'm too far gone?" He whimpered. "What if there's no hope for me?"

"There's always hope, Edward." I reached up and touched his face to comfort him.

He did try to stop me, but accidentally touched my wrist in the attempt and I still felt some of the pain of his emotions before he detached himself from me.

I heard music coming from Edward's phone. Someone was obviously calling him, but I didn't recognize the tune, probably because I was in pain again. It wasn't as much as before, but I was worn out from all of the pain I had absorbed today.

"I'm sorry. I tried to stop her." He said very quietly as he stroked my back to get me to calm down. "Okay, I will."

He put the phone up to my ear, and once again I heard Carlisle's voice telling me to breathe in and out. It really helped with the pain management. I calmed down quickly.

"Thank you, Carlisle." I whispered once I was pain-free.

"Anytime." He told me as he hung up the phone.

I was both physically and emotionally worn out from all of the pain today. I didn't know how much more drama I could take today, but still, Edward had something on his mind.

"Bella, the real reason I wanted to bring you home was because I would like to fully confess all of the hell I put you through, but I didn't want to do so without your permission. Some of it, though it was completely my fault, might not be information you want everyone to know." Edward looked very sad as he spoke to me.

I cried again, and this time because of my own pain, not someone else's. I couldn't handle what he was asking of me, and I felt awful that I couldn't let him admit all that he had done to me as he had asked. I tried to think of a way to allow him the release that confession would offer him, but I came up empty.

"I understand that it's not fair of me to ask you this." He told me, sadly. "I just don't think that I can ever fully move past my horrible mistakes until I can own them."

"I'm not ready to share that information, Edward. I don't know if I will ever be." I told him honestly. "I wish there were some way to let you confess without…" _completely letting everyone know how pathetic I am. _I added silently. "Maybe you can just tell them that you were awful…"

"I'm not sure that _awful_ will cover it." He chuckled mirthlessly. "They already know that I controlled you and dazzled you into doing what I wanted. They just don't know how far I went, how shamefully I behaved. I think they need to understand before they can truly forgive me."

"But I don't want them to know…" I mumbled, unwilling to trust them, or anyone, with this information at this time.

"Maybe if I told them I was more awful than they could possibly imagine." He offered.

"I'm sorry, Edward." I felt awful for being this weak.

"No, Bella. Don't beat yourself up about this. Like I said, it isn't fair for me to ask this of you. I will not force you to be in more pain so that I can feel better. I promise not to tell them about it." He vowed. "Just please, if it should ever come up, let them know that I wanted to confess."

"Of course, Edward, I really appreciate you respecting my privacy on this matter." I agreed, hugging him.

"You _really_ do forgive me?" He asked slightly shocked.

"Of course, I told you that I did." I reminded him.

"Thank you very much." He hugged me more tightly than he ever had before. It was slightly painful, but his emotions needed a release, so I allowed him to hold me for awhile. And that lasted… until he decided to smell my hair.

"No, Edward." I tried to push away from him, but he held me in place.

"Edward, please let me go!" I started to panic, but he released me before I hyperventilated.

I backed far away from him and took out my cell phone to call Carlisle. There was no way I wanted to be alone with Edward right now. I knew that he was trying to change, but it wouldn't be easy for him. He would have setbacks as well as successes. This moment just happened to be a setback.

"I'm leaving." He threw his hands up in surrender, correctly interpreting my actions, but continued very heatedly, "You don't need to call him."

I really wanted to call Carlisle. If only to ensure that Edward would indeed leave my house tonight. I was really afraid that he would come back and watch me sleep again. My heart was beating wildly with nervousness.

"I'm sorry, Edward." My voice shook as I whispered, "I think I should call him."

"Is this what forgiven means to you?" He questioned me angrily.

I stared at him for a moment, shaking when Alice called me. I brought the phone up to my ear to listen to her while still watching Edward.

"I saw what happened, Bella." She told me.

"Thank you for watching." I answered.

"Jasper and I are on the way. We'll bring him home." She assured me.

I was still in this defensive position when Charlie came home.

"Hey Bells, how was the mu…" Charlie stopped mid-word when he saw Edward. I'm sure the slightly worried, exhausted look I had on my face didn't help Charlie's mood any. "What the hell are you doing here?"

"Dad, Edward just drove me home." I tried to explain. "He and I…" I didn't quite know how to explain it to him, and right now, my explanation wouldn't do Edward any favors.

"I know how close she is to the rest of my family, and I would like to be friends with her again, if that's possible." Edward answered for me. "It's taken me awhile to see the error of my ways, but I have asked her to forgive me."

"You broke her heart." Charlie growled. "Don't expect _my_ forgiveness any time soon."

"Dad, really." I told him worriedly. I really didn't want to do anything to push Edward right now. "Please be nice."

"No, he's right Bella. I understand." Edward lowered his head remorsefully. He looked like he truly regretted holding me for too long. I was hopeful that this was the case. "I'll be going."

I followed Edward to the door to tell him goodbye, and to wait for Alice and Jasper.

"Do you want to take my car to meet agents tomorrow?" Edward asked, completely forgetting that I should get a choice in whether he goes at all.

"Edward, I think that you shouldn't come with me. Esme and Jasper will be there." I told him as gently, but firmly as I could.

"Bella, Jasper is _okay_ at reading people, but he doesn't have my ability." He told me rather arrogantly.

"_Jasper_ will be just fine." I insisted.

"But Jasper doesn't have the control I have. What if he tries to bite you?" He argued. "Do you think Esme will be strong enough to keep him from killing you?"

"Edward." I snapped. "I trust Jasper. Right now, I don't trust you."

Just then, Alice and Jasper walked up, and they were both smiling.

"Thank you, ma'am." Jasper said shyly. "I appreciate your trust."

"You don't know how much that means to him, Bella." Alice quickly kissed my cheek.

Edward looked pained and a bit like he was trying to come up with an argument that would get him what he wanted, but eventually, he just nodded tersely and said, "If that's what you want."

"Thank you, Edward." I smiled at him. "I know that's hard for you, but I really appreciate it."

"I had better go. Your father believes that we're making out, and he's coming to make sure I leave." Edward smiled and walked away.

"And _your_ father is kind of upset that you didn't let her go when Bella told you no and tried to pull away from you." Alice told him pointedly.

"And Bella is worried, probably that you will come back and watch her sleep tonight." Jasper added.

I nodded to him, glad that he understood. He smiled back at me, silently assuring me that they would watch Edward tonight.

"Again, I'm sorry, Bella." Edward apologized. "I will try to respect your boundaries."

"I forgive you, Edward." I told him, but kept my hands well away from him, not wanting to accidentally absorb his pain.

After Edward had left, I found Charlie hovering behind me, looking like he had something on his mind.

"So…" Charlie sighed. "You and Edward again?"

"No." I told him, shaking my head a little. "He wants to be friends."

"Don't kid yourself, Bella." Charlie laughed humorlessly. "That boy wants to be more than friends."

"Well," I exhaled, "even if he does want to be more than friends, I don't."

"Then what was that at the doorway?" Charlie asked with a hint of accusation in his voice.

"He was offering to drive me to Seattle to hire an art agent." I explained. "But I told him that Esme was taking me."

"You're getting an agent?" He asked, not really expecting an answer. "And you're not letting him go with you?" If Charlie was trying to keep the hopefulness out of his voice, he had failed. "Just you and Esme?"

"No, just me, Esme, and Jasper. He's a good judge of character." I answered.

"That's good news." Charlie grinned. That was actually an understatement. He looked like he was going to dance around the living room.

"Dad, seriously, Edward is just my friend, but he _is_ my friend." I told him with as much warning in my voice as I could.

"Okay, I'll let it go, but I reserve the right to kill him if he hurts you again." Charlie told me seriously.

Though the day of my appointments with the agents was New Year's Eve, Alice still managed to get them for me. She was amazing. I think that even if I were a vampire, I wouldn't get half as much done as Alice does.

Esme and Jasper picked me up in Esme's car, an off-white 1956 Cadillac Coupe de Ville with brown leather seats. It had a personalized license plate with her name. I fell in love with this car the first time I saw it, and was rather excited to be riding in it since I had never gotten to before.

The trip to Seattle was quick, and our first appointment was with Remi Quentin.

We waited in his reception area for twenty minutes before he ever graced us with his presence.

"He's not doing anything in there. He just wants us to think he's incredibly busy." Jasper told me.

"His décor is tasteless." Esme scrunched her nose, looking at all of the avant-garde décor in the room. "He's trying too hard to show us that he knows about art."

The couch was literally a stuffed nude mermaid with rather large breasts. I wish that was the worst of it, but he also had a coat tree with rather large… um… phalluses as the hooks. I was embarrassed just to be in the same room with it. His pictures were pornographic, and not in a way that made me blush, but in a _I wish I could erase that image from my head_ way. There was literally nowhere I could look without being assaulted by at least very naughty images. The worst of them were offensive and disturbing.

"Bonjour." He barely stuck his head out of his office and absently motioned for us to follow him. "We must make this quick." His French accent was thick.

"And why is that?" Jasper snapped at him. "Because you made us wait even though we had an appointment?"

We all sat on an uncomfortably narrow couch in front of his desk.

"I had a very important client call." He told us very arrogantly. "You must understand how busy I am."

"No, Ed…" Jasper started and I suppressed a smile. "I mean Mr. Quentin, you had an appointment with us, but blew us off."

"I have no inclination to justify my schedule to you." He turned his nose up at Jasper. "Show me your work, girl."

"Yes, Edward." Jasper muttered so that only Esme and I could hear.

Again, I held in a giggle.

"I'd rather not." I regained my composure and stood. "I want an agent who actually has time for me."

The second agent wasn't very far from the first. It was so close that we walked there. We should have known from the first that she was not for us because her name was Sabine, no last name.

"Bonjour, bonjour." She greeted us as soon as we walked in with false warmness in their voice, shaking Jasper's hand longer than she should.

"Welcome to my agency." She smiled, batting her eyes at him. She had a very fake sounding French accent. "Let me tell you about my many satisfied clients…"

She droned on and on for awhile about how important her other clients were and how she'd been able to successfully promote them. She never asked what I was looking for in an agent. She was kind of the opposite of what I wanted actually.

At the end of our appointment, she hadn't asked a single question about me or my work, and she'd told many name-dropping stories about her wonderful clientele.

"Thank you." I told her politely though I had no intention of calling her.

We had to drive to get to the third appointment, Jonathan Franks.

"A _pleasure_ to meet you, miss." He eyed me up and down, holding my hand and upper arm while he did.

He guided me into the agency with him and led me to a couch where he sat very close to me.

"Tell me all about your work." He told me grazing my knee with his hand.

I tried to scoot away from him, but he followed me to the edge of the couch.

"Excuse me." Jasper practically growled at him, looking like he was ready to rip this man's arms off. "If you'll quit trying to get into my friend's pants, maybe she could tell you about her work."

"Of course," Mr. Franks seemed embarrassed at having been caught, "please go on."

He stopped pursuing me across the couch, but he didn't back off either.

"Well… I'd like an agent because I'm relatively… new…" I was having a hard time completing my sentence because Mr. Franks was staring at my breasts. "You know what?" I stood abruptly. "This place isn't for me. I can't handle this."

As we headed out of the office, I was becoming weary at the thought of going to two more agencies.

"Why don't we have Alice look for someone?" I suggested. "I seem to attract the losers of the art world."

"I'm not sure she would…" Jasper laughed. "You did make it pretty clear that you wanted to do this on your own."

"I know." I said resignedly. "I still do. This is just harder than I thought."

Finally, we met with our fourth possible agent, and her name was Glenna Malcolm. Her agency was small, but tasteful.

"I like her décor." Esme commented when we first walked in. "It actually reflects a personality rather than her desire to seem _artsy._"

"She seems to be from Scotland or at least of Scottish heritage." I commented off hand, but remembered Esme's Christmas gift from Alice.

"I wonder what that's about." Jasper caught my eye and smiled wickedly.

Yes, he had the same thought I had. I was nearly reduced to a fit of giggles, but Jasper sent me a wave of calmness.

Even Esme seemed to think her decorating scheme was nice and definitely reflected a Scottish heritage. The other three, she said, seemed to be trying too hard to show us that they were artistic.

"I'm very glad to meet with you, Bella." She smiled and shook my hand warmly as she led us into her office.

Glenna had auburn hair that fell straight to her shoulders. She had beautiful clear green eyes and wore very little makeup. She also had a very cute Scottish accent. She dressed neatly, but not overly fashionable. For some reason (note the sarcasm) she didn't look at Jasper much, only me and Esme. "Tell me a little about yourself and what you're looking for in an agent."

Though Glenna was definitely interested in Esme, she wasn't ogling her the way the last agent was ogling me. She was friendly and polite. When I spoke, she listened to me like I was the only one in the room.

"I'm a sculptor, and I just got accepted into Yale, but I would like an agent to help keep me and my work anonymous." I blushed. "I already have sort of a pseudonym that I am using, but I would really like to keep a buffer between me and any institution I choose to use. My work has already gotten a bit of fame, and I would like that to be separate from my private life."

"What is your pseudonym?" She asked.

"Elsabet Marali."

"You're on display here in Seattle." Her jaw dropped in shock. She had obviously seen my work and didn't expect me to be the one who had done it. "Your work is simply breath-taking."

"Thank you." I blushed harder.

"I would very much be honored if you would choose me to be your agent. I don't handle many artists as talented as you, but I can definitely guarantee your anonymity." Glenna smiled warmly.

I liked this woman. She had no aspirations to use me to further her business. She was interested in representing me and my interests they way I wished them to be represented.

"And who have you brought with you?" She wondered.

"This is Jasper." I motioned to him. "He's a friend, and a very good judge of character."

"A pleasure to make your acquaintance ma'am." He shook her hand.

"Likewise." She smiled politely at him.

"And this is Esme." I squeezed Esme's hand in mine. "She's my second mother. She came because my mom lives in Jacksonville, and my dad is a police chief who had to work today because of the increased drinking around New Year's Eve."

"Very nice to meet you." Glenna shook Esme's hand and checked her out. Esme did the same. Jasper and I exchanged a knowing look. Glenna and Esme were definitely attracted to each other. I guess we were right about her orientation.

It took her a moment to regain her composure and get back into agent mode, but I was happy to let her and Esme have a moment.

"Okay, so the first thing I'd want to do is get you a list of schools with good art programs, and I'd want you to narrow down to a handful, and I will contact them with your requests. After that, you can give me your final choice." She went into full business mode. "If you wish to have a show at some point in the future, I will take care of that for you as well."

"I like the sound of that." I looked at Jasper to see if he was on the same page as I was. He nodded in agreement. I continued, wishing to be honest with her. "We have one more appointment today, but right now, you are the clear leader. The other three we met today aren't really for me."

"Thank you, but yes, you should go meet the last agent. You definitely want to make an informed decision and choose the one who is right for you." She smiled at me.

Her openness was refreshing. I thought briefly about signing with her right now, but she was right. I should at least meet with the other agent.

"Like I said, I'll meet with the other agent, but I hope you hold no hard feelings if I choose to go with her." I told her grinning, evilly. "But I'd never forgive myself if we left without at least telling you that Esme is single and very interested in you. This is her personal number."

Glenna's face lighted up immediately, and I handed her my phone and showed her Esme's number. She punched in the information hastily. Esme would have been blushing if she could have.

Our last appointment, at the office of Lisa Jordan, was by far the most interesting of the day.

"Good afternoon, Bella." Lisa greeted us, shaking all of our hands. "I'm Lisa. Who are your friends?"

"Jasper and Esme." I motioned to each of them.

Esme shook her hand first and exchanged pleasantries, then Jasper shook her hand as well, but unfortunately for Lisa, Jasper had to take a breath to speak.

"A plea…" Jasper choked. I had never heard a vampire choke before. I looked up in surprise. Jasper's eyes were flat black and his expression was murderous. I recognized that look. He was thirsty. On instinct, I reached over and grabbed Jasper's arm. Yes, it was stupid, but I really didn't think about it. My hand just sort of touched him of its own volition.

More sudden than emotional pain, but less so than the physical pain, the back of my throat started hurting, and I was very thirsty, _very _thirsty. I lunged forward, but was grabbed and held firmly by both vampires. When I couldn't get what I wanted, I started shaking violently. Jasper released my hand from his arm, but I still wanted to taste her blood, badly. I vaguely recalled that Alice's ringtone was playing on Jasper's phone, but it kept going, so he must have ignored it.

"I'll call an ambulance." Lisa announced, scared that I was having an epileptic seizure.

"No, her medication is in the car." Esme stopped her.

I was still shaking as Jasper carried me out to the car to calm me down. I have no idea how long I had been shaking when Esme brought me a bottle of water.

"That was awful." I whimpered. "How do you stand it?"

"Years and years of practice." Esme told me.

"It's usually not _that_ bad." Jasper shuddered. "I think that she smells as good to me as you do to Edward."

"How did he ever kiss me without killing me?" I asked.

"I have no idea. I don't think I could even handle talking to her for more than one breath. It kind of makes me hate Edward a little less." Jasper laughed. "I really hope you don't pick her because I probably won't cope with life very well if I have to hang around her every day."

"If you hadn't restrained me, I would have jumped the desk and bit her." I told them, very ashamed.

"Trust me, better you than me." Jasper smirked. "I was a hair breadth away from draining her, and Esme wouldn't have been able to stop me the way we could stop you."

Just as Esme had left to give our apologies to Lisa, Jasper's phone rang, again. Alice was probably going out of her mind with worry about Jasper.

"Yes, Alice, I'm alright." He sighed. I heard Alice screaming heatedly into the phone. She was obviously very stressed about Jasper. "No, the agent's okay too, even though Bella tried to bite her."

Jasper laughed at something Alice said.

"You didn't see that." He laughed harder. "Bella touched me and she became thirsty instead of me. Esme and I had to hold her back."

Alice was left speechless for a moment and then laughed loudly into the phone.

"Yes, it is incredible, and yes, Bella's going to be trouble when she's changed. By the way, I'm thinking about forgiving Edward." He told her and then smiled. "Yes, I know we still need to be cautious, but I can see where some of his madness came from after today."

"Did you see Esme with the other agent?" I asked her out loud though I couldn't hear her answer.

Alice squealed.

"You see them together? Of course you do, you meddling little pixie." Jasper cheered. I smiled as well. "It's about time she was interested in someone."

"Love you too, darlin'." He hung up.

"Jasper," I told him smiling, "I'm very proud of the way you restrained yourself."

"I _nearly_ killed her, Bella." He looked a little ashamed.

"But you didn't." I reminded him. "Just three and a half months ago, you would have killed her before I could have blinked."

"True." He conceded.

"You have amazing control." I tried to let him feel exactly how I felt about him, sending him all the admiration I could muster. "You feel all of their thirst every day, and I only know of one person you tried to kill in that whole time frame."

"But that was you." He laughed.

"Yes, and since you seemed to know just how Edward felt about being around me, I assume that you were feeling his thirst as well as your own when I got that paper cut." I explained.

"Yes," he admitted reluctantly.

"So why on earth would you ever let Edward make you feel like you were inferior to him?" I asked incredulously. "You have so much more control than they realize. Do any of them know how much you struggle so that you can help them curb their own thirst?"

"Alice and Carlisle know." Jasper admitted. "She's always known, and Carlisle figured it out after I tried to kill you."

"You'd think _Edward_ would know." I told him, pointing out the obvious.

"He might know, but I don't think he wants to admit it." Jasper told me.

"Because he likes thinking that you're weaker than he is?" I guessed.

"Probably." Jasper confirmed.

"Don't let him treat you that way. _You_ are amazing, Jasper." I told him and patted him on the arm, and he looked away rather embarrassed.

My phone beeped with a text from Alice. _I've been telling him that for years._

Esme was on the phone when she got back to the car. Jasper was giving me a look that told me that she was on the phone with Glenna, and it wasn't about me. I giggled.

"They have a date next week." He wagged his eyebrows at me, and then turned towards Esme. "And Alice wants to meet her."

Esme groaned. "I should have known."

"Maybe we could double date sometime." I suggested.

**Author's Ending Note: Let me know if you have any ideas about how to show Edward's struggle. I will try to include some of them if I can.**


	11. Dark

**Author's Note: During a trip during the holidays, I injured my back, and I have been either in too much pain to concentrate or too loopy on medication. In any case, I couldn't think clearly enough to write. I hope that you think that this chapter was worth the wait.**

**Chapter 11 – Dark**

I rang in the New Year with the Cullen's minus Carlisle. Like Charlie, he had to work since many people are extremely irresponsible around this particular holiday. Charlie had mixed feelings about my staying at their house. On the one hand, he was glad that I would be somewhere safe. On the other hand, he was afraid that I was lying and secretly dating or possibly having sex with Edward. If he only knew that I was actually dating Carlisle, he would have a heart attack.

I was a little sad that Carlisle had to work, but it wasn't the end of the world. While I was excited about getting to know Carlisle better and someday becoming more physically intimate with him, I wasn't yet willing to be so emotionally tied to him that I felt pain at his absence. I had gone down that path much too quickly with Edward, and I couldn't do that to myself again. With Edward, I had thrown caution to the wind and had paid dearly for it. I fell hard for him, and I was completely devastated when he left me. Even though I had no reason to doubt Carlisle, I was being much more cautious, and guarding my heart. I wasn't quite willing to give it away again. I only wanted to give my heart away once, and I did to Edward, and he trampled it. Since I have pieced it back together, I reticent to give it away again. On top of that, I had changed since Edward left me. I had always been independent, but now, I was even more so. I had let my relationship with Edward define me, and it colored the way I felt and the things I did. Now, though I cared for Carlisle and didn't want him to be hurt, I was my own person. I could and did have fun on my own.

The one thing I regretted the most about this evening was that I couldn't kiss Carlisle at midnight. That being said, I didn't want our first kiss to be because we both felt obligated to uphold tradition. I have never been very big on tradition. I felt that it was stupid to do things just because everyone else did. I thought that people should do things because it was the right choice for them. That's how I vowed to live my life now that I had gotten it back.

I wanted our first kiss to be because we felt intimate with each other. Though I was fairly certain that Carlisle was ready to kiss me, I wasn't quite there yet. _Physically_, I was there. Carlisle was handsome and wonderful. _Emotionally_, I wasn't. I couldn't help but feel that if we took that step, I would become emotionally attached to him, and I wasn't sure I could do that to myself yet. I think Carlisle must have sensed my hesitancy about kissing. He never even brought it up. Maybe Jasper had tipped him off. I wasn't sure, but I was grateful.

When school started a few days after the New Year, my finger had finally stopped hurting. After about a day and a half, the pain had lessened and I could allow Carlisle to touch it to examine it. He determined that the pain had nothing to do with any physical injury but kept it splinted to my ring finger just in case. He also begged me to not try that again, and I heartily agreed. After the examination, the pain gradually subsided until it was finally gone the night before school started again.

Carlisle and I tried to get into a routine where we could still see each other and fulfill all of our responsibilities. It was kind of hard with his strange work schedule and all of the art programs that Glenna had given me to look over. Yes, I chose her to be my agent, and yes, she comes over to see Esme more than to see me. That's alright with me, though. I am more than happy that Esme has finally found someone she cares this deeply about.

Glenna is a wonderful agent. She sent me all sorts of information for art programs all over the country, and she didn't ask any questions when I eliminated schools. She just took them away so that I didn't have to keep making the same decision over and over again. She told me that once I had decided against a school, I should just put it out of my mind. Floundering over decisions already made wasted valuable time.

Choosing the right school was a tiresome chore. I would much rather have my hands in some clay. That was better than therapy to me. I had worked out many decisions and frustrations through this method, but this situation was very different. I couldn't just hope that I miraculously started sculpting the name of the best school for me. Believe me. I tried it, and it didn't work.

I wished it had because I had a huge weight on my shoulders. I wasn't just deciding where I was going to go to school. I was also choosing where a whole family would live. I wished I hadn't made such a big deal about deciding my own life, maybe I wouldn't have been so embarrassed to ask for help. As it was, I was stressed about this decision. I had to work on it at the Cullen's house and only when Jasper was there so that he could send me waves of calm so that I could focus enough to think about this enormous decision.

After about a month of torturing myself, on a Thursday, all of the Cullen's and I were all gathered in the living room, just hanging out. I was reading over a few notes I had made about a few different programs, and the others were doing various activities.

"Have you decided where you want to go to college, Bella?" Edward asked me. "We kind of need to plan to go wherever you go… if you want us to go with you."

"That's what's taking so long, Edward." I gave a little frustrated sigh. "I have this huge decision to make that affects everyone, and I feel like it's all on me. Yes, I know it's my fault since I…"

Carlisle cut my little panic off by pulling me into his lap and stroking my face gently. "Ssh, Bella, we didn't mean to put all the pressure on you."

"Bella did that all on her own." Jasper laughed. "Don't you know that she takes everything on herself?"

"Yes, I know that." Carlisle laughed back. "I had been just giving her space because I knew that she didn't like to be pressured."

"But the space has been stressing her." Jasper informed him. "She's been on the edge of losing it for about a month now."

"How can we help you?" Carlisle lightly ran his fingers up and down my arm.

"Maybe if I got all of your opinions, I wouldn't feel so nervous about choosing." I suggested.

"Have you narrowed it down at all?" Rosalie asked. "That might help."

"Umm, yes, I have chosen Yale, of course, Columbia, and Michigan." I told her. "These three have agreed to let me take graduate level art courses as a freshman."

There were many art programs to choose from, but I had to eliminate some of them due to their location. For instance, UCLA was a great school, but none of the Cullen's could go there with me. Other schools didn't care about my work up to this point. They were going to make me graduate with a Fine Arts degree before they even considered allowing me to take more advanced classes. And still others wouldn't agree to my condition that all my work remain anonymous. In the end, there were only three real choices, Yale, Columbia, or Michigan.

Yale was probably the one I favored the most, and not just because Carlisle had suggested it. In fact, I tried to completely disregard that point, though it was harder than I thought. Yale was one of the top three art programs in the country, and my parents would be so proud if I went there. But I wasn't just choosing for me, I was choosing for everyone.

Columbia has a good art program, but it also has a top notch teaching hospital, and it would make Alice happy to be in New York. She could go to fashion shows every day. Although… Rosalie was from New York, and I wasn't sure if she would be happy to go back.

Michigan also had a fairly decent program, but I wasn't sure I could trust the dean of the art program. He told me that he would protect my anonymity, but he didn't seem sincere. Michigan was more of a football school. I don't know if I would be able to get with the whole Michigan/Ohio State rivalry thing. The dean actually mentioned that in the interview, or I would have never known about it. He counted it as a plus that I would be expected to arbitrarily hate everyone and everything associated with Ohio. I have no idea why, and I really didn't care.

"Don't count me in your decision." Esme spoke up. "I'm staying here to get to know Glenna better."

I winked at her. She looked like she could have blushed.

"And I could work in a hospital near any of those." Carlisle told me.

"Columbia!" Alice squealed. "Shopping everyday!"

Was Alice trying to vote or was she trying to tell me that she had seen us at Columbia? I hoped that she understood that I hadn't made up my mind yet.

"Darlin'," Jasper put his hand on Alice's shoulder to calm her down, "quit trying to sway Bella by making her believe that you've had a vision."

Alice stuck her tongue out at her husband. He kissed her nose and chuckled at her.

"Yale." Rosalie stated firmly. "It's closer to the ocean."

"Michigan!" Emmett yelled. "Better football. Buckeyes suck!"

I didn't even care that I didn't know what that meant. It probably had something to do with that ridiculous rivalry.

"Sorry, darlin'," Jasper shook his head at Alice, "but I vote Yale, and it's not that far from New York City."

There was a long pause before I realized that Edward hadn't voiced his opinion.

"Edward?" I urged.

"I am willing to go wherever, and I don't want to influence your decision by giving an opinion." He told me.

"I wouldn't just pick it because you do." I teased him. "I don't value your opinion _that_ much."

"But you might think I'm trying to sway you in some way, and I don't want to do that. This is your first college experience. Your opinion should be the most important in this instance." He explained.

"Thank you, Edward." I smiled at him.

"So… what's it going to be?" Carlisle asked me.

They really weren't that much help. Sure, two of them wanted Yale, but the other two schools were represented in their opinions as well. I knew where I wanted to go, and if my opinion should count as well, then it was a clear margin of victory in favor of Yale.

"Bella how could you?" Alice pouted at me. "I thought you said that you missed shopping."

"I said that I missed shopping a little, not that I wanted to be able to go every day, and besides, Yale is like only an hour and forty-five minutes away from Manhattan, and that's if I drive." I argued. "I checked."

"You're not just choosing that because I sent your statue there?" Carlisle whispered to me, though I knew that everyone else could hear him. "Because I would truly be happy anywhere you are."

It made me smile just thinking that Carlisle wanted to be with me wherever I went.

"No, it's the best school on my list, and Glenna has the best relationship with the faculty there." I told him.

"I know you were upset about it when I first sprung this whole Yale thing on you, but would you please consider living with us instead of the dorms?" Carlisle asked hopefully.

"I have to think about it, Carlisle." I told him nervously. I honestly thought that this was a huge step in our relationship that I wasn't quite ready for. I cared very deeply for him, but there was still something keeping me from fully trusting him. It felt like I was waiting for something to happen to prove that he wouldn't hurt me.

I did want to push things further physically, but that was probably just hormones. I hoped that I would be able to trust him soon because his lips looked so deliciously kissable.

It looked like I had hurt Carlisle a bit with my hesitancy. He quickly straightened out his expression, but I had clearly seen the pain I had caused him.

"Don't." Edward and Alice both said at the same time as I reached my hand toward Carlisle's face.

"Sorry." I pulled my hand back.

"Bella, it's okay." Carlisle tried to comfort me without touching me. "I know that you…"

"Can we please talk about this privately?" I was very embarrassed to have conversations about our relationship in front of the family, especially Edward.

"How about a sleepover here tomorrow after school?" Alice asked. "That's what we'll tell Charlie anyway. Carlisle doesn't have to work tomorrow night, and the two of you can have a bit of alone time. The rest of us can go for a bit of a hunt and spend the day with you on Saturday after we get back."

"That actually sounds good." I nodded, very much looking forward to being alone with Carlisle. I think it had been since he took me to the museum since we had any real privacy. Charlie, of course, agreed to the sleepover since Alice asked him. She assured him that Edward wouldn't even be there, and Charlie was putty in her hands.

When I got home, I told Charlie my decision to go to Yale. He was so excited. He made me call Renee, who shrieked in joy for a full fourteen minutes. I thought that I was going to go deaf from the noise.

Since I was going to spend the weekend with the Cullen's, Edward picked me up for school the next day.

"I think you made a very informed decision." He told me.

"Is that where you wanted to go?" I wondered.

"I told you that it was your decision." He reminded me.

"And I decided." I insisted. "And now I want to know where you preferred to go."

"I preferred Yale as well," he admitted, "but I didn't want you to decide against it because of me."

"Do you honestly think I would do that?" I laughed.

"Not consciously." He told me. "But maybe you would have thought that I was influencing you. I thought it best if I just keep my mouth shut. Also, the decision wasn't of the utmost importance. It didn't really matter where we live next. I didn't think that my slight personal preference was worth mentioning."

I was really impressed with how Edward was changing. I smiled my appreciation at him.

School was… well school. I was bored and wished I could sculpt or that it was over so that I could see Carlisle. At one point, I was literally counting the seconds until I could see my handsome doctor.

When the bell finally rang, I ran as fast as I could to Edward's car, and for once, he couldn't drive fast enough. He smirked at my nervousness.

Carlisle, it seemed had been going through a similar situation. He met me at the door and practically lifted me out of my seat. I immediately hugged him as tightly as I could. He embraced me back, but gently.

Edward left as soon as I was inside with Carlisle. I smiled, knowing that we would have privacy for the first time, pretty much, ever. I knew we had some tough things to talk about, but I was still glad to have this time with him.

"What would you like to do?" He asked, like always, leaving it up to me.

"Um…" I hesitated. "Let's get the difficult stuff out of the way first if you don't mind."

"Yes, I think that would be best." He agreed and led me into the living room.

We sat in silence for a few moments, both wondering who was going to start. I finally broke the ice. "I'm scared Carlisle." I admitted.

"That I will hurt you the way Edward did when he left?" He asked.

"Kind of…" I told him hesitantly because my fear was more about what Edward did _while_ we were still together, but yes, I was also deeply afraid that he would break my heart. "My heart can't go through that kind of pain again."

"_My_ heart breaks at the thought of it happening to you the first time. I can honestly say that I would rather die than hurt you like he did." Carlisle's voice shook with emotion. "But I would like to better understand your hesitancy with regards to intimacy. I get that he broke your heart, and you are guarding yourself more carefully because of it, but I really think that it goes deeper than that."

It hurt me that I wasn't ready to trust him with all of my insecurities. I really wanted to be able to, but I just couldn't make myself say the words. I knew that I needed to give him some kind of explanation, something that would help him understand without exposing my soul to him completely.

"I want to take our relationship further, but I know that any step now is a big one, whether it be kissing or moving in with your family in New Haven, or sharing my fears with you. Any one of those steps could be used to hurt me, especially since they would all emotionally tie me to you in a big way." I started crying.

"I'm not sure I understand." He wiped the tears from my eyes.

"I shared a lot of things with Edward, but I felt that he never shared anything. Though I didn't realize it at the time, he used all my fears and insecurities against me to control me." I confirmed, still crying.

"I didn't know that he did that." Carlisle looked horrified. "I knew that he tricked you and dazzled you, but I didn't know that he hurt you in other ways as well." He sighed deeply and stroked my hair. "I know that there are no words that I can say that will take away your insecurities, but I hope that with time, you can learn to trust me more." His voice was very emotional, scared even.

"Are you scared as well?" I asked nervously.

"This feels a little familiar to me." He admitted. "I thought that Esme and I were truly in love when she told me that she didn't want me that way. I thought that she would eventually get past her fear of sex, but that wasn't really the problem. She actually wasn't in love with me and never could be. I know that she never intended to hurt me, and neither did Rosalie, but I'm very afraid that you're going to discover that you don't care for me the same way I care for you. Every time you hold back, I remember having to let go of Esme and Rosalie and become terrified that I will be alone forever."

I never realized that Carlisle was just as insecure as I was. He had the same problem I had. He had given his heart to someone who didn't return the sentiment. I felt terrible that I made him relive some of his old pain.

"I'm so sorry." I sobbed, reaching for him, but he backed away.

"Don't take this pain on yourself, please." He begged. "It hurts me more when you do that. I never like seeing you in pain that way."

"Okay," I told him, firmly holding my hands together to prevent them from reaching out to him.

I realized that he shared more with me than Edward ever had, and since he was willing, I could trust him with one fear like he had with me. The only insecurities that I knew about Edward were the ones I have figured out since he broke up with me.

"I'm afraid that if we ever have a real disagreement, you will either dazzle me or physically force me or embarrass me to get your way." I barely whispered, not quite brave enough to look him in the eye as I spoke.

"Edward hurt you physically?" Carlisle tensed up.

"A little, but he never hit me or left any bruises," I told him, very afraid to admit what Edward actually did to me. "He just did some things... I mean… he's so much stronger than me." I remembered my promise to Edward that I needed to let them know of his willingness to confess. "There are things that Edward did to me that even though he wanted to tell you everything, I asked him not to. I'm just not ready to talk about it yet."

"I understand." He nodded. "Thank you for opening up this much for me." He squeezed my hand. "I know it was hard, but I really appreciate it."

"Can I sit on your lap for awhile?" I asked him, timidly. I was feeling a little drained after our emotional revelations.

Before I knew it, I had been whisked onto Carlisle's lap and cradled in his arms. Carlisle was always eager to give me any affection that I was willing to accept. I felt badly that he had to hold back so much for me. I started crying.

"Talk to me, Bella." He urged.

"I'm sorry that I can't give you what you want." I sobbed.

"What do you mean?" He seemed genuinely confused.

"You are obviously ready for more… physical affection than I am. I'm sorry that I…" I cried but was silenced by his finger over my lips.

"Don't be ridiculous, Bella." He told me. "When we started our relationship, you told me that you needed to go slowly. I agreed. Remember? Just because I would like things to progress more quickly doesn't mean that I am unhappy with our arrangement."

"But you want me to move in with you in New Haven, and I'm pretty sure you would like to be more intimate, and you're upset that I can't share my fears…" I argued.

"Yes, I do want all those things." He conceded. "I want you to live with us, and I want to kiss you, and I want you to feel comfortable enough to confide in me, but I understand that I can't rush you. More than all of those things, I want your heart, forever. As long as you feel that we have a chance of that, I can wait for those other things.

Could I give him my heart? I felt like I could. Something was holding me back, though. I felt like I was standing on a precipice waiting to feel completely safe before I jumped into the unknown. That sounded stupid. How could I be safe if I was jumping into the unknown? But… I knew that I was the kind of person that couldn't love a little at a time. I couldn't slowly give him more and more of my heart. When I was ready, I would take a flying leap and hope like hell that he would catch me.

"Like I told you before, the next step is a big one for me. I won't take it until I know that I can trust you with my heart." I confessed. "I feel like I'm almost there. I just can't quite do it yet."

"But there's hope?" His face lit up.

"Is there a word for better than hope?" I asked him. "Hope sounds like just a bit better than a fifty-fifty chance. I'd say that there's a good ninety-five percent chance that I will trust you with my heart."

"I think that word is optimism." His smile got brighter. "Or maybe even expectation."

"Yes, that's it. I expect that I will give you my heart." I agreed with him.

"That's good to know." He cradled me more tightly.

After our talk, I relaxed until I fell asleep. I was woken up by my stomach growling. Carlisle had ordered a very nice dinner for me that arrived just after I woke up. I bet Alice had something to do with that.

After dinner, he took me to his woodshop, which was outside in a small building, so that I could watch him carve. From the cuckoo clock he had given me, I knew that he was an amazing woodcarver, but watching him work was amazing. I stared, completely enthralled with the way he moved around the workspace. After a few hours, I had to have a human moment. Though it was storming pretty heavily, I wandered back to the main house to use the restroom. I used my phone as a flashlight so that I could see the way back.

While I was washing my hands, lightning struck and the power went out in the house, and it was completely dark outside. I panicked and began screaming. I didn't realize that I could easily get out of the bathroom or that I, in fact, still had my phone with me, so I started banging on the walls. It was so dark, and I didn't know where to go or how to get out.

"Please don't leave me in here!" I yelled, pounding the walls of the bathroom. "I promise, I'll be good." I don't know if I actually believed that I was being punished, but it seemed like something that might help get me out of here.

I heard the doors open and felt myself being pulled into a hug. I could smell Carlisle's scent, and I held him tightly, sobbing uncontrollably. I vaguely register that he is on his phone and it is slightly lit. I relaxed a bit because slightly is better than nothing.

"I've got her." I heard him say, sounding extremely worried. "She's still crying a bit, but I think she's calming down. I'll have her call you back in a bit."

"Candles." He suddenly announced. "We need candles."

I was scared to death that he was going to leave me here in the bathroom for even the shortest time. I panicked.

"Please don't leave me here!" I screamed, clinging to him as hard as I could. "I'll do anything you want! I'll kiss you or move in with you in New Haven or whatever you want, but please don't leave me alone in here!"

I bent toward him, trying to capture his lips with mine.

"No, Bella!" He sobbed holding me more closely, and effectively keeping me from kissing him. "Not like this! I was never going to leave you in here. I only meant that we should go find some candles together."

"Okay." I agreed, very embarrassed that I had made such an awful assumption. Actually, I wasn't really thinking about anything other than never being left in the dark again.

Carlisle scooped me up into his arms bridal style and carried me into the kitchen to find the candles. On the way, he had me take out my phone and put it on the flashlight setting. He then took all of the candles and placed them around the living room. He sat me on the couch for three seconds while he blazed around the room lighting them.

"Call Edward." He told me once he had placed me back on his lap. "He's worried that you'll be upset with him for breaking his promise."

"What promise?" I honestly didn't know what he was talking about.

"He told me you were afraid of the dark." Carlisle answered. "That's why I came to find you."

I was just about to dial Edward when my phone sounded with Nitty Gritty Dirt Band's _Fishing in the Dark, _Charlie's ring tone.

"Did the lights go out there, Bells?" He worried as soon as I answered.

"Yeah." I barely spoke.

"Do you need me to bring you your Ativan? He offered. "I know that this is hard on you."

Carlisle caught my attention, and signaled to me that he could give me something if I needed. He also looked shocked that I took Ativan. It wasn't very often, but I still did take it if I got scared.

"No, I'll be okay. Carlisle said that he could give me a sample or something." I told him.

"If you're sure." Charlie sounded very worried about me.

"I'm sure, but thanks for offering." I answered very timidly.

After I hung up, I dialed Edward's number. Carlisle looked worried about me, but he was in no way pressuring me to say anything.

"Bella?" Edward sounded worried about me.

"I'm not upset with you." I answered his unspoken question.

"I'm just glad you're okay." He sounded relieved.

"Carlisle saved me." I told him.

And he had. Not only that, but he also was a perfect gentleman. He didn't take advantage of my fear to get what he wanted. More than that, he absolutely refused to let me kiss him even though he admitted that he wanted to kiss me. This was it. This was what I was waiting for. Carlisle was more than worthy of my trust. I wanted to give him my heart. I was about to do something highly dangerous. I was ready to take that flying leap into Carlisle's arms, and now, I had no doubt that he would catch me.

"Do you think you could come back to the house for a little while?" I asked Edward. "I'm ready to tell Carlisle about what happened."

"Are you sure?" Carlisle interrupted.

"I'm sure." I told him confidently.

"I'm on my way." Edward assured me. "I've been thinking about heading that way since Alice had the vision about the lights going out, but I wanted to make sure it was alright with you. Thank you for allowing me to confess."

"Carlisle is really concerned. Please come quickly." I begged him.

"Okay, I'll see you in five minutes." He hung up.

Carlisle didn't let me set in silence for long before he used his finger to turn my face towards his. "We need to talk about this."

"I want to give Edward the benefit of telling you himself. In fact, I need to tell you that he wanted to confess awhile back, but I asked him not to." I tried to explain. "And yes, I really want to tell you about this."

"Yes, I know that." He nodded. "But as long as Edward was still out of hearing range, I wanted to talk about what you said earlier."

I didn't know what he was talking about. I looked at him, confused.

"When you thought I was going to leave you in the dark, you agreed to do anything I wanted." He reminded me.

"Oh, that." I mumbled. "I'm sorry I misjudged you."

"That's not what I meant." Carlisle shook his head. "I meant that I don't want you offering yourself to me or anyone else because you're afraid."

"I was really confused." I tried to explain. "I didn't… I mean it's hard to think clearly when I'm afraid. I can't promise not to do that again because I don't really realize what I'm saying when I'm like that."

He would probably understand my willingness to give anything to get out of the dark after I told him everything, but I really did want to give Edward the benefit of confessing.

"Okay," he nodded, sadly. "But please know that I will never take advantage of you that way."

I had never wanted to kiss him more than I did at this moment. I wanted to show him that I had given him my heart, but I doubted that he would allow that right now. He would be afraid that this was just a response to being saved. But for me, it was much more than that. It was a realization that I could trust him whenever I was vulnerable. I would have probably done anything, and I mean _anything _to get out of that bathroom, but Carlisle asked for nothing in return. He didn't try to use my fear against me. The only thing he did was hold me. I was ready. I buried my face in his chest and he stroked my back.


	12. Confessions

**Author's Note: Sorry that this is later than I wanted. The flu or a really bad cold has been going around my house. Three of my four children have had it, and worse, my husband has been home with it for the last two and a half days. I also got it a few days ago, and it's hard to think on decongestants.**

**Chapter 12 – Confessions**

Carlisle continued to comfort me for several minutes, and I was happy to let him. After all that Edward had done to me, I honestly wondered if I would ever be able to feel this way about someone, but I absolutely did. Despite the fact that I had been broken horribly, it surprised me to realize that I was capable of this kind of love, but I was. I was in love with Carlisle Cullen, and though he hadn't said it to me (probably because he was worried that it might scare me away), his actions had shown me that he deeply loved me as well. I wasn't quite ready to say the words aloud, but I knew that I truly did love him.

I was alerted to Edward's presence by Carlisle suddenly stiffening beneath me. I knew that Carlisle had figured out that Edward had done something to me. It only made sense that he was angry with Edward. Maybe he would be okay once he saw that I had already forgiven him.

"Edward," Carlisle greeted him stiffly.

"Bella, are you okay?" Edward asked, not even acknowledging Carlisle as far as I could tell.

"Just a little scared." I admitted.

"Have you taken any Ativan?" He worried.

"No, I'll be fine." I told him, though I don't think he believed me. I'm not sure Carlisle believed me either. "If I still need it later, I will take it.

"I really think you should take it now." Edward insisted.

"If I take it now, I might not be able to get through what I need to say." I explained.

"Bella, you're clearly been through a lot tonight, you _should_ take the medicine. Right now." His voice became slightly demanding.

Carlisle shifted under me and threw Edward an annoyed look. He was becoming exasperated by Edward's attempts to bend me to his will.

"Drop it, Edward." Carlisle told him in a low, firm voice.

Edward huffed, looking like a spoiled brat that for once didn't get his way. "Fine."

I eyed him nervously until he finally relaxed his face and smiled encouragingly at me.

"So… about the dark." I shook at the memory, and looked up at Carlisle. "First of all, let me say that Edward has nothing to do with the reason I'm scared of the dark."

"But honestly, I made it worse." He admitted.

"Yes, but I thought that I should start with why it started." I told him.

"If you wish," Edward nodded his acquiescence, "though, I don't believe it will accomplish what you intend."

Apparently, Edward knew that this confession was going to seriously piss Carlisle off, and he didn't believe that my explanation would make any difference at all. That made me nervous, though it shouldn't have. Even though Edward had hurt me deeply, I still didn't want Carlisle to be harsh with Edward. But that alone was not my reason for wanting to tell Carlisle the whole story. I simply wished for him to know.

I looked back and forth between Carlisle and Edward. "Please let me get through this."

They both nodded.

I took a steadying breath before I began, "When I was three, my mom decided that she wanted to take me out of regular day care, because our neighbor, Delia had heard that money was tight. She offered to watch me for half the price. That probably should have been a warning flag, but my mother is a trusting person.

"Delia wasn't a very good babysitter. She actually didn't like kids at all and didn't want to be bothered, but she did need the money, so she pretended to like me when my mom was around. When we were alone, she was horrible. She didn't want me messing with her stuff, but she didn't want to actually stop watching her soap operas to supervise me, so she… um… she sh-shut me in a small trunk for most of the day." My voice was shaking. I was barely holding it together. Even talking about this was hard for me. Even though I was so little when it happened, I had concrete memories of it. I could remember feelings, sights, sounds, and even the smell of everything that happened to me.

I always had the ability to bury the emotions associated with the terrible things that had happened to me, but they tended to resurface when I least wanted to feel them.

"Every day, I was in that little box, crying softly until she felt like letting me to give me a tiny bit of food and water, and then again to go home. If I made too much noise, she took me out and tied me up and gagged me and put me back in. If I had an accident, I got left in those clothes all day until about ten minutes before my mom got there. If she had to clean out the box because of me, the next day, she didn't feed me or sometimes did even worse things to me." I sobbed. Carlisle's comforting touch became more stressed.

"Bella told me this shortly after we started dating." Edward took over for me. "When I asked her why she still used a nightlight, she reluctantly told me this story." Edward took a deep breath. "I…"

"You tortured her with that information?" Carlisle was truly shocked. I'm not sure what he was thinking happened, but this wasn't it.

"Yes," Edward closed his eyes, nodded, and swallowed hard, "it started after I had to dazzle her into looking happy that I had tricked her into going to prom with me. She still looked fairly annoyed with me at different times, and I had to dazzle her several times to keep her under control. I decided to employ a different method of dominating her.

"I spent the next sunny day soundproofing her closet." Edward deeply sighed. "I waited until she disagreed with me and I locked her in the closet all night."

Of course, while I was in the closet, I couldn't think of anything but getting out of there, but now that I know that vampires could hear through soundproofing, I realized that Charlie wouldn't be able to hear my screams through the soundproofing, but Edward would have still been able to.

"She had such low self esteem," Edward continued, "that it wasn't hard to convince her that she deserved to be punished. She screamed and pounded for most of the night. When I finally let her out, she was completely compliant. In fact, every time she did anything against my wishes, she spent time in the closet."

"But she's still a virgin." Carlisle was confused. He obviously said more to Edward with his mind than he said out loud, but I followed his logic here. I would have offered Edward anything he wanted to let me out of the closet, including my virginity. Why hadn't Edward taken that as an opportunity to sleep with me?

"She offered. In fact, she promised she would do anything I wanted if I would let her out." Edward shook his head, disgusted with himself. "I started to… in fact, I feel awful about how far I let it go and for so much more, but the fear in her eyes made me feel like I would be raping her, and even though I had descended pretty far, I at least had the sense to stop myself before I could violate her. Later, as you already know, I tried to dazzle her into bed with me, and I found that I couldn't do that either."

"I can't believe that you would play on her fears like that." Carlisle was clearly shocked and appalled by Edward's actions

"I know, Carlisle." Edward agreed remorsefully. "And I'm truly sorry, Bella."

"I've already forgiven you." I reminded Edward.

"I really don't understand how." Edward admitted sadly. "Thank you for allowing me the opportunity to confess, Bella. I really appreciate it."

Edward looked like he was getting ready to leave, but I wanted to be _completely_ honest with Carlisle. I wanted to tell him every fear that I had, but Edward thought that we were finished. I suspected he had done many little things to me, things that he thought I didn't know about. He always underestimated my intelligence.

"You wanted to confess." I told him waiting for him to continue. "I _want_ Carlisle to know everything."

Edward didn't look very happy that I had given him permission to continue. Maybe once he had seen how upset Carlisle had become, he may have changed his mind and wished to leave it there. The other option is that he only wanted to confess the obvious and had no desire to let anyone know the things he thought I hadn't figured out, but I wanted to share everything with Carlisle, and if Edward wasn't going to tell, then I was.

I watched him for a few moments and decided that he indeed didn't want to divulge any new information to me. I took a deep breath before continuing.

"Edward added a shut-off valve so that he could turn off the shower after Charlie left." I told Carlisle, after I decided that Edward wasn't going to be mature about this.

"How did you know?" He asked me, completely shocked that I would have been able to figure that out.

"The plumbing is in the basement, genius." I rolled my eyes at him. "I'm pretty familiar with how the basement looks, since I spend a lot of time sculpting down there. I noticed a new section of pipes that I hadn't seen before, and I opened the valve. Amazingly, the shower started working normally when it was open. I shut it back off every day when I had finished so that you wouldn't know that I had figured it out."

"I understand that Edward was being petty, but why would he even bother installing plumbing just to inconvenience you?" Carlisle asked.

"I'm afraid of taking a bath." I sighed admitting my second biggest fear. "Delia liked to punish me by holding my head under ice cold water until I blacked out."

"Edward!" Carlisle scolded sharply. Edward winced.

"Please tell me that you didn't hold her head underwater." Carlisle didn't sound hopeful.

"Once I did," Edward looked ashamed of what he had done, "and on other occasions, I used her fear of drowning to get what I wanted."

Carlisle was becoming very angry with Edward, and he hadn't even told the whole story yet. I opened my mouth to remind them both once again that Edward was already forgiven, but Edward surprised me by continuing before I got the chance.

"Once, while we were walking near the shore, she refused to look at me so that I could dazzle her. I dragged her into the water and pulled her under repeatedly until she gasped out that she would be a 'good girl'." Edward admitted abashedly. "I'm so sorry, Bella, that was incredibly wrong of me."

I couldn't acknowledge his apology because he said 'good girl.' I started shaking uncontrollably. Carlisle held me more tightly. The whole good girl, bad girl label thing, especially when he said it made me relive a little bit of the terror Edward left me in while we were dating.

"Edward, that's…" Carlisle was clearly at a loss for words over the shame he felt at Edward's actions, but he was confused about something. "And to top all of it off, you told Alice not to search Bella's future during your private time. Isn't that what Alice told me? I thought it was just because you didn't want us to know that you were manipulating her. This is so much worse than that, Edward."

"I actually think he wanted me to believe that you all already knew about it and wouldn't help me." I explained. "He wanted me to have no one to turn to."

Edward hung his head, ashamed that I had correctly guessed what was going on. "Both reasons." He admitted.

"I didn't know, Bella." Carlisle promised me. "I would have stopped him if I had known." 

"I know." I assured him.

"Is there anything else you need to tell me?" Carlisle asked Edward.

Edward seemed to be debating whether or not to say anything further. I wasn't sure if he was more afraid of my reactions or Carlisle's. I knew that he didn't want to disappoint Carlisle any more than he already had, but honestly, I didn't think that was possible short of him actually murdering someone.

"After you left me, did you keep replacing the bulbs in my nightlight with burned out bulbs?" I asked, guessing the answer.

"Sort of." He admitted, ashamed. Carlisle growled.

"Where did you get all of the burned out bulbs?" I wondered.

"I just kept barely unscrewing them until they didn't light." He admitted.

"And you put a snake in my room when you weren't supposed to be near my house." I whispered.

"You knew that was me?" He seemed genuinely surprised that I had figured out what he had done. Like I said, he constantly believed that I was unintelligent.

"Mmhmm." I nodded, and Carlisle growled slightly.

"You're afraid of snakes as well?" Carlisle was barely controlling his anger towards Edward.

"Yes, that was another one of Delia's punishments for me. She tied me to the crib that she had and let garter snakes crawl all over me." I shook with fear. I was barely controlling myself. I was probably going to need an Ativan soon.

"And you put a snake in her bedroom because?" Carlisle glared at Edward.

"I could see she was over me. I was angry that she wasn't still broken." Edward lowered his head in shame, finally admitting the real reason he left me. "I left her because I felt if I broke her enough, I would finally crack that impenetrable shield around her mind or I emotionally cripple her enough that she would be happy to have sex with me. I thought that an intimate connection might give me some insight into her mind."

"It wasn't because you couldn't believe that an insignificant human could ever say no to you?" I wondered.

"Actually," Edward looked away, unable to meet my gaze, "no one, human or vampire has ever declined me when I propositioned them. I needed you to say yes to me. I had never even had to dazzle anyone into sex until I met you."

"And your ego was so big that you couldn't handle that she didn't want you?" Carlisle could hardly believe what he was hearing.

"Yes." Edward admitted.

"And when you saw that you were no longer the center of her universe, you tried once again to break her by putting a snake in her bedroom?" He pressed.

"Yes." Edward repeated.

"How did you even get to her house while we were watching you so closely?" Carlisle's voice was extremely strained.

"I hired a less than upstanding individual to do it for me." He admitted. "I texted him so that none of you would know what I was doing. Since I could see exactly what Alice was watching for, I knew how to get around her gift."

"I can't even look at you right now, Edward." Carlisle's voice shook with anger and disappointment. He closed his eyes to avoid seeing him. "Please leave. I will talk to you later."

"I truly am sorry, Carlisle." Edward's voice was full of regret. "I hope that one day, you will be able to forgive me." Edward watched Carlisle carefully but found nothing but anger.

"Don't tell the others." I begged him. "I don't want them to know."

"Of course," Edward assured me at the same time Carlisle said, "I promise."

Edward excused himself to allow Carlisle and me to talk.

"Carlisle, please remember, I have known for a long time just how awful Edward was to me, and I've accepted it as part of my life, and moved on." I tried to remind him.

"I know, Bella, and I will forgive him, but I just need some time to deal with it." Carlisle told me.

"What are you going to do to him?" I asked nervously.

"Do to him? I don't understand." Carlisle furrowed his brow in confusion.

"For his punishment." I elaborated. "He told me that he isn't happy being so undisciplined. I think that maybe you need to step more into a fatherly role with him.

"Bella, I have never once punished any of them. We are all adults, or at least I thought we were." He shook his head in disgust at Edward's behavior. He seemed to briefly consider something before moving on. "Most of the time, when one of us makes a mistake, we genuinely feel contrite, and no punishment is necessary. Sometimes, when one of us slips and refuses to acknowledge it, we might confine them until they are under control, but that is only for protection, not punishment. And if one of them doesn't like the way I choose to live, they are free to leave, but I will always accept them back if they change their mind."

"I'm not sure Edward really is an adult, though. He doesn't really act like a responsible adult." I observed.

"I understand what you're saying, but I'm not sure that would benefit anyone right now." He told me. "Unless… you still feel wronged and want me to avenge you."

"No, like I said, I have forgiven him." I reminded him. "This isn't about me. It's about Edward. I know that both you and he see your relationship as father/son, but I think he needs you to be less of a mentor and more of a disciplinarian."

"I appreciate your position on the matter, but for right now, I am going to respect him as an adult and trust that he will correct himself." Carlisle told me. "He's already trying though I'm not sure he's quite trying hard enough."

I sighed, knowing that I was not going to sway Carlisle in this. "Though I'm not sure that trying alone will be enough, I respect your position." I told him, though I wished that he would have changed his mind. "I just hope that you will consider disciplining him in the future should he become controlling or abusive again."

"I will consider punishing him if he proves it to be necessary, but I will never physically or emotionally abuse _you_ the way Edward did." Carlisle told me solemnly, and I believed him. He had been completely furious with Edward, but he never tried to hurt him. That alone did a great deal to relieve some of my anxiety about becoming closer with him.

"I have a few more questions for you, if you don't mind." He checked with me, and I nodded. "How often did he lock you in the closet?"

"Maybe once or twice a week." I told him. "After he broke up with me, I realized that he made things up to have an excuse to terrorize me."

"Such as…" He prompted.

"If I tripped in the hallway, if I got less than a ninety-five on a test even if he had kept me from studying; sometimes it was for even more trivial things like biting my nails, or smiling at another guy," I told him.

"So you basically had to walk on eggshells around him for fear that you would be harshly punished?" He asked me.

"That's what he wanted, but I am rather stubborn." I winced remembering what happened when I deliberately defied Edward. "When I was particularly willful, he would drag me by the hair to the closet before locking me in."

"I'm so sorry." He hugged me more tightly. "I wish I would have known so that I could have stopped him."

"Even if I had known that you would have helped me, I wouldn't have asked. At the time, I thought that I was happy. I didn't even realize how much he controlled me until after he left. I must sound like an idiot, not realizing that it was wrong of him to lock me in the closet." I laughed mirthlessly. "But once he did leave, after I started to get over him, I was able to take a good long look at the person I had become, and I didn't like what I saw."

"The change in Edward must have come on so slowly that you didn't notice it had happened." Carlisle reasoned.

"That's what I decided as well." I agreed. "I wish I could have seen that I needed help, though."

"It breaks my heart that I didn't know." His voice was full of regret. "I would have stopped him."

"When I told you that I thought he was stalking me, you did stop him." I reminded him of when he took Edward away from my house.

"I'm so glad you called me that day." He admitted. "Even though you were afraid of Edward's voyeurism, you still gave me hope that you could possibly someday…"

"Want to be more than friends?" I offered.

"Yes." He smiled at me.

"But still you waited a long time to ask me on a date." I wondered why.

"Because of _my_ fear of rejection." He admitted. "And because Edward told me that he wanted a chance to win your heart."

Yeah, that wasn't going to happen.

"Why did you change your mind?" I was curious.

"Every time I thought about asking you out, all of _my_ old insecurities reared their ugly heads. Jasper sensed my internal struggle and told me to go for it.

"I asked him how you felt about me, and Edward, and he told me that you had forgiven Edward, but your feelings were nothing more than friendly. He told me that your feelings for me were amorous." He looked like he could have blushed at admitting that to me.

"I wasn't going to ask you out on a real date, but at Christmas, you were flirty with me and politely friendly to Edward. The thing that finally convinced me was when you yelled at Edward for implying that I wasn't special. I almost chickened out during the actual date, though. When I picked you up, you were very distant." He laughed at the memory.

"Then I yelled at you and hurt your feelings." I reminded him.

"Did you?" He teased. "I only remember that you held my hand."

"That was my favorite part, too." I admitted, though it reminded me of the immense pain he felt when he thought that I had rejected him.

"I also remember you being in unbearable pain five times that day." He told me sadly.

"_I_ remember you comforting me every single time." I smiled at him, trying to figure out how to ask him to kiss me.

"I just hate that you've been through so much pain, and now you have the unfortunate ability to absorb other pain as well." He told me sadly.

"I wish you would let me take away your pain." I longed to touch him and absorb all of the hurt he was feeling over the confessions that Edward and I had made.

"Absolutely not." He narrowed his eyes at me.

"I didn't think so." I looked down into my lap. "I just hate that you have to feel like this because of me."

"Don't think about it that way, Bella." He raised my chin up so that I looked into his eyes. "The things that happened to you made me sad, yes, but _you_ have made me very happy."

"Really?" I blushed, desperately wanting him to kiss me, and with my chin in his hand, I thought that he was going to, but he just sighed and looked away."

"Let me get you that sample of Ativan." Carlisle offered politely, but firmly, and effectively killing the moment. I knew that his offer wasn't so much a request as an insistence. Of course, I knew that I was free to decline because Carlisle would never again make a decision for me again.

"Okay." I agreed, though I wasn't sure that I would need it. I only agreed because I thought that I might have nightmare from fully facing what had happened for the first time.

Instead of putting me down so that I could walk upstairs, he scooped me up into his arms and carried me bridal style up to his study. As he walked, I tried to work up the courage to ask him to kiss me, but I was very nervous about it. He was exceptionally understanding when I told him all of the things I was afraid of. He never once judged me or even looked at me like I was crazy. I looked deeply into his eyes as he slowly walked up the stairs. He was walking slow even for a human. I kind of wondered why he was going this slowly.

He sat me down on his couch while he found the medicine.

"Do you know your dosage?" He asked.

"4 milligrams," I told him.

He gave me the medicine and carried me to my bedroom.

"There's one more thing I'm kind of scared about." I bit my lower lip and hesitantly looked in his eyes.

"You can tell me anything, Bella." He stroked my cheek affectionately.

"I… um… I'm a bit worried about… my… inexperience." I half stammered, half mumbled. Carlisle had to have been with at least a couple of women seeing that he was over three hundred years old. I was afraid that I could never measure up.

"I'm a little nervous about my inexperience as well." Carlisle admitted, shocking me.

"You've never…?" I wondered out loud.

Carlisle shook his head, and looked a little embarrassed to admit it to me. "With my upbringing and the time I came from, I always knew that I would wait until marriage."

"So… you and Esme never, you know, before she figured out that she doesn't like men?" I had always assumed that it took her awhile to figure out her sexual orientation. At the time they were married, I'm not even sure she would have heard of lesbians.

"While it's true that she didn't figure out that she's gay until we'd been married for about two years, I still couldn't hurt her like that. We never progressed further than chaste kissing. She was so afraid. Every time I pressed even a little further, she would tremble in terror." He shuddered at the memory. "She never told me to stop, but I could tell how frightened she was. Did you know that she assumed that I would just force her anyway? She pretended to want intimacy because she thought I would rough her up more if she didn't comply."

"Do you think that Edward didn't, force himself on me, because you didn't to Esme?" I wondered, yawning.

"Hmmm… It's possible." Carlisle said thoughtfully.

I felt slightly loopy from the medicine, like I knew I would.

"You're so amazing, Carlisle." I whispered to him, inching closer.

He gazed at me, leaning toward me. He took a ragged breath, and kissed the top of my head. I sighed in frustration.

"You'd better get some sleep, Bella." He brought my hand up to his cheek and leaned into it. "Good night, my darling."

As Carlisle left the room, I couldn't help but smile groggily at the door, cherishing the fact that he had just called me _his _darling.

I was getting pretty drowsy but I was still aware enough to know what I needed to do. I took a page out of Edward's book and started to text Alice, but of course, _she _texted me before I was finished with the first word.

_Carlisle will not make the first move. He's too afraid of being rejected, but he does want to kiss you._

I smiled and reclined on the bed and quickly fell asleep. When I woke the next day, I smelled a delicious breakfast wafting up from downstairs. I ran to the bathroom and brushed my teeth and ran a brush through my hair to get the tangles out before seeing Carlisle. I started to head down the stairs, but Carlisle appeared by my side and scooped me up to carry me downstairs.

When he sat me down at the table, I noticed that he had made my favorite breakfast, French toast with bacon. I hadn't had this for so long. I usually didn't keep bacon in the house because I was worried about Charlie's cholesterol, and the French toast took me too long to make in the mornings for just me. I was very excited to have this wonderful looking breakfast.

He watched me, very curiously while I ate.

"So, what would you like to do today?" He asked me while cleaning the kitchen.

_Make out with you._ I thought and blushed. "Umm… I don't know."

"I was thinking about taking you to the Tacoma Art Museum, if you would like to go." He looked hopefully at me. "If you don't want to go, that's fine with me. I wouldn't want you to think that the only places I ever took you were museums."

"No, no, that sounds wonderful." I told him enthusiastically. "My mom hardly ever took me because she got bored easily, and I never mention it to Charlie because I really couldn't see him in a museum."

"And Edward never took you did he?" Carlisle asked sadly.

"Can we not make this," I motioned between the two of us, "about Edward? That relationship is over. I want to focus on ours."

"I'm sorry, my darling." He told me remorsefully. "I understand."

"Don't." I got up from the table and walked over to him. "I'm not upset with you. I would just rather move forward than keep looking backwards. Speaking of moving forward…" I wrapped my arms around him and pulled him closer to me. That's not exactly true. I couldn't have pulled him anywhere. He _allowed_ me to pull him closer to me.

"Carlisle," I looked up into his eyes and waited until he looked back at me, "last night, you… you did everything I hoped you would do. I was scared to death in the bathroom, and you only comforted me, you didn't ask anything of me in return. I know you didn't ask me to share all of the stuff with Edward, but I'm so glad that I trusted you. You didn't belittle me or reject me, and you completely kept your temper in check with him. I have no more reservations about trusting you."

The smile that he gave me in response warmed my heart. He tucked a loose strand of hair behind my ear and cupped my cheek. I could tell that he was hoping that I was ready to kiss him, and today, I would not disappoint him.

I stood on my toes hoping to be able to reach him, but I needed help. Carlisle was enough taller than me that he had to bend down to accommodate me, and he did so, but like Alice had told me, he would not make the first move. I gently pressed my lips to his as I ran my fingers through his hair. It didn't take long for him to respond, and he did so eagerly. His lips moved in perfect harmony with mine.

I moved in, wanting to be closer to him, and since he could tell that I was becoming uncomfortable on my toes, he lifted me so that I could sit on the counter. I sat on the very edge so that I could touch as much of my body to his as possible. He kissed his way over to my ear and suckled it while I caught my breath, but soon, I was urging him back toward my mouth. This time, I opened my mouth slightly and licked his lower lip, begging for entrance, and to my great surprise, he met my tongue with his own. I assumed that he didn't want me to cut my tongue on his razor sharp teeth because he pushed his tongue into my mouth instead. I had never been kissed this way before, and it was wonderful. Carlisle was literally the best thing I had ever tasted. I wanted this kiss to never end. I explored his tongue with mine and caressed it as I wrapped my legs around his waist, tightly.

I had never felt this much passion before, and I couldn't get enough of it. I eagerly responded to his ardor and hungrily kissed him until I could no longer breathe. The moment Carlisle sensed that I needed to break away, he retreated enough to rest his forehead against mine.

"Thank you for trusting me," he breathed, "that was amazing."

"Yeah," I nodded, unable to say more.

Once my heart had slowed to a reasonable pace, Carlisle helped me down off the counter. I went upstairs, showered and got ready for my second date with Carlisle. After I dried off, I texted Alice.

_Help!_

She texted back immediately. _Your closet, near the front, white dress with a red peony print, red sweater, and red ballet flats._

I looked and saw it. It was really cute. _Thanks!_

As soon as I was dressed, I put some gel in my hair and dried it so that it was wavy. I usually brushed the waves out, but today, I let it stay more natural. I put on light eye makeup and some clear lip gloss, not wanting to get lipstick all over him when we kissed again, which would hopefully happen over and over again.

Something was going on with Carlisle when I met him at the bottom of the stairs. He didn't _look_ upset, but I could tell that he was. I sort of sensed when people were hurting. It drew me to them, to comfort them. I didn't actually feel pain until I touched the person, but I knew that they were in pain.

I stopped on the bottom step, so that Carlisle and I would be roughly the same height, and I tried to kiss him, but he merely walked away from me to the front door and opened it for me.

A very familiar feeling crept into the pit of my stomach, and I didn't like it one bit. It felt like every time Edward pulled away from me. I felt unwanted. I refused to move until I knew what was going on.

"What's wrong?" My voice shook as I spoke.

He stepped back inside and shut the door.

"I'm worried that I may have taken advantage of you." He told me sounding very disappointed in himself.

"Why?"

"I feel that I might have pressured you to kiss me when I touched your face." He explained.

"No, you didn't." I laughed at him. "After Edward left last night, I had been trying to figure out a way to get you to kiss me, and I probably would have done the same this morning, but Alice texted me and told me that I would have to kiss you."

I hoped that Carlisle would be happy, but still, he looked pained, like he was beating himself up mentally.

"I should have restrained myself more, though." He lamented. "It wasn't very gentlemanly of me to lift you onto the counter, and I got rather carried away. I fear that I might not have had your permission to go that far."

"You definitely did." I assured him.

Carlisle didn't quite look convinced. I assumed it was because he thought that I would do anything to make him feel better. For some reason, it suddenly registered that he had chastised himself for not being restrained enough.

"I know that I said that I wanted to make our relationship about us, and to leave Edward out of it, but I feel that I need to tell you something." I told him as tears were gathering in my eyes. "You told me that you only ever had chaste kisses with Esme. Did you know that's all I ever had with Edward as well? Yes, he tried to dazzle me into having sex, but his kisses were basically devoid of emotion.

"Edward controlled all of our affectionate exchanges, and never let me push us beyond simple kissing. Every time I attempted to deepen our kissing, he pulled back. He often made me feel as though I didn't deserve his affection, or that I had to be better to earn it. It made me feel unlovable." I started to cry. "It left me longing for affection, and very rarely getting it.

"I never felt like he wanted me as much as I wanted him. This morning, I had no doubt that you wanted me. Do you know how happy that made me? Edward withheld his affection from me, but you were so free, so passionate. Edward never kissed me with even a tenth of the passion you did this morning. Please don't take that away from me!" I sobbed.

Before I could blink, Carlisle stood in front of me and placed his hands on either side of my head and gently brought his lips to mine.

"I promise…" he kissed me softly, "I will never…" he kissed me again, "withhold…" another kiss, "affection…" another kiss, "from you…" another kiss, "my dear." He ended with a longer kiss.

I wrapped my arms around him and returned the kiss, running my fingers through his thick hair. Soon, his tongue was once again seeking entrance to my mouth, and I happily obliged him, once again stroked his tongue with my own. I finally released him when my lungs were screaming for oxygen.

"I'm sorry that I frightened you, my darling." He told me as he carried me to the car. "I irrationally panicked."

"We're bound to have misunderstandings," I kissed his cheek, "but I wasn't angry with you, and I panicked a bit myself."

"Understandably," he nodded.

"For you as well," I reminded him.

"I think we need to amend the rule you made earlier." He told me as he placed me in his car.

I really wasn't sure where he was going with this.

"We can't pretend that our past relationships never happened." He continued once he was seated. "And we can't pretend that they don't affect us. If you ever need to tell me something, please do, and I will do the same. At the same time, you were right. We can't base our relationship on the avenging or mending the hurts caused by our previous... companions. Agreed?" He smiled at me.

"Agreed." I nodded, smiling in return.

We held hands all the way to the museum. When we arrived, he guided me through the museum with his arm around me and his hand on my hip. He pointed at pieces that he liked and told me about them. Whenever he finished telling me about each piece, I would kiss him, and he eagerly returned every one of them. He was surprisingly free with public affection, and I found myself craving more than I ever thought possible.

After the museum, he took me to a late lunch at a trendy pasta and salad place. I ordered a salad with chicken, and of course, he had nothing. He scooted his chair around so that he could whisper in my ear as I ate.

"Have I ever told you how beautiful you are, my darling?" He breathed seductively.

Shivers ran down my spine. I slowly managed to eat another bite of chicken.

"I am so jealous of the fork, right now." His perfect voice flowed softly into my ear.

I swallowed, put the fork down, and kissed him fervently, nibbling and tasting his delectable lower lip.

"Trust me; you taste much better than this salad." I told him once I had released him.

"I would return the sentiment," he nipped at my ear as he whispered, "but of course, that means something entirely different coming from me."

I giggled at him.

He was still teasing me playfully when, to my surprise, Alice, Jasper, Emmett, Rosalie, and Edward filed in and sat next to us.

"Did you have a good morning?" Alice smiled knowingly at me.

I nodded as I blushed and snuggled into Carlisle who kissed me on the cheek.

"I hope so, because you're spending the rest of the day shopping with us!" She cheered.

I gripped Carlisle tightly, unwilling to let him go just yet.

"I'm sure you'll survive without him for a few hours." Edward remarked sarcastically while he rolled his eyes at us.

Of course, I _could _spend a few hours without Carlisle. I wasn't incapable of being without him, but our physical relationship was so new. It made me a little sad thinking about being away from him right now.

"I'm going shopping _with_ you, my darling." He assured me quietly, but enchantingly. "I'm not ready to be apart from you, yet."

In response I turned to kiss him. He took my face in his hands and slowly explored my mouth with his magical tongue.

"For the love of God, Carlisle!" Edward growled at him, breaking me out of some very naughty thoughts. "Could you please attempt to be more discrete?"

"Perhaps we should modify our behavior a bit when Edward is present?" He suggested disappointedly.

Tears formed in my eyes and threatened to spill over. I focused on the table so that I wasn't meeting anyone's gaze. Edward was now dictating the affection I received from Carlisle? Would I ever be free from his dominion? Did he expect for Carlisle and I to only show affection when he wasn't present? How did I know that Edward wouldn't constantly ensure that he was in our presence?

"Carlisle," Jasper got his attention quietly, "she's scared to death."

"My darling?" He took my chin in his hand and turned it toward himself so that he could look into my eyes.

"Y-y-you p-promised." I barely managed to whisper with a shaky voice as my tears overflowed and spilled down my face.

"_Modify _our behavior, my dear, not completely forgo affection." He assured me, kissing the tears away from my eyes. "I just thought that we might not flaunt it in front of Edward."

"Edward." Alice threw a nasty look at him. "Don't you dare."

"Excuse me?" Carlisle asked looking back and forth between Alice and Edward.

"I think that Edward is planning on deliberately encroaching on our private time so that we will be forced to be less… physical." I guessed, and Alice nodded.

"Damn it, Edward!" Carlisle's voice became deadly without increasing the volume. "You deprived her of affection when you were dating her! You. Will. Not. Deprive. Her. Of my affection. As well."

Though the tone in Carlisle's voice was something to be truly terrified of, I felt safe in his arms that he wouldn't go back on his promise to be free with affection.

The look on Edward's face was bordering on possessive. He looked like he thought he owned me. Maybe he was hoping that Carlisle and I wouldn't progress to a physical relationship, and then he could win me back. Maybe he just needed more time to accept this. I hoped that was the case.

"How about this," I had a suggestion, "if Edward will promise to allow us some space when we need it, we will keep it chaste while we are with him, at least until after spring break? After that, you're going to have to deal with it."

I didn't really like having to resort to this. I quite enjoyed Carlisle's passionate side.

"Agreed." Carlisle sighed. I could tell that he didn't appreciate this arrangement either, but he was willing to live with it.

"Fine, whatever." Edward rolled his eyes.

"That's not what I asked, Edward." I stared at him. "I _asked_ you to promise. If you don't, I will make no attempt to rein in my desire for Carlisle."

Edward looked up at Carlisle who must have been agreeing with my sentiments mentally because Edward gave him a rebellious look before finally huffing, "I promise."

**Ending Note: I changed this chapter quite a bit before I posted it. The original version wasn't quite half as long as this ended up. Edward changed a bit in this chapter as well. I hope that this gives the impression that Edward wants to change, but he isn't quite ready to make all the sacrifices necessary to actually affect the change, and that he isn't over Bella yet either.**


	13. Void

**Author's Note: I know it took me longer than normal to get this chapter out. I've had a bit of a rethink regarding a some future chapters, and though this rethink didn't completely change the whole story from there on out, I've been a bit depressed regarding how much rewriting I would have to do if I decided to change it. I probably am going to rewrite those chapters, but I will post the original as outtakes because I can't bear to delete them completely.**

**Chapter 13 – Void**

Over the next three weeks, before Alice's pre-shopping shopping trip (I know it confused me as well!), Edward started making a great effort to find ways to be alone with me, and I became increasingly worried about it. Besides that, things just happened to come up that monopolized most of the time that I had to spend with Carlisle. First, Edward wanted to spend a weekend with his father, and of course, Carlisle obliged because he wanted to speak with Edward, father to son. In addition, somehow, Carlisle's schedule got messed up, and he had to spend extra time at work so that he could take spring break off. This just _happened_ to be discovered after Carlisle got back from his weekend with Edward. To top it all off, in English, we mysteriously got assigned a project in which we were pair up. Guess who my partner was. That's right, Edward.

Suspicious isn't a strong enough word to convey how I felt about Edward and all of this mess. I was almost certain that Edward had orchestrated all of this. He was not at all happy about Carlisle showing me any kind of affection, even chastely. It seemed that he had perfectly organized ways for Carlisle to be away from me without getting his hands dirty. This was exactly the sort of thing at which he excelled. Everyone suspected Edward, but we couldn't prove that he had done anything.

The Saturday before we left, even though our English project was finished, Edward came to my house to keep me company. Notice how my eyes roll when I say this. I _was_ sculpting until he came over, enjoying a few Edward-free moments until he showed up. I tried to continue as he talked with me, but he kept making little comments about how long I was taking and how he'd rather we did something other than this. Finally, I could take no more of it. He was seriously hampering my creativity with all of his negativity.

"Did you need something?" I asked him politely, but hopefully he would ask, and then leave.

"Yes, the symphony is playing tonight. I got tickets for Christmas, remember?" He asked. "I was wondering…"

"No." I interrupted him, not willing to let him even get the question out.

"But… I don't have anyone to go with." He pouted at me.

"I'm sorry, Edward," I sounded not very apologetic, "but we aren't dating, remember?"

"I know that, silly, but I still want to do things with you." He chuckled condescendingly. "We're friends, right?"

"Yes, but going to the symphony sounds like a date to me." I pointed out to him.

"Only if you think of it as a date." He rolled his eyes at me. "If you think Carlisle will be jealous, I understand."

I shook my head and sighed at him. "I'm tired of this, Edward." I gave up pretending that I didn't know what was going on with him. He wanted me back, and he was desperate to drive a wedge between Carlisle and me.

"Please, Bella, let me show you how much I've changed." He begged me.

"Really, Edward?" I asked doubtfully. "It doesn't seem to me like you've changed that much. You've just reverted back to more subtle manipulation instead of the overtly sadistic things I used to let you get away with."

"I just want to spend time with you, Bella." Edward looked like he was about to cry though I seriously doubt he was actually remorseful.

I was about to decline him as politely as possible when my phone rang with Alice's ringtone.

After wiping off my hands, I answered it.

"Hello, Alice." I welcomed the distraction from the whole… Edward… situation.

"I'm on my way over to play kidnap you so that we could play Bella Barbie!" She sounded like a thirteen year old girl at a Justin Bieber concert.

If Edward hadn't crashed my sculpting session, I would have politely told Alice to please let me work, but he had, and I was itching to get away from him.

"Great!" I told her enthusiastically. "I can't wait. What's the occasion?"

Alice said nothing, but the look on Edward's face said volumes. My intuition flickered.

"Carlisle's planning on surprising me with a date tonight. Isn't he?" I asked eying Edward.

"Yes?" Alice answered, though it sounded more like a question. "How did you…"

"Edward." I growled. "Why else would he be so insistent that I go with him tonight?"

"I just want a chance, Bella." He begged me.

"Stop." I closed my eyes and shook my head in frustration.

"Please, Bella I can give you…" He started to tell me but was abruptly cut off by Alice's sudden appearance.

"Let's go, Bella." She smiled at me and threw him a dirty look. "We need to start getting you ready."

She took me to the house and gave me her usual makeover. This time she had me wearing a pale green camisole with a hunter green cardigan over it with a comfortable pair of jeans. She did my hair in a messy bun that had a few tendrils coming off of the sides and back.

When Carlisle arrived, I was anxious to see him. When he met me in my room, I flew into his arms and hungrily attacked his lips with mine.

"Edward is here, my darling." He told me. "He arrived shortly before I did."

"Of course he is," I rolled my eyes.

"He isn't living up to his promise. Is he?" He sighed, mirroring my mistrustful attitude towards Edward.

"Not so much, no." I shook my head at him.

"Let's get out of here, then." He smiled wickedly at me.

Though I didn't want to keep up my end of the bargain to not flaunt our relationship in front of Edward, I did nonetheless. I merely placed my hand in his and allowed him to lead me downstairs.

Edward was watching television when we walked through. He got up to walk with us out the door. Though this pissed me off, I managed to put on a sweet expression when I turned to face him.

"You're more than welcome to come on our date with us, Edward." I told him, and Carlisle gasped in surprise. I turned to look Carlisle straight in the eyes as I finished. "I wouldn't do it, though. I have no problem putting on one hell of a show for you." I warned him, and Carlisle chuckled, actually looking pretty excited about that idea.

"I agree that we have been exceptionally tolerant of the fact that you haven't held up your end of the promise you made to give us space. Don't think that we both aren't well aware that you changed my work schedule to keep us separate. This ends now." He gave a pointed look at Edward who stared Carlisle down defiantly.

I sighed and shook my head at Edward's childishness but refused to let it ruin my alone time with Carlisle.

"Let me know when we're out of Edward's hearing range." I told him as we walked to his Mercedes. "I've missed you, especially our alone time."

"As have I, my dear." He said as he kissed my cheek and opened the door to his car.

After we had driven about a mile, he pulled over, got out and opened my door. Once I had gotten out, he leaned in and ran his nose over the shell of my ear.

"We should be out of range." He whispered, kissing my earlobe as he spoke.

"Good." I told him hungrily as I attacked his mouth with mine as I clung to his body.

It seems his need was as great as mine because as soon as our lips met, he ravished my mouth with his tongue. I grabbed his back and pulled myself closer to him wanting to touch all of him, as much as I could. His hands descended down my back and rested just below my waistline. My heart sped up at the thought of him grabbing my butt. I had never wanted anyone or anything as much as I wanted Carlisle right now, but I didn't want to lose my virginity on the side of a public road. Besides that, I didn't want to make love until we had actually said love to one another. I still wasn't comfortable using the _L_ word with Carlisle just yet, even though I knew that both he and I felt that way. It just didn't seem right to say it yet.

"We have to stop." I gasped when he finally let me breathe. "I don't want to, but we need to."

"Of course, my darling." His breath was also ragged. "Let's not wait this long again to reconnect physically."

"We do have a week-long separation coming up." I reminded him.

"We'll have to have some more alone time before you leave." He nodded sadly. "Otherwise, I may attack you when you return."

I laughed at him and climbed back into his car.

"So, where are we going?" I asked him once he finally sat next to me.

"It's a surprise." He smiled at me.

"Please tell me." I felt the panic rising up inside me. "I don't like surprises."

"It's a good surprise. I promise." He tried to assure me, but it didn't keep my pulse from racing.

"What if I don't like it?" My voice shook as tears fell from my eyes. Although I was sure that Carlisle would never force me to do something that I didn't want to do, I still panicked a bit, remembering how Edward behaved when I didn't want to do whatever he had planned for us.

He must have heard how desperate I was becoming because instantly, he was stroking my face.

"We're going to watch the meteor shower, my darling." He looked hopefully at me. "If you don't like it, we can do something else."

"How dark will it be?" I asked him.

"I brought a flashlight, just in case, and we also both have our cell phones, but I don't think it will be unbearably dark where we are going." He gestured to the back of the car as he tried to soothe my frazzled nerves.

Carlisle was so thoughtful. He brought a flashlight so that I wouldn't be afraid. I couldn't tell you how much this meant to me. It showed me just how much he was willing to do to make me comfortable. And… he told me about his plans even though it ruined his surprise. I was overjoyed that he would be so considerate of my feelings, though, honestly, I should have realized that he would do anything to put me at ease.

"It sounds fun." I smiled at him. "I just don't like surprises. Did Alice tell you about prom and the pictures?"

"Yes, and I can see why you wouldn't want to be surprised. I didn't think." He raised my hand to his lips and kissed it. "Forgive me?"

"There's nothing to forgive." I returned his gesture by kissing him on the cheek. "There is nothing wrong with you wanting to plan romantic things. I… I'm just not ready for surprises."

"Very understandable." He nodded thoughtfully. "I promise that I will always tell you where we're going and what we're doing before our dates."

"Thank you." I sighed, but I was actually thinking, _I love you._ "I will try to work on allowing you to surprise me."

Carlisle stared at me a bit, and I thought that he had guessed what I had meant when I told him thank you, but after a few seconds, his attention returned to the road. I wanted him to say it first, but I was beginning to think that I would have to because he was afraid of either manipulating it out of me, or he was afraid that I wouldn't say it back. I would have to either talk to Alice or just bite the bullet and say it to him. I needed to think about it, preferably while I was alone, away from his very distracting presence.

We made the drive to an open area where other people were already gathering. It was already dark enough that Carlisle didn't have to worry about sparkling. Carlisle opened my door for me before grabbing some supplies out of the trunk. He had a couple of blankets and a picnic basket. He guided me to a level spot and laid out one of the blankets.

"Let me know if this spot isn't comfortable, my darling." He motioned for me to sit.

He got the rest of the stuff out while I found a good spot to sit. I ate the wonderful sandwiches he had brought for me. For some reason, he loved to watch me eat. It made him a little frisky. He nibbled on my neck while I ate. It was very distracting.

After I finished eating, he brought the other blanket out and wrapped us both in it. Even though his body was cold, I enjoyed snuggling with him, but we were only seated side by side. I longed to be even more connected with him. I shifted so that I was sitting on his lap. The meteors began falling almost as soon as he wrapped his arms around me.

It was gorgeous, but I couldn't concentrate while Carlisle's hand was playing with the hem of my shirt, slightly moving it so that his fingers were grazing my stomach just above my pants. The things he did to me with very little effort made me want to… well, it made me want to turn around inside this blanket and rub myself up against the hard length that I currently felt poking me in the bottom.

As much fun as that sounded, I restrained myself, barely. When the meteor shower was over, I breathed a sigh of… I'm not sure, but it was somewhere between frustration and relief. I was definitely frustrated that I didn't get any release, but I was relieved that I was given a reprieve on the delicious torture Carlisle was giving me.

"You drive me crazy." I told him as he was gathering up our blankets.

"_I_ drive _you_ crazy?" He laughed. "Do you know how much restraint I had to exhibit when you were making those lovely little moans? I have never wanted anyone as much as I want you right now."

I didn't realize that I had been moaning. I blushed in embarrassment, and he chuckled.

"I liked it." He assured me, kissing my cheek. "It just made me want to do wicked things to you."

"The feeling is mutual, then." I whispered, leaning in to nip at his lips.

"Indeed." He chuckled at me, and kissed me back.

The ride back was not as sexually tense as you might imagine. I still wanted to rip the pants off of Carlisle, but I also hadn't connected with him as a friend in a few weeks, and I needed to hear about all of the boring stuff in his life, and I was surprised to discover that he was also interested in the mundane things about my life as well.

The next day, Carlisle had to work until five, so I planned to sculpt the next day until I could see him. Imagine my surprise when I came upstairs to find Edward and Charlie having a little chat. I had expected Charlie to be fishing until late, but it was three-thirty, and he was in the living room watching some basketball thing with Edward.

"Hey Bells," Charlie greeted me, smiling, "Edward wanted to watch March Madness with me. Apparently, Alice is monopolizing the television."

"Right." I rolled my eyes knowing perfectly well that Edward had his own television in his room that he could easily put on whichever channel he preferred.

I decided to forget about whatever Edward had planned with Charlie. I knew that he was up to something. He had some sort of plan to worm his way back into a romantic relationship with me, but I just didn't know what it was, and right now, I didn't care. All I wanted to think about was getting back to see Carlisle.

I showered and got dressed in a black and red short sleeved sweater and black jeans. I brushed my hair as straight as I could and left it down.

As I started to walk down the stairs, I overheard Charlie answering a question that Edward must have asked.

"I'm not sure she'll want to go, Edward." Charlie sounded sympathetic to Edward. "She was pretty clear that she just wants to be friends with you."

I'm sure that Edward knew that I was getting closer because he spoke softly enough that I couldn't catch what he said in response to Charlie.

"She wasn't happy about going last year, Edward, and that's when you were dating. What makes you think that she would want to go this year?" Charlie asked rhetorically.

Son of a bitch! Edward must have been trying to get Charlie's permission to take me to the prom this year. As if I would go! I can't believe that he would even think such a thing. I paused on the stairs. Neither Edward or Charlie could see me from their positions, but I was relatively certain that Edward knew where I was.

Again, Edward asked Charlie something that I couldn't hear.

"You're right. I can see that you've changed. I'll see what I can do." Charlie answered him.

"Well, I have to be going." Edward announced more loudly this time. Five seconds later, I heard the front door open and shut.

I went into the living room where Charlie was, determined to set the record straight about how much Edward had changed.

"I had a nice chat with Edward." Charlie mentioned, attempting casualness.

"Really?" I asked feigning interest.

"I think you ought to give that boy another chance, Bells. He really has changed." Charlie dove right in.

"No, dad." I shook my head. "He hasn't changed as much as you think."

"Now wait a minute, Bella." Charlie started his argument. "Before, when you were dating, he seemed angry all the time, and he never encouraged your sculpting. But now, he seems happy to be here with you. I know that he's been sitting with you while you sculpt, and he takes you to museums, and he got you that nice book about sculpting…" 

"What?" I interrupted, angrilly. "I wish he _wouldn't_ sit with me while I sculpt. He does nothing but complain about how long I'm taking. He has never once taken me to a museum, and Jasper got me the book about sculpting."

"He… what?" Charlie tried to continue his argument, but changed his mind once he realized what I had told him. Maybe he thought that I was making things up because he still defended Edward. "He says that he's really sorry about the way he left you, and he just wants another chance."

Had aliens kidnapped my dad and left this imposter in his place? That was the only explanation for Charlie's behavior… unless Edward had dazzled him into believing that he had changed.

"That's out of the question." Angry tears were forming in my eyes. "I don't want to give him another chance."

"Just let him take you to prom." Charlie continued his intercession for Edward's cause. "He just wants you to be happy." 

"By making me go to prom, again?" I asked incredulously. "He tricked me into going last year, and I hated it. I refuse to let him weasel his way back into a position where he could hurt me again."

"Are you seeing someone else?" Charlie asked me unexpectedly. "Is that why you don't want to give Edward another chance?"

So that was Edward's plan, not to trick me into going to the prom again, but to force me to out my relationship with Carlisle, to make me choose between a relationship with my dad, and one with the man I cared very deeply about. He wasn't trying to take me to the prom at all, he just wanted me to think that he was trying to, that way my guard was down, and I didn't see this part coming. He probably hinted that he thought I might be seeing someone else.

"Yes I am." I told him as bravely as I could manage. "And Edward knows it. He's just using you to try to make it more difficult for me, but that's not why I'm not giving Edward another chance. I can't give him another chance because he still has a very hard time allowing me to do things my way. He's manipulative and petulant, and I would lose myself again if I dated him." 

"So who is this boy you're seeing?" Charlie went all _dad_ on me, grilling me about my relationship, ignoring what I had said about Edward. I nearly laughed when he said boy, but I barely managed to contain myself. Charlie narrowed his eyes at me. "I want to meet him."

"We're not ready for that yet." I told him honestly. "We've both been hurt before, and we're taking it slowly."

"Do you think I'll disapprove? Is that it?" Charlie began to get worked up.

"Somewhat." I conceded. "Not that I think that you'll dislike him, I just think that you might not be thrilled with the idea of us dating."

"He's older." Charlie guessed, surprising me by smiling. "Actually, I think you need an older, more mature boyfriend. Edward never seemed mature enough for you. If he really has a hard time compromising, you don't want to be in a relationship with him."

"Yes, he's older and more mellow that Edward. His personality matches my own much better." I reluctantly shared with him.

"Just tell me that he isn't hurting you or forcing you into anything." Charlie was very concerned.

"He's a perfect gentleman, dad." I smiled at him, but actually anxiously anticipating the day that Carlisle didn't behave so gentlemanly with me.

I felt guilty that I couldn't tell my dad about Carlisle. I honestly hoped that I would never have to tell him that I was dating my ex-boyfriend's father. On top of that, I doubted that he would be so calm about it once he discovered exactly what I meant by _older._ Obviously I couldn't tell him Carlisle's real age, but his fake age was old enough that it might cause my father to have an aneurysm. I'm pretty sure that more than a decade older would permanently turn Charlie's face into a lovely shade of purple.

Though it took a bit of planning, Alice surprised Esme by arranging for Glenna to go with on our Paris trip with us. Esme, Rosalie, and Alice had to be careful, though because Glenna didn't know that they were vampires. Esme really liked her, but she wasn't quite ready to tell her the truth.

Alice also surprised _me_ with an overnight layover in Miami where my mom met us and we all stayed in a hotel and had a girls' night. Though later, I yelled at Alice a bit about surprising me, I was extremely glad to have some time with my mom. On the other hand, I missed Carlisle terribly. I was addicted Carlisle, and I was completely fine with it. I knew that he would never hurt me the way Edward had.

I went out to eat alone with my mom to give us some private time together.

"So, who is he?" Renee asked, insightfully as always.

"What do you mean?" I tried to brush her off.

"The _man_ you're in love with…" She wagged her eyebrows at me suggestively.

"Umm…" I hedged, not wanting to let her know.

"Fine, keep your secrets." She laughed. "But I know there's a guy. I can tell that you're in love."

I didn't deny it this time. Instead, I smiled and winked at her.

"Very soon, I am going to want details." She giggled. "You better be prepared to dish or I will fly up to Forks and figure it out for myself."

I was going to have to come up with something good for her because she absolutely would come to Forks and figure out that I was dating Carlisle. She had very good intuition regarding these things, and I was sort of afraid that she would be able to figure it out.

My mom walked us to the gate for our early morning flight. She kept fishing for hints about my love life, but I refused to divulge anything.

"Goodbye mom." I kissed her on the cheek as I gave the attendant my ticket.

"Goodbye, Bella, have fun, and don't forget what I said about details." She smiled knowingly at me. I didn't really want to tell my mom that I was dating a much older man. She would probably flip out and force me to move back with her. Honestly, she couldn't _force_ me since I was eighteen, but she could make my life exceedingly difficult. It would be easier if we just did as Carlisle suggested and waited until graduation to spring this bit of news on my parents. We were a bit afraid that it would strain my relationship with Charlie, and I only had until graduation before I moved across the country. Even then, it would still be hard to tell them. I wondered how I was going to do it.

The five of us had a great time the second day in Paris. The first day, she and Rosalie went out while Glenna and I slept off our jetlag. Once we were rested, Alice took us to some very exclusive boutiques, including a few bridal shops. I thought that she was there for me, but actually, Rosalie was planning another wedding with Emmett. During our shopping time, I tried to focus on how much I liked spending time with these women, and not on the psychotic pixie that dragged me to more boutiques than I could count.

On our third day, Esme and Glenna decided to spend an intimate day together while Alice took Rosalie and I to more and more stores, including a few lingerie shops. I picked out a few tasteful nightgowns. While I wanted to further my physical relation with Carlisle, some of those things were just too scary to think about.

I looked wistfully at all of the art and culture we were passing by at lightning speed. Alice couldn't spare a second glance at these things, and since this was her Christmas present, I didn't push her to look at the things that I wanted to do. I made a mental note to ask Carlisle if someday we could come here and really explore the city, maybe go to the Louvre. That would be amazing to me.

Around one o'clock, Alice slowed down just enough that I could eat lunch. Since she didn't want to stray too far from her preplanned path, I settled for a quick hamburger. I had just finished eating when Alice went into a trance.

"Oh, no!" She gasped. "Oh, no, no, no!"

Alice looked right at me with a look that clearly told me that something truly horrible had happened. She whispered something to Rosalie, and they got me back to the hotel as quickly as possible. Rosalie drove while Alice whispered furiously into her phone. I couldn't make out what she was saying, but I could see that whatever was going on was devastating in some way.

As soon as we got back into my hotel room, Alice and Rosalie sat me down.

"I'm so sorry, Bella!" Alice sobbed. "I didn't see it! I wasn't watching as closely as I should have been!"

This was so bad. I couldn't even begin to prepare myself for the horribleness. I knew that Alice would never react this way for normal bad things, so this must be the worst thing that ever happened. The first thought I had was something had happened to Carlisle. I started panicking.

"What happened?" I asked breathing very heavily.

"Charlie and Renee." Alice breathed. "They're both dead."

I didn't scream or cry. I simply sat in the hotel room and stared blankly at Alice, numb to the world.

"How?" I finally managed to make myself speak.

"Victoria and Laurent killed them and Phil as well." Alice told me shakily.

I didn't answer her. I just zoned out, barely aware that Carlisle's ring tone was playing on my phone. He called it several times before he finally gave up and called Alice instead.

"I think she's in shock." I heard Alice say. "Our flight is in four hours. We'll be there in eight."

"Yes, we'll watch her very closely." Alice agreed with something.

I was vaguely aware that Rosalie was packing our clothes. Esme and Glenna must have come in at some point because soon they were both in the room with me, upset and apologetic.

I floated through the motions of going to the airport and getting on the plane. I couldn't tell you one single thing that happened between the time we left the hotel and take off. I was there, but only in body. My mind had almost completely shut off.

The flight was similar; I neither ate nor slept. I was a zombie. Esme and Glenna fretted over me constantly, but I couldn't answer them or respond in any way. I think that Alice and Rosalie were on the airplane phones talking to other members of the family, but I wasn't really sure.

After all of the other passengers had gotten off of the plane, Esme and Glenna finally managed to rouse me enough to help me down the jet way and through the concourse. They bade me goodbye before they found made their way to a connecting flight to Seattle. They were going to finalize the funeral arrangements for Charlie.

Alice and Rosalie helped me the rest of the way. I felt Carlisle wrap his arms around me before I could even register that he was there. I was unresponsive to his embrace.

"Jasper?" I heard Carlisle ask worried once he had buckled me in the back seat of a fifteen passenger van.

"It's like she's not even there." Jasper answered him.

"She's blocking you?" Rosalie asked.

"I don't think so." He answered. "No, she's actually void of emotions right now."

"Can you pump some into her?" Edward sounded frightened.

"I would prefer to wait and see if she naturally starts feeling again." Jasper told him, and probably all of them.

"But she needs to feel!" Edward protested and continued a long string of profanities that I ignored.

"Enough." Carlisle commanded. "Jasper is the expert on this. We need to defer to his judgment."

"No! Damn it!" Edward pounded his fist on the dashboard. "I am the expert on this!"

It got very quiet for a few seconds before Edward spoke again, "Sorry. I thought that would work. I thought she would snap out of it and yell at me for being such an arrogant asshole."

"I was wondering why your emotions seemed to be a bit off." Jasper breathed a sigh of relief

The rest of the ride was silent. Sometime during the ride, I realized that we weren't in Seattle. Yes, I knew that Glenna and Esme went to Seattle, but my brain wasn't working very well. We were in Jacksonville. Renee and Phil's funeral must have been before Charlie's.

Carlisle had rented out an entire floor of a very nice hotel. They put me in the nicest room, but I didn't care. I didn't think that I would be able to sleep anyway. Carlisle eventually sedated me so that I could rest.

I woke up Thursday morning, the day of Renee's funeral, and Alice helped get me ready. Carlisle and Jasper drove me to the funeral, but had to stay in the car because it was sunny. The minister said some words, but honestly, they weren't a comfort. I couldn't even tell you what was said. There were also some songs, and Phil's coach said something nice about him.

The minister was obviously new to funerals because he decided mid-service to ask me to say a few words about my mom. It took me a good three minutes to realize he was talking to me. I still didn't move. He had never met me before in his life and decided to put me on the spot and ask me to speak in front of a room full of people. He was actually lucky that I was in shock because I probably would have reacted worse if I hadn't been.

It was a closed casket ceremony, but I didn't know why. If one of the Cullen's had said, I must have not heard.

Afterwards, we went to the graveside. Again, I couldn't tell you what went on. I was basically there as a decoration. There was a late lunch at Renee and Phil's house. I sat on the couch and waited for everyone to leave. The minister seemed to think that I needed to talk to him about something. He was there until dark when Carlisle showed up and told him that we needed to get to the airport.

This flight wasn't as long, and we arrived at night. I was once again sedated so that I could sleep. I woke up on Friday and started getting ready for Charlie's funeral only to find out that it wasn't until Saturday. Carlisle reluctantly left me to take care of some paperwork regarding Charlie's death. I was left alone with Rosalie, Edward, and Emmett. Alice and Jasper went to speak with the minister so that there so that there wasn't an awkward repeat of what happened in Jacksonville. Since it was overcast in Jacksonville, Esme and Glenna went back to pack up my mom's things and get the house ready to be put on the market.

Emmett and Edward were playing video games while I sat by Edward on the couch. Edward had decided that I needed to be next to him, and I was too out of it to fight him.

Rosalie floated into the room wearing her new wedding dress.

"How do you like this for our next wedding?" Rosalie asked Emmett.

"Of course Alice and Bella will be the bridesmaids." She started to explain, not waiting for Emmett's answer. "I assume Edward and Jasper will be your groomsmen. Carlisle will walk me down the aisle…"

She may have continued after that, but all I could focus on was Carlisle walking Rosalie proudly down the aisle. That image changed to Charlie walking me down the aisle to marry Carlisle, and while we hadn't even talked about marriage, I was hoping to one day marry Carlisle. I knew that Carlisle was the one I wanted forever. I had wanted Charlie to give me away whenever that time came, but now he would never get to. I gasped, knowing that I was a horrible person to dread telling my parents about my relationship with Carlisle. I had wished that I would never have to tell them. Maybe I was being punished for my dishonesty. I now wished that they could be here so that I could tell them. I would confess everything if they could just somehow be here again.

Edward, Emmett, and Rosalie froze at my reaction.

At first, my lip quivered, and then tears gathered in my eyes. This was just the quiet before the storm. I managed to hold it together all of ten seconds before I started bawling. Jasper and Alice came running into the room a few minutes after I began crying.

"Oh, thank God." Jasper breathed. "I'd thought we'd lost her."

"What happened?" Alice asked.

"I don't know." Edward and Rosalie said at the same time.

"What was going on at the time?" Jasper wondered.

"I was showing Emmett my new wedding dress and talking about her being a bridesmaid…" Rosalie inhaled sharply. "Do you think she didn't want to be a bridesmaid?" She was so upset by that. I reached out to take away her pain, but Edward grabbed my hand and jerked it away from Rosalie's face.

"No, it was after that when you started talking about Carlisle walking you down the aisle." Emmett reminded them.

That brought on a whole new wave of wailing. Edward held me tightly. "It probably made her realize that Charlie would never be able to give her away."

I nodded, still sobbing hysterically. Edward pulled me into his lap and kissed the top of my head. I should have stopped it then, but I was much too distraught to think about what had just happened. I finally snapped out of it when I felt Edward's erection growing down below me. He wasn't supposed to be the one holding and comforting me, and it was making me very uncomfortable that he was aroused at my proximity. I _was_ feeling somewhat better from the comfort he gave me, but when I realized that this comfort was a little too intimate from the wrong person, I felt worse because I shouldn't want Edward to comfort me in this way. I struggled to free myself from his grip, but he held me firmly. I panicked.

"Edward!" Jasper scolded him sharply. "She doesn't want you. Let her go."

"Her emotions are all over the place." Edward pointed out to him. "I'm not sure that she wants me to let go."

"Not you!" I gasped. "I shouldn't have let you! I'm a horrible person! I'm… a cheater!"

"Oh, sweetie," Rosalie pulled me out of Edward's grip and into hers, and Edward allowed it, "Carlisle isn't going to think you were cheating on him with Edward because you let him hug you."

"It's feels wrong to let Edward do it even though I want to be held." I told her, sobbing. "He wants something that I'm not willing to give. It hurts so much, and I'm confused!"

"I see your point." She conceded. "Edward should _probably_ keep his hands to himself and let one of us hug or hold you if Carlisle isn't here. I think that being so close to you confuses him as well." She was clearly talking to Edward with this last statement, not so subtly reminding him that he wasn't with me anymore.

I pulled out my phone to call Carlisle, but Rosalie stopped me. "You can talk to him when he gets home." She took my phone from me.

"I already told him that you were crying, and he's on his way." Alice knelt down beside me. "He'll be here in two minutes."

It seemed like an eternity, but Carlisle did indeed run through the front door two minutes later and scooped me into his arms. I cried for what seemed like hours before I could calm down enough to put more than two words together. Slowly, my breathing returned to normal, and I was only sobbing every once in awhile. I felt so safe and loved in Carlisle's arms. I never wanted to be anywhere else.

Finally, I remembered what had happened between Edward and me. As much as I needed this right now, Carlisle deserved my honesty.

"I let Edward…" my voice squeaked, but he interrupted me.

"Alice told me what happened." Carlisle covered my mouth with his finger. "And I don't think that you did anything wrong."

"But I shouldn't have let it go as far as I did." I countered around his finger.

"He was a friend giving you comfort, nothing more." Carlisle disagreed. "You were sad and leaning on your friend."

"That is _not_ what he was thinking." I argued.

"You're right, Bella." Jasper answered me.

Edward was petulantly scowling at us from the corner, not saying anything. I honestly hadn't expected Edward to admit that he was wrong, but I had hoped that he would. I knew that he was still trying to win me back.

"Edward is at fault here, not you." Jasper continued. ""To you, it was a friendly, comforting gesture, but to Edward it was a chance to have some physical intimacy with you. The familiarity of the situation confused him. He _does _want you more than he should. He _should_ apologize for making you feel uncomfortable."

All eyes turned to Edward as he stiffened, and finally sighed, "I'm sorry, Bella."

"I forgive you, Edward." I told him as I snuggled closer to Carlisle. He returned the gesture and held me tightly. This simple act reminded me of how much I loved Carlisle. I would be happy spending the rest of my existence with this wonderful man.

I looked around the room to see if I could tell if anyone else was as mistrustful of Edward as I was, but my inspection was cut short when I saw Rosalie, still in her wedding dress. Seeing her reminded me of why I broke down. My face suddenly got very red, realizing that Carlisle was probably going to ask what caused me to start feeling emotion again, or one of the others had already told him.

"Why are you suddenly so embarrassed, Bella?" Jasper asked.

My eyes widened in horror, and I hoped like hell that Jasper would let this drop, but sadly most of the vampires I knew were extremely curious, to the point of annoyance. I was beginning to think that Edward's incessant need to know everything was at least partially because all vampires were nosy.

"Bella?" Carlisle asked, checking on me.

"Um…" I stalled, biting my lower lip. "I was just…"

"It's about _why_ she started crying." Alice interrupted. I could practically hear her eyes rolling, though I couldn't see it.

"Ah." Jasper chuckled. "Sorry, Bella."

"Are you going to enlighten me, my dear?" Carlisle tipped my chin up so that he could look into my eyes.

"Um… I was listening to Rosalie describe her wedding, and she said something about you… w-w-walking her down…" I again was crying uncontrollably.

Jasper was suddenly in front of me, staring into my eyes. "May I tell him?"

I nodded, still trying to get under control.

"I think that she got upset because she realized that Charlie couldn't give her away at her wedding, and she's embarrassed that you were going to find out why because you hadn't talked about getting married yet. She didn't want you to think that she expected a proposal." Jasper told Carlisle, but Carlisle's eyes were on me.

"Bella, do you want to marry me someday?" Carlisle asked hopefully though his phrasing made it clear to me that though he was curious, this wasn't an actual proposal.

"Yes." I choked out.

Carlisle smiled like an idiot but quickly fixed his face in a more content expression. "Someday." He breathed.

**Okay, please don't hate me for putting Bella through this.**


	14. Love

**Chapter 14 – Love**

Carlisle sat with me the rest of the day and comforted me when I cried. Emmett brought me food and begged me to eat. Just after dinner time, Alice came and talked to me about how the funeral was going to go.

"Charlie had a will." Alice explained. "It expressed his wishes to donate his body to science because he wanted to help people even in his death.

"Unfortunately, given the nature of his death, we had to forge a will stating his wishes to be cremated. I'm so very sorry." She apologized.

"It's not your fault, Alice." I reached out to touch her, but Jasper whisked her away from my reach.

"Don't." He chastised me. "Your grief is all you can bear right now. I'm afraid any more might give you a heart attack."

"Sorry." I looked down. A thought struck me. "You never told me exactly what happened or what the official story was."

I looked at Carlisle for an explanation, but he looked like he didn't want to upset me further by telling me the story. He nodded his head to Alice, and she took a deep breath before filling me in.

"Charlie was out in the woods searching for clues as to why hikers had been going missing with one of his friends from La Push, Harry Clearwater, I believe." Alice explained. "Laurent killed Charlie in front of his friend by draining him. He and Victoria coordinated so that we wouldn't have time to stop them."

"Did Victoria drink from my mom too? Is that why she and Phil had closed caskets?" I wondered.

"No, your mom wasn't as lucky." Jasper told me. "Victoria…"

I could tell what he was trying not to say was that Victoria had made my mom suffer. I broke down in a new wave of hysterics.

"We're trying to track them, Bella." Edward assured me fervently. He was very angry. I could also tell that he blamed himself for not being able to stop them. "They will have to answer to us for what they've done to you."

I cried on Carlisle's shoulder for a very long time. It took me awhile to calm down enough to listen again.

"I got a call from Sam Uley just after Alice called, telling me exactly what had happened." Carlisle picked up where Alice had left off. "He had gotten to your father just a little too late. Your father was drained, but Harry was safe. Unfortunately, Laurent got away. Sam staged the scene to make it look like a heart attack and asked me to fake an autopsy. I promise, I was as respectful as I could be."

I nodded, never doubting that he would treat my dad with the utmost care.

"I met Sam in the forest with your father. We discussed the best course of action and ultimately decided to opt for cremation because of the giant visible teeth marks on his neck and because we couldn't have his body donated for science when it had absolutely no blood in it." Carlisle explained. "We would have consulted you, but Alice told us you weren't in any state to make that decision."

I was sure that he had done the right thing, but I was mostly disappointed with myself for not being strong enough to make that decision. Once again, I was reminded that I was the weakest link.

"No one thinks you're weak." Jasper scolded my self-hatred.

Except for me.

Jasper shook his head at me. I looked away from him and tried to control my emotions.

"How did you do the autopsy so quickly and still make it in time to meet us in Jacksonville?" I wondered.

"You landed in Jacksonville just over nine hours after Alice called me, but I was already back in Forks when they called me." Carlisle explained. "Our hunting trip didn't go as smoothly as we had hoped."

"I'm sorry to hear that." I sympathized with him, searching for an explanation.

"There were some problems…" Jasper started to say but trailed off, looking at Edward.

"For the last time, I did not ask those… succubi to meet us there." Edward growled at Jasper. "I have no idea why they showed up."

"I think it's actually my fault." Rosalie admitted, looking very ashamed. "I knew how much you all missed Eleazar, and how much Eleazar probably wanted to get a break from the women. I called and told him your plans, hoping he could meet you there and surprise you. One of the ladies must have overheard and took the opportunity to try to seduce Carlisle."

"What?" I was sure I didn't hear her correctly.

"The Denali coven," Rosalie explained, "you know, Tanya, Kate, Irina, Carmen, and Eleazar? The other group of vegetarian vampires."

"They want to seduce Carlisle?" I looked back at him for an explanation.

"Well, not Carmen, she's with Eleazar." He looked sheepishly at me. "But Tanya, Kate, and Irina… they have been trying to…"

"Get their 'freak on' with you?" Emmett offered, laughing.

"Yes, to put it crudely." Carlisle scowled at him before turning to me to explain. "For a few hundred years, they have taken every opportunity to proposition me, but I have turned them down every time."

"Apparently, they can't take a hint." I mumbled.

"No, not really." Emmett laughed. "They are used to getting whatever they want. They are, in fact, the original succubi. Who knows how many hundreds of thousands of men those three have been with? It's actually pretty disturbing when you think about it."

"So, when they showed up and started in on me, I left." Carlisle told me. "The Denali ladies don't care that we're dating. To them, unless we're intimate, the relationship isn't real, and they won't believe we're intimate unless they actually smell you on me or me on you since I refuse to give them details. The others stayed out of politeness, but since our relationship is so new, I didn't want to give you any reason to doubt me."

"Why would I doubt you?" I was a bit hurt that he thought so little of me. "I know that you have excellent self-control. It doesn't make much since to think that even though you'd been denying them for hundreds of years, you would jump into bed with them now that we are dating."

"Of course, you're right, my dear, but not many women are as wonderfully secure as you are. I suppose the real reason I left was because they make me uncomfortable." He admitted.

"So you missed a nice week with your friend and your sons because those three… ladies were making you uncomfortable?" I felt the ire rising inside me over these three succubi. "They ruined your vacation."

"Yes, my darling." He looked very sad.

I hadn't been mad or jealous or anything over these ladies flirting with Carlisle. Their flirtatiousness didn't have anything to do with me. I knew that Carlisle would never entertain the thought of cheating on me. It only made them seem sad that they would try over and over to seduce him when he had plainly told them, no, for several hundred years. I was mad because they were hurting him. I could feel the hurt radiating from him, and I reached out to absorb it, but he dodged me. I still felt the need to help him get rid of some of his pain, so I did the only other thing I knew to do.

"Give me your phone." I held out my hand and waited until he gave it to me.

I scrolled until I found Tanya's information and dialed hit the dial button.

She picked up immediately. "Carlisle, hello. I've been hoping to hear from you." She was very flirty even saying normal stuff. I was a bit appalled that she could make that simple statement sound dirty.

"No, this is Bella Swan." I corrected her angrily. "I've just called to tell you to…"

"Stay away from your man?" She interrupted laughing.

"No, I would never do that." I countered. "I wanted to tell you and your sisters to control yourselves around Carlisle, or you will not be welcome to see him anymore."

"That sounds an awful lot like, stay away from your man." She teased.

"No, it's more of a _stop being selfish bitches_." I growled at her earning gasps from several vampires around the room. "I'm not stupid. Carlisle is insanely attractive. Women are going to flirt with Carlisle, and that has nothing to do with me until it starts to hurt him. I would have never called you over simple flirting. I called you because the three of you ruined his week away with his sons and prevented him from having a good time with Eleazar. I suspect that no one has any idea how much pain you've caused him over the years." I looked over at him, and he ducked his head away. Yes, he had been holding in all of the hurt, and not even Jasper was aware how deeply the three harpy bitches had wounded my Carlisle. "I'm telling you right now that will not happen again. My family may be too polite to tell you, but if the three of you can't control yourselves, Eleazar and Carmen will be welcome to visit, but you will not be."

"I'm sorry, Bella." Tanya's voice lost some of her confidence, and she actually sounded sincere. "I never thought of it that way. We never saw what we were doing as damaging Carlisle's relationship with my family. I promise that we'll control ourselves from now on."

"Thank you." I sighed in appreciation.

"May I please apologize in person to Carlisle?" She asked, and I handed the phone to him.

I didn't hear what she said to him, but whatever it is made him smile, so it must have been good.

"I appreciate that." The pain was fading out of him. I could both hear it in his voice and feel it diminishing. "You're right. She is wonderful. Goodbye."

I was about to ask Carlisle if he was upset with me for being harsh with his friend when he took my face in his hands and kissed me passionately on the lips.

"Thank you, my darling." He breathed against my mouth.

"Mmhmm." I mumbled back at him unable to say anything more while he was kissing me.

Edward cleared his throat to try to get us to cool it, but we paid him no attention.

"Anyway, back to the funeral." Alice said more loudly than normal to get our attention.

We straightened up and focused back on what Alice was telling us.

"Reverend Webber has agreed to give the eulogy." She explained. "He knows that you aren't going to say anything, and actually was a bit horrified that the minister at your mom's funeral put you on the spot.

"Since your dad was technically on duty when he was killed, he will be getting a category one funeral which means the highest honor with all the formality and ceremony. It will be held in the school gymnasium to accommodate all of the people who will be attending, including the governor of Washington and our congressman." Alice told me hesitantly.

"Okay." I was feeling like I was going numb again. I didn't know how I was going to get through the funeral. It was going to hurt so badly, in some ways much more than my mother's. It was only made worse by the fact that I knew that I couldn't lean on Carlisle for this. It would raise too many questions. If I was going to make it through tomorrow, I would have to do it in zombie mode.

"Stay with us, Bella." Jasper begged. "Don't slip away again.

"It's too much." I whimpered. "I'm not strong enough."

"You are." Carlisle told me.

"I'll try." I whimpered, nodding. For him, I would try to be strong.

"We ran into a rather large problem concerning the fake will." Alice continued, looking very nervous about what she was going to say.

I became extremely anxious as to what she was going to say, but she didn't continue. Instead, Jasper cleared his throat. I met his remorseful gaze.

"I'm mighty sorry, Bella, but I thought your dad would like to rest on the lake where he loved to fish." Jasper told me, apologetically, though I didn't know why.

"That sounds about right." I nodded.

"I had no idea about your fear of water when I wrote the will…" Jasper went on. "But I added a request that you scatter the ashes from the pier."

"Oh, no, no, no!" I shook my head frantically and felt my dinner coming back up. I bolted for the bathroom and threw up.

Carlisle had a cool washcloth waiting for me and wiped my face with it.

"I can't do this." I cried softly, defeated. "I don't know how."

Carlisle carried me back to the living room. I shook with fear the whole way.

"Alice and I can walk with you if you like." Rosalie offered.

I gripped Carlisle tighter. I wanted so badly for him to be able to help me do this, but I understood that would never happen. I felt awful for even wanting it. I hadn't wanted to tell my parents about Carlisle, and now that they were dead I actually wanted him to comfort me at my father's funeral. That was about as selfish a thing as I could imagine.

"Whatever thought is making you have such a low opinion of yourself can't be right, Bella." Jasper tried to comfort me. "You are absolutely the most selfless person I know."

I waffled back and forth for awhile before Alice interrupted me. I must have at least briefly decided to tell him because she seemed to know what I was going to say.

"Don't be an idiot, Bella. Your parents wouldn't want you to be hurting this way." Alice scolded me. "Just ask him."

There was no way I could put him through that kind of decision. If he comforted me to make me feel better, he would suffer. I knew that his coworkers and bosses might think badly of him if it was known that he was dating a high school student that his son used to date. I couldn't bear the thought of hurting him. I decided to keep this pain to myself.

I saw Jasper looking at me strangely and Edward shaking his head in amusement.

"You're not going to ask him, are you?" Edward almost laughed at me, but his eyes didn't show the humor that his voice held. He looked hopeful about something.

"I don't think I can." I answered, but immediately wished I hadn't. Carlisle's face fell. I could see that he thought that I didn't trust him. I ended up hurting him because I was trying not to hurt him.

"I trust you, Carlisle." I started crying again. "I know that you will never hurt me… I'm just a little concerned that if I told you some things, you might choose what's best for me despite what it does to you."

I don't know what I expected Carlisle to do, but I certainly didn't expect him to burst into laughter. "You do realize that you've just described yourself to a tee, my darling?"

Everyone else laughed as well. Edward laughed as well, but there was something off about him.

"That's the funniest thing I've heard in a long time!" Alice was shaking with laughter.

"Will you please tell him?" Jasper asked, still chuckling a little.

"I… um…" I stammered. "Please don't think I'm selfish…"

"Wait." Carlisle's face lit up with realization. "You want me to publicly comfort you tomorrow?"

"Yes," I was ashamed. "I know it will cause you problems."

"What?" Carlisle asked me incredulously. "You didn't want to tell others about our relationship because of what you thought it would do to _me_?" He chuckled once, shook his head, and closed his eyes, then added, "Of course."

"Aren't you worried about that?" I asked him.

"No," he told me like it was the most obvious thing in the world, "I was worried about what it would do to _you_. This will be so much worse on you than it is on me."

"But your bosses, and your coworkers, won't they think less of you for dating a high school student?"

"I think not, my dear." He laughed once again. "You're eighteen, so legally and morally, we should be fine. Plus, you're extremely beautiful, my darling."

Edward looked a bit disappointed. I didn't know why. Jasper tried to silently contain his laughter. Emmett wasn't quite so modest. He guffawed so loudly the house shook.

"Bella," Rosalie laughed at me, "you are an idiot. I bet half of the guys in this town will line up to congratulate Carlisle for nailing you, and the other half will be insanely jealous of him."

I blushed at her explanation. I definitely wanted to… you know, but I wouldn't have put it so crudely.

"But won't they make comments about how you're robbing the cradle or maybe that you're a dirty old man?" I worried.

"First, thanks for that, my dear." Carlisle said, sarcastically. "Second, Emmett already tells me that and worse at least three times a day."

"I'm sorry. I never wanted anyone to think that about you. I don't think that about you." I put my head down in shame only to have Carlisle gently tip it back up so that I met his gaze.

"Don't." He softly scolded me. For some reason it made my insides tingle to hear him even slightly be authoritative with me. He waited until he was sure I was listening before continuing. "I don't care what any of them think, and I _know_ that you don't think that of me. My only concern was what our relationship would do to your reputation."

"You don't think that every girl in my class would give anything to be in my position?" I giggled. "Do you have any idea how many times I've heard them refer to you as 'Doctor Do-Me-a-Little'?"

"What?" Carlisle was clearly embarrassed.

"That's not half as bad as what the boys think about you, Bella." Edward rolled his eyes. There was something going on with him. I wasn't sure what it was. I was kind of worried about what he might be stewing over.

I looked over to see if Jasper could give me any insight, but I don't think that he caught what I was wanting from him because he didn't really react.

"All of your classmates?" He wondered.

"You really don't know how attractive you are?" I twisted in his arms and gave him a quick peck on the lips.

"That doesn't sound familiar at all, does it?" Carlisle laughed at me, and kissed me back.

I giggled back at him.

"I see that you've decided to walk her to the shore, Carlisle." Alice broke us out of our private moment, effectively ruining it for me by reminding me of the upcoming horror of walking on the pier. "I can't see the funeral, so I don't know how that will go. I assume the wolf pack will be there. But I can see that you will both get some questions later on, so it's safe to say that you will get questions and staring tomorrow at the funeral."

"Maybe it would be better if I walked you to the shore." Edward suggested hopefully. "None of our classmates would think anything of that. They would probably just think we got back together over spring break."

I gripped Carlisle as tightly as I could. My heart was beating wildly in a near panic as I whispered, "Please don't let him."

"Don't be an idiot, Edward." Rosalie growled at him. Though she didn't what Edward had done, she did realize that this was a bad idea. "Why would she let you if she wouldn't let Alice and me?"

"Not him, not him." I begged Carlisle. "Please don't let him take me near the water."

"Of course not, my darling." Carlisle promised me, knowing exactly what I was afraid of.

"Alice saw them calling you nasty names." Edward argued. "They aren't going to be nice to you if you walk with him to the shore."

I assumed this already. They called me names when Edward and I were dating. I assumed it would only become worse with Carlisle. For one thing, I was dating my ex's father. That was a little weird, not that I cared about weird, but other people did. For another, more women were openly attracted to Carlisle since it would be strange even for the cougars to go after Edward.

Despite all of this, I knew the ridicule was something I could endure. The overwhelming grief and sadness, I could not. And I knew that I absolutely could _not_ stand next to Edward on the dock. That was out of the question. I was starting to panic just thinking about it.

"No, Edward." I told him pathetically, but it was as forceful as I could muster. I was desperately hoping that Carlisle would have my back in this instance. I was in no shape to battle wills with Edward right now.

"Bella, listen…" Edward started to counter.

"No." Carlisle told him somewhat angrily, and I sighed in relief. "She made her position perfectly clear. She doesn't want you anywhere near her when she walks to the dock. Can you please respect that?"

"I'd like to speak with Bella in private." Edward told Carlisle emotionlessly. He probably sensed an easy win if he could just get me alone.

"Absolutely not." Jasper snarled at the same time Alice said angrily, "No."

I could tell that they both worried about what he would do to me if Edward got me alone.

"If you're worried about how devoted she is to Carlisle…" Edward looked at Alice and taunted her.

The bottom fell out of my stomach. Alice didn't want me to be alone with Edward, not because she saw him doing something inappropriate, but because she saw _me_ doing something to hurt Carlisle. I started crying again and mumbling incoherent apologies to Carlisle who whispered assurances to me.

"That's not why we said no, and you know it!" Alice shouted. "You aren't making decisions, and I'm a little concerned about _your_ motivations."

It relieved me to no end to know that Alice hadn't seen me doing something that would hurt Carlisle. It was Edward that was being difficult.

"And your emotions have been erratic." Jasper added.

"I _need_ to talk to her." Edward insisted.

I was a bit curious about where this was going, but not so much that I would actually be alone with him. I was a bit terrified about it, to be honest. My mind was reeling with closets and begging him to let me out. He was behaving like a possessed man, and I didn't want to be alone with him.

"I trust you, my darling, but right now, I don't trust _him_. I would prefer that you weren't alone with him." Carlisle told me, not addressing Edward.

I grabbed his shirt tightly and whispered, "I don't want to talk to him right now."

"Bella, please…" Edward's voice sounded so desperate now.

"I'm sorry, Edward if you want to speak with me, you'll have to do it in front of everyone." I whispered.

"I promise I just want to talk to you." His voice was begging me.

"She said no," Carlisle answered for me.

"I swear, I wasn't going to do anything to you." Edward sounded desperate for me to believe him. "I just wanted my humiliation to be minimized."

"Could you give us some privacy?" I asked, speaking to Emmett, Rosalie, Jasper, and Alice.

Carlisle started to get up as well. He looked positively crestfallen and terrified of what Edward was going to do to me.

"Please stay." I clung to him desperately. The others paused to make sure I was alright. "We can minimize his humiliation this way, but I don't think that I can trust him right now with the way he's been acting today."

Carlisle breathed a sigh of relief.

"Thank you," he whispered in my hair, "I would have respected your wishes, but it would have nearly killed me to leave you with him right now."

"I can't be… I mean, please don't let him put me in the closet." I shook as I thought of what he might do to me if Carlisle weren't with me.

"Never." Carlisle promised me.

"I wasn't going to do that." Edward protested. "I just need to talk to you, without your babysitter."

I was becoming more afraid of Edward as he tried harder and harder to get me away from Carlisle. I was so afraid that I was unable to speak. I simply shook my head at him, very nervously.

"Does it have to be Carlisle?" Edward looked at me pleadingly. "This is already going to be hard enough for me to say."

"I'm pretty sure I already know what you're going to say, and yes, it has to be Carlisle." I managed to squeak out, gripping Carlisle's shirt as tightly as I could. I would not willingly let him go.

"I'd rather it was someone else." Edward mumbled.

"Because _I_ would be so much more patient with you than Carlisle?" Rosalie asked sarcastically.

Carlisle chuckled at the thought. Edward glowered.

Did Edward honestly think that it would be easy for me to have Carlisle hear all of the things we had to say? That was insane. It will probably be just as embarrassing for me as it is for him, especially when I may possibly be saying things to Edward that I haven't even said to Carlisle yet. The only way I would ever be able to have this conversation with Edward, was because I knew that Carlisle wouldn't hurt me because of what came up during our talk.

"How about…?" He looked around the room at the others hoping that he would find someone besides Carlisle to stay but came up empty. Every one of them stared him down with hostility.

If Esme were here, he probably would have suggested her, though I still would have chosen Carlisle.

"If you prefer, I will remain silent unless you decide to emotionally bully her or if she addresses me. You may pretend that I'm not here." Carlisle offered, I thought, rather generously.

Edward realized that this was the best offer he was going to get. He nodded tersely, and the others left, confident that with Carlisle there, Edward wouldn't be able to hurt me. Edward still waited. I assumed he was waiting until he could no longer hear the thoughts of the rest of his family before he started speaking.

"When I kissed your head today, I realized how much I still love you. It's been nagging at me all day." Edward told me. "I love you more than I thought possible, and I'm sorry that I've been acting like a caged animal, but when you asked him to publicly be your boyfriend, I knew that my chance to win you back was quickly evaporating. I'm begging you, Bella. Please pick me. I can give you all the things that he could give you, and you wouldn't have to endure all of the scorn you have to endure with him. Please, Bella, I love you."

I knew that it was going to be something like that, but I was pretty sure that the feelings he was talking about started a long time before today. I decided not to look at Carlisle even though I really wanted to. I didn't want him to think that I was considering this. There was no decision to be made. I loved Carlisle, and even though he didn't say it to me yet, I knew that he loved me too. When we were dating, Edward had often told me that he loved me, but the evidence was clear. He didn't love me then. And while I was sure that he thought he loved me now, I wasn't sure if he actually knew what love meant.

"Edward," I sighed, trying to organize my thoughts, "I don't want to hurt you, but… I can't be with you."

"I thought that you had forgiven me." He responded rather petulantly. "You obviously didn't mean it. I should have known that a person like you…"

Carlisle cleared his throat at Edward, probably throwing him a dirty look. Edward stopped mid-sentence.

"Forgiveness is not the same as being willing to let you hurt me." I explained.

"Can you at least tell me why?" He looked like he was going to cry. "Why did you choose him over me?"

Again, I sighed, knowing that this clarification would hurt Edward badly and probably embarrass me in front of Carlisle. I looked back at him. He smiled at me encouragingly.

"Honestly, Edward, I didn't choose him over you. There was no choice. Even if I wasn't with him, I still wouldn't be with you. I can't even begin to think about being with you that way." I winced slightly, because of the hurt I sensed coming off of him.

"Please, Bella tell me why him and not me." He begged.

"If you're determined to torture yourself with comparisons, I will indulge you." I paused to gather my thoughts. This was something that I had wanted to tell Edward for awhile now, but I hadn't wanted to hurt him. I tried to be as gentle as I could because I knew that it could really be painful to hear. "With Carlisle, I am free to be myself. I was always in your shadow when we were together. You eclipsed me in every way. I was merely an extension of you, and nothing I did could ever change the fact that it was always **BIG** you, and _little_ me." I breathed a sigh of relief at finally getting the chance to tell him this.

Of course, he didn't accept it. "But I've changed so much!" He challenged. "Why won't you even give us a chance? I thought you were forgiving enough to…"

I felt angry tears prickling in my eyes. The old Bella would have been sobbing, tormented by the fact that I possibly wasn't forgiving enough for him. But now, I was not that naïve little girl who believed that Edward could do no wrong, willing to believe any problem in our relationship must be my fault. I was about to rip him a new one when Carlisle cut him off.

"Edward." Carlisle patiently warned him.

I twisted in his lap and gave him a quick peck on the lips.

"Thank you."

"Anytime." He smiled at me.

"Did you know that I still have nightmares about the things you did to me?" I asked Edward rhetorically. "Not often, but I still do. Just thinking about letting you w-w-walk m-me to the w-w-water… I can't do it, Edward! It's hard to know that you're even going to be there near the… lake. My mind keeps imagining you th-th-throwing me in. But with Carlisle, I actually believe that I can scatter my dad's ashes."

"But I've changed so much, and I love you…" Edward countered. "Has Carlisle even told you that yet?

"Are you serious?" I snapped at him. "You casually throw around words that I'm not entirely sure you understand and think that means that you love me? Edward, let me make this perfectly clear. I did love you, but I don't anymore, not like you think you love me."

"But I _do_ love you…" Edward told me through gritted teeth. "I don't just _think_ it."

I twisted around to address Carlisle.

"I don't doubt this for a moment, Carlisle, but I wanted to make sure. I love you, Carlisle. Do you love me?" I looked deeply into Carlisle's eyes. I wanted to make sure I wasn't making assumptions. I searched for permission to declare Carlisle's love for me. Though this wasn't the most romantic way to say it for the first time, I felt that it was very much needed.

"I'm absolutely, positively, head over heels in love with you, Bella." He nodded, his eyes full of joy. "Yes, I love you, more than I ever thought possible. You have no idea how happy it makes me to hear you say that you love me."

I leaned in to kiss this wonderful man who had just professed his great love for me when Edward interrupted.

"He's just _now_ telling you that he loves you?" Edward laughed condescendingly. "That doesn't mean anything. I love you. He doesn't."

"No Edward, _Carlisle_ loves me." I told him. "And not because he's said it, but because he proves it every single day. I'm pretty sure the only reason he didn't said it before was because he knew that he needed to show me with his actions before I was ready to hear it."

I looked up at Carlisle for confirmation.

Carlisle moved his lips to my ear, "That is exactly why. I'm overjoyed that you understand." He whispered. I shivered knowing that he was feeling as amorous as I did right now, but again, Edward was determined to ruin our moment.

"But you're my mate." He argued.

"What the hell does that mean, Edward?" I sighed exasperatedly at him. "Does it mean that I have to unquestioningly and blindly accept that I am forever bound to you? Does it mean that I get no choice in the matter?"

"You are perfect for me." He protested. "You have to accept that you were created to match me perfectly."

"But you _aren't_ perfect for me, Edward, or do my needs not factor into this equation?" I tried to get him to think outside of himself for a change. "You are not the center of the universe, Edward. I don't believe that I was created solely for your enjoyment. I don't believe that there is one perfect person out there for everyone."

"I am perfect for you, Bella. I complete you. You just can't see it." He scowled.

"No, Edward. You control and manipulate me." I retorted. "I want to be with someone who lets me make my own decisions."

"You mean a pussy, like Carlisle." He sneered at Carlisle behind me. "He's so beaten down; he'll let you walk all over him."

"You shut up!" I was fuming. How dare he say that about Carlisle! I lunged at him, and Carlisle restrained me. If I was strong enough, I would have slapped Edward for saying that.

"He's just trying to provoke you, my dear." Carlisle whispered in my ear. He was keeping me in place, but I could hear in his voice that he was happy that I stood up for him.

Once I had calmed down enough to form a rational thought, I spoke very purposefully though my tears, "Carlisle is the strongest person I know. Unlike you, he's mature enough to allow me to be myself."

"You dare speak to me about maturity, Bella!" He stood shouting. In a second, he was in my face and snarling. "I am more than five times your age!"

Yeah, he basically just proved my point for me with this childish outburst. I cringed into Carlisle who was clearly distressed at his son's behavior.

"But you act like a spoiled brat who throws a temper tantrum when he doesn't get his way." I pointed out to him very softly. "Only… you are strong enough and smart enough to actually force those around you to give in to you. You need to grow up."

"Grow up!" He asked me incredulously. "I haven't dazzled you or forced you to do anything in nearly five months, yet you keep insisting that I haven't changed!"

I could tell that he was barely holding on to his control. He paced in front of me and threw me a bunch of nasty looks as he spoke.

"I never said that you hadn't changed at all." I tried to make my tone as soothing as possible. "I can definitely see that you have tried to make some improvements. You've given me room to make decisions for myself, like choosing my own agent and college, and I really appreciate that. But there are other things, like when Carlisle and I became more physical with our affection that you aren't handling very well at all."

"But you're mine, Bella." He rounded on me, slowly stalking his way towards me. This time, he made his eyes do that dazzly thing as he approached. "You don't want Carlisle to walk with you…"

"Edward." Carlisle cut him off as I turned my face into his chest. Carlisle wrapped his arms more tightly around me and kissed me on the top of my head. "You _will_ stop this right now." His voice was very hard as he stroked my back.

I hated being dazzled and it scared me that Edward was stooping to this.

"Let me go, Edward." I begged him, still muffled by Carlisle's loving embrace. "I need someone who doesn't manipulate me, and you have proven that you will do anything and everything in your power to bend me to your will."

"I won't manipulate me anymore, if you would just give me a chance to prove that to you." His demeanor changed considerably probably because of Carlisle's chastisement.

"You're trying to manipulate me into being with you so that you can show me that you won't manipulate me anymore?" I asked him, laughing a little bit at the ridiculousness of how that sounded. "Can you honestly tell me that _you_ would have _allowed_ me to be alone with anyone who was hell bent on stealing me away from you? Though it would have nearly killed him to do it, Carlisle was willing to do just that if that's what I had chosen."

Edward opened his mouth several times before he decided that there was no use lying about this. I already knew the truth, and he knew it. I took his silence as an opportunity to check on Carlisle who couldn't have been happy about the things that Edward had just said and done.

"Are you alright?" I whispered to him, and he nodded.

"I was just thinking that you were probably right about Edward's serious need for some discipline." He admitted. "I was about to step in and take him to task when he suddenly calmed down."

That definitely explained Edward's mood swing. I smiled knowing that though I had tried to tell Carlisle this earlier, Edward himself had effectively convinced Carlisle that I was right about Edward's need for a spanking. I knew that Carlisle would keep Edward on a short leash from now on. Edward's behavior towards me during our conversation had pretty much convinced Carlisle that Edward was a danger to me, and that he hadn't changed as much as we had hoped.

"Are the two of you finished?" Edward asked angrily. "I believe we were discussing the fact that you're my mate."

"No, you were _informing_ me that I am your mate, and I was daring to disagree with you." I told him.

"You're wrong, Bella." He practically growled at me. "I know you're my mate, and whenever you become a vampire, you'll finally realize that I was right, and you'll come back to me."

"So you're saying that as a human, I'm not intelligent enough to decide who I want to be with?" I questioned him.

"Most humans aren't." He laughed.

"I'm _not_ most humans." I reminded him.

"No, I suppose not." He conceded. "I just don't want you to regret being with Carlisle now once you've changed and you're mine."

"I'll never regret a single moment I spend with him." I argued, choosing to ignore the fact that he was claiming me as his possession.

"You will. You'll see." He told me confidently.

"Do you believe in soul mates, Carlisle?" I asked as I turned to face him.

"I used to, but I guess… I guess I grew up. I don't believe there's one and only one person out there for me." He admitted. "I believe in getting to know someone, spending time with them, and falling in love. However, now that I have fallen deeply in love with you, I can safely tell you that I will never change my mind about that."

"That's good to know." I smiled at him and kissed him on the lips. "I believe some are better suited to be together than others, but I don't believe that we have no choice in whom we love. Do you think that I'll change my mind because I'm a human and am not capable of making a wise decision?"

"No, my darling." He assured me. "You stayed with Edward, trying to make it work, until he broke your heart. I don't see you as a person who leaves because they are fickle. Once you make up your mind, your stubbornness rivals most vampires I know."

I laughed at his little tease.

"And I have no reason to believe that you aren't perfectly capable of choosing wisely. What Edward doesn't understand is that love is a choice, followed by a feeling. It isn't some mystical connection between two people. I choose to love you, therefore I feel in love with you."

"I choose to love you as well, Carlisle." I leaned in and kissed him passionately on the lips.

"And I can feel the evidence of your love for me, and it makes me want to show you exactly how much I love you." He whispered huskily, sending tingling feelings down to my girly parts.

I leaned in to once again claim Carlisle's lips. He had just slipped his tongue into my mouth when Edward once again interrupted our affection.

"But I have more experience than he does." Edward's voice became. "I could do things to your body that will make you scream in pleasure. He will be just as new to this as you are. He could hurt you."

I shook in horror at the thought of having sex with Edward. "I used to have nightmares about sex with you, Edward. I always woke up screaming because you either dazzled me or raped me. My dreams about Carlisle…" I trailed off, blushing, because my dreams about Carlisle were too naughty to say out loud. I felt Carlisle shift underneath me. He had gotten an erection, and I felt it against me. I blushed. "Well, let's say, they're much more pleasant. And as far as his lack of experience goes, I'm extremely happy that he and I are on the same page in that regard."

I was still blushing nervously when I looked up at Carlisle. "I'm sorry if I've made you uncomfortable."

"Not at all." He was clearly aroused. "I rather enjoy knowing that you think about me that way."

For a long time, I stared at his lips wanting nothing more than to feel them all over my body. I longed for some relief from the deep pain I was feeling over my parents' deaths, the fear of walking to the water, and all of the confusion and hurt I felt over all of the things Edward had brought up. I was pretty sure that Carlisle was well equipped to make me forget all about everything.

I returned my gaze toward Edward before I did something I would regret. All of this pain and confusion I had gone through today was not a good reason to make love for the first time. I wanted my first time to be special, and Carlisle wanted to wait until marriage. While I thought that idea was a bit archaic, I didn't want to do anything that he would regret later or that would make me feel like I seduced and corrupted him. I knew how being manipulated felt, and I absolutely wasn't going to do that to Carlisle.

"I love Carlisle." I finally spoke. "I am willing to be your friend, nothing more. Please don't try to come between us." I snuggled into Carlisle's chest, and he embraced me protectively. "I don't want to lose you as a friend."

"Put yourself in my position." Edward begged me.

I laughed out loud at that thought. I doubt if Edward has ever attempted to see something from another point of view. Carlisle must have also found the humor in that because he was silently shaking underneath me.

"You mean if I believed that you were my one and only and you were in love with someone else?" I sought clarification.

"Yes, except I'm quite certain that you are not actually in love with him." He explained, and I rolled my eyes.

"Okay, if you _thought _you were in love with someone else, and I _thought _that you were my soul mate…" I considered it for a moment, Edward growled at my amendment, Carlisle chuckled. "I would let you go."

"That's bullshit." He yelled back. "You would do anything to be with me if you were in my position."

"I'd like to think that if I believed we were meant to be together, I would want you to be happy even if it wasn't with me." I explained. "And if _you_ actually thought that I was the other half of your soul, you shouldn't have tried to break me. You wouldn't have needed to manipulate me, to _change_ me to what you wanted me to be."

"Damn it, Carlisle, not all of us can be like _you_." He growled, and suddenly, I remembered that Carlisle said that he _used to_ believe in soul mates.

I turned to look at Carlisle, and saw that he was very upset.

"Esme?" I asked and he nodded sadly.

"You know that I believed Esme was my soul mate, Edward." He looked sorrowfully at Edward. "This conversation has just brought up painful memories for me. I could no longer keep my thoughts away from Esme."

"And you shouldn't have to constantly filter your thoughts to make Edward happy." I tried to comfort him where I couldn't touch his skin and accidently absorb his pain though I could feel my hand seemed to move of its own volition to where it could find some skin and absorb his pain. I had to make a conscious effort to keep it over his clothing.

"I found all sorts of evidence that suggested that she was made for me, like the fact that I treated her when she was a child, God gave me the chance to save her, and finally, she was compassionate, but the truth is, I was ignoring everything that suggested that she wasn't meant for me. I saw only what I wanted to see and disregarded everything that didn't fit my assumptions. And it was a grave mistake on my part." Carlisle's voice shook as he spoke.

My poor Carlisle. I desperately wanted to make him feel better. He was hurting so badly that I could no longer control my hand. Carlisle caught me by the elbow just before I could touch his face with my fingers.

"Sorry." I blushed in embarrassment as he shook his head at me.

I still felt like I needed to make his pain better, to show him how much I love him but I could think of nothing that would help.

"Can't you see that's what you're doing as well?" I asked Edward. "You can't hear my mind, so you've looked for the other things that think make me perfect for you and completely ignored the things about me that make you crazy."

Edward hung his head and sobbed, "I just want so much for you to be mine, Bella. Can't you see how much I love you, Bella?"

"I'm sorry, Edward." I told him. "I don't feel that way about you anymore."

"I understand." Edward finally sighed in defeat. "I will try to respect your decision."

"Thank you, Edward." I told him hopeful that he would indeed honor my relationship with Carlisle, but I worried that he was just making a tactical retreat in order to bombard me once again when he felt he could stand a better chance of winning.


	15. Water

**Author's Note: I know that some of you thought that Edward was going to do something at Charlie's funeral, but I couldn't do that to her. Edward doesn't really want to hurt her just for fun. He wants her back, and is willing to hurt her or anyone else to get her back. He is selfish, but he isn't intentionally sadistic, not anymore, at least. Above all, Edward is selfish and doesn't care about anything outside of his little Edward bubble, but he does at least have the sense to know that torturing her at her father's funeral would gain him nothing. Also, he knows that Carlisle is at his limit with regards to disciplining him. When Edward does finally cross the line again, it will be a snap decision, not something he planned.**

**Chapter 15 – Water**

I was exhausted from all of the emotional turmoil I had endured. Alice and Jasper came back to be with me while Carlisle took Edward to hunt. I knew that they wanted to speak in private, and that was fine with me. I knew there were things that needed to be said between the two of them that I was in no emotional state to hear. Before they left, I asked Carlisle to give me something to help me sleep because I wasn't sure that I could calm myself down. He told me that he was proud of me for asking and happily gave me an Ativan. I waited to take it right before I went to bed. First, I had something I needed to do. I needed to write a letter. I wanted to say something at Charlie's funeral, but I didn't think I could be composed enough to say it.

After I had written the letter, I realized that I was a bit disappointed that Carlisle and I still hadn't gotten to celebrate our new declaration of love for one another. It certainly wasn't an appropriate time for that with all of the grief and confusion I had endured over the last few days. It wasn't the most romantic way to first hear _I love you, _but as Carlisle had said, love is about a choice followed by the feelings. It isn't always about romance. Sometimes it's about what needs to be done.

After I had gotten ready for bed, Alice and Jasper came in to talk to me while my medicine kicked in.

"Did you want me to read your letter at the funeral?" Alice smiled knowingly at me.

"If you don't mind." I hoped. "I would ask Carlisle, but I need him with me."

"Yes, of course. I would be honored to read your letter." She assured me.

I hugged her in thanks, and for some reason my mind went back to my conversation with Edward.

"Did you see the _conversation_ earlier?" I asked Alice.

"Bits and pieces of it because I wasn't trying to look." She told me. "You made the right decision, by the way."

"I was never going to leave Carlisle for Edward. My relationship with Edward was so unhealthy." I told her hardly believing that she thought I even gave that decision consideration.

"No, not that." She laughed. "Your decision not to try to relieve your emotional pain by having sex."

"Oh, that." I blushed.

"That would have ended badly no matter what Carlisle decided." She explained. "If he'd given in, you would have felt like you manipulated him; and if he'd said no, you would have felt rejected."

"You don't have any reason to think that he doesn't want you. Believe me." Jasper added. "He wants you physically. That's for sure."

"I want him, too." I admitted in a whisper.

"I know." Jasper smirked at me.

I blushed, realizing that Jasper could sense every lustful feeling I had toward Carlisle.

"I have a question for you, though." Jasper sounded curious.

"Okay?"

"I was wondering why you've never asked me if Carlisle loves you, or if Edward loved you for that matter. Why is that? Everyone always asks. Rosalie and Emmett asked, Carlisle asked about you, Edward asked about you, but you've never asked." Jasper's eyes narrowed as he awaited an answer.

"Well, with Edward, I believed we were soul mates or whatever because that's what he told me, and I definitely loved him, so I believed that he loved me. After he broke my heart, I realized that love isn't an emotion, it's a choice. I don't need you to tell me whether Carlisle loves me because I can see it in the choices he makes."

"You know? I've never met anyone who has come to that conclusion on their own." Jasper laughed. "It wouldn't have mattered, though. While I would be able to tell you if a person has romantic feelings, or if they care about someone, and sometimes even if a person is in love, I couldn't with one hundred percent certainty have told you. What I sense from a person is actually no guarantee that you will stay together."

"What would you have told me if I asked you about Edward?" I wondered.

"I would have told you that it was something you had to decide for yourself." He chuckled. "I would have been no help."

"Maybe you would have." I told him insightfully. "Since Edward insisted that we were soul mates destined before the beginning of time, or something like that, I wouldn't have understood what deciding had to do with it. I actually started to believe that I had no choice in the matter. I was meant to be with him, and there was nothing I could do about it."

"Whoever decided your mate must have been a sadistic bastard." Alice giggled.

"That's what I thought." I agreed. "But lately, I've come to believe that there isn't this mystical, cosmic plan that predetermines who I love. There isn't any love at first sight or aligning of planets that made Carlisle and I fall in love."

"I'm so glad you finally told him." Jasper beamed at me. "I was wondering which one of you were going to crack first, though Ali assured me it would be you. I should never have doubted her."

"I actually kind of figured that it would have to be me," I admitted, "like with our first kiss."

"Yes, I was getting ready to tell you that, but I saw that you decided to tell him while we were in Paris." Alice's eyes looked at me sadly. "I'm sorry that it didn't get to happen the way I saw it."

"Me too, but only because that would have meant that my parents were still alive." I began tearing up thinking about them. "But don't tell me how it would have gone. I don't want to dwell on what could have been."

"Very wise." She nodded at me then abruptly changed the subject. "Did Edward seriously call Carlisle a pussy?"

"Don't remind me." I growled. "I wanted to rip his head off for that."

"That was funny, watching Carlisle restrain you from hurting yourself slapping Edward in the face." She giggled at me.

"I wish I could have seen it." Jasper laughed as well.

Although I was very tired from all of the emotional turmoil of the day, I almost didn't want to go to sleep because I knew that when I woke up, I would have to go to Charlie's funeral, not to mention have to walk onto the pier to scatter his ashes. I know that there would be no way for me to do it without Carlisle, and as it was, he might have to carry me to get me there. Eventually, I did fall asleep, and thanks to the Ativan, it was relatively peaceful.

Alice woke me up at eight to get ready for the funeral. I understood that she was holding herself back as she helped me into the plain black dress she had bought me. She didn't fuss over my hair and makeup the way that she normally would have. I was grateful.

About an hour before I had to leave for the funeral, I was cuddled in Carlisle's lap, drawing strength from him. Edward came in and sat down opposite of us.

I feel awful that my first thought was, please not today, and my second was, please leave me alone.

"I just came to apologize to you, Bella." Edward must have sensed my hesitance to have another conversation with him.

"I'm sorry that I assumed that you were coming in here to argue with me. I just can't do that today." I told him.

"No, I just came to tell you that I'm sorry I badgered you yesterday." Edward closed his eyes and sighed. "I shouldn't have pressured you to leave Carlisle for me. It's clear that you love him. Besides, it was especially cruel to burden you like that on the eve of your father's funeral."

I was shocked that he said that.

"I forgive you, Edward." I told him. He gave me a weak smile before leaving.

Alice came in next with a pained look on her face, holding my cell phone.

"Some well-meaning individual has organized a reception for you following the funeral." She told me sadly. "Apparently, they assumed that you would want one. It's at your house, and it's kind of an open-house thing where people could come and go and let you know how much they had appreciated Charlie."

"And they're just telling me now?" I sighed, defeated.

"I'm sorry." She looked troubled. "They had apparently called your house several times before giving up and planning it anyway. Jacob called because he had been invited and heard that they hadn't told you yet. And since he and his friends are planning on going, I couldn't see it happening."

"It's not your fault." I assured her. "They really should have asked me before planning a party in my house. How are they planning on getting in to set up?"

"Jacob didn't tell me that." She admitted. "Just a sec…"

Her eyes went blank while she searched the future, probably deciding to call a bunch of people until she found out the answer.

"Of all the insensitive things…" She mumbled. "Apparently Mrs. Stanley talked the morgue attendant into giving her the keys out of Charlie's personal effects. She assured him that you had given her permission to take it so that she could set up the party."

"And he believed her?" Carlisle asked incredulously. "I know that Lou isn't the brightest guy, but that is a ridiculous excuse. Bella could have given her a key if she had really wanted her to have one."

"I'm not sure he believed her so much as he just didn't give a crap." Alice told him.

"So what does this open-house thing involve?" I asked, resigned to my fate.

"You don't have to go." Carlisle whispered. "They had no business breaking into your house and planning a party without your permission. You shouldn't feel obligated to indulge them."

"I know," I sighed, "but Charlie would want me to be polite to his friends. I'm sure they meant well. They just didn't _do _well."

"I'm not sure since I can't see it happening, but Jacob mentioned that it would be from after the funeral until eight-thirtyish." She explained.

"Alright," I nodded slightly.

I was not in any way looking forward to this. I would already have an emotionally exhausting day at the funeral, and at the lake. I wasn't sure where I was going to find the strength to do this, but I was determined to do so. It was only one day, and then I could grieve in my own way after this is over.

The funeral came around before I knew it. The limousine picked me up in front of the Cullen house, and I insisted Carlisle come with me. I didn't have to insist hard. Alice and Jasper followed us in Carlisle's Mercedes. Emmett, Rosalie, and Edward went in Edward's Volvo. When we arrived at the high school gym, I noticed all of the people staring as Carlisle helped me out of the car, none more scrutinizing than Jacob. He shot daggers at Carlisle and growled when Carlisle guided me with his hand on my lower back.

Once we had gotten seated, Reverend Webber welcomed us all and prayed. After the prayer, he read the eulogy and invited people to share special times that they had with Charlie. Alice stood to read the letter I had written.

"Charlie's daughter, Bella, is my best friend. She asked me to read this letter she wrote for today." Alice announced as she took out the paper.

I'm sure she had it memorized after only reading it once, but still she used the prop anyway.

"Dad," she read from my paper, "I cannot express the sorrow I feel over your death. I can't help but feel that you were taken from me before your time. Even though you had taught me more than you'll know, I know that there was still more that I had to learn from you.

"You taught me to value justice and how to take care of myself and others. I saw how you selflessly put my mother's needs ahead of yours. Knowing that mom needed me more than you did, you allowed her to spend more time with me while I was growing up. I suspect no one knew how much that hurt you, yet you said nothing, chivalrously stepping aside for her.

"You must have wondered why I came to live with you last January, knowing that my mother's distaste for Washington had rubbed off on me. The truth is, I came to give mom more time with Phil, and yes, I hated that I had to come here. That being said, I did not hate getting to spend more time with you. Over the last fourteen months, I grew closer to you than I ever thought I could.

You were right about Forks, you know. You always tried to get me to give it a chance, but it took me awhile to listen to you. After all, I got my stubbornness from you as well. After awhile, this place did grow on me, and I will truly hate to have to leave for college in a few short months. I can see why you love it here, I mean other than the obvious great fishing that you loved so much.

"The thing that I'll miss the most about you is how you've always encouraged me to be myself. Though I'm sure you didn't understand me, you still supported me. You and mom were my biggest fans."

I didn't want to actually mention my sculpting to a gym full of people since no one but the Cullen's actually knew about my artwork. I chose to just leave it vague, that way none of them would ever figure out that I was Elsabet Marali.

"I will never forget you, dad, and I hope that I can live my life in a way that reflects all the best qualities that you have tried to instill in me, that is except for the fishing, because as you know, fishing hooks and I should never be in close proximity."

A few people who knew me, including Carlisle laughed.

Unable to write any more, my letter ended there, though I really wanted to add a part about it being my fault that Victoria and Laurent had entered our lives, but only a select few people would have even the faintest idea what I was talking about. Having said that, deep down, I already knew that what had happened was not my fault. It was Victoria and Laurent's fault. Getting over Edward had taught me that all the bad things that other people do are their own choices, and therefore not my fault.

The rest of the funeral was very uplifting actually. Many people spoke about Charlie and how he had selflessly helped them. Several of them were in tears as they spoke. The one that struck me the most was when one of the former governors spoke about how Charlie donated his time by providing security for the battered women's shelter and refused to let them acknowledge him in any way, and I had thought he spent most of that time fishing. I think that he didn't want anyone to know, not even me, that he was doing something so selfless.

After the official funeral was over, a smaller group of us drove out to where his ashes were to be scattered. Carlisle offered me an Ativan to help me get through it, but I refused because I didn't want to be numb like I was with my mother's funeral.

While we were on the way, Carlisle could see that I was becoming more anxious about being so near the water.

"Is there anything I can do to make this easier on you?" He worried.

"Can you ask Edward to stay back for at least a little while?" I worried.

"Last night, I asked Edward to miss this portion of the funeral." He whispered to me. "I told him that this was hard enough on you already, and his presence wouldn't help."

"Really?" I asked hopefully. "Did he agree?"

"Yes, reluctantly." He sighed. He sounded a bit frustrated by the whole situation. "He still really wants to be here for you. He really wants to respect your choice, but he's having a hard time wrapping his head around the idea of 'us'."

"I'm grateful he's trying." I nodded, and snuggled into Carlisle for some last minute reassurance.

A few moments later, the limo pulled up to the area designated for Charlie's ashes. I hesitated before we got out.

"If I can't do this…" I worried.

"You don't have to." He interrupted. "No one has the right to judge you about this."

"That's not what I was going to say." I trembled, hardly believing that I was about to say this. "I want you to make sure I do. Carry me if you have to."

"Bella…" Carlisle worried.

"Please, Carlisle." I begged. "Charlie is so much more important than my stupid fear."

"I don't want you to think of me as a bully, the way you think of Edward." Carlisle's voice was so fearful. "I couldn't bear it if you had nightmares about me."

"Okay." I cried, not willing to manipulate him. I knew that after Esme was fearful of his every advance, he would be very hesitant to give me any reason to fear him. "That's alright…"

Alice and Jasper slipped in the limo beside us.

"Encourage her, even bear her weight if necessary, but if she pulls back, don't force her." Alice instructed. "She knows the difference between what you're doing for her and what Edward did to her."

"You have no idea how much she wants to do this, Carlisle." Jasper told him. "I don't think she'll ever forgive herself if she can't do this for her father."

"I can only do this if you promise me to tell me if it gets to be too much for you." Carlisle searched my eyes.

"I will tell you if I'm able." I assured him. "But if… if I start telling you I'll be a… g-g-good g-g-girl…"

"Then I'll know you're too far gone to ask me to stop." He nodded, finishing my sentence for me.

"Alice and I will come with you as well, and I can help you if you become too afraid." Jasper suggested.

"Only if you don't think you would feel manipulated." Carlisle amended Jasper's offer.

"I want to do this." I resolved. "If it takes all the help Jasper can give me, I'll take it."

Alice and Jasper exited first, and Carlisle assisted me out of the vehicle. I shook as we neared the water. Reverend Webber spoke words meant to comfort once again, and before I knew it, it was time to scatter the ashes.

Alice took the ashes for me as I clung to Carlisle's side. Jasper walked beside me, and I could feel his calming waves crashing over me. I shook frightfully even though Jasper really was helping me. Carlisle did actually have to do the work of moving me from the crowd to the edge of the pier, as I couldn't bring myself to make the steps, but I let him, and I never once tried to pull away.

"I w-w-want to do this." I whispered softly, though I know that he could hear me.

My arm was around his waist and my fingernails dug into his suit jacket as I fought to keep from running away. This was so hard for me. I was extremely afraid, but it wasn't of Carlisle. I never felt as though he was forcing me to do something against my will. From Carlisle's subtle body language, I could tell that Carlisle was very worried that I was past my limit.

"I'm afraid," I admitted, and Carlisle paused, "but I'm not afraid of you. Keep going."

"I love you." He gripped me tightly as he continued forward.

Once we got to the edge, I closed my eyes, deeply afraid to look down at the waves.

"I can't give her any more calm, or she'll pass out." Jasper whispered to Carlisle.

"You can do this, my darling." He breathed in my ear.

I nodded and opened my eyes.

"Keep hold of me." I begged him as I pried my fingers off of his jacket to take the urn from Alice.

Carlisle maneuvered me so that I was in front of him. He wrapped his arms around my midriff, bracing me and giving me a sense of security.

Alice handed me the cre-mains, assisting me, as they are much heavier than you might imagine. Carlisle shifted my body so that the ashes didn't blow back into my face, and I released the ashes.

I did it. I really did it. Yes, I needed all the help Carlisle, Jasper, and Alice could give me, but still, I didn't run screaming from the lake. Just three days ago, I couldn't have imagined myself doing this, but here I was. It was all because of Carlisle. He made me want to overcome my fears and become a better person. I felt a good deal of the fear leaving my body as I allowed him to hold on to me. I knew that I couldn't have stood there on the pier all alone, but safe in Carlisle's arms, I could. My heart could hardly contain the love I felt for him.

I was standing at the water, looking down at my father's ashes, and feeling a little proud of myself, when I saw it. It was a bright red something in the water. It looked like hair. I looked harder, and I could see that it was a person, no, a vampire, down in the water. I wondered why the others didn't react to it until I looked up and saw that they weren't watching the water, they were watching me.

"Victoria," I whispered, subtly pointing to her, trembling.

All three of their heads snapped down to where I was pointing. They were all a little surprised that I had noticed something that they hadn't. It was probably the first time ever.

"Shit." Jasper cursed quietly.

All of the confidence I had felt evaporated when I saw Victoria watching me from the water. I was feeling a mixture of anger and fear as I trembled still pointing at the water.

Carlisle braced me more tightly against himself, and Alice and Jasper stood between me and the water. He turned us so that we could leave Jasper and Alice trailed behind us. My eyes wandered to the crowd where I saw the members of the wolf pack desperately trying to control their urge to phase, looking spitefully at the water.

Rosalie and Emmett looked like they were barely suppressing the urge to jump in the water to chase her. I kind of wished that they could. I wasn't usually one for revenge, but she has proved that she is just going to continue murder people until we stop her, and by we, I mean the Cullen's. I obviously could do nothing myself to prevent her from hurting anyone else.

I saw Carlisle and Sam exchange a look, and Sam nodded once. They had obviously agreed that the wolves would track her, while the Cullen's watched after me. It once again reminded me of my weakness. I wondered if Carlisle was of the same mind as Edward with regards to my humanity. I hadn't been brave enough to ask him whether or not he ever wanted to change me because I was afraid of what his answer might be.

I thought we were going to sit back down or something, but Carlisle guided me towards the cars.

"We'll be riding back with Alice and Jasper." Carlisle whispered to me. "Emmett and Rosalie are going to stay to convey your thanks and regrets that you weren't up for being around a lot of people right now, unless you'd rather go to the reception."

"No." I shook my head. "I didn't really want to go before, but I was willing to be polite. I'd rather not go if you think that Emmett and Rosalie wouldn't mind supervising the party to make sure none of the _guests_ decide to relieve me of Charlie's possessions."

"They'll be happy to help you out." Carlisle assured me. "Edward is picking them up in a few minutes. He'll help as well."

We were nearly at Carlisle's Mercedes when I heard my name. I turned and saw Mike Newton making his way towards us, trying to get my attention.

"Bella!" He called one more time before smiling at me.

I braced myself before greeting him. Carlisle was right behind me, holding me against himself.

"Hey, I noticed that Edward didn't bother to come out here to console you." He pointed out, kind of suggestively.

"Um… yeah, well, we did break up six months ago, Mike." I told him, trying to sound like I was pointing out the obvious.

"Well, I was wondering if you'd like to go out sometime." He sort of asked nervously.

I couldn't believe Mike was trying to ask me out at my father's funeral. This was creepy even for him.

"No, Mike, I…" I looked back at Carlisle, hoping for some support. I really couldn't believe that Mike had missed all of the signs, but here he was asking me out when Carlisle had his arms around my waist. "Carlisle and I are together."

"That's… kind of weird, Bella, sick actually." Mike sounded disgusted. "I mean, how can you have… I mean be with your ex-boyfriend's dad?"

"Well… Edward and I never…" I stammered, "You know what? It's really none of your business, Mike." I ended more angrily than I should have.

"Aren't you married?" Mike asked Carlisle irately.

"No, Mike, I'm widowed." Carlisle answered pleasantly, though I could tell that he was still a bit worried about the whole Victoria situation. "Esme is actually my late wife's sister. She moved in with me to help me with my teenage children, and she's gay, actually."

"But why would you even pursue a high school student? Are you some sort of a pedophile?" Mike continued his interrogation.

That was a low blow. I didn't have to see the hurt to feel it coming off of Carlisle. Out of instinct, I grabbed his hand to relieve him of the pain. My knees buckled, and my eyes rolled back in my head. I struggled to keep from crying out.

Jasper, who had witnessed the entire exchange came to the rescue and began to tell Mike off. Alice pulled my hand off of Carlisle's and pushed me into the backseat of the Mercedes. Carlisle entered on the other side. Jasper finished with Mike quickly and jumped into the driver's seat. I panted through my pain as he drove, and it had finally subsided as we got to the house.

Carlisle carried me to my room, where he sat me on the bed. He paced back and forth. Something was bothering him tremendously, and he looked like he was trying to control his temper. Then it hit me, the last time I tried to take his pain, he stopped me. He told me that it _hurt_ him to see me in that kind of pain. He was upset with me. I had gone against his wishes, and now he was upset with me.

I became scared about what Carlisle was going to do. He had never been upset with _me_ before. I bit my lip and waited to see if I could handle what he was going to do when he was mad at me. My heart was beating faster, and my shoulders were visibly rising with each nervous breath.

After a few minutes, he turned to look at me. This was it. He was either going to do something to me or he wasn't. I had trusted him with my heart, and now, I get to find out if he is indeed worthy like I had thought.

"No!" Carlisle cried out in anguish. He rushed to my side and stroked my back. He must have correctly interpreted my unease. "I promise I won't hurt you!"

I reached out to him, but he quickly enveloped me in my sheet, and refused to allow me to touch any part of his skin. He left my face free so that I could breathe, and I was glad for that. But being unable to move caused me to panic.

"I w-w-won't touch you, I p-promise! I'll do anything you want!" I sobbed, struggling to free myself. "I'll be a g-good g-g-girl! I promise…"

As I said these words, the fear I saw come across Carlisle's face was gut wrenching. He immediately uncovered me as Alice and Jasper came in the room. Jasper took Carlisle away from me and spoke quietly to him while Alice gave me some elbow length gloves.

"Wear these for now until you can control your power better." She explained. "I know you need to be near him now and you can't control yourself yet. These will help. I searched the future, and apparently, you can only absorb through your hands and lower arms."

"Thank you." I croaked.

She and Jasper left the room, but Carlisle still stayed away from me. He looked hurt and very afraid still, even after Jasper had calmed him down.

I was still very upset that I had told him the one thing he asked me not to say. The night I told him about all of my fears, he had begged me not to offer myself to anyone because I was afraid, and here I was a few short weeks later, doing the exact same thing. He must be so frustrated by me.

"I'm sorry." I cried, making no move to go near him, unwilling to force my presence on him.

"I just scared the hell out of you, and _you're _sorry?" He asked me incredulously. I don't know how it was possible, but I saw the fear in his eyes escalate.

"I didn't mean to panic." I explained. "I don't know why I did. I know that you weren't trying to hurt me."

"Do you think that matters?" He looked so broken.

"Of course it matters that you weren't trying to hurt me, Carlisle." I was shocked that he would think that.

"But you're still afraid of me." He whimpered.

"Right now, I'm afraid that you're going to freak out and leave me." I told him honestly. "I'm not actually afraid of _you_."

"You're afraid that _I_ will leave _you_?" He looked confused.

"Yes." I broke down in tears once again. "The way you're beating yourself up over there makes me think that you're about five seconds from deciding that I would be better off without you, which is completely untrue. If you leave me, I don't know how I'll survive."

"But you were afraid of me." He argued, resolved to let me leave if I so desired. "You can't be with someone who makes you afraid."

Now his self-castigation made sense to me. He was deeply afraid that I was going to leave him because I was afraid of him. This whole situation had reminded him of his marriage to Esme.

I climbed off of the bed and slowly made my way to where he was standing and wrapped my arms around his waist.

"I love you, Carlisle Cullen." I declared as I leaned my head on his chest. "I'm not going to leave you."

He still hadn't responded to my embrace, and that worried me.

"Can you please listen to me?" I looked up at him and he nodded. "I am honestly and truly not afraid of you. I panicked, but that doesn't mean that I'm afraid of you. I love you so much, and I know that you love me. I can't tell you how much it hurts me that you're afraid of me. I wish that I could do something to make you understand that I'm not Esme. I won't leave you unless you send me away."

"_I'm_ afraid of _you_?" He asked, but I said nothing. "I'm afraid of you." This time it wasn't a question it was a realization.

"I don't know why I didn't understand before, but you've been trying so hard to make sure I had no reason to fear you. You've been terrified that you'll inadvertently do something that makes me run away, haven't you?" I tried to comfort him as best I could. "I really wish I hadn't panicked…"

"I failed you, my darling!" He wept openly, collapsing a bit onto me, finally letting go.

"Please don't think that." I told him. "It was an accident which you corrected immediately."

"You're really not afraid of me?" He asked, not daring to believe just yet.

"I'm really not afraid." I hugged him tightly to assure him. "Right now, I'm upset that I didn't see what you've been putting yourself through the whole time we've been together. I feel like I've kept you on eggshells. I wish I could have somehow done a better job…"

"Please don't do this." He kissed my hair. "I wasn't living in terror of you as you have suggested. Like you, I panicked."

"Really?" I was hopeful.

"I was merely staying away from you because I didn't want you to fear me. Yes, I was afraid that I had hurt you, but I didn't truly feel terrified until you apologized." He explained. "Esme always apologized when she was afraid."

"I wasn't apologizing because I was afraid." I clarified. "I wanted to tell you that I was sorry that I said that I would do anything you want. You told me not to say that."

"Can we just forget about the whole thing?" He asked hopefully.

"I don't think we can." I told him. "We both need to face these demons or they will just keep coming back to haunt us."

"Of course, you're right, but I only meant that we both made mistakes, and we both panicked, and I was hoping that we could both be forgiven." He explained, laughing.

"Yes, I hope that as well." I assured him.

He took my head in his hands and kissed me deeply. I returned it eagerly. When I finally needed to breathe, he scooped me up into his arms and carried me to the bed. We lay there, enthralled with one another until I finally broke the silence, trying to deal with what had happened today.

"You were upset with me." I started. "I absorbed your pain, and you were upset with me.""

"Not with you," he told me lovingly, "I had been worried about you all day with the funeral, and having to help you to the water. I was so proud of you for facing your fears, and was immediately deflated when you saw Victoria. I was extremely angry at myself for not seeing her or even considering that she might be there, and seriously questioning my decision to ask Edward to stay away. I was already close to my breaking point when Mike approached us."

"And he called you a pedophile." I remembered, disgustedly. "You've never been anything but a perfect gentleman. I couldn't stop myself from taking away your pain."

"I told you I didn't care what they said about me." He reminded me. "I was hurt because of what he said to _you_."

"I really didn't intend to absorb your pain." I tried to explain. "I didn't even realize I had done it until I felt your pain."

"I knew that you didn't mean to do it, my darling." He smiled lovingly at me. "I know that it sort of happens without your permission because every time we tell you to stop, it makes you realize what you're doing, and you somehow manage to stop yourself."

"I was afraid that you were angry with me." I confessed.

"Because I didn't explain why I was angry." He reminded me. "I promise not to leave you wondering like that again. Even if I think the explanation will hurt you, I will tell you everything."

"In return, I promise to listen patiently to you." I assured him.

"That sounds like a good plan." He kissed the tip of my nose.

"You have never been angry with me before," I returned to our discussion, "I was nervous about what you might do when you were angry with me."

"That's not true, you know. I've been angry with you before." He chuckled. "When I thought that you had left Edward because of what Jasper had done, I was furious."

"But we weren't together then, and I didn't know that you were upset." I giggled.

"And it wasn't your fault because Edward had lied about that." He added.

"True." I smiled.

"Anyway," his voice turned serious again, "I can safely tell you that I will never hit you or intentionally frighten you if I should ever become angry with you."

"Rationally, I know that." I admitted. "But when I'm already quite emotional, it's hard to remember sometimes."

"And then I made it worse by scaring the wits out of you." He remembered sadly.

"Don't beat yourself up about that, please. I didn't even know that being in that blanket would have scared me. How were you supposed to know?" I asked stroking his face with my glove covered hand.

"You didn't know?" He found that hard to believe.

"I guess I've never had to confront that particular fear before. It makes sense though." I reasoned. "Delia had me confined in that tiny little box for a long time."

"I'm still sorry that I put you through that, even though I know that you don't blame me for what happened." He cupped my cheek with his hand.

"And _I'm_ still sorry that I frightened you into thinking…" I couldn't even say it. I would never, ever leave him. He had proven over and over that he was fully worthy of all of my trust. "I mean, I don't want you to be afraid of me either."

"I honestly thought Esme loved me. I truly believed that she would eventually overcome her fear and we could one day consummate our marriage." He looked so scared that we would become what he and Esme had become. "In truth, she did and still does love me. She just could never _want_ me as I wanted her."

"Do you think that I don't want you?" I asked him incredulously. "I have never wanted anyone the way I want you. I have to concentrate so hard when you're kissing me, or else I'm liable to do some very naughty things to you."

"Really?" He asked me, looking very happy for the first time in a long time.

"Yes, really." I giggled at him. "The only thing that has stopped me was the fact that I knew that you want to wait until marriage, and I didn't want to manipulate you."

"I can't ask you today, Bella." He looked sheepishly at me, though I understood what he meant. Today had been a very emotionally trying day for both of us. "I promise you that I will ask you, soon, but today isn't the right day for it."

I was overjoyed to hear this. He wanted to marry me. I couldn't wait until he asked me.

I really wanted him to stay in here with me, but I was afraid that would conflict with his morals, and I didn't want him to feel like he was obligated because I was upset or because he had inadvertently frightened me. I waffled between asking him and not asking him for awhile before Jasper's voice brought me out of my inner conflict.

"Damn it, Bella, just ask him!" Jasper yelled from the other room.

"Do you want me to tell you the things that I want even if they're selfish?" I asked Carlisle, making sure he really wanted to know.

"Yes." He laughed at me. "I know you worry that I will give you anything you ask, my love. I will try to weigh my own wants in when you ask."

"Then, I want you to stay in here with me tonight and hold me while I sleep." I looked away from his face afraid of what his answer would be.

He took his finger under my chin and raised it until I was looking into his dancing honey colored eyes.

"I would be honored if you would allow me to do so." He told me reverently.


	16. Restraint

**Author's Note: This is the chapter I've struggled with writing the most. This is about the fourth version of this chapter. The first one was somewhat harsher, but not really like this chapter. I went the wrong way and made it even harsher. I tried to tone it down a bit in the rewrite, but the harshness was just different, not less, and Edward just wasn't right. The final version, here, is I hope, the right tone. I am going to post two other versions of this chapter as outtakes if you're interested in reading them. Just a warning, though, they are both rather disturbing.**

**This chapter, however, is still rather emotionally upsetting, but I hope that it conveys what I intended.**

**Chapter 16 – Restraint**

Before I drifted off to sleep, Carlisle got a call from Sam. Unfortunately, the wolves were not as quick as vampires in the water, and Victoria got away. I was desperately worried about everyone I knew, wondering which one of my friends she would hurt next. I would gladly sacrifice myself to save them, but I didn't think that would work. I think that more than my death, she wanted me to suffer, and she was an expert at causing emotional pain by hurting others. I knew that we had to find her. I couldn't calm my mind down enough to sleep. Carlisle finally sedated me.

My parents' deaths hit me hard the next day, especially after Carlisle had to go to work. I curled up in a chair in my room and cried. Emmett brought me breakfast, lunch, and dinner, which I left untouched. I didn't even look at it. Edward came up and hovered in the doorway for awhile, until he got up enough courage to come inside and wandered over to where I was. Alice and Jasper made him leave just as he was beginning to pick me up to hold me.

When Carlisle finally came home from work, he was beside himself worrying about me.

"What can I do, my love?" He fretted. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"I want to go home." I cried.

"I-I was…" Carlisle was pained. It looked like I had inadvertently hurt him again. "I was hoping you'd want to stay here for awhile."

"That's not what I meant." I reached up to him to relieve him of his pain, but I was thwarted by my glove. "I meant that I want to go home for awhile to sculpt."

"Of course, I'll take you there," he was relieved, "but please, try to eat something first. You've hardly had a bite to eat since you found out what happened to your parents."

"It's too late to sculpt tonight," I yawned, "and I'm exhausted from crying all day."

"But you'll eat?" He pressed hopefully.

"I'll try." I offered. "I can't promise to keep it down, though."

The next day, Alice and Jasper came with me so that I could sculpt. As soon as I got my hands in some clay, it felt right. It felt like I was supposed to be here doing this. They stayed upstairs with the understanding that I needed to work this out for myself. They were only supposed to come down to give me lunch and dinner. Otherwise, I was to be left alone to sculpt.

My hands slipped through the clay, forming and shaping what turned out to be Renee. She was cradling me in her arms. Behind her, was Charlie, he was also watching over me. The weird thing was that I was not a tiny baby. I was full grown me.

"I'm sorry!" I sobbed. "I never meant for any of this to happen! I know it isn't my fault, but I still hate this! I want you back!"

This happened almost every day for a week with various versions of sculptures until I had finally told them both about Carlisle and how he and I were in love. I looked at the sculptures I had made of them, and I felt that they could accept our relationship. I felt much more at peace about it than I had before. Yes, I know that I was in no way over their deaths, I felt like I could go back to my life while I grieved.

Carlisle was relieved when he saw me smiling again. I hadn't really smiled during the whole week. He was also happy that I my appetite had returned. Since my parents had died, I only ate to appease the others, especially Carlisle. I had only eaten just enough so that Carlisle wasn't begging me to eat. After the week of sculpting, I was actually requesting food.

I think that the intense emotions I had experienced since my parents' deaths must have somehow made my gift more difficult to control. In the days to come, I tried to absorb pain at least once a day. Carlisle was really glad that Alice had given me the gloves. I had to wear them unless I was sculpting, eating or showering.

I was compelled to heal others, so much so that the pain drew me in. It became so bad that even if I was sleeping, I could feel that someone needed to be healed. The worst was when Emmett and Jasper were wrestling outside, and Emmett sort of tore off Jasper's foot. I had just gotten finished eating when I sensed his pain, and I started running outside to find Jasper. Rosalie and Alice had to hold me back so that I wouldn't feel like I had my foot torn off for the next week or so.

And of course, it turned out that Alice was right. It was only my hand and lower arm that could absorb pain. The gloves worked like a charm, except for the fact that I longed to touch Carlisle with my actual hands. It was a very frustrating time for me.

During that time, I also made a big decision regarding school. I decided not to go back, but just to get my GED. Right now, while I was still mourning the loss of both my parents, I couldn't face the constant gossiping of the school. I knew that my relationship with Carlisle would become the newest thing to talk about. I just didn't want to deal with it.

Carlisle was very supportive. He didn't want me to go back where he couldn't protect me from Victoria as easily, and he was worried that I might not be able to control myself at school where the gloves would be considered unusual. The nice thing was that he thought that I had probably learned all that school had to offer me, but even if he hadn't, he wouldn't have constantly badgered me to see it his way.

Needless to say, Edward was not of the same opinion.

"I really think you ought to finish." This was Edward's constant mantra. Although sometimes, he changed it up a bit. "You only graduate from high school once as a human."

"I don't care, Edward." I finally snapped at him. "If I do care in fifty years, feel free to tell me that you told me so."

Carlisle snickered at this, and Edward skulked off. I hoped that he had changed enough to let it go. The old Edward would have been plotting, trying to ensure that I did it his way. True to his word to let me live my own life, Edward actually didn't bother me about graduating again. Though he was clearly still upset that I was in love with Carlisle, he seemed to be trying to not be such a control freak when it came to me. I was impressed by how well he seemed to be disciplining himself.

Two weeks after my father's funeral, Alice and Carlisle took me to Seattle to take the test to get my GED. It was completely easy. I really didn't need to study. I came back to the Cullen house a high school graduate.

Just after my GED test, I decided that I would permanently live with the Cullen's. Carlisle really wanted me to, but he remained silent while I decided. The others, including Edward, begged me to as well. I finally gave in, because, one, I already stayed there every night, and two, it would be easier on them to protect me in their house, and finally because Esme asked me if she could live at my father's house to give her some alone time with Glenna. She felt that she might love her, and was nearly ready to tell her the Cullen family secret. Now, Glenna's not stupid. She knows that something is different about the Cullen's, but she has accepted that Esme isn't quite ready to tell her exactly what is different about them.

With my newfound freedom, and lots of time on my hands, Carlisle suggested that I work on controlling my new gift so that I might be able to touch someone in pain without absorbing it. Otherwise, I was going to have to resort to wearing gloves all the time. I had only two volunteers to help me, Jasper and Edward. Rosalie thought that her pain was something that I shouldn't have to endure, while Emmett just didn't want to spend time with me while one or both of us were in pain. Jasper flat out refused to let Alice do it, and Esme was spending time with Glenna and couldn't do it. Carlisle told me that he was willing if no one else could, but he preferred staying away since he couldn't bear to see me in pain.

So it was down to Jasper and Edward. Neither one sounded like a good option. If I chose Jasper, our mutual pain could come back on us in a never-ending feedback loop. I mentioned this to Carlisle, thinking he would laugh at me, but he actually looked genuinely concerned.

"The thought has also occurred to me, my love." He kissed my nose. "I'm apprehensive about that as well."

"Would you mind if I worked with Edward?" I didn't want to pick Edward without Carlisle's… not really permission, but blessing or something like that. "I don't want to do anything that would make you uncomfortable or mistrustful."

"I was actually _hoping_ you would choose Edward." He smiled at me. "I know how he so wants to be part of your life in any way he can, even if it means that he helps you control your power."

"I don't know if I'd call it a power, so much as a compulsion." Edward teased, interrupting our conversation. "I mean… I think that this _power _is nothing more than a supernatural manifestation of a deep-seeded need to make everyone's pain your own. And let's be honest, I'll be helping you to be able to touch Carlisle more."

"I'm sorry, Edward. If this is too hard for you, I'll just try to work on it on my own." I suggested.

"No, Bella." Edward shook his head. "I'm actually hoping that this will help me as well."

I tilted my head in confusion, and he explained, "I want to be able to look at you without my first thought being that you're mine. My head _knows_ that you are with Carlisle, but my heart still feels that we belong together."

I guessed that's why he still tries to control me from time to time, and probably why he was so upset that I had gotten over him. He believed that even though he broke up with me, in his mind, it was just a means to achieve his ultimate goal, and we were actually still together. I looked up and saw all of the hurt in his eyes.

"I'm sorry, Edward." I repeated, reaching out to take his pain, but of course nothing happened because I was wearing the gloves. Carlisle and Edward both chuckled at me.

"I don't mind you practicing with Edward, my dear, but I would prefer if I didn't have to see it. It would only cause me pain." Carlisle told me taking my hand away from Edward's face and lacing his fingers through mine.

"None of us want to see it." Rosalie shouted from down the stairs.

"You got that right." Emmett agreed.

"That's why we will all be outside, patrolling the grounds tomorrow while you and Edward practice." Carlisle said a little louder than necessary.

The next day, the others had already been out patrolling for a couple of hours when I got up for breakfast. Edward explained that Carlisle and Alice had gone one way while Jasper, Emmet, and Rosalie went the other way.

I decided to shower before I practiced. That ended up being a mistake.

For the first time in a long time, I had asked Alice to let me pick out my own clothes. I thought while I was working on my gift, I could also work on my fears, and walking into my own closet was the first step to facing my fear of the dark.

My undergarments were in a dresser in the room, so I didn't have to go in the closet to get them. I chose a pair that I thought were fairly pretty. I knew that Carlisle wouldn't be seeing them, but they made me feel a little prettier knowing that they were on under my clothes. I had just got my chocolate brown bra and panties on when my door swung open. Edward stood in the door frame looking over my nearly naked form.

"What are you doing?" I half screamed and attempted to cover myself. "Don't you know how to knock?"

I had barely gotten the words out of my mouth before Edward was standing in front of me, ripping my bra and panties from my body. I futilely clutched the tattered remains of my undergarments to myself. They were barely scraps, but still I tried to keep myself covered.

"You know how hard I'm trying to resist you, and yet you parade around the house nearly naked?" He asked me as his eyes roamed over my naked body. "If you aren't going to be more discreet, I am done trying."

"Please, Edward, don't do this!" I uselessly attempted to get away from him.

Edward moved quickly as he caught me and grabbed my upper arms. After I was in his iron clutches, he slowly started moving me backwards.

"Say that you want me." He commanded me.

"No, Edward." I shook my head at him as he continued to guide me backwards.

"Be a good girl and tell me that you want me." He said more forcefully, and it finally occurred to me where he was taking me. He was backing me into the closet.

"No, I won't say it." I whimpered, tears streaming down my face. "Please don't."

"Say it." He growled menacingly.

We were now standing in the middle of the closet and his hands were gripping my upper arms painfully. He thrust his pelvis into my hip, and I could feel his erection against my body. I was beyond terrified. He was going to leave me in this closet if I didn't tell him that I wanted him, but if I did tell him that, he was going to take it as permission to have his way with me.

"I w…" I started to tell him what he wanted to hear, that I wanted him, when I stopped myself. I had never been able to do that before, but Carlisle's face flashed into my mind and I knew that I could never say those words to Edward ever again. I would rather die in this closet than betray Carlisle like that. Although my fear of the dark had momentarily won, I eventually beat it and screamed out, "I won't say it!"

"You won't say it?" He bellowed.

"No." I shook as I spoke. "Please, Edward, don't do this. I'm begging you."

Edward's eyes changed when I said this. I could see the struggle in them as he held me tightly against himself.

"Please let me go, Edward." I continued to plead with him.

"I'm trying, Bella." His voice sounded strained. "You're so beautiful…"

"Please, Edward… please don't." I trembled.

"I'm trying to stop myself, but it's so hard." He fought with himself, gripping me more tightly around my arms. I couldn't help whimper in pain.

"You're hurting me!" I cried out.

Edward relaxed his grip and pushed me a little away from himself. I thought his better side was winning when suddenly Edward's eyes went wide in shock, and he gripped me even more firmly and pulled me back harshly against his chest. He was scared about something, and I didn't have to wait long to find out what was the matter with him.

"Let her go, Edward!" Carlisle thundered loudly from my doorway.

"Please." I begged him one more time.

Finally, an instantly, he released me and jumped out my window. My arms hurt even more as the blood rushed back to where he held them.

Immediately, I ran to Carlisle and wrapped my arms around him.

"I didn't say it!" I promised him, clinging to him. "I promise, I didn't say it!"

"Didn't say what, my love?" He asked.

"He said he would lock me in the closet…" I explained, sobbing, but I couldn't continue.

Carlisle moved us until he was sitting on my bed. I clutched his body as tightly as I could, wrapping my legs around him. He hesitantly stroked my hair.

"I didn't say it!" I cried into his neck, trying to elaborate on what I was trying to say earlier. "I didn't tell him that I would…"

"Sssshh." He whispered. "I know you didn't say it, and I'm so proud of you, my love."

"I should have locked the door!" I wailed. "I'm so sorry!"

"This isn't your fault, my darling." He assured me. "Edward shouldn't have come in here without your permission."

"But he said that it was my fault…" I told him.

"He lied, my love." Carlisle's voice held nothing but honesty. "I'm so sorry that I left you alone with him. I should have helped you with your gift myself."

"This isn't your fault either, Carlisle." I assured him, snuggling into him.

Edward had hurt me again, and I was torn about what I should do. While I was willing to forgive him, I was not willing to live in the same house with him if he wasn't at least going to have consequences for his atrocious behavior. I hated to give Carlisle this ultimatum, but either Edward needed to be spanked for what he had done to me or one of the two of us were going to have to leave. I felt awful for making Carlisle have to choose. I wanted to marry this man, but I couldn't live in a house where Edward was allowed to behave so terribly. I actually wasn't afraid that Carlisle would choose Edward over me. He had made it perfectly clear that he would choose me. I was afraid that he would be upset with me for forcing him to choose between us.

I was brought out of my dilemma by Carlisle sobbing. "Please don't make me destroy him!"

What?

"I never even considered it, Carlisle." I assured him. "I just feel awful about the choice I want you to make."

"You want me to make him leave?" He guessed. "I will, my love, if that's what you want."

"I don't want that." I admitted. "I want him to submit to punishment. If he doesn't, then either he or I will have to leave because I can't stay here if…"

"If he doesn't submit, then _he_ will leave. I will never send you away, my darling." Carlisle vowed.

"Are you going to spank him?" I wondered aloud.

Carlisle sighed in resignation, "I suppose he's left me no choice. I have one condition, though. I need you to be there when I do it."

"I'm not sure…" I mumbled.

"Please, my love. I need you to see that I am not abusing him." He begged me. "I need you to know that I'm not a monster."

I could feel the pain radiating off of him. I started to reach out and touch him to absorb it, but I caught myself and kept my hands over the top of his shirt. It was a struggle, but I did manage to do it.

"It's okay, baby." I rubbed his back to comfort him, still clutching him, unable to pry myself away from him. "If that's what you need, of course, I'll be there."

I briefly wondered if he would allow me to take some of the pain from him if it became unbearable, but I didn't think that he would. I was beginning to believe that he, like me, tried to bear the entire burden of pain and hardship for the whole family. When he tells me that he can't stand to see me writhing in agony, he means that he feels it is his duty or responsibility to bear pain, and not mine.

"I'm so sorry that I didn't get here sooner." He clung to me.

"It's not your fault." I assured him.

"I promised you." He whimpered. "I told you that I would never let him put you in the closet."

"He was coming to his senses." I tried to tell him, shaking and crying as I continued to cling to him. "He was wrong, obviously, but he was about to let me go."

"But I feel like I failed you, my love." He cried into my hair. "I encouraged you to trust him."

"_Edward_ failed, Carlisle." I choked back a sob. "This was all him."

"You're right, of course." He nodded against me, his voice still full of regret. "I just feel like it's my fault because maybe he hadn't changed as much as I had hoped he would have. I feel like maybe I was just seeing what I wanted to see in him because I didn't want to admit that I had failed to be the father he had needed all these years."

"He kept that hidden from you." I knew that I couldn't stress this point strongly enough. "He read your mind and, in front of you, acted the way he knew you expected him to behave. I think he only admitted his need for discipline to me because he was hoping to convince me that he how badly he wanted to change, so that I would take him back."

"I suppose you're right, my dear." He sighed, rubbing my back. "He is a well-accomplished liar."

"He did tell me that you kept him disciplined while you were helping him learn to master his thirst." I remembered. "He told me that was the only thing he had successfully changed about himself."

"I just stayed with him. I didn't punish him." His voice shook, fearful that I might think he had hit him or something worse.

"I know." I nodded. "He told me that. But it shows how fatherly you are, and how you helped him change before. He respects you for it."

"I suppose." He acquiesced. "I love him, Bella. He's my son. Please help me be the father he needs."

"Do you need Esme?" I wondered. "I don't want to take her place as his mother. I know I'm good with weird, but it seems a little out there, even for me, to become motherly to Edward."

"No, you don't have to be his mother." He chuckled a little. "I just need you to be my refuge, my sounding board, my…" He trailed off, but I could have sworn that he was going to say wife.

"I will be whatever you need me to be." I promised. "I want to be whatever you need, even if you do need me to be Edward's… stepmother."

"I love you, Bella." He hugged me more tightly. "You are truly wonderful."

"I love you, too." Though I didn't know it was possible, I shifted so that I held him even closer to me.

After a few minutes, Carlisle shifted underneath me and choked back a sob, "I'm so very sorry, my dear."

I started to ask him why he was sorry, but suddenly I realized that there was a growing bulge between my legs, straining toward my… well… you know.

"You're sorry that you are attracted to me?" I asked amusedly until I pulled back a bit and looked at his face.

His eyes were shut tightly and his lip was quivering. What in the world was he doing? It took me a few moments to realize what the problem was. _I'm an idiot_. I had been sitting on his lap, completely naked for… I have no idea how long, and he was beating himself up for getting an erection.

I concentrated my hardest on not absorbing his pain, though I really wanted to, and put my hand up to his cheek to comfort him in a non-supernatural way, "Do you know how much I trust you?"

"What?" He sounded genuinely shocked by my question.

"I wondered if you knew how much I trusted you." I repeated. "I don't think you give yourself enough credit, sweetheart."

"How can you say that?" He sobbed. "You came to me for comfort, but I lusted after you just as Edward did."

"Did you, even for a second, entertain the notion of putting me in a closet to make me have sex with you?" I asked him angrily, very upset that he had compared his simple physiological response to Edward's possessive domination. "No, you were understandably _turned on_ by your naked girlfriend sitting in your lap. Do you not see how that's different?"

"I didn't want to frighten you any more than you already were." He worried. "I couldn't bring myself to ask you to put on some clothes because I knew that you needed to be held. I tried to control my reactions, but the longer I held you, the more aware I became that your warm little body was securely wrapped around mine, and your long, slender legs were gripping me tightly. My mind wandered to how easily I could…"

"Holy crap, Carlisle." I blushed. "That is…"

"Deplorable." He hung his head in shame.

"No, it's… unexpected, interesting, and it makes me a little… you know, turned on." I turned a deeper shade of red, and even redder still when I realized that I was becoming a little wet right on Carlisle's pants.

"What?" His head snapped forward and his eyes flew open and he drew in a breath in shock. "Oh, shit." He shut them tightly again.

"I apologize that I haven't helped your situation." I looked away from him.

"Now who's being ridiculous?" He asked me, chuckling. "If it's okay for me to think of you, my beautiful, naked girlfriend, then it is most certainly okay for you to think of me the same way. Your bodily responses definitely make it more torturous for me, deliciously so."

"Delicious?" I asked breathlessly. "As in you… want to… taste me?"

"More than you'll ever know." He whispered in my ear and then panicked a bit. "I mean as a man, not as a vampire."

"I knew what you meant," I giggled, "and I'd be lying if I told you that I hadn't been thinking about the same thing."

"Really, you think about that?" He asked, disbelieving.

"More than I'd like to admit." I mumbled, embarrassed. "In my dreams, you can do amazing things with your tongue."

"I don't really know what to say about that." His voice shook. "It definitely makes me happy to hear that."

"And I'm sorry about your pants." I lowered my head in shame. "I didn't mean to…"

"I don't mind at all, my love, though I may have to burn these pants to be able to continue to resist you until we are married." He chuckled back at me. "You smell simply mouthwatering, my love."

"Do you want to… look?" I asked him and gave him permission at the same time.

"Yes, of course I want to," he chuckled, "but I won't, not yet at least. I have enough images of your naked body in my head already."

"From when Edward let me go?" I asked.

"Yes," he sighed, "Alice didn't tell me that Edward had accosted you while you were naked."

"He didn't." I told him, clinging to him once again. "I had on my bra and panties. He ripped them off of me. I never wanted him to see me that way, only you."

"He ripped them off of you?" Carlisle's voice became hard.

I didn't understand the change in Carlisle's behavior. He sounded very angry, but before, he only sounded worried.

"I'm sorry, my love," he told me when he realized that his sudden anger must have frightened me, "I suddenly became enraged. I became angry that Edward very nearly raped you, my darling. I can barely contain the rage bubbling up inside me that he was not only going to rape you, but he was going to break you in the process."

"Because he knows how much I love you, and yet he tried to get me to betray you by saying that I wanted him?" I guessed.

"Yes, my love." He sobbed. "Even though I would have never held it against you, had you given in, you would have never been able to forgive yourself."

"That's why I couldn't say it." I nodded. "Even though I was afraid, I knew I couldn't live with the guilt of letting Edward… have what's yours."

"What's mine, my love?" Though he was still very upset, I could hear hope in his voice.

"I didn't know how to tell you." I spoke in barely a whisper. "I want you to have… all of me, every part."

"You do?" His voice shook, and I nodded my head. "I didn't want to be presumptuous, but I had started to think of you as… mine. I mean… I don't think of you as my personal possession, but…"

"You mean the way Edward does?" I interrupted his rambling. "I was actually wondering about his possessiveness. Is it a vampire thing or an Edward thing?"

"Both, I think." He sighed. "Vampires are for the most part, possessive creatures, especially of their partner. I believe that Edward also had a possessive personality, and he was raised in a time where men were the unquestioned head of the household. Becoming a vampire has only cemented this unflattering characteristic."

"You aren't possessive, though." I reminded him.

"That's _my _personality." He smiled at me. "Although I may give you endearments such as, _my darling _or _my love_, I don't actually believe that you belong to me, not in the literal sense. I believe that you are your own person, not my personal possession."

"I know that." I assured him. "I actually feel sort of… like…"

"Don't worry, my love." I could hear the smile in his voice. "I'm yours. I have been for awhile now."

"I love you, Carlisle." I pulled back and kissed his lips.

Carlisle pulled away from me slightly. His eyes were still closed. "Not that I don't want to return your affection, but you are too tempting, my darling. Can we continue this when you're fully clothed?"

"Sorry." I giggled and snuggled back into him. "I'm not ready to let you go yet. But if…" 

"I can handle the temptation." He interrupted me. "I love that you trust me so fully."

Carlisle's phone buzzed, and he pulled it out, and briefly glanced at it, careful to keep his eyes averted from me.

"Alice says that they've found Edward, and they're bringing him back this way in an hour. She wants to talk to you in a few minutes." He informed me. "But first, I need to… I'm still very angry with him." His voice became very controlled, very even. He sounded deadly when he was like this. If he were human, he'd be facing serious prison time for what he's done." He pointed out to me.

"We can't really do that, though." I mumbled. "Of course."

"No, we can't." He shook his head. "But I need some _real_ assurance that he is changing and will never behave like this again, and I don't know how I can get that."

"He was fighting with himself." I sighed. "He was trying to let me go when you got here."

"There's hope for him? You think that a punishment would work, because if this ever happens again…" He shuddered at the thought.

"I do understand what you're saying, and I feel like he somewhat… v-v-violated me." I was beginning to explain when Carlisle growled at the thought. "But – I choose to look at it like this: he is a spoiled child who didn't get what he wants, but unlike the spoiled child, he has the power to force…"

"I get that. I do." He cut across me. "But he knows. We talked about it, and he understood that he was wrong."

"He does know that it's wrong. He just has poor impulse control. He needs you to enforce the limits we've set." I told him.

Carlisle sobbed into my neck. This hadn't just hurt me. It had hurt my Carlisle as well.

"I'm sorry, sweetheart." I ran my fingernails through his hair as I concentrated on not taking his pain. "If I could, I would punish him myself. He's hurt you, terribly. I wish I could make it better."

"You are truly selfless, my darling." He seemed to regain some composure. "After what you've been through today, you still are worried about me."

"Yes, of course I am." I assured him. "Most of all, I'm worried that you're struggling to be both fair and compassionate. You want to make sure I know that you love me, but at the same time, you need me to know that you would never abuse me. I'm also sensing that you are worried that I believe that you love Edward more than you love me. You can stop worrying about that, by the way."

"Once again, you know me almost better than I know myself." He sighed in what sounded like relief. "Tell me what you need. I will give you anything to assure your safety and peace of mind."

"I don't want you to think that I'm one of those people who will just excuse all of the abuse and humiliation that Edward has caused me." I hoped that he understood where I was coming from.

"I think you made that clear at Christmas time when you made it clear that you forgave Edward, but you didn't want to be with him." He reminded me.

"If we were all humans, I _would_ call the police." I stressed how serious I knew this was. "I wouldn't give him a chance to do this again, to me or anyone else. Since that isn't an option, we need to aim for rehabilitation. If I have to be alone with him, Alice will have to be watching very carefully, and he needs a good, old-fashioned spanking."

"If it doesn't work…" he worried.

"Then we will rethink our plan." I sighed. "But I really hope it works."

"Bella, my love, you are the most wonderful, forgiving person I know." He kissed my head. "But I wonder if he has passed the point where we could help him. What if I missed my opportunity to be his father, to affect change in him?"

"I don't believe that." I shook my head. "I have to believe that you can help him. I saw it in his eyes. He still wants to be better."

"If it doesn't work, then at the very least, he will be kicked out of the family." He told me with an air of finality. In no uncertain terms, he was telling me that I was his priority.

"I hope that it doesn't come to that, but I appreciate the sentiment." I kissed his neck.

"And you're sure that you're okay with only a spanking for his correction?" He needed reassurance that he was doing the right thing.

"Yes." I nodded. "But feel free to repeat it for as many days as you think it will take to make the lesson sink in."

Carlisle's phone sounded with Alice's ringtone. He handed it to me.

"We found Edward." She told me. "Esme and Emmett are with him right now because the rest of us want to rip his dick off. I can see that you both want him punished, and believe me, we all agree with that, but his attitude…"

"What do you mean?" I asked her.

"He isn't exactly repentant." Jasper took over for her.

"I thought he was sorry…" Tears started forming in my eyes again.

Carlisle must have heard it in my voice because his eyes were still shut as he brought his hand up to my face and wiped away the tears.

"Oh, he knows that he was wrong to restrain and threaten you, but he is feeling rather proud that he didn't go too far, that he kept himself in check until Carlisle got there." Jasper informed us.

"Kept himself in check?" Carlisle nearly shouted at him. "He ripped her clothes off against her will and threatened to lock her in the closet if she didn't agree to have sex with him!"

"He. Did. What?" We both heard Rosalie's shout from the background. Apparently no one had told her exactly what had happened.

"Rose! Stop!" Alice shouted at her and I heard what sounded like one vampire tackling another. "Carlisle will deal with him."

"I hadn't told the others what exactly happened." Alice continued. _No Kidding. _"But they had guessed that it's bad. Jasper had a pretty good idea about what happened. Are you okay?"

"I'm frightened and worried." I admitted. "We need to talk to Edward, an hour sounds good. I think Carlisle and I have other things we need to talk about first, though, after I get dressed."

"Carlisle, are you alright." Alice continued.

_No_, I thought.

"Of course I'm not alright. Edward has nearly raped my love, and now he's proud that he merely assaulted her? My patience with him has reached its limit." Carlisle sounded more like, his patience with Edward was so far beyond the limit that he didn't even remember what it felt like to have that patience. Still, he was controlled.

"I can only imagine." Jasper nearly growled. "If he'd done this with Alice, he'd already be dead. I'm sorry, I just don't have the same capacity for forgiveness as the both of you. And I'm pretty sure Emmett would be of the same opinion."

"Edward is still Carlisle's son." I reminded them, somewhat angry that Jasper seemed to be belittling Carlisle's compassion. "They've been together for nearly a hundred years. It's understandable that he isn't ready to give up on him."

"Of course," Jasper conceded, "I only meant that Carlisle is exceptionally compassionate and forgiving. I didn't mean it as an insult."

"What happens to Edward is between Bella and me." Carlisle told him with an air of finality. "I think we need to go so that we can finish talking about whatever Bella needs to talk about."

"We'll be there in an hour." Alice told us and hung up.

I walked to the dresser and put on some regular white bra and panties. They weren't ratty or anything, but I didn't find them quite as sexy as the ones Edward had destroyed. After I put them on, I looked in the direction of my closet. It was very dark, and the memories were so near that there was no way I would be able to step one foot in there. I sucked in a shaky breath, and let out a raspy whimper.

"My love, are you alright?" Carlisle called from the bed, rooted to the spot where I'd left him.

"I'm going to get dressed." I announced, pushing myself off of his lap. "I still trust you, I just need to see your eyes when we speak."

"I would also like to be able to look at you." He admitted.

"I can't…" I cried pitifully, barely able to voice my concern. "Please don't make me go… in…"

"You need me to get some clothes out for you?" He guessed.

"Y-y-yes." I sobbed. "I can't do it!"

"I'll get them, my darling." He rose from the bed with his eyes still closed and walked to the closet.

He must have opened them once he had gone in, but he never even sneaked a peak at me the whole time he was picking out my clothes. He had his eyes closed once again when he handed them to me. I was grateful that he picked out comfortable clothes, black yoga pants and a sleeveless shirt. He even held his arm out so that I could steady myself on him if I needed.

Once I had gotten dressed, I closed the gap between Carlisle and myself. He responded by opening his eyes and scooping me up into his arms.

"Can we go somewhere else?" I asked him, no longer wanting to stay in this room. "I don't really want to be in here anymore. Everything in here reminds me of what happened earlier."

"We can go to my study and talk until the others get here." He suggested as he started carrying me toward his office. "That doesn't solve the long-term problem of what to do about your sleeping arrangements."

His eyes looked hopeful that maybe I would want to share his room with him. I really did.

"Tonight, I think that you and Edward will have much to talk about, even after I need to go to sleep." I started to talk this through with him. "I think, for just tonight, I would like to sleep at Esme's house, and after that, I would like to, if it doesn't make you uncomfortable…"

The smile on his face told me that he in no way found it uncomfortable or immoral for me to sleep in his bed. Of course, since my dad's funeral, he had stayed in my bed every night that he was home and held me, but I had been afraid to ask him if I could sleep in his bed because that was more, I don't know, presumptuous, I guess. I didn't want to presume that he was ready to make that statement to his family.

"I would be honored if you would sleep in my bed." He kissed me with much fervor.

**I hope that you didn't come away from this chapter feeling that there was no hope for Edward. I wanted to make him seem like he was trying to let her go, and he made a poor decision that caused him to snap.**

**Also, I didn't intend this chapter as a defense of domestic violence. The Cullen's are kind of outside the law. They really can't be punished in the normal human ways like prison. That's why I added the part about which said: If Edward were human, Bella would have called the police. **


	17. Meeting

**Author's Note: I'm really sorry for the delay in getting this chapter out. It was a complete rewrite. I don't even want to tell you how the original chapter went, but let me just say that this is more in line with the characters as I have written them so far. I have many lame excuses as to why it took me so long, but I won't bore you with the details. Anyway, I hope you all like this chapter. The future ones won't take quite as long to get out. I hope.**

**Chapter 17 – Meeting**

After assuring me that he would be honored to move me into his room with him, Carlisle carried me to his office sat us down on his couch with me now sitting across his lap.

"Did you not feel the pain I was in earlier?" Carlisle asked me suddenly, clearly referring to the fact that Edward's impulse control problems had hurt me and thereby hurt him as well.

"Of course I did." I laughed darkly at him.

"You restrained yourself." He smiled at me. "You even touched my face and didn't absorb any pain. How did you do that?"

"I don't know. I just know that I needed to touch you. I sort of concentrated on comforting you without taking your pain on myself." I told him. "I took quite a bit of focus to accomplish, but somehow I managed."

"I'm so proud of you, my love." True to his promise to kiss me when I finally had my clothes on, Carlisle brought his mouth gently to mine and for the first time, pulled my lower lip gently between his much firmer lips and suckled on it. It was a very pleasant feeling that caused me to lean into him and grip him around his back with one hand and tickle the back of his neck with the other.

Carlisle carefully positioned me so that I was again straddling him. I don't know why, but it seems like every time he kisses me, he reminds me just how amazing he is with his mouth.

I moaned in pleasure as Carlisle put his hand on my upper leg and inched it closer to my thigh and around until he was nearly cupping my bottom, but instead of proceeding, he quickly retreated and pulled away from me.

"I'm so very sorry, my dearest." He chastised himself. "That was very inappropriate."

"If I haven't made it perfectly clear before now, I will tell you outright. I would very much like you to take our physical relationship further," I reminded him somewhat scolding him in the process, "but I don't want to pressure you. Regardless, I don't want to hear, _inappropriate_, come out of your mouth again."

"I've been holding you back." He lowered his head sadly, reminding me of the time when I thought that he was unhappy that I wasn't ready to kiss him.

"I'm not sad in any way about our relationship." I mimicked his frequent gesture and attempted to lift his chin up so that he would meet my gaze. "I will wait patiently for you to be ready, just as you did for me, but make no mistake; I belong to you, my Carlisle. I love you."

"I love you, my Bella." He responded as he resumed kissing me. This time, he didn't venture into unfamiliar territory with his hands, but instead, he kissed my neck and shoulders until he came to my upper arms.

I was very confused when he stopped abruptly. There was nothing remotely inappropriate about what he was doing, not even by his standards. He was kissing my arms for goodness sake.

"You need ice, my love." He told me with an unexpected edge to his voice.

I looked down and saw what had upset him. It was a very large hand-shaped bruise on my upper arm, near my shoulder, and much to my dismay, there was a matching one on the other side.

"Can you please just use your hands like you did with my ankle?" I suggested hopefully. I didn't want to leave the comfort of his lap just yet.

"Of course." He told me as he gently covered both sets of bruises with his hands.

For some reason, my mind went to what Edward's reaction to the bruises would be, and I laughed grimly.

"What is it?" Carlisle was curious.

"I was just thinking that Edward is probably going to be angry that I wore this shirt and probably accuse me of trying to garner sympathy by showing off my bruises." I explained.

"I hope that isn't the case." He scowled. "I know that he is probably going to try to get out of this, but…" Carlisle was beyond words.

"Well…" I attempted to explain my reasoning. "He's probably smart enough to not try and convince the others that it was my fault that he tore off my clothes, even though I wouldn't be totally shocked if he did. He will probably try a different, more subtle method. We have to be vigilant. He _will_ try to manipulate us."

Carlisle simply glowered.

I could tell by the look on Carlisle's face that he was dangerously close to ripping Edward a new one if he so much as even hinted that I was in any way responsible for anything he did to me today.

I reached up and touched Carlisle's face to comfort him, carefully concentrating on not absorbing his pain.

"I love you." He smiled at me, beaming with pride that I had once again touched him without absorbing his pain. "You are so wonderful."

I blushed and leaned in to kiss him. He returned it eagerly but pulled back after only a few seconds.

"We have to stop doing that, my darling." He sighed, and I furrowed my brow in confusion. "Edward will be here shortly, and I need time to clear my head before he gets here."

"Because you need to calm down or because you don't want to upset him by thinking about me?" I questioned, bordering on anger.

"Um…" He hedged, looking anywhere but at me. "I _know_ that you're open for pushing our boundaries, but Edward reacts badly to my less than gentlemanly thoughts."

"That ends today." I told him abruptly. "I am hoping to one day make love to you, and I don't want you to have to worry about monitoring your thoughts about me because of his bad reactions. It isn't fair to either one of us. I _like_ that you fantasize about me, and I hope that we won't have to schedule sex around Edward."

"Of course, you're right." He admitted, ashamedly. "Edward needs to learn to deal with this, but I'm not sure that he will even admit he has a problem with it. He will probably try to convince us that he was in control before I got there, that he had won out over his urges, and he has no need to be corrected since he was already correcting himself."

"That's what Alice has already suggested." I told him sadly as a wicked thought crept into my mind. I had a sly grin as I continued, "I have an idea about that. I can't tell you everything because I need your reaction to be real, but I will say that I am going to be naughty… if that's okay with you."

"Naughty?" His voice shook.

"Very naughty." I whispered huskily into his ear, grazing my breast across his lips as I sat back down. "Naughtier than that."

He sat gob-smacked for a moment, his eyes black with lust, before his lips came crashing into mine. I eagerly returned the fervor I felt coming from him. His hands were all over my back, unsure of where to be until they settled over where my bra clasped behind me. He gave the strap a sharp tug, snapping it in two. I instantly felt the cups lose the support they provided me.

He was going to touch my breasts! My heart rate practically doubled at that thought. The anticipation was killing me, but nothing prepared me for the feeling of his cold, hard hand coming up the front of my shirt and inside my bra.

"Oh, Carlisle!" I moaned as he lightly squeezed my nipple.

He massaged my breasts gently for what seemed like far too short, and then snaked his hand down between us and cupped my girlie parts, and I was desperately hoping he was headed where I wanted to go, but for some insane reason, I thought of Edward. Not in a sexual way, but in a, _we can't do this the first time because of him_, way.

"Stop." I only just managed to say in between breaths.

Carlisle froze briefly before he removed his hands from my body and looked away from me in shame, "I'm terribly sorry. I can't apologize enough for allowing my desires to overcome me." His voice was barely audible as he spoke. "It's unforgivable of me to rip your clothes." I could feel the rejection and self-loathing rolling off of him. I never, ever wanted him to feel this way, especially because of me. I wanted to cry knowing that I had hurt him.

"I'm begging you, Carlisle, please don't do that." I pleaded with him while desperately trying to get him to look me in the eye. He didn't respond, probably because I couldn't keep the sadness out of my voice, and to top it off, I got more and more hysterical with each sentence, desperate to show him how this wasn't the same as his experience with Esme. "I didn't stop you out of fear. I'm not afraid or upset about what happened, especially not that you ripped my bra. I just can't go there today because our first time should be special, not because Edward attacked me. I want our first time to be because of us, but I do _really_ want you. Please, don't run away from me."

"I'm sorry, my love." He sighed as he came back to me. "I panicked."

"Me as well." I stroked his face, trying to assure him that I was not afraid of him or upset by what had happened.

"I could tell." He nodded sadly. "There is something I need to know, though. Are you afraid of intimacy because of what Edward has done?"

"Only in the sense that I'm afraid he's going to bust in on us." I explained, and Carlisle sighed in relief. "I am scared of him, though, scared to be alone with him."

"Understandably so." Carlisle nodded. "By the time we are finished here today, I hope to put the fear of God into him. If he harms or frightens you again, I don't know what I will do to him…"

"You'll have to make him leave." I answered for him and he nodded.

"Umm…" I hesitated nervously, changing the subject back to our most recent make-out session. "Is there any way I can apologize without making you more upset?"

"Of course." He held back a laugh. "But I have no idea why you would be apologizing."

"Well…" I took a deep breath to gather my thoughts, "first, I told you that I was ready for more, and then I made you stop after I had teased you…"

Carlisle put his finger up to my lips to stop my apology, "No, my love, you were absolutely right about your reasoning for stopping us. It wouldn't have been right for us to pursue that path today. _And_ don't think for a second that I didn't thoroughly enjoy what we did."

"But I didn't mean to push you that far." I countered. "Maybe I shouldn't be _naughty_ in front of Edward."

"Actually, I think you should." He told me confidently.

"But…" I started to argue.

"Listen, my darling." He cut across me. "I have been struggling with lust since I saw Edward with his hands on you. I guess I am at least a little possessive of you. I tried to contain my urges and not frighten you further. I never expected you to…"

"I shouldn't have…" I mumbled.

"My point is," Carlisle once again interrupted me, "that now that I know how powerful my lust is, I can get a handle on it. I promise, I won't lose control."

"I still feel badly that I manipulated you." I cried.

Carlisle's phone beeped, and he pulled it out and chuckled before showing it to me.

_You two are a perfect match of self-castigation! Quit beating yourselves up and DO WHAT YOU HAD PLANNED! – _Alice

"I guess she's right." I laughed as well. "…as long as you'll be okay with my naughtiness."

"As long as I don't have to spank you after I spank Edward." He joked.

My eyes widened, and my pulse accelerated. I couldn't stop the image from springing to my mind. I was draped over Carlisle's lap wearing a skirt. He was lightly slapping my bare bottom with his large hand. For some reason, the thought of a little spanking from Carlisle turned me on.

"You _want _a spanking?" He was positively shocked, and I blushed, quite embarrassed that he had guessed that from my reaction.

"That's okay…" I mumbled, mortified.

"You don't understand, my love." He pulled my chin so that I couldn't look away from him. "I thought that you would never go for it, but I would really like to try it once we're married."

"Just so long as it's clearly for fun and not a punishment." I let him know, happy that he was willing to do this for me.

"Agreed." He nodded. "Playful, not painful."

I shifted forward to give him an encouraging kiss when I felt my bra shifting over my front. I had forgotten that it was broken.

"Um, I need to go…" I couldn't quite say it, looking down at the front of my shirt.

"Of course," he laughed. "I'll let you get dressed while I take care of something."

While Carlisle ran downstairs to do whatever he had to take care of, I walked back to my bedroom to put on a new bra. I didn't know what Carlisle was doing, but I decided to trust him. He could do things that he didn't tell me about.

When I got to my room, my stress over what Carlisle was doing faded away when I remembered what had happened earlier. I became frightened to be in this room alone. Though I knew it was useless, I locked the door. I shook as I stood in front of my dresser, but I had to do this. I had to win out over my fear of that stupid closet and of Edward.

I trembled as I put on my new bra, looking away from the closet. It took me extra-long because I couldn't stop my hands from shaking, and I stared at the door, very nervous that somehow, Edward was going to show up and break open my door. It wasn't as if that flimsy lock could keep Edward out. The only one who would be stopped by a locked door was me.

By the time I had managed to get my clothes on, I was dangerously close to having a panic attack. I got out of the room as fast as I could and a repressed sob escaped my lips as I collapsed to the ground.

I hadn't been on the ground for a full second when Carlisle appeared by my side, scooping me up into his arms.

"Oh, Bella, I'm so sorry I left you alone in that room…" He trailed off sadly as he carried me forward to his study.

"Don't." I managed to squeak out through my sobbing, the same time his phone beeped again.

"Alice agrees with you, my darling." He informed me. "She also says that they will be here in five minutes. Do you need an Ativan, my love?"

"Probably, but I want to be coherent for this family meeting." I told him, my sobs dying down.

"Just rest for a moment, then." He encouraged me to snuggle into his embrace.

I took deep breaths and calmed myself, but all too soon, the other members of the Cullen family were filing into Carlisle's office with Edward in the middle. Like expected, he eyed my shirt with great contempt.

"Oh my g…" He started to say, and I felt Carlisle stiffen beneath me in pure rage.

"Let me stop you right there, Edward." I interrupted. "I'm fairly certain that belittling me in any way about anything would be a monumentally bad idea. Carlisle is about to snap."

"But that shirt…" He kept on pushing.

"I chose that damn shirt for her Edward because she was too frightened by your little stunt to go into the closet to pick something out." Carlisle snarled at him.

"Then fuck you, Carlisle." Edward growled right back at him. "You put her arms on display just to upset them all more!"

"And also, let me tell you that you had better not blame any of this on Carlisle." I continued angrily. "I _will_ let Rosalie kick your ass if I even think you've hinted that he was to blame for your actions."

"Thank you, Bella." Rosalie looked like she had just won the lottery.

"No problem." I smiled at her, and then turned to face Edward. "Anyway… I suppose you have something to say about what happened earlier?"

"Yes." He nodded tersely. "I was in control. You know this. I was letting you go when your stupid… never mind." He wisely changed his wording. "I see no reason why any of you are making a big deal about this."

The room exploded, not literally, but it would have probably been less noise than the thundering voices of five pissed off vampires. Carlisle was the only one not shouting at Edward's answer. He merely covered my ears.

"SILENCE!" He yelled at them, and they instantly ended their mutual tirade. "While you may be here to witness this, this matter is between Bella and Edward."

"And you." I reminded him.

"Nonetheless, if they want to remain in here, they need to allow the three of us to hash this out." Carlisle was in full leader-mode.

Everyone nodded and waited for one of us to continue.

"You see nothing wrong with how you behaved _before_ you got yourself under control?" Carlisle asked angrily.

"_My point is…_" Edward growled at Carlisle. "… is that though I may have overstepped, I regained control."

"_Overstepped_ is hardly what I would call it." Carlisle told him very evenly through clenched teeth.

"I am in control now." Edward reiterated, very calmly, very confidently bordering on smugness.

"And ripping off my clothes, threatening me with the closet, and gripping me so hard you left giant bruises on my arms, what was that, just an exercise in control?" I shouted at him.

"Obviously, I'm sorry that I did those things to you." He hung his head in shame, but I wasn't buying it for a minute mostly because of the look of disgust on Jasper's face. "But on the whole, this has all turned out for the best."

"What?" Carlisle and I yelled at the same time and Rosalie hissed at him, unable to suppress her anger.

"Two major things happened today as a direct result of my behavior. One, I know now that I can resist you. And two, since you are sitting there without gloves, I assume that you are better in control of your own gift." He looked hopeful that we would buy this.

"I think you're missing the point, Edward." Carlisle sighed. "She's terrified to be alone in her room because of what you did to her, and she's scared to be alone with you, anywhere."

"And I'm also a little scared that _he's_ not in control enough to _allow_ us the courtesy of being intimate." I reminded him as Carlisle nodded in agreement.

"I'm telling you, I'm in complete control. You don't have to worry about any of that anymore." He tried to assure me.

_We'll just see about that_. I took a deep breath as I turned around in Carlisle's lap and kissed him hungrily on the lips. Carlisle ran his fingers through my hair as I moved over to suckle on his ear.

"Remember earlier." I whispered, hoping he would take the hint.

In response he worked his hand under my shirt and palmed my breast through my bra, and I heard a growl from Edward. I smirked to myself as I continued on with my plan. I had never been this bold before, but I thought it necessary. I slowly but deliberately thrust my center back and forth over Carlisle's protruding erection. He gasped in response and grabbed my hips to guide me where he wanted me to be. _Please, more!_ Carlisle was an expert at getting the most pleasure out of my body. I let out a rather loud moan and I felt very close to exploding.

Suddenly, there was an ear-splitting roar followed by a thunderous crash, and Carlisle and I very reluctantly split apart to assess the scene behind us. I wanted so much to continue what we were doing, but somehow I managed to control myself enough to attempt to focus on Edward. The look on Carlisle's face was one I had never seen before on him. He seemed to be in the same boat I was, desperately trying to focus on the task at hand, Edward.

Speaking of Edward, he was a furious mess, fuming incoherently at us. He _finally_ snapped us out of it when he yelled, "Damn you, Carlisle!"

Rosalie and Emmett each had their arms around Edward while Esme stood in front of him, blocking the path from him to us. Edward was snarling and struggling to free himself from their grasp. I was a bit surprised to see that Jasper wasn't helping until I noticed that he and Alice weren't even in the room any longer. I put that out of my mind, though, because Edward wasn't done throwing his not so little tantrum.

"You can't do that, Carlisle!" He thundered on. "She's MINE!"

"I. Am. _Not. _YOURS!" I screeched at him.

"You can't propose." His rage transformed into hopelessness. "I'm not finished trying to win her back."

"Edward…" Carlisle's voice was sad but patient.

"No, Edward." I interrupted. "I've told you this before, but you don't seem to get it. You _are_ finished. I am _never_ going to be with you."

"Bella please!" He begged. "I _am _sorry for what happened today. I'm changing! You saw it. I was about to let you go!"

"Maybe you are changing, Edward, but that doesn't change the fact that I love him with all that I am." My voice softened. "I _will _accept his proposal."

"Great job, ruining his proposal, dumbass!" Rosalie growled at him and smacked him in the back of the head.

"Don't worry about that, Rosalie." I told her smiling reassuringly at Carlisle who was radiating joy over what I had said. "I already knew that he was going to propose."

Alice and Jasper attempted to slip unnoticed back into the room while we were talking, but Emmett wouldn't let them.

"Damn, Jasper!" He whistled. "I bet you never thought you would be brought to your knees by Carlisle and Bella! That must have been some powerful lust they were putting out there."

"I hardly think this is the time to discuss that, Emmett." Jasper retorted, winking at Carlisle and me with a slight smirk on his face.

This was highly embarrassing. I turned a bright shade of red, knowing that I was at least part of the reason that Jasper and Alice weren't in the room for a moment. I assumed that they stepped out to relieve Jasper's discomfort, but I really didn't want to know the details.

"I agree," Alice chimed in. "Even though Bella and Carlisle's lust is impressive, we are here to discuss Edward's behavior and hear about his consequences."

"I don't think I need any _consequences._" Edward told her bitterly. Petulant Edward had returned, oh goody. "Obviously there is no lasting damage to Bella, and Carlisle is… less repressed and fearful of intimacy."

"Not the point, Edward." Carlisle was becoming exasperated with him. "And I wouldn't say that there is no lasting damage to Bella. You nearly broke both of her arms, and you _tried_ to break her spirit by getting her to betray me. Stripping off a person's clothes and threatening harm if the person in question doesn't agree to sleep with you is considered attempted rape in this country."

"No one outside this room ever has to know about that. It was just Bella, and she's not going to tell anyone. There's no reason for me to be…" Edward started to tell us when we were all shocked into silence.

Either Esme must have not planned to do it, or Edward wasn't focused on her because even he was surprised when she reached out and slapped him hard right in the face. I think the most surprising thing to Edward was that as a human, his mother _protected_ him from being disciplined by his father. He probably thought that Esme would do the same. On top of that, Esme was always quick to think the best about everyone, especially him. He was most likely counting on her distaste for violence to help get him out of this.

"That's enough, Edward." She became very stern, more so than I had ever seen in her. "You are my son, and I love you, but you have gone too far. No son of mine will ever behave that way toward a lady. AND… I will never again hear you refer to Bella as _just Bella_ as if that makes what you did acceptable_. _If anything, it's worse that you did this to Bella. She is a part of this family, just like you. Bella is every bit as much my daughter as you are my son."

Not for the first time, I was reminded that Esme was more of a mother to me than my own biological mother ever was. And it wasn't like she was trying to take my mother's place. It was more like she sensed exactly what I needed from her and filled that role in my life.

Suddenly, I felt Esme's pain. It was intense. She was hurting that her son could ever be so cruel, and because I was hurting. If Carlisle's arms hadn't been around me, I would have not been able to stop myself from absorbing her pain. As it was, I reached as far as I could, trying hard to touch her.

"My love?" Carlisle asked in confusion.

He was probably wondering why I was having a hard time controlling my gift again. So was I, for that matter.

His words brought me out of the haze I was under, and I once again regained control of myself.

During my inner monologue, Edward stared at Esme in disbelief until she turned to address Carlisle. "I'm sorry, you asked us not to interfere."

"I misspoke earlier, Esme." Carlisle conceded. "He is your son as well as mine...

"Any you _are_ my mom." I interjected, causing her to beam at me.

"You have every right to be part of this conversation." Carlisle finished.

"In that case," Esme narrowed her eyes back at Edward, "if your father does not plan on spanking you for this, _I_ will be the one who administers a sound thrashing to your backside."

"A _spanking?_" Edward asked incredulously. "That's what you are planning to do? I am _not_ a child!"

"Aren't you?" I asked. "I think that you've proven time and again that you isn't really mentally and emotionally an adult."

"Excuse me, _little _girl!" Edward shouted. "I am nearly a hundred years older than you!"

"But you still have a rebellious teenage mindset." I countered patiently. "You have fought against Carlisle's authority for many years, and you always believe you're right. You never grew up and learned that it's better to allow others to be themselves rather than to control them. You don't seem to grasp the concept that you can't always get your way."

"I will not have you talk to me as though I'm a child." Edward said petulantly. "I was born before your grandparents."

"Alright, _old_ man, tell me this." I remembered a conversation that we had had about his parents. "If your human father were somehow still alive, how would he have handled it if he had seen what you were doing to me earlier?" I asked. "Would it have mattered that you are technically more than a hundred years old? What would he have done?"

Edward stared me down, refusing to answer.

"Don't you all see that she's just brought up spanking because she's trying to punish me because I used to punish her." Edward looked around the room and found no support. He was grasping at straws, and he knew it. "She wants to humiliate me."

"I hope you know that's not true." I told him. "I want to help you so that we don't have to ask you to leave."

"You are such a hypocrite! You fought against every punishment I gave you!" Edward shouted.

"And exactly why should you have been punishing me? Are you my father?" I asked through angry tears. "And I didn't fight against you. I had to go along with it because you're so much stronger than me. There was nothing I could do but accept your horrible sadistic punishments. I would have much rather had a spanking from someone who loved me than go through anything you did to control me."

"Let's just put aside the fact that what you did to her was designed to torment her, and she's trying to help you." Carlisle gripped me tighter as he carefully controlled his anger. I snuggled into him, trying to absorb his strength. "She's being merciful by offering you the choice between accepting discipline or leaving. From what I understand, Jasper and Rosalie wanted to destroy you."

"There is no way you would ever let _anyone_ punish you like this." Edward insisted adamantly, ignoring Carlisle. "And no, Carlisle's sick little fantasy spanking doesn't count!"

"Number one, Carlisle is free to fantasize about me, so stay the hell out of his head, and by the way, I've already agreed to it." I seethed at him, rather pissed that he chose to share that with everyone. "Two, I would be more than willing to let Carlisle give me a real spanking right now if it meant that you would accept your punishment…"

"That is _not_ going to happen." Carlisle interjected vehemently. "He's just going to have to accept his punishment on his own."

"But I know that he won't do it." I turned and smiled at him, and he kissed my lips, returning my smile. "And three, this is about you. You are the one who behaves like a spoiled child."

"And that's my cue to reiterate your options here, Edward." Carlisle took over for me. "You can either submit to a spanking or leave. I do not wish to destroy you."

Edward stared down Carlisle for what seemed like an unending amount of time before he finally yelled out.

"If those are my options, I guess I'll take the spanking." Edward looked like a caged animal. "I hate you both."

The look in his eyes told me that he was dead serious. There was nothing but pure malice in his eyes. I could handle his hatred toward me. I even expected it, but the thought of what this would do to Carlisle… I just couldn't handle it. I started shaking and crying. Carlisle turned my face toward his.

"I'm sorry." I mouthed to him, but I closed my eyes, not able to look at him. I didn't know if he could understand it because my lower lip was shaking so badly.

He stroked my cheek gently with the tips of his fingers until I looked at him.

"I'd rather have his hatred than be unable to look you in the eye, my love. If I let this go unpunished, it makes me just as bad as he is. I should have done this a long time ago, my darling. This isn't your fault." He assured me. "His actions caused this."

"No!" Edward shouted. "It _is _your fault! Why couldn't you be a normal human? If you had been a good…"

I knew where he was going, and I started to panic, but apparently Carlisle figured it out as well, and he snapped.

"Enough!" He put me on the couch and stood up to face Edward. His patience had reached its limit. "We are done talking about this. Everyone but Edward and Bella leave now."

"No way, Carlisle." Edward stamped his foot, denting the floor a little bit. "This will be embarrassing enough without her being here."

"Too bad." Carlisle answered evenly. "She stays or you can pack your things and go. You will be welcome in this family when you can fully submit to my authority. If you choose to leave today, you will still have to submit to this if you ever want to be a part of my family again. It won't matter if you're gone a week or five thousand years."

I could tell that Emmett and Rosalie were dying to see where this went, but they reluctantly left with the others.

Edward attempted to stare Carlisle down for a good five minutes before he finally threw up his hands in defeat. "Fine! Let's get this over with!"

Edward walked over to Carlisle's desk and placed his hands on it and stuck his butt out in the air.

Carlisle was having none of this, though. I could tell by the look in his eye that he had decided that none of this punishment was going to be on Edward's terms. He roughly grabbed Edward off of the desk and physically carried him to an empty corner.

"I have no intention of simply 'getting this over with.' You are to wait with your nose in the corner until I'm ready to deal with you." Carlisle ordered.

I had been holding back a full blown panic since Edward had started to say "good girl" and Carlisle knew it. He ran back to the couch and scooped me back into his arms.

"He can wait. You are my priority." He told me as he held me.

As soon as his arms encircled me, the dam broke, and I began sobbing and clinging to Carlisle. He made no attempt to quiet my crying, choosing instead to allow me to cry this out.

"Edward. Corner. Now." Carlisle commanded tersely. Edward had apparently been defiant, but I couldn't see it. "I won't tell you again."

Even though his voice was harsh with Edward, Carlisle's hands never ceased being gentle with me. I cried hard for a good ten minutes before my tears started tapering off. Another few minutes, and I felt safe enough to move from Carlisle's grasp. When I finally looked up again, Edward was in the corner, and had his nose right where it should be.

"Are you ready?" Carlisle gazed into my eyes. "Like I said before, he can wait."

"I'm as ready as I'm going to be." I told him sadly, hating that after such an emotional encounter, we were both in for another trying ordeal but also desperately wanting to get past this and on with our lives.

Carlisle got up from the couch and moved a chair to the middle of the room.

"Damn you, Carlisle!" Edward saw what Carlisle was doing and thinking. "I'm not doing this over your knees!"

I actually thought that this was a brilliant place to do it, and probably more merciful to Edward as well. First of all, it showed Edward just what Carlisle thought of his childish behavior today. And secondly, if Edward was positioned how he had been at the desk, I would have a direct eye line to Edward's naked rear-end, but the way Carlisle had positioned himself, if Edward would ever submit, I could look at their faces. Evidently, Edward hadn't thought this through, or he was just determined to fight Carlisle at every turn.

"I'm not discussing this with you." Carlisle told him patiently. "This is how it's going to be."

Not once but five more times, Edward stomped his foot from the corner, leaving large dents in Carlisle's floor. He was being more of a child than I had ever witnessed. I hoped that he was thinking about the irony of the situation. All of Edward's choices were being taken from him, just as he had done to me on numerous occasions, and he responded as a toddler who had been put in time-out.

"That's enough." Carlisle warned him. "I'm growing tired of your temper tantrum, young man."

Edward ceased his childish fit but remained in the corner. After about five minutes, my stomach growled loudly.

"I'm going downstairs to get a bite to eat." I told them before deadpanning. "Don't start without me."

Carlisle chuckled at my attempt at humor while Edward huffed in the corner. His plan was probably to wait me out. I would eventually have to leave or sleep. He probably figured that he could just hold off Carlisle until then, and get his way.

I took my time in the kitchen and made myself a chicken salad, but I skipped the coke. I was already having anxiety issues today. I didn't need caffeine making it worse. I settled for a big glass of ice water. When I was finished, I found a pair of earplugs on the counter with a note.

_Wear these. It will help._

I disliked earplugs, but Alice was right. This was going to be loud, and I didn't want to have permanent hearing loss because of it. I carried them back upstairs to Carlisle's office.

I was surprised to see that Edward had finally submitted and was draped over Carlisle's lap. I took my seat on Carlisle's couch, put in the earplugs and waited for this to finally begin.

Much to Edward's chagrin, Carlisle began by taking down his pants and boxers.

"No, Carlisle!" Edward's muffled voice still carried through the earplugs. "This isn't fair!"

"It's more than fair, Edward." I pointed out to him. "But I can promise you that I'm not looking if it helps. The only naked butt I want to see is Carlisle's."

"I appreciate that, my love." Carlisle smiled grimly at me.

"Of course that doesn't help, you stu…" Edward started to call me a name but was cut off by Carlisle's first resounding thwack on Edward's unprotected backside.

I wondered if I should be enjoying this because I most definitely wasn't. I suppose a great number of women in my position would dearly love to see their tormenters being made to answer for their crimes, but the reality of the situation was that I didn't care at all to watch Edward suffer for what he had done. I was here for my poor hurting Carlisle who hated doing this. While I could _hear_ each resounding smack, I chose to solely focus on Carlisle, making sure it didn't become too much for him.

I watched his face transform from sad to determined as Edward apologized over and over, begging Carlisle to stop. From time to time, Carlisle looked to me to make sure I was not frightened of him. Every time, I smiled at him, hoping to reassure him that I wasn't scared.

I'm fairly sure that Carlisle was not convinced by my attempts to assure him. The main problem was that it was a bit of a struggle to restrain myself from making my way across the room to absorb Carlisle's pain. I could feel both Carlisle and Edward's physical and emotional pain, and I could tell that Carlisle's was intense. I fought to keep myself in my seat.

"Are you alright, my darling?" Carlisle's muffled voice broke through my concentration. A look of worry spread across his beautiful face. He was clearly afraid that he had finally crossed that invisible line and made me rethink our relationship.

"Your pain," was all I managed to whimper, and he nodded sadly in understanding but resumed his task.

After about ten minutes, Edward changed from begging to fighting, and Carlisle became more determined to get his point across. His face became harder, and he swatted Edward's unprotected backside with more force. I felt the emotional pain in Carlisle's heart ramp up, and I jumped up to alleviate Carlisle's pain but realized what I was doing. I took several deep breaths and just barely managed to resume my previous position on the couch. Edward must have sensed my distress through Carlisle's mind because he used the knowledge to fight Carlisle even harder. It became so bad that Carlisle had to trap Edward with his legs as he continued to dole out Edward's much-needed ass-whipping. For a very long time, Edward continued to struggle for dominance against Carlisle even though it was clear to me that he had already lost. It seemed as though Edward had developed quite a few layers of brattiness that Carlisle had to systematically break through before Edward would fully submit to his punishment.

Finally, after I don't even know how long, Edward collapsed into a wallowing mess over Carlisle's knee and Carlisle once again looked up at me.

"Cover your ears, my love." He urged me, and I quickly obeyed.

Even through two layers of ear protection, the final swats resonated like an explosion. Carlisle slowed his pattern considerably but brought it down with more force than I had ever seen before. In between each stroke, he lectured Edward a bit or asked him questions. I couldn't hear what he said, but the few words I could make out from his beautiful lips looked like, "If you ever…"

Finally, it was over, and Carlisle was rubbing Edward's back. At the same time, he silently got my attention and motioned for me to turn around. Assuming that Edward wanted to stand up and fix his pants, I acquiesced and took out my earplugs wanting to know when it was safe to turn back around. I was glad that Carlisle afforded me this courtesy because I had no desire to see Edward naked.

"He's decent." Carlisle announced after a few second.

When I turned around, I found a different Edward than I had ever seen. He was curled up like a small boy in Carlisle's lap, and Carlisle was stroking his hair.

Not wanting to disturb Edward's much needed father/son time with Carlisle; I called Esme to come get me. Like Edward needed time with his dad, I desperately needed time with my mom.


	18. All I Really Want

**Author's Note: I have struggled with this chapter, much like I did the last one, and I had to mostly rewrite it. I still don't know if I'm completely happy with it, but I am stuck, and I don't anticipate adding anything meaningful that would completely fix my unhappiness. I'm sorry for the slow updates. I haven't been as free to write as I would like.**

**Chapter 18 – All I Really Want**

Once I was away from Carlisle, I felt myself go numb. It was a familiar feeling. It was the same anesthetized feeling I had just after Edward left me. There were two major differences now that would help me get through this. First, I was much stronger than I was before, and secondly, I had Carlisle, well Carlisle _and_ his family, but most importantly Carlisle. However, for now, I could only gaze off into the distance.

"Bella, dear," Esme caught me staring out the window of her car, "why don't you spend some time in the basement, sculpting?"

"Don't you want me to cry on your shoulder or something?" I was confused.

"Hmm…" She thought about it for a moment. "I don't really think that's what you need right now, sweetheart. I think you really need a little distance from the situation to really get a handle on it."

"Like after Edward broke up with me?" I asked and she nodded.

"But if you wish to cry later, I'll be here for you." She assured me.

That was really rather unexpected. I assumed that she would hold and comfort me the way my own mother would, but surprisingly, she didn't. But… I really didn't like it when my mother did that for me. It was really as though she was comforting me when she thought I would need it, not when I actually needed it. Most of the time when my mother would encourage me to _have a good cry_, I really didn't feel the need to cry, and Esme must have sensed that I needed to really be ready before I received a mother's comfort. Don't get me wrong, my mother did all of her hair-brained things out of nothing but love. I'm sure her classic mom stuff would have comforted most people, but I wasn't normal. She simply had no idea how to give _me_ comfort, and I didn't want to hurt her feelings by telling her she was doing it wrong. Esme, however seemed to have figured it out on her own.

As soon as we arrived at my former home, I rushed past Alice and Jasper and went straight down into the basement to put my hands in the clay. It was like a breath of fresh air when the clay slipped through my fingers. For some reason, instead of working out my emotions about Edward, I worked through my emotions about Esme and my mother.

Would my mom be alright with me adopting a new mother so soon after her death? But… I had thought of Esme as my _second_ mother for awhile now, and it had not diminished my feelings for my mother in any way. I loved them both. They were both my mothers. Would Renee be okay with that?

I closed my eyes and cried softly. I didn't want to disrespect my mother's memory by letting Esme take her place. When I looked down at the clay I was molding, an image came to my mind, and I sculpted what I had seen. Renee was handing me, as a baby over to Esme. She had a wistful look in her eye, as if saying, _take care of my baby._

After that I cried, hard, knowing that Renee would love anyone who loved me, and Esme absolutely loved me.

I sculpted more of Esme. I should have been working out my feelings about Edward's actions, but this nagging feeling that there was something more about Esme that I was missing.

I looked down at the clay in my fingers and found her beautiful face, looking up at me. I had sculpted various versions of her face on the same statue. The first one I saw was her face just after she slapped Edward. The second was her face when I called her mom for the first time. The third was her face when she went in on that ridiculous bet that Emmett got going about Rosalie's new bed. The fourth was the desperation she wore when Jasper was at his worst. An epiphany struck me. Esme had a supernatural power. She was the perfect mother. She sensed exactly what she should be for all her children. She chastised Edward, loved and defended me, worried about Jasper, and was playful with Emmett. She was and is the best mom there will ever be. That is what I, and everyone else had been missing, just how special Esme is.

I put that clay aside to work on later.

I picked up a new piece and tried to focus on the events of the day, starting with Edward walking in on me. As I systematically remembered every horrible second Edward had me at his mercy. As I thought about it, I wondered if Edward didn't merely lose control momentarily only to regain it as I had previously thought, and he suggested. Maybe, just maybe he planned all of this. If he had just slipped, wouldn't he have just forced me to have sex with him without all of the manipulation, or was this just the habit he had? Edward _was_ calculating and conniving. That was for sure, but was it just his pattern, or did he deliberately try to hurt me? I gave him the benefit of the doubt, _for now_, because Alice would have seen it if he had planned this in advance.

Over and over again, I could hear Edward ordering me to say that I wanted him, and I refused him. I was left with one terrifying thought. Carlisle was right. Edward was going to break me. I didn't grasp the enormity of the situation before.

The full weight of exactly what Edward had done to me hit me hard. He didn't merely want sex from me. He wanted to make me feel ashamed of myself and dirty. What would have happened if I hadn't managed to conjure up enough courage to finally stand up to him? And that's exactly what almost happened. I had been extremely close to giving in when I miraculously didn't. How could I have ever forgiven myself if I hadn't said, no?"

All of a sudden, I was no longer in the basement. I was back in the room with Edward, and this time, I was too afraid of the closet. Edward wasted no time in stripping off his own clothes and thrusting into me. I let out a scream. I could feel his hands on my skin as he broke the barrier of my virginity. He panted on top of me as I shook and cried. The physical and emotional pain I would have experienced would have been devastating, but that in no way compared to the pain I would have felt over breaking Carlisle's heart.

I knew that this wasn't happening, but it all felt so real. I became terrified of Edward, so frightened that I had to get away. I began throwing things around the basement. I vaguely noticed that Esme, Jasper, and Alice had come downstairs with me and were trying to keep me from hurting myself without actually restraining me. Alice must have told them that I wouldn't respond well to being touched right now.

By the time I wore myself out, I had destroyed every sculpture I hadn't cast yet and at least severely damaged all of the bronze statues I had in the basement. In addition, I dented the walls and floor with some of the heavier pieces, and I broke some of my molds.

Eventually, I collapsed onto the ground, and Esme's arms immediately encircled me. All I was left with was the sheer terror that I had almost ruined everything.

"I almost…" I whimpered.

"It wouldn't have been your fault, Bella." Alice assured me grimly.

"But I was so close!" I argued, burying my face in my hands. "You can't tell me that I didn't nearly give in!"

"Yes, I saw that, but it still wouldn't have been your fault." She tried to reason with me.

"I have to call Carlisle." I was hysterically looking for my cell phone. "I almost… it's my fault. What if I had given in?"

"Edward would be dead." Jasper told me confidently, and Alice nodded in agreement.

"And Carlisle would be devastated." I sobbed and added silently, _All because of me._

"Yes, killing Edward would have ripped a hole in his heart, but that was nothing compared to seeing you broken." Alice had a knowing look on her face as she remembered what she had seen of my future. "It was such a short vision that I couldn't see too far, but you were… _suicidal_. You were afraid to let Carlisle touch you, and guilt-ridden every time you jerked away. You completely blamed yourself, and Carlisle became afraid that you were never going to be able to be with him which caused you even more guilt. It wasn't pretty."

"I have to tell him. He needs to know how close I came to ruining everything!" I was in a near panic knowing what my future could have been if I hadn't been able to stand up to Edward for once.

"No, Bella." Esme gently took the cell phone out of my hand. "You have to stop this and calm down."

"But I almost ruined everything!" I was still rather hysterical. "If I hadn't…!"

"Don't." Esme ordered me rather sternly. "First of all, you were and are exceptionally brave, my daughter. I never managed to work up enough courage to stand up to my husband."

"I didn't mean it like that." I sobbed feeling guilty that I had inadvertently implied that it was her fault she was abused. Esme must have been too frightened to stand up to him. I wished desperately that I could have somehow gone back in time and rescued her from that sadistic bastard. "I don't think it was your fault that your husband hurt you."

"It would have been the same with you. It would have still been Edward's fault, even if you had given in." She reasoned with me.

I had never thought about it that way. This time when I visualized what had happened to me, Esme was in my place, terrified, so terrified that she acquiesced to Edward. Would Glenna have the right to blame Esme if that had happened to her? No, I would be seriously pissed off at Glenna if she had tried to blame Esme for being an abuse victim. And… that's what I was whether or not I found the courage to stand up to Edward. Finally, I could see clearly enough to place the blame where it belonged, at Edward's feet. This was all his fault, and it pissed me off.

"There it is." Jasper sighed in relief.

"What?" I snapped a little more sharply than I intended.

"Your anger toward Edward." He explained, nearly laughing at me. "I was beginning to wonder if you had any capacity to be truly angry."

"I've been angry before, Jasper." I reminded him, rolling my eyes.

"Yes, but not to this extent, or to what I'd like to call _Rosalie_ angry." He pointed out to me, and despite how furious I felt with Edward, I chuckled at his comment, as did Alice and Esme.

"You didn't see her let Carlisle have it in the car on the way to the museum." Alice joined in. "_That _was definitely Rosalie worthy."

"Anyway…" Jasper brought us back to his original point. "We need to deal with this now, and not put it off."

"Okay…" I told him hesitantly.

"What hurts the most?" He asked.

"That he told me to _be a good girl._" I shuddered at the thought. "It was his secret code when we were dating that meant I wasn't good if I didn't do what he wanted me to do."

"It's good that you recognize that it was just his wording, not actual truth." Jasper told me, smiling. It's still scary though isn't it?"

"Only because I associate those words with a choice between doing something very unpleasant and being locked in a closet," I explained.

"How do you feel about Edward using that phrase to try and coax you into having sex with him?" Jasper pressed.

"Coax, Jasper?" I nearly screamed at him. "Are you freaking kidding me? He. Did. Not. Coax. Me. He _assaulted_ me!"

"I'm so proud of you, Bella." Esme beamed at me.

"Why are you proud? I'd think you would be ashamed of me. I'm supposed to have forgiven him, but all I can feel right now is burning hatred. I don't even feel bad that I haven't forgiven him." I told her expecting her to at least look a little disappointed in me.

"I'm proud, daughter dearest, because not only are you brave enough to deal with what Edward has done to you, you are wise enough to realize that this is Edward's fault, not yours." She kissed the top of my head. "It took me decades to blame Charles for hurting me."

"Bella, you can't truly forgive someone until you process exactly what they've done to you." Jasper crouched to my level on the floor, taking both of my hands in his. "Forgive me for saying so, but all of the… amorous activities you and Carlisle did earlier didn't really help. They were a distraction from the pain and fear, but they would have seriously made things worse had you let it progress to sex."

Guilt washed over me as I considered how I had used Carlisle to alleviate my pain. How could I do that to him? I had taken advantage of him. I am such a horrible person.

"Carlisle was doing the same thing, and neither one of you purposely set out to use the other." Jasper smiled knowing just what I was feeling. "Stop beating yourself up. You were both doing the best you could with a terrible situation. As I told you before, _I _would have destroyed Edward if I had found him in that position with Alice. There is no way I could walk in seeing what Carlisle saw…" It took a few moments for him to calm down even just thinking about the possibility. "That being said, Carlisle was right. Killing should not be done lightly. There are cases, like with Victoria and Laurent where it will be necessary to destroy them, but it should never be done in anger or as an emotional decision."

"And also, it was necessary for Edward to see how much your intimacy would affect him." Alice added.

"And thanks for the head's up, by the way, Allie." Jasper mock growled at her. "It would have been nice to prepare for the intense lust Carlisle and Bella put out."

"Oh, you loved it." She rolled her eyes. "You weren't complaining when my mouth was…"

"Alice, please." I covered my ears in disgust, blushing furiously.

"Besides," Alice continued, "I was watching for Edward's reaction. I didn't think to look for yours."

"I don't blame you for that darlin'." Jasper chuckled. "Because that shit was priceless. I only got a brief glimpse of Edward's fury before I had to leave, and it was spectacular."

"I only saw the end." I admitted. "I wish I could have seen his face when we really got going."

"He was murderous." Esme told me. "It was all we could do to hold him back."

"Is he going to try to be right in the middle of us again to make sure we don't do anything?" I asked Alice.

"No," she assured me. "Carlisle will make sure he lets you have intimate moments."

"Good, but I think I still need some time away from Edward." I reasoned. "Right now, I am so angry with him that I'm afraid that I might try to convince Carlisle to hurt him."

"I don't think you'll go that far." Alice giggled a little bit. "But some distance from Edward would do all three of you quite a bit of good."

"Can I call Carlisle now?" I asked Esme. "I just want to hear his voice."

"Sure," she smiled at me, "but make it quick because he needs to hunt tonight."

"Hello, beautiful." He answered on the first ring.

"I had kind of a breakdown." I admitted.

"Are you alright?" He was worried.

"I think I destroyed Esme's basement." I confessed.

"Do I need to come over there?" He offered.

"No, Esme, Alice, and Jasper have been helping me." I told him.

"Is there anything I can do?" Concern for me was laced in every word.

"Just hearing your voice is enough for now." I assured him.

"What happened?" He still fretted over me.

"Well… at first, I was scared about how close I came to giving in, but Esme showed me how it wouldn't have been my fault even if I had. Then… I got really angry with Edward." I explained.

"Of course you did. I'm still rather upset with him myself." He told me. "We're going hunting to talk about his place in this family. Item number one will be how he is to behave regarding you. Do you have any requests?"

"For now, I'd like some space from him." I requested. "I need some physical space from him to work through my anger towards him, and I need him to stop acting like it's only a matter of time before I leave you for him."

"Perfectly reasonable." Carlisle agreed. "Also, I'm going to take more of a fatherly role as you had previously suggested, and I'm hoping to encroach upon Esme to share in the disciplinary responsibilities."

Esme rolled her eyes and laughed.

"You didn't even have to ask." She told him. "If Bella needs space from him, it's only sensible that he stay with me. I will be more than happy to tan that boy's hide if he treats Bella with disrespect."

"That sounds like a plan, although… I can't really cut off all contact with him." Carlisle sounded sad that he might still have to be without his son.

"You can still spend time with him. I just need a break from him for…" I looked at Alice to see how long.

"About a week or so." She told him.

"That sounds fine." He laughed. "You know that you're the most forgiving person on the planet, don't you? A week is far sooner than I expected."

"And exactly how long will it take you to be able to hang around him?" I asked sarcastically. "Oh, wait, you already are."

"Guilty." He chuckled back at me. "I love you, Bella, but I really do have to go so that I can be back tomorrow morning when you wake up."

"I love you, too." I sighed in response and hung up the phone.

Jasper and I talked for a bit before bedtime, and it helped calm me down a bit so that I could sleep. Just before I went to bed, he let me know that I could call him any time I needed to talk.

After a fitful sleep, I awoke to the smell of bacon and started to get dressed when I was overcome with fear that Edward was going to walk in on me. The only thing that kept me sane last night was the fact that before I even arrived, Alice had seen my reaction and removed the doors to my closet. It was a big help in going to sleep, but it did nothing to assuage the terror in my heart that I had absolutely no privacy where Edward was concerned.

"Bella, dear, are you alright?" Esme knocked on my door.

"Will you stay there while I get dressed?" I asked her, no begged her really.

"Of course, sweetheart." She assured me.

I got dressed quickly and let her go back downstairs. I lingered so that I could make a call to Jasper.

"Rough morning, little sister?" He asked knowingly.

"I think I need help, brother." I admitted. "I can't live with this fear anymore."

"I'll be happy to help you." He promised me. "We can work on your fears tomorrow while Carlisle is at work."

"Thank you."

I was a little frazzled from the realization that I was now afraid to put my clothes on, but still, I went downstairs for breakfast. I found Esme and Glenna in front of the griddle in an intimate embrace. I cleared my throat and put on my best suggestive Emmett eyebrow waggle.

"Bella!" Glenna squeaked, embarrassed at having been caught.

The doorbell rang, providing Glenna with a much desired out.

"I'm just teasing, Glenna." I giggled at her. "I'll get the door and let you two do… whatever you were doing."

Esme looked very nervous and actually followed me halfway to the door. I wondered who had come that would make her act that way. It was obvious when I opened the door that she had a definite reason for her apprehension. It was Jacob.

"How could you, Bella?" Jacob screamed at me as he pushed past me and into my living room, leaving the front door wide open. "Another filthy blood-sucker? Are you incapable of a normal, healthy relationship?"

"I… I…" I stammered at Jacob, unable to form a coherent response.

Esme threw him a look and probably growled at him in warning.

"Could you give us a few minutes?" I tried to ask her as politely as I could.

"Like the stupid leech can't hear us from the other room." Jacob growled after Esme as she turned to give us privacy.

"Do you really expect her to leave us alone when you're acting like this?" I asked him angrily.

"Whatever." He huffed dismissively. "I can say what I need to say in front of her."

"You've known that I was with Carlisle for awhile now. Why haven't you called or something to talk about this before now?" I asked him.

"First, I was hoping that he was just a phase. Second, you were never home. Do you live with the disgusting parasite now?" He asked me horrified.

"It's none of your business, Jake, but yes, I live at his house." I informed him.

"Like I said before, you're completely incapable of a normal, healthy relationship." He yelled at me. "He is too dangerous!"

"Then, please Jacob, tell me what a normal, healthy relationship looks like." I rolled my eyes at him and spoke monotone.

"Me, Bella. I am what a normal, healthy relationship looks like, not an undead monster more than three hundred years older than you." He started quietly but ended by shouting in my face. "We could be together, and it would be so natural, but with him, you'd be a necrophiliac."

"I think we should leave the insults out of this. Don't you?" I tried to sound as calm as possible. "All you need to know is that I love him."

"We're soul mates!" Jacob roared. "If you'd just give me a chance, I would prove it to you!"

I bristled at the mention of soul mates. It reminded me of Edward.

"I do _not_ believe in soul mates, Jacob." My voice was shaking slightly as I said this. "Edward wasn't my soul mate, and YOU are _not_ my soul mate!"

There was a time when I would have felt responsible for the pain that he was going through even though it wasn't my fault, but now, I only wanted to reach out and smack him.

Before I could get the chance, Jacob grabbed both of my arms just as Edward had the day before, and what was worse, in the exact same place. It hurt like hell.

"Ow! Jake!" I squealed. "Let go!"

He leaned in to kiss me, and I backed off from him as far as I could.

"Stop!" I screamed, and Esme quickly made her way into the room.

Jacob started shaking. My guess was that his emotions were already on edge with Esme in the other room. When she came in to protect me, he started to lose it.

"Esme…" I said not quite loud enough for Glenna to hear, "he's going to change…"

And I was right. He did change into a wolf, and Esme rushed up and barely managed to get me far enough away from him to ensure he didn't kill me during the change. As he erupted into wolf-form, he missed ripping my heart out by millimeters. As it was, he ripped my shirt and bra in half as he phased. I found myself once again clutching the tattered remains of my clothes.

"Jacob Black!" Esme narrowed her eyes at him as she quickly stood between me and the giant wolf.

"HOLY SHIT! WHAT THE HELL IS THAT!" Glenna screamed.

I ran back to where Glenna was to try and explain the situation to her, but she was beyond reason at the moment and wouldn't let me come near her. Again, it was a struggle to keep myself from absorbing the pain she was so clearly experiencing over the prospect of Jacob killing all of us.

Why could I stop myself with Carlisle yesterday, but struggle when it's someone else? Duh, because it's Carlisle, and he doesn't want you to.

I stepped away from Glenna, still clutching my quickly disappearing tattered clothing. I desperately wished for something to cover up with. Thankfully, Carlisle arrived at just that moment, and once again, he kept his head in a stressful situation. He wasted no time taking off his shirt.

"If you don't mind putting this on, my love." He told me gently as he handed me the shirt.

I was a bit disappointed that he had an undershirt on, but I was rather thankful that I had something to cover up with. I was rather embarrassed being half naked in front of two lesbians and a horny teenage werewolf.

"But he's a…" Glenna's voice shook as she pointed at Jacob in wolf form. She had finally snapped out of it.

"I know, dear." Esme smiled reassuringly. "Carlisle and I can handle him."

"He'll kill you." Glenna whimpered.

"We'll be fine, Glenna." Carlisle assured her.

"No, no, no!" Glenna shouted, still very distressed that she perceived Esme to be in danger.

"Carlisle, can you _handle_ this situation by yourself?" I asked, nodding toward Jacob. "I think Glenna would be much better off if she and Esme could _discuss_ this in private."

"Of course, of course." Carlisle smiled understandingly at Glenna, and Esme immediately excused herself and Glenna in the direction of Charlie's bedroom.

"Now, Jacob." Carlisle turned to him and spoke very evenly. "Would you care to explain why you've so rudely accosted Bella?"

"Can you understand him?" I asked, confused, hoping that there was a solution that didn't involve asking Edward to interpret.

"Um, no, not really." He admitted. "Maybe he wouldn't mind changing forms if you were to shield your eyes, my love…"

"Why?" I asked.

"Because he'll be naked when he changes back." Carlisle pointed to the fragments of Jacob's clothing all over the living room.

"Ah." My eyes widened in understanding before I covered them and waited, listening for any signs that Jacob had phased back to human form.

"Okay, Dr. _Cradle-Robber_… talk." Jacob taunted.

"Cradle-Robber?" I countered, very loudly, standing to defend Carlisle.

"My darling, he's just trying to get a rise out of us." Carlisle chuckled, wrapping his arms around my waist.

"No, he came here to tell me what a horrible mistake I was making, being with you." I explained, annoyed at Jacob.

"I see." Carlisle answered amusedly. "How's that working out for him?"

"Well…" I laughed with him, "after being manipulated by Edward, Jacob's effort seemed rather pedestrian."

"I can understand that." Carlisle could hardly contain his amusement.

"It doesn't matter. There's no way you can ever change her. You know that." Jake was smug. "You wouldn't ever be able to come back here. It would violate your treaty with us."

Carlisle and I had never had this conversation, and I was nervous about where it was going.

"You don't really have a leg to stand on." Carlisle answered confidently. "You nearly killed her, Jacob, and you frightened the wits out of an innocent human. I doubt the tribal elders will be thrilled with your behavior, and on top of that, I have already spoken to Sam, and he agrees with me. Since she knows so much about both of our secrets, he has agreed to make an exception for her, and now probably Glenna since we have to tell her now that you've let the… _cat _out of the bag, so to speak."

He _talked_ to Sam about me? That annoying voice inside me was screaming to be heard, demanding that he let me make my own decisions, but my rational side told me that this wasn't what that was about, and this definitely wasn't the time or place to have that discussion. Jacob, however disagreed.

"You can't do that!" He bellowed. "Bella, can't you understand how dangerous this is."

"You know, Jake, if you hadn't almost killed me a few minutes ago, it would be funny that you keep telling me how dangerous Carlisle is, but you were the one who nearly put a hole in my chest." I pointed out to him.

"Bella, please give me a chance." He sounded so sad. "We would be better than great together."

"No, Jake." I shook my head at him. "I love him."

"That's it, then?" He sounded defeated. "There's no chance for us?"

"I'm sorry, Jake. I've made up my mind." I told him confidently.

Unlike Edward, Jacob chose to be gracious with us. "Good-bye, Bella." He told me.

"Good-bye."

About three seconds later, Carlisle scooped me into his arms.

Instead of saying anything, I wrapped my arms around him and kissed him. He kissed me back, hesitantly at first, but soon with such passion that I was gasping for air.

"I've been so afraid that you would be fed up with mythological creatures forcing themselves on you that you wouldn't want anything to do with me." Carlisle looked afraid.

"Don't be ridiculous. You've never forced yourself on me, Carlisle." I told him with as much sincerity as I could muster. "You've never been anything but a gentleman with me."

"After seeing your clothing ripped to shreds once again, I can't help but think that I did the exact same thing to you yesterday." He looked very remorseful.

"Except you had my permission, and you have never once hurt me physically, and don't start in about the many times I've absorbed your pain because that was _not_ your fault." I assured him with a smile. "And don't forget the most important thing. I love you."

He returned the smile and brought his lips to mine again, but this time the kiss was affectionate, but not as passionate. "I love you as well, my darling."

"I have been worried that maybe I took advantage of you yesterday." I admitted.

"Now who's being ridiculous?" He laughed at me. "I wanted you even more than you wanted me."

"Not possible." I argued, striving again to kiss him.

"How about we give Esme and Glenna some space?" He asked as he pulled away from my sudden attack.

"Did you drive?" I peeked outside, trying to find his car. "You've never ran that far with me before."

"I was actually hoping just to go for a walk with you." He looked nervous as he walked out the door.

"You have to put me down if we're going to walk." I giggled at him.

"I never said that _you_ would be walking." He teased me.

"Of course." I told him as I snuggled into him.

There was definitely something on his mind, and he was a little nervous getting around to saying it. During the silence, I remembered what he had mentioned about speaking with Sam.

"Um… I wanted to ask you about what you said to Jacob about changing me." I looked up at him, and he winced.

"I should have told you before, but the timing never seemed right." He said apologetically. "I really wasn't trying to make decisions for you, my love. I just wanted you to know what your options are, and I didn't want to upset you if he didn't agree to allow your change. I merely wanted to see if we could change you without violating the treaty. If you had wished, I would have changed you even if he didn't allow it."

"So you're planning to change me?" I asked, trying very hard to keep both the anger and ironically, the hopefulness out of my voice.

"I think _want_ is the better word, my darling. I _want_ to change you. I've waited more than three centuries to find you. I would like to spend the rest of my existence with you." He still looked rather afraid that I was going to rip him a new one. "But… if you would prefer to stay human, I would never force you to become like me."

"I _only_ want to be like you if you can promise me an eternity with you." I hoped that would be encouraging. He had looked scared to death of me. I wanted to assuage his fears and reassure him that I understood his reasoning and believed that he was trying to help me keep my options open.

"On that note, my love…" He put me down and took both of my hands in his. "I've wanted to do this for a very long time, but the moment never seemed right. At first, I was afraid that you merely latched on to me because I wasn't like Edward, but you put that fear to rest when you told Edward that you wouldn't be with him even if you weren't with him. After that, I looked for the ideal moment to propose, but your parents had just died, and I couldn't do it then. I had actually been planning to propose last night, but Edward hurt and scared you, and _then _today, Jacob nearly killed you. I wanted this to be perfect, but it seems there will never be that storybook moment with us."

"I never wanted a storybook moment." I smiled at him. "All I really want is you."

"And I want you, my love." He told me as he gently pressed his perfect lips against mine. I was soon lost in him and wanted nothing more than to make passionate love to him right here on the ground, but all too soon, he pulled away from me.

"You have no idea how hard you are to resist." He told me breathlessly. "I don't know how much longer I can fight it. But I feel awful that it might seem as though I'm only doing this because…"

"Stop." I told him gently as I put my hand to his face. "I feel the same way. I love you so much, I can hardly stand to be away from you, and I want to make love to you so badly that it's very hard to resist you. Making love isn't _why _I want to marry you. It's _why _I want to marry you soon."

"That makes me feel better." He chuckled. "I want to marry you soon, as well. In fact, I was hoping that you would agree to marry me and accept this."

He pulled out a hand-carved wooden ring box. The detail was amazing. I promised myself that I would look it over later, but right now, all I wanted was to claim the prize inside.

In a very gentlemanly fashion, Carlisle got down on one knee and opened the box.

"Isabella Swan, will you do me the honor of becoming my wife?" He asked, smiling at me.

"Yes." My voice shook, and my eyes swam with tears. This was really happening!

I stretched my hand out to allow him to put the ring on me, and I got a good look at the ring. To my great surprise and pleasure, the ring was made out of wood. Carlisle had carved this himself. It looked like it was carved out of mahogany, the same shade as my hair. The stone in the middle was amber, the exact hue of Carlisle's eyes when he had recently hunted. On either side of the stone was a Celtic knot in relief. It was the most perfect ring he could have ever given to me.

As soon as he put it on my finger, he scooped me up under the arms and swung me around in joy.

"I was thinking two or three months, not more than four." Carlisle's eyes danced with anticipation as he spoke. "I think Alice can give you the wedding of your dreams in that time frame."

My face fell. I was thinking a week or two, not in months, and I didn't have dream wedding in mind. The only things I wanted were Carlisle as the groom and my dad to give me away, but sadly my dad couldn't do that.

"Maybe we should focus on your dream wedding since it doesn't really matter to me." I told him as I started to tear up.

Carlisle scrunched up his perfect face, trying to read me.

"You don't want a big wedding?" He guessed.

"A big ceremony would only remind me that my father should be there to give me away." I sniffled.

"I don't know if you're aware, but when I was human, marriages were arranged by the parents of the bride and groom sometime between children as young as seven. My father arranged a marriage between me and a young girl who was only ten at the time of my change. I was waiting until she was older to marry her because I thought it would be cruel to claim such a young child as my bride." Carlisle took a deep breath to collect his thoughts.

"Anyway, our wedding would have merely consisted of a clergyman tying our hands together and saying a prayer over us to bless our union. It was actually illegal to exchange rings, but sometimes we would exchange tokens. Nonetheless, I would have given my bride a ring after the wedding." He stroked my back as he remembered. "In any case, if you're worried that I will want a big fancy wedding like I would have had if I had gotten married as a human, then don't. My bride would have merely worn her Sunday best and maybe taken some extra time on her hair, but our 'ceremony' would have taken all of ten minutes, probably at the end of one of my father's sermons as an afterthought."

"But do you _want_ a big wedding?" I asked, afraid that I wasn't meeting his expectations as a bride already.

"I'm afraid that I may have gone all _Edward_ on you assuming that _you _would want a big wedding." Carlisle admitted looking rather ashamed of himself. "But no, all I want is you as the bride."

"That's awful about Edward." I giggled at him and swatted his chest playfully. "I would be happy with a simple ceremony with our family present. I can't really see inviting anyone else."

"Glenna?" He wondered.

"Oh, please, Carlisle, she and Esme are practically planning a wedding of their own. I was including her when I said 'family'." I rolled my eyes at him.

"May I invite some friends of mine?" He asked.

"It's your wedding too, sweetheart." I reminded him.

"Even if it's the Denali's?" He looked worried that he might upset me.

"Yes, they're your closest friends." I assured him. "I'm sure Tanya and her sisters will be good at our wedding."

Carlisle's phone beeped with an incoming text.

"Damn." Carlisle whispered when he saw it. "Edward says that he caught Alice's thoughts, and she is on her way to show us the _error_ of our decision. I'm afraid I may have just unleashed her on you, my darling." When Carlisle saw my confusion as to why Edward was helping us have the wedding we wanted, he continued. "He is trying to behave, my love."

"Yes, I get that, but this is about our wedding. I didn't expect him to be helpful about that." I admitted.

"It is very hard for him, but he does still want to be part of our family." Carlisle told me sadly. "We had a long talk last night, and he is truly sorry for what he's put you through, all of it, not just what he did yesterday."

"Can we not talk about Edward right now?" I sighed, not wanting to be taken away from the happiness I was feeling about becoming engaged to the most wonderful, handsome man in the world.

"That would be preferable." He nodded. "Besides, you need to get ready for the force of nature that is Alice."

I braced myself for the whirlwind pixie arrive and make her case for a big, fancy wedding. I planned on reminding her that she had agreed not to manipulate me even if she thought it was really important when Carlisle laughed.

"Apparently I'm not the only one to go all _Edward_." He continued laughing. "Alice is just within earshot, and she told me to tell you that you're right, and it's your wedding, but she is not happy about it."

"Do you think she can control herself?" I asked him. "Because I really need her help with this even if we don't want the outlandish affair she was probably already planning."

"I can! I promise!" Alice squealed from just out of sight. "I'll make it perfect for you!"

We both laughed at her enthusiasm.

"Okay, here's what I'm thinking." Alice ran over and started speaking very quickly. "We need at least a year to pull this off," I made a face at her and Carlisle growled, "just kidding. We can probably do this in a week."

She checked the future.

"Two weeks if you want to quit your job and go on that extended honeymoon before Bella starts college." She wagged her eyebrows in a very Emmett like fashion.

I blushed furiously at the thought of an extended honeymoon with Carlisle.

"Two weeks?" He kissed the top of my head.

"Two weeks." I agreed, elated.


	19. Friends

**Author's Note: This chapter has a little bit about the dress. Thanks for all of the suggestions. I ended up finding one on the internet that I liked quite a bit. This chapter is quite long. There was a lot of stuff that kept needing to be said, and I had to add it. I hope that it doesn't feel like I've just completely stuffed this chapter. It is a little more episodic than most of them, but still I like it. Especially because Bella and Carlisle can be a little silly together at times.**

**Chapter 19 – Friends**

After Carlisle and I came to an agreement with Alice as to what she was allowed and not allowed to do regarding our wedding and packing for our honeymoon, she left us in a rush. The biggest concession that she had to make was that I wanted to pick out my own dress. Slightly more acceptable to her was the fact that we wanted to write our own vows.

As Alice danced away, I looked at my hand and admired my ring. Carlisle bent his neck down and rested his forehead on mine. We stayed like that, basking in the joy that came with being engaged until Carlisle interrupted our silence.

"I'd like to line up our honeymoon with our move, my darling." Carlisle told me hopefully. "That way we can come back and move into our new house together as husband and wife."

"Did you find a job in New Haven?" I wondered, thinking that he was still looking though I had no problem with moving immediately after our honeymoon.

"Yes, I will start on the first of September at the Alfred G. Gilman Hospital. The head of the emergency department has taken a job in a more prestigious hospital. This will be the first time in a very long time that I will be the head of a department." I could hear the excitement in his voice and wondered why.

"I thought you liked being where the action is, not administration." I worried that he was being forced to settle. He was brilliant enough that he should never have to settle for something he didn't love doing. "If it's because of me…"

"Listen, my darling," he chuckled at my worrying, "I have been assured that since this hospital is relatively small, this position is a mixture of administration and practice. The bonus is that I will be the one who sets the schedules of the doctors, and I should be able to work around your class schedules so that I can spend time with you."

"And they're alright with you taking off unexpectedly from time to time?" I asked.

"Yes, well, they think I have a chronic, congenital condition that sometimes incapacitates me, but Alice will help me schedule around having to use that excuse much." He explained.

"That sounds pretty good." I finally caught on to his excitement. "I guess that means I should register for classes… if Alice hasn't already taken care of that for me."

My phone beeped with an incoming text. _What? And have you bite my head off for making decisions for you?_

Carlisle and I laughed at her. I texted back. _You concentrate on the wedding. Glenna can register my classes for me. I need to look for a dress and make a ring for Carlisle._

_Yes, I see that Glenna will take care of that for you._ Alice responded.

Remembering Glenna brought her big scare back to the forefront of my mind. "Should we go back and check on Glenna?"

"I'll check with Esme." He pulled out his phone to text her and waited for her reply. "Glenna is as well as can be expected. She wants to be alone with Esme right now."

"If she wants to talk to a normal human about all of this, I'll let her know if I find any that know about vampires." I joked.

"I'll keep an eye out as well." He laughed with me. "But in all seriousness, I am eternally grateful that you are _not_ a normal human."

"And I'm very happy that you aren't a normal vampire or even a normal vegetarian vampire… if there is such a thing." I stood on my tiptoes to kiss him on the lips, which he returned eagerly.

Of course, we once again got caught up in passion, and I was soon gasping for breath.

"Two more weeks," I mumbled to myself. "I can make it."

"I can as well, my darling," he sighed reluctantly, "but mostly because I will be spending the next two weeks working, and you'll be very busy as well if you're going to make my ring."

I didn't know he had read the text from Alice.

"Cheater." I teased him as I playfully smacked him in the chest, not quite hard enough to hurt my hand.

"Are you sure you're not taking on too much, choosing a dress, making my ring, and working on your fears with Jasper?" He worried.

"I know it sounds like a lot, but it will be worth it." I promised him, nodding. "And I know you didn't expect me to, but I want to make your ring since you made mine. I think it's appropriate."

"I swear _you're_ a mind reader as well, my love." He picked me up playfully and tickled my sides before swinging me into his arms bridal style. "I was just going to say all those things. It will be worth it, and you don't need to make my ring.

"Well, I want to." I pouted playfully at him, overdoing it quite a lot.

"Like I could say no to you." He rolled his eyes at me as he broke out into a run toward our house.

"Hmm…" I thought out loud.

"What is it my love?" He asked me.

I hadn't meant to say anything. I disliked making comparisons between Carlisle and Edward because the two relationships seemed like they were in different lifetimes.

"I was just considering why you always carry me this way, and Edward used to give me piggyback rides." I told him embarrassedly. "I don't know why I thought of that. I don't want you to think that I sit around thinking about all the ways the two of you are different."

"I know you don't." He assured me, chuckling. "These things come up from time to time. It can't be helped, and I do the same thing."

"I don't know why Edward carried you that way, but I can tell you why I prefer carrying you this way." He continued. "When you were dating Edward, I noticed that you blanched every time he slung you unceremoniously onto his back. You obviously didn't like it."

"No, I didn't," I admitted, "but I was afraid to tell him."

"He knew." Carlisle sighed. "He admitted _everything_ last night during our hunt even the little things."

"Really?" I asked hopefully. "He's making progress then?"

"I think so." He nodded. "I don't think he would have submitted to further punishment if he wasn't making progress."

"You spanked him again?" I was shocked.

"The guilt was eating away at him, and he asked me to help him forgive himself. He actually suggested being spanked again." He explained. "I'm not sure he's out of the woods completely, but he is trying."

"Good to know." I snuggled into him.

"And I know that it's selfish, but _I_ enjoy carrying you this way." He reminded me of our conversation. "My undead heart swells when you snuggle into me, and I couldn't possibly bring myself to carry you another way unless you asked me."

"I wouldn't worry about that, sweetheart. When I'm in your arms like this, I feel…" I debated about how to end that sentence because I wasn't sure there was a single word to sum up my feelings. "…cherished."

"You are, my love. You are precious to me." He assured me. "Even though it is slightly safer and more convenient to have you on my back, I want you to know how much I adore you."

"Why is it safer?" I asked. "Wouldn't it be harder to rip me out of your arms than to rip you out of mine?"

"Yes, but if we were attacked, I couldn't defend you very well if you were in my arms." He explained.

"I didn't think about that." I admitted. "If we're attacked, you have my permission to put me on your back."

"It was going to happen either way, my love." He laughed at me. "I assumed that you wouldn't be opposed to being a little nauseated if your life was in danger."

Carlisle slowed down, and I noticed that we were at the property line. He shifted me so that he could pull out his phone.

"Just texting to make sure Edward is leaving." He explained as he received his almost immediate reply. "He heard my thoughts and was on his way out."

He ran toward the house as he shifted me back into his favorite position. We were greeted at the door by Rosalie, Emmett, and Jasper who were dying to hear the details of our upcoming nuptials.

"Who's your maid of honor?" Rosalie asked at the same time Emmett asked, "Who's your best man?" and Jasper asked, "Who's going to walk you down the aisle?"

"Umm…" we both hedged. We hadn't talked about those things yet.

"We're just messing with you." Emmett clapped Carlisle on the back hard enough to jostle me. "Alice told us that you hadn't decided that yet."

"I haven't talked to Carlisle about it yet, but I was hoping that Emmett would be my flower girl." I told them as casually as I could manage, causing all of them to burst into laughter.

"That would be the best wedding I ever went to!" Jasper shook with laughter.

"Seriously, though, I'm not sure if we're going to have people up front with us since besides us, there will be a grand total of eleven people there." I told them.

"That makes sense to me." Carlisle agreed. "Although, if I can talk you into letting Emmett wear a dress…"

"If Emmett is agreeable…" I played along.

"Emmett isn't agreeable." He growled at us causing the rest of us to once again burst into laughter.

The next morning, Carlisle woke me by kissing me.

"I'm afraid I have to leave for work, my darling." He whispered in my ear.

"Miss you. Love you." I mumbled before going back to sleep. I may have heard him tell me he loved me as well, but I might have dreamed it. Either way, I had no doubt it was true.

Sadly, Carlisle had to work a lot of hours for the next two weeks so that they could begin the process of replacing him, as if that was possible.

According to Alice, the most important thing I needed to do was find my dress. Luckily, I didn't have to go anywhere to find one. Alice had filled the basement with different special occasion clothes she had saved from over the years, including several wedding gowns that hadn't even been worn, and a few vintage pieces that she had bought from auctions or estates sales.

I had just planned on picking something simple, but (and I know that it's hard to imagine) Alice didn't have anything simple. I was overwhelmed with the sheer number of dresses she had. I closed my eyes and sighed, knowing that I wasn't getting out of this and on to what I really wanted to be doing, designing Carlisle's ring.

When I had finally steeled myself for this necessary, but unpleasant task, I saw a piece of fabric that took my breath away. It was a bolt of ivory lace in the corner of the basement. I couldn't stop myself from reaching out and touching it. As soon as I felt the fabric in my fingers, I envisioned the wedding dress I wanted. The top had an empire waist and short sleeves, made out of this lace. The bottom was ivory satin with a short train. I also imagined a gorgeous veil made from this lace with a beaded edge. It might have been considered old fashioned for the groom to raise the veil to claim his bride, but knowing that Carlisle had waited for over three hundred years for this moment, I really wanted to do it this way.

On a naughtier note, I also saw a matching night gown with straps instead of sleeves, and a lower cut, long, but not quite reaching the ground.

"Rosalie!" Alice shouted, more out of excitement than necessity. She literally looked like a hummingbird as she bounced in place, quivering from the vision she had just gotten.

She grabbed a pencil and paper and scribbled something down on it and handed it to Rosalie as she ran down the stairs.

"Go to Seattle, and get me as much of these two fabrics as you can carry in your car." Alice's eyes went blank for a minute before she returned back to her hyperactivity. "Better yet, take Emmett's jeep. It can hold more."

"You could have texted me, you psychotic pixie, or you know, you could have waited half an hour." Rosalie rolled her eyes at Alice. "Em and I were kind of in the middle of something. I know you could hear what we were doing." She winked at me, letting me know that she was not entirely serious as she huffed at Alice who didn't seem to hear a word she said.

"I only have two weeks to get this perfect for Bella and Carlisle, and now, on top of everything else, I have to make a dress and two night gowns. And don't even get me started on why I know she needs two of them." She spoke faster than I had ever heard anyone speak and still be understandable.

I blushed wondering exactly what Alice had seen. She shook in disgust. Rosalie laughed.

"You don't have to make me anything, Alice." I told her. "I haven't even looked at the ones you have on the rack yet."

"No way, Bella." Alice told me sternly. "I'd rather not get my head torn off. If I made you choose something I already had, Carlisle would literally rip me a new one for not giving you the wedding dress of your dreams. And believe me, he would find out."

"But I could explain to him that…" I started to tell her how he would understand when I told him that I insisted I choose something that was already sewn, but she interrupted.

"No, Bella. Carlisle wants you to have this." She motioned to the material. "He would know that if you chose something else, you would be settling."

"But Alice…" I started to argue again, but this time Rosalie cut me off.

"Just shut up and let us do this for you." She laughed at me. "A small wedding is fine, if that's what you want, but please indulge, splurge, and let us spoil you. You don't want to have any regrets about the happiest day of your life."

"Okay." I groused playfully. "If you must go overboard, you might as well take a flying leap."

"That's the spirit." Alice cheered once again bouncing, looking like she was stuck inside a paint mixer. "Now get your ass out to the workshop and begin designing Carlisle's ring. It needs to be finished soon if we're going to have it cast in gold."

"Since you put it that way, what am I still doing here?" I hurried up the stairs, as they both laughed at me.

Once I got there, I began visualizing a ring that I could design and then cast into a wedding ring for Carlisle. I had never done such a small sculpture, or one in wax, but I could tell that it going to be both my most difficult, and favorite piece ever.

I stared into space for about half an hour before Alice brought me what turned out to be my inspiration, and also (but separately) my lunch. She brought a sketch of my dress and a sample of the lace. I grinned as I ran my fingers over my future wedding dress once more.

"Do you think he would like it if I made his ring match my dress? I mean would it be too _girly_?" I asked her nervously. "The sketch is perfect, by the way."

"He will love it." Alice assured me. "I think it's an inspired idea. It's not like the lace is flowery or anything."

With that I set to work on Carlisle's ring. It took me all day, and I thought that I was going to go blind from the detail work. I put the wax version of Carlisle's ring in my secret area to cast the next day, and started to make my way back to the house when I decided that I was much too tired to get there. I curled up on the floor and fell asleep.

I had only just closed my eyes when I felt my body being lifted. I opened my eyes to see Carlisle gently but effortlessly cradling me close to his body.

"My love, please don't wear yourself out like this. We can push the wedding back if you need more time." He kissed my hair as he spoke.

"I just get caught up in my work." I mumbled sleepily. "I don't like to quit until I'm finished, and this is the most important piece I ever made."

"If you can't make it back to the house, call one of the others. None of them will mind taking you to our room." He suggested, not so subtly hinting that he didn't like the idea of me sleeping on the floor in the workshop.

"Alice might mind." I teased him groggily. "She's so stressed out over getting our wedding perfect, that tomorrow, she's probably going to wear mismatched clothes."

"I don't think she's physically capable of such a thing." He laughed, and I yawned.

"Let's get you to bed." He told me as he reached the door to the house.

"My clothes are never anything less than perfect." Alice protested loudly from the other room.

"But isn't mismatched the thing now?" I asked her as mockingly, as Carlisle proceeded up the stairs. I knew that she could hear me even though I didn't say it very loud. I was tired and didn't have it in me to speak loudly.

"I believe they call Alice's style _matchy matchy_, my darling." Carlisle joined in the gentle ribbing.

"You did _not _just insult my fashion sense, Carlisle." She shouted angrily, still from somewhere else in the house. "And Bella, don't even get me started on _your_ fashion impairment."

"Dude." Emmett whispered as he met us on the steps trying very hard to stop laughing. "I can't believe you said that. That was some funny shit."

Carlisle winked as we walked past him, and I once again yawned, reminding Carlisle that I was exhausted.

I don't even remember making it to the bed, but apparently, Carlisle not only helped me to bed, he brushed my teeth for me. I only know this because I didn't wake up with the expected layer of film covering my teeth.

My stomach protested loudly as soon as I woke up because I had neglected dinner the night before.

As I stretched, I saw that Carlisle or Alice had left me some very serious protective gear for casting the ring. This gear was ridiculous. I didn't know how I was going to be able to move around in it. My stomach had other ideas, though, so I made my way downstairs. I found Jasper in the kitchen making me breakfast.

"Morning, li'l sister." He greeted me while putting bacon on a plate next to some delicious looking French toast.

"Thanks, big brother." I smiled at him as he put the wonderful looking breakfast down in front of me.

"After you cast Carlisle's ring today, we can start working on overcoming your fears, that is, if my _fashion goddess_ wife doesn't need you for a fitting." He rolled his eyes when he said fashion goddess, letting me know that he had heard us teasing her last night.

"Do you think she'll make me offer a fashion sacrifice to her before she'll measure me for my dress?" I asked him with as straight of a face as I could manage. "Or will bowing and worshiping be necessary?"

"What's gotten into you lately?" Alice suddenly appeared in the doorway, smiling. "You seem so different."

"She's happy." Jasper told her. "Her meltdown, and Carlisle's proposal must have all helped her let go of the pain inside her."

"Maybe a little, but really, I think that it was realizing that you all really are here to support me, and love me. I believed it before, but seeing it in action made it much more real. You have all surrounded me with love, and I can hardly contain my happiness. That, and the fact that in two weeks, Carlisle and I will…" I blushed as I trailed off.

Alice giggled, and Jasper grimaced as he tried to fight off the sudden wave of lust I must have just sent him.

"Sorry." I mumbled to Jasper.

"Perfectly understandable, sis." He smirked at me.

"Hey, Bells!" Emmett called as he came through the door. "I was hoping to be able to help in some way since Alice and Rosalie are helping with the dress and decorations, and Jasper is helping with your fears, and Esme is helping keep Edward away from you."

"Could you cast the ring in gold for me?" I asked. "I guess it's more dangerous than bronze."

"Did you find the protective wear Carlisle had shipped overnight?" Alice giggled. "He told me, and I quote, 'I would love to see her visit me at the hospital, but not because she got a severe burn.'"

"That sounds like him." I giggled. "I assumed he didn't want me to get hurt, but I don't know how I can move wearing that stuff. It looked like it would weigh five hundred pounds." I shook my head trying to visualize putting all of that stuff on. Suddenly, I felt like the walls were closing in on me, and I became very frightened.

"What's wrong, Bella?" Jasper was at my side in an instant.

"The suit." I cried. "I can't wear it. Please don't make me."

"Make the ring for her, Em." Alice whispered, and Jasper nodded. Emmett left to get started on the ring.

"No one's going to make you wear that suit." Jasper assured me. "I _am_ going to help you, though."

"Okay." I sighed, collapsing my head to the table. Luckily, someone had grabbed the plate out from in front of me just in time, so that I didn't have syrup all over my face.

After all the others cleared out, Jasper and I sat down in the living room. For hours, we talked about why my fears are understandable but still something I need to work past. After I ate lunch, we talked some more.

During our _after lunch_ session, I heard Alice scream at Emmett.

"Get the fuck out of here you Neanderthal!" She wailed and something smashed against the wall, shattering to pieces.

"But I know how to sew, Alice, and I want to help!" He argued with her, whining.

Jasper growled, feeling that Alice was being threatened. I heard a very loud sound like fingers on a chalkboard before I felt the need to help. Someone up there was hurting, and I jumped up to go help them.

"We're okay, Jasper, grab her." Alice called from upstairs.

"Emmett's hurt!" I shouted frantically and ran towards the stairs.

Of course, there was no chance I could outrun Jasper. He easily caught me.

"Fight it, Bella." He told me sternly. "You don't need to heal him."

I sighed. He was right. Emmett could deal with the pain better than I could. I calmed down and allowed Jasper to take me back to the couch.

"What's wrong with me?" I asked Jasper. "Why can I stop myself around Carlisle's pain, but when someone else is in pain, I am completely out of control?"

"I think it has to do with the fact that you know it will hurt him more to see you in pain." Jasper guessed. "I think the last time you absorbed his pain, things got out of hand in a major way, and you are extremely adverse to doing that again."

"You mean after Charlie's funeral and all of the misunderstandings?" I tried to clarify.

"Yes, that was a real turning point in your relationship." Jasper told me.

"But I tried to absorb his pain after that." I argued.

"Until Edward threatened you, and you realized how much hurting Carlisle hurt you," he explained.

"Do you think I could somehow channel that aversion to hurting Carlisle into stopping myself from absorbing pain from other people?" I wondered out loud, not really asking him.

"Yes! Alice called from wherever she was. "It will be harder, though."

I nodded and considered what she was telling me. I had to find a way to start thinking before I react. Right now, I was behaving purely on instinct, and my instinct told me to do everything I could to not hurt Carlisle. While he was there, it was easy, but when he wasn't… my mind obviously didn't make that same connection. I needed to find a way to make it do so.

It was nearly bed time, and I knew I needed to do something, today.

"Can I try something, knowing you'll be right there if I get too frightened?" I asked him nervously.

"You want to go in the closet?" He guessed.

"Want is the wrong word." I giggled uneasily.

"I suppose it is." He chuckled at me. "Shall we?"

We made our way up to my old bedroom. Jasper was surprised I stopped there.

"I don't want to make bad memories in our room." I explained.

"That makes sense." He agreed

I took a deep breath. _Jasper will be right outside. Jasper will be right outside. Jasper will be right outside._

I walked shakily to the closet. My heart was hammering in my chest.

"Take deep breaths, Bella." Jasper told me calmly.

I took his advice and breathed in and out very slowly as I stepped inside.

"You'll let me out if I get too scared?" I checked to make sure.

"I promise to let you out if you can't get the door open yourself, Bella, but you need to try to let yourself out. That's the difference here. You are in control. You decide when you want to come out." He reminded me.

I took a very large breath to steady myself and shut the door. It's so dark in here. There isn't even any light coming from the bottom of the door. My heart is pounding in my chest, and I have about had it when I hear a knock on the door.

"My love, are you alright?" Carlisle's voice came from the other side of the door, and immediately, I relaxed slightly knowing that he is here.

"I-I can let myself out anytime I want." I told him as bravely as I could, though I was still very afraid to be in here.

"That's right, Bella." Jasper agreed with me. "The choice is yours. You can come out whenever you want."

"Can you tell me when it's been ten minutes?" I asked, not knowing but desperately hoping it had been close to that long.

"It's only been two, Bella. Are you sure you want to be in there for eight more?" Jasper sounded unsure if I could make it that long.

Could I make it eight more minutes? Probably not. Though I had calmed down marginally since Carlisle had come home, I was in no shape to last another eight minutes. Maybe I would shoot for five minutes instead.

"You don't have to overcome this fear in a day, my darling." Carlisle was practically begging me to come out and calm down.

"Okay." I whimpered, glad for an excuse to get out of here.

"No, Carlisle." Jasper scolded him. "She needs to let herself out."

Apparently Carlisle had tried to let me out of the closet, and Jasper wouldn't let him. I had a brief panic that Jasper was keeping me in here, but then I realized that he wasn't refusing to let me out. He was merely trying to get me to let myself out.

I fumbled for the handle and found it after a few seconds. I started panicking a bit over the fact that I couldn't immediately find the knob, but eventually, I succeeded. I ran out and collapsed into Carlisle's waiting arms, sobbing.

The next day, I decided to try the closet out on my own, thinking that I didn't want to worry Carlisle, but that was an unmitigated disaster. As soon as I got out of bed, I went to my old room to try to last longer than two minutes. The moment I got in the closet, I realized that no one was on the other side of the door to let me out if I panicked, and that of course caused me to panic. Then while I was fumbling, disoriented, to find a way out, I imagined Edward on the other side, holding me in, and I went into full blown terror mode. My mind was reeling over the horror of having to do anything Edward wanted to get out. I was nauseated, and I was close to hyperventilating. Though I did barely manage to refrain from promising to be a good girl, I apologized unintelligibly over and over again until a _very_ distressed Carlisle let me out of the closet.

I had assumed he was at work, but apparently, I was wrong. He carried me back to our room and comforted me, though I could tell he was quite upset. I assumed that it was because I had put myself in such a horrible situation.

"I should have waited for Jasper." I told him as a way of apologizing.

"No, my love, I know why you did it. I could see it in your eyes last night that you were troubled that you worried me. I assumed you would try to practice when I wasn't at home." He told me, looking rather distressed still. "I knew where you were going when I heard you get up. You must have assumed that I had gone to work. I didn't tell you because Jasper told me to let you be in control of this. I should have stopped it sooner, but I wanted to let you try."

I should have known. Carlisle wouldn't be upset with me for trying to overcome my fears and failing, but he would be upset with himself for what he perceived as hurting me. He was wrong. He hadn't hurt me.

"You didn't do anything wrong." I tried to tell him. "I overestimated my ability to cope with this. I'll be more careful next time."

He nodded, and I leaned in to kiss him. He captured my lips and kissed me chastely.

"I'm so proud of you for trying to overcome your fears." He told me after we broke apart.

I snuggled into him and fell back asleep from exhaustion over just having a panic attack.

Over the course of the week, I worked with Jasper on my fear of the dark. I slowly became comfortable with being in a closet by myself to the point that I _could_ shut myself in when no one was standing outside in case of emergency.

With one week to go to the wedding, it occurred to me that I didn't have any idea where Carlisle was taking me on our honeymoon.

"Do you mind letting me know where we're going next week?" I asked him, thinking that telling me had just slipped his mind.

"I suppose you don't want to be surprised?" He asked, though I was sure he already knew the answer.

Since I was working on my fears, I tried not to panic that he wanted it to be a secret. I tried to tell myself that Carlisle had never forced anything on me, and that his secrets would be good secrets. Rationally, I knew that he wasn't keeping it from me to spring something sadistic on me at the last minute, but I couldn't get my emotions to feel the same way. It's like there was a disconnect between my brain and my heart. I wished I could get my heart on the same page as my mind, but I just couldn't.

"We're going to the French Alps." He assured me, seeing the distress I was putting myself through. "I have bought us a little place up there where we can have some privacy. It's not so far from Paris that we can't go see the Louvre on an overcast day."

"Really!" I squealed, jumping up and down. "Oh, thank you!"

I jumped into his arms and wrapped my legs around his waist, kissing him all over his face.

"If this is the thanks I get for buying a house, I may have to purchase a whole country." He teased, caressing my behind as he leaned in to capture my lips.

I wish we could have made out a little more, but Alice interrupted.

"Bella, you need to get a pelvic exam sometime this week." She announced, embarrassing both me and Carlisle.

Couldn't I just go in the closet for awhile or something? No. Okay, maybe I could try something else.

"Can't you do that trick like you did when you checked to see if I was a virgin?" I basically begged her to not put me through that humiliation.

"I'm not a doctor, Bella." She told me like it was the most obvious thing in the world. "It isn't like I checked you down there when we thought Edward may have vampire roofied you. I checked to see what Carlisle would tell you."

"Can you do it?" I turned and asked Carlisle who nearly choked.

"I… don't… think… so." He looked a little turned on at the prospect of seeing me down there.

"Edward also has a medical degree." Alice told us, clearly messing with us.

"Alice, no!" I was revolted by her suggestion. Even though I knew she was just paying me back for the whole fashion teasing episode, I was appalled.

"Rosalie also could do it." Carlisle growled at her, also not appreciating her attempt at humor.

Rosalie appeared at our door, laughing at Alice. "I've already agreed to do it, Bella. Follow me."

I went with her and sat through the humiliation of my first ever pelvic exam while Carlisle stepped out to hunt.

The bad news was that our first time probably wouldn't be pleasant for me because I was small, and as Rosalie put it, Carlisle was hung like a horse. I thought about asking if I should have my hymen broken before our honeymoon, but I disliked the thought of it being done any way but the old fashion way, but if this was going to be a problem for Carlisle, I wanted to know.

"Can I speak to you about the exam?" I asked Carlisle when he returned.

"Of course, my darling." He smiled at me encouragingly.

"Rosalie said that I'm…" I blew out a breath, "small, and that you're…"

"I see." He barely managed.

"There might be a lot of blood." I continued. "I really want you to…" 

"Break your hymen?" He offered.

"Yes." I sighed in relief that he wasn't too embarrassed to talk about this. "But if it's too much for you, I'll settle for a more clinical method."

"I must admit, I was hoping our first time wouldn't be too painful for you." He sounded sad.

I met his eyes and couldn't stop myself from making my way to sit on his lap.

"I know you hate causing me pain, and I love that about you," I kissed his cheek, being very careful to not to accidentally absorb his pain, "but I really don't want to do this artificially if we can help it. If I'm being too selfish about this…"

"My _only_ concern is you, my love." He stroked my cheek. "I'm sorry in advance for the pain it will cause you. If you're sure this is what you want, then I am honored that you trust me so much."

"You are the only one I ever want inside me." I whispered in his ear.

We sat there for a moment when a new thought occurred to me, "How are we going to…?"

"You mean which position?" He chuckled nervously.

"I'd always imagined you being on top, but…" I felt my face heat up as I trailed off.

"Really?" He asked brightly. "That's how I wanted to… but I want you to be comfortable."

"I want you to be on top." I told him. "At least the first time."

After that, I didn't get many chances to speak with him about anything meaningful. He had to work almost all of the time. I had hoped to use this time to speak with Edward about my marriage, but he seemed to be avoiding me. Although I really felt we needed to talk about this, I wanted to give him time to process it before we spoke. I really hoped that he could come to terms with it and stay in our lives.

While I was waiting for Edward to be ready to speak with me, I sculpted. I wanted to give Carlisle something that showed him how I felt about him as a wedding present. I sculpted Carlisle, how I saw him, compassionate and caring. It was the moment that I realized that he still thought I was his family even though Edward had dumped me. It was when he made Edward quit stalking me. It was the first time I felt anyone had ever truly cared for me. Sure Charlie loved me, but he had his own life, and Renee did in her own way, but I always put her needs above my own and she let me. Carlisle actually chose me over his own son.

With two days left until the wedding, Edward finally approached me just as I was packing the sculpture to take to France.

"Could we speak alone, Bella?" He looked so sad. "I'd like to take you to your old house. I promise that I just want to talk."

Alice had assured me earlier that Edward would be coming by today and that if I chose to go with him, she would be watching the whole time, though she thought he wouldn't try anything.

"Of course, Edward." I tried to smile reassuringly to him.

We drove in his car slowly to my old house. On the way, I was reminded that Esme had let Edward stay with her for the last twelve days. I was grateful to her, but I missed Edward terribly, and I knew that Carlisle did as well.

It took Edward longer than usual to drive from the Cullen house to my father's old house.

"You're not speeding?" I asked surprised. "Is there a speed trap out or something?"

"No, I just know you don't really like it when I drive like a maniac." He admitted. "We don't always have to do things my way. In fact, you can drive back if you want."

"We don't always have to do things my way either, Edward." I shook my head at him. "Friendship means we both give a little."

"I guess I'm just trying to make up for forcing you to do everything my way." He told me apologetically.

"Edward," I scolded him, "you don't have to make up for it. You're forgiven." I told him as he pulled into the driveway.

"That doesn't mean that I won't spend eternity trying to be a better person." He told me.

"I'm glad to hear that, Edward." I smiled at him.

Like a gentleman, he opened my door for me and escorted me into the house. I tried to think of something to say, but in the end, I stayed silent. Edward really needed to be the one to initiate this conversation.

"I never told you thank you for… well, for lots of things." Edward finally told me, very sadly.

I reached up to touch his face, but he danced out of my reach. I briefly chided myself for not remembering Carlisle. Alice was right. This was hard. I reacted before I even thought about him. Knowing that made me feel awful.

"Do you think we could attempt to get through this conversation without you being in unbearable pain?" He teased me, lightening the mood.

"If that's what you really want." I pretend pouted. "But I had my heart set on screaming my head off."

"I don't doubt that for a moment." He chuckled.

I stuck my tongue out at him, and he laughed at me.

"Have I ever told you how amazing you are?" He asked me.

I didn't answer him because I didn't want to hurt his feelings, but the answer would have been, in the beginning of our relationship, he did occasionally tell me that I was special, but after the fight with James, I never heard it again. Instead, he would tell me that I was nothing special or that I was ordinary, or worst of all that I was pathetic. I couldn't help the tears that came to my eyes at the memories.

"I guess I know the answer to that." He frowned at his own memory of our relationship. "But still you are willing to be my friend."

"Yes, of course, I'm your friend." I smiled reassuringly at him. "I'm happy to forgive you, especially if you want to change, but even if you don't."

"I didn't even apologize for being so stubborn that you had to sit through all of Carlisle's pain while I deliberately made it harder on him. That's what makes you amazing." He sighed. "And unfortunately for me, it's what makes you perfect for Carlisle. I do apologize for the causing you that unnecessary pain, by the way."

"You're forgiven, Edward." I tried to hug him.

"That's not a good idea, Bella." He told me sadly. "Physical contact only confuses the matter."

"I'll try to keep my distance, then." I told him solemnly.

"I know you don't believe me, but I do love you, Bella." Edward held his hand up because he anticipated my protest. "You were right before. I didn't know what love was, but through Jasper's mind, I could see that you were dead serious about allowing Carlisle to spank you like that even though you had done nothing to deserve it; I realized that you indeed love me much more than I love you. In fact, Carlisle loves me more than I love him as well. Both of you make me want to be a better person."

"I do love you, Edward." I confessed. "But I am in love with Carlisle."

"It's nice to know that you love me, and I accept that you are in love with my father." He sighed sadly. "And I think that I've come to a place where I can truly want the best for you even if it's not with me."

"Really, Edward?" I asked, smiling.

"Yes," he nodded, though he looked full of regret, "but I do regret that I waited so long to come to that conclusion. It might have spared me a painful separation from my family, and you as well."

"What?" My lip started to tremble in sadness that I hadn't prevented Edward from being asked to leave. "He promised me that you could stay if the spanking helped."

"Oh, I am staying in the family, Bella, but I will be staying with Esme and Glenna when the rest of you move to New Haven." He explained.

"I never meant for that to happen, Edward." I started crying.

"I know, Bella. I will visit you sometimes, but I really do think it's best if I didn't have to hear and see you being intimate with him." His voice shook. "You were right about that as well. Esme's had to spank me a couple of times for losing it whenever anyone thinks about you and Carlisle."

This was still very hard on him. I reached out to him again, but he laughed and pulled away from me.

"Sorry." I scowled at my inability to control myself. "Is there anything I can do to make this easier on you?"

"I don't think it's supposed to be easy on me." He shook his head. "If it were easy on me, I might easily repeat my past mistakes, like I have so many times before."

That was a very mature attitude, and it gave me hope for him.

"I will miss you, Edward." I cried. "I wish there was some way you could stay close to us, even if you didn't live with us."

"Carlisle thought about getting a smaller house for just the two of you, but…" He trailed off suggesting that he didn't think that we would want him near us all of the time.

"Did you ask Carlisle?" I asked him skeptical that Carlisle would have told him to live across the country from us. "Because you certainly didn't ask me."

"Would you be willing to have me live in the same city as you?" He asked hopefully.

"You might have to call first if you don't want to get an earful or a mindful, but I would love to have you live near us." I told him.

"I will speak with Carlisle and consider it." He smiled at the thought. "As much as I love Esme, I've been with Carlisle for a very long time. He has very pleasant, calming thoughts."

"I can imagine." I smiled.

"You would probably be much the same if I could hear you." He chuckled. "Except for the constant need to be in pain."

"Smartass." I snapped at him teasingly.

"And you have more of a temper." He teased back.

"That's a bit of the pot calling the kettle black." I laughed.

"I'm sorry." He turned remorseful once again.

"No, Edward, I shouldn't have said it." I shook my head. "That was very cruel of me."

"Don't beat yourself up about it, Bella. You didn't mean anything by it." He paused for a moment. "I think we should talk about something else." He suggested.

"Yes, I don't think there's anything else to say about the past." I agreed.

"Except for the fact that I've kept a secret for a very long time, and though I confessed my crimes against you to Carlisle, I did _not_ tell him the thing I've been keeping from him for nearly a century. I don't know if he can forgive me for it." Edward cried.

"He has a supernatural ability, doesn't he?" I guessed, shocked that Edward could even keep something this big a secret.

"Yes." He hung his head in shame. "He makes everyone around him better, not because he's a good person. Being around him actually makes my mind-reading abilities have a longer range. Alice doesn't know it, but it makes her visions more accurate, and Jasper's empathic abilities are harder to resist as well."

Edward had deliberately kept this knowledge from him so that he would be the special one.

"And Esme's supernatural mothering ability? Did you keep that from them as well?" I asked him, kind of angrily.

"I… I honestly didn't know she had… that." His eyes begged me to believe him. "But it makes sense. Doesn't it?

"You have to tell him, Edward." I ordered him.

"I was hoping you would…" He hinted.

"No, Edward. _You._" I narrowed my eyes at him. "You need to confess this to him, and face the consequences."

"You're right, Bella." He nodded. "Do you think he'll forgive me?"

"Yes, and so will I." I sighed.

"Again, let's talk about something else." He repeated.

"Did you have something in mind?" I asked hoping we were finished with the hard stuff.

"How about where you're going on your honeymoon?" He asked. "The island is beautiful. You'll love it."

"Island?" I asked in confusion. He wouldn't take me to an island would he? The water! I can't be at an island! "Carlisle told me we were going to the mountains in France!"

"Calm down, Bella he never told me anything about your honeymoon plans." Edward attempted to assuage my fears. "If he told you that you were going to the mountains, then you are."

"He said he bought a secluded hideaway in the French Alps." I was slightly mollified.

"I just assumed you were going to Isle Esme." His face showed surprise at my revelation. "I haven't seen Carlisle much lately. He must have declined Esme's offer."

"Esme has an island?" I was completely shocked.

"Yes," Edward laughed, "Carlisle took her there on their honeymoon. He gave it to her as a wedding present. I heard her thinking about offering him the use of it for your honeymoon."

"Even if he didn't know that I would be scared to death of being on or even getting to an island, don't you think he might have some unpleasant memories of the island?" I asked him, feeling some of the pain that Carlisle must have endured at being rejected on that island. I knew he held no hard feelings towards Esme, but he has been very lonely for a very long time. "I probably would have picked another destination as well."

"I'm sure you're right." Edward nodded. "And his choice seems perfect for you. The beach does seem like a bad idea even though it's nice and warm."

"And I couldn't enjoy it anything that might cause him to be hurt." I argued. "It would kill me to see him that way."

"Are you kidding," Edward laughed, "you could have engaged in your favorite pastime, absorbing his pain so that you could be writhing in agony."

"I didn't think about that." I said in mock thoughtfulness. "Maybe I'll have to ask him to rip his legs off or something so that I can heal him."

"That would be your dream honeymoon." Edward clapped his hands and squealed like Alice.

At that, I started laughing so hard, I was nearly crying.

"Oh shit!" Edward swore loudly and looked very nervous.

"What?"

"Victoria and Laurent." He said nervously as my phone signaled a text.

I glanced down at my phone and saw it was from Alice. WE'RE ON THE WAY! STALL THEM!

It was in all caps, and I assumed that meant there wasn't much hope for me. Even if I had no chance of survival, a sudden thought made me wonder if I could give Edward that chance. What if I could take his pain away until help arrived? Could I give him a chance to beat Victoria and Laurent together if I could heal him as he fought?

"I don't know what to do?" Edward was nearly in a panic.

"I have an idea, but I don't think you'll like it." I whispered. "And Carlisle definitely won't like it."

"Anything, Bella." He growled.

"Take off your shirt." I ordered him. I wanted to be able to touch him easily. "Help me on your back. I need to be in constant contact with your skin."

"Not that, Bella." Edward shouted.

"Please, Edward, it's the only thing I can think of where either one of us will survive." I begged him. "Even if they kill me, you might be able to hold them off until Alice gets here."

"No, Bella." He stared me down. "I won't le…" He started to refuse me. "It's your choice, Bella." He finally conceded.

"Let's do it." I steeled myself for the upcoming pain.

He threw me on his back, and I started to feel his apprehension.

"Don't put me down until help gets here." I gripped him as hard as I could. "No matter what I say or how much I scream."

Laurent and Victoria busted through the walls a second later.

"Edward, Bella." Victoria greeted with a little girl's voice. "I'm so happy to find you here together. I had hoped to get your female and her little friend, but this is so much better."

Victoria and Laurent started circling Edward who seemed to be concentrating on their thoughts. I tried my hardest to not be a distraction for him. Though, I am sure that he could feel my erratic heartbeat, letting him know just how scared I was.

In a rather well coordinated attack, Victoria and Laurent attacked him from opposite sides. Edward fought Victoria while Laurent tried to rip off Edward's leg. Nothing happened to Edward, but suddenly, it felt as if my leg had been ripped off. I screamed as loud as I could.

The pain was so bad, that I couldn't comprehend what was going on around me. It was all I could do to keep hold of Edward.

In the middle of my screaming, my other leg felt like it was being ripped off, and I was writhing in agony. The next second, I felt like someone had gouged out both my eyes, and after that, it felt as if the pain was coming from everywhere. I thought that one of them had bit me, and I was changing.


	20. From Pain to Pleasure

**Author's Note: I have heard that this site is planning on cracking down on lemons. I do not wish for my story to be deleted because of a lemon, which I had planned for this chapter. I edited (big time) this chapter to make it less explicit, and hopefully be able to survive any censoring by the site. I am posting the unedited version on The Writer's Coffee Shop and non – canon – lovers . ning . com (take out the spaces). I am unsure if I will continue this story here or only on the other sites because my future chapters are rather lemony.**

**Chapter 20 – From Pain to Pleasure**

The only thing that made sense to me was that I was changing. That's how much pain I was in all over my body. I have no idea how long I screamed before I heard Carlisle's voice.

"I'm going to give you something to take away the pain, my love." He told me.

He probably injected me with something at that point, but the pain I was in was so intense that I didn't notice a needle. It seemed like an eternity, but eventually, I lost consciousness. I had no concept of time while I was asleep, and it seemed like I had just gone under when I heard Edward speaking harshly with Carlisle.

"It's been a week, Carlisle. I hardly think she'll wake up screaming." Edward snarled. "And I've told you a thousand times, if there was any other way, I would have chosen that. I didn't _want_ her to be in pain."

Carlisle was angry with Edward for my pain? Why? It wasn't his fault.

"My idea." I mumbled.

"Oh, thank God." Carlisle bent down and kissed my forehead.

"Don't be mad at him." I scolded Carlisle. "He saved us."

"I think you may be delusional, my darling." Carlisle kissed my forehead once more. "You are the one who saved you both."

_I _was the delusional one? How could I have possibly saved both of us?

"You gave Edward time for the rest of us to arrive." Carlisle explained. "I can't believe you would willingly put yourself in that much pain, my darling."

"I didn't think I was going to make it, but I thought that I could give Edward a chance." I cried. "If I was going to die anyway, I wanted my death to mean something."

"I just can't help but think that there _had_ to be another way!" Carlisle looked at Edward, exasperated.

Edward threw his hands up in the air and groaned in frustration.

"Stop it, Carlisle!" I admonished him. "If you're going to be mad at someone, be mad at me. It was, as I said, my idea, and for once, Edward didn't decide for me."

"He's not really mad at me, Bella." Edward smiled at me. "He's just tense because you're in pain."

"Yes, and I hate the thought of you being in a situation that the only two options are you dying or being in extreme pain." Carlisle kissed me once again.

"There was a third option…" I started crying. I wondered why he didn't change me. All of the old insecurities came flooding back into my mind.

"We had never discussed _when_ you wanted to be changed, my love." He kissed my cheek this time. "I didn't want to make that decision for you if you weren't actually dying. Once it happens, you can't take it back."

"But rest assured, I will change you, my love." He continued. "I've waited nearly three hundred and fifty years to find someone who loves me the way you do, who I can't imagine existing without. I won't settle for less than eternity with you. If you die, I die as well." Carlisle wiped the tears from my face.

"I want forever as well." I struggled to reach up and kiss him, but my body was so weak, I could barely move.

Carlisle accommodated me and bent his lips down to mine. He pressed against them so gently. I assumed that he didn't want to hurt me. The kiss was brief, but still, I was out of breath.

"Wait!" I suddenly yelled, pitifully. "Did you say it's been a week since the attack?"

"No, darling." He looked at me sadly. "It's been close to two. It's been a week since Alice told me that you would be out of writhing agony. I merely waited to wake you in order to lessen your pain more."

"I missed our wedding?" I started crying again. "I'm so sorry."

"We've merely postponed it for a little while." He smoothed my hair away from my face. "I can hardly be upset with you for being attacked by two sadistic vampires bent on killing you."

This had to be upsetting him more than he was letting on. It must seem like a cruel twist of fate that I would be incapacitated and nearly killed right before our wedding.

"My darling, I am exceedingly relieved that you are alright." He assured me. "It would be petty of me to focus on my own physical desires for you when you were almost…"

"How long do you think we'll have to wait?" I interrupted him, hoping to assure him that I was still more than ready to marry him.

"Alice sees you regaining your strength quickly since there is no real illness." Edward told us. "So you can probably be able to pop Carlisle's cherry in a week at the most."

"Edward." Carlisle scolded him tersely. "There's no need for language like that in front of a lady."

Carlisle obviously said more with his mind to Edward because immediately, Edward looked ashamed and properly reprimanded.

"That's alright, sweetheart. I like that you're as inexperienced as I am. It makes me feel special, like you waited just for me." I told him.

"You are special, my darling." Carlisle kissed my forehead. "And I would wait another three hundred years for you."

"Hopefully, it won't be that long." I teased.

"I'm sorry, dad." Edward apologized. I didn't miss the _dad _part. He must have been promised a spanking if he continued being crass with me. "I'm just upset with myself for not saving myself for someone as wonderful as Bella."

For the first time in a long time, I felt that Edward might be getting over me. He said someone as wonderful as me, not me. I was so happy for him. I hoped that he would move on. This made me smile.

Being proud of Edward made me wonder if he had confessed to Carlisle that he had been lying to him.

"Did you tell him about…" I started to ask.

"Yes, he told me, my love." Carlisle laughed at me. "And I've forgiven him."

"I knew you would." I smiled at him.

"I also told Esme what you thought about her super power." Edward smiled as well.

"She, of course, thinks you're biased and dismissed the idea." Carlisle interjected.

"She's just modest." Edward rolled his eyes. "The rest of us think you're right."

It took me nearly all of the week to regain my strength. Carlisle offered to put the wedding off for two more weeks just to be sure I was strong enough to be physical with him, but I told him ten days was my limit, after that, I was going to do everything in my power to seduce him. He was still thinking about holding out until Alice told him that not only was I dead serious, and he was in big trouble, but that ten days would be more than enough time to heal.

After that first week of healing, I began to notice how Carlisle had started restraining himself around me. At first, I thought it was because of Edward, but it seemed to be happening when Edward wasn't anywhere near us. I began to suspect that he was protecting himself the only way he knew how. He was distancing himself from me emotionally so that if I disappointed him, it wouldn't hurt so badly.

I thought about asking him about it, but I wasn't sure that he even realized he was doing it. I tried to imagine a way to figure out if I was right, and the solution I found was talking privately to Edward and Jasper, and then if I was right, I would have to speak with Alice and Rosalie.

I wrote two notes and snuck them both to Jasper and Edward. _I need to speak with you both privately._

They both agreed and took me out of the house for a walk.

"Is this about Carlisle's behavior?" Jasper guessed.

"Yes," I nodded. "I'm worried about him. I think that postponing our wedding hurt him more than he is letting on, and he may not even realize it."

"He's definitely isn't thinking it." Edward told me. "He isn't deliberately pulling back from you."

"No, his fear is kicking in." Jasper agreed with Edward's assessment. "It will probably get worse before it gets better."

I already knew what I was going to have to do. There was just no way I could tell Jasper, or especially Edward.

"Can you take Carlisle for a hunt?" I asked them both. "I need a girl day with Alice and Rosalie."

"First, I need to ask you about something else, Bella." Edward spoke up nervously.

"Okaaaaay." I drawled, nervous about what he wanted.

"Alone." He hinted pointedly at Jasper.

"No." I shook my head at him and inched closer to Jasper. I didn't like the vibe I was getting from him right now, and it made me a bit scared.

"Are you kidding me?" Edward huffed at me, and I stepped more deliberately towards Jasper who wrapped his arms around me protectively.

"You spoke with me alone a few weeks ago!" He argued. "Or do you actually blame _me_ for Victoria's attack?"

Of course, I didn't blame him. I was nervous about his demeanor, but I didn't think he had anything to do with the attack. Before I could form an intelligent response to his accusation, I heard Jasper punching in numbers on his phone.

"Esme, meet us in the forest. Edward's gone off the rails again." He said simply before he hung up.

"Damn it, Jasper!" Edward shouted. "I just wanted privacy so that I could ask her if I could give her away at the wedding! You didn't have to tattle to mommy!"

"Give me away at the wedding?" I asked incredulously. "Are you serious?" My intuition flickered. "No, you wanted to ask me privately because you knew that it was a ridiculous request that everyone would see right through. It sounds an awful lot like you owned me, and now you are giving me to Carlisle. Let's get one thing straight, Edward. You. Do. Not. Own. Me." I spoke through clenched teeth.

"I didn't mean it like that, Bella." He mumbled unconvincingly.

"Then how did you mean it?" I asked rhetorically. "Was it more of a take care of my girl for me until she snaps out of it and comes back to me? Or was it perhaps, that you finally give your blessing over our marriage?"

"Perhaps it wasn't the most well thought out gesture." He conceded. "I wanted to let you know that you have my blessing. Though I can see now, it isn't necessary."

"Definitely not." I calmed down at his admission. "But that's not the most upsetting thing, Edward. You tried to play on my emotions, again."

I sighed in relief just as Carlisle and Esme came into the clearing.

"I apologize for manipulating you, Bella." Edward hung his head remorsefully. "I should have never suggested that you blamed me for Victoria's attack."

"In the interest of disclosure, why did you want to be alone with me to ask me to let you give me away at the wedding?" I asked.

"I thought that Jasper would point out the obvious flaws in my suggestion." He looked ashamed to admit that.

"You need to stop treating Bella like she's an idiot." Carlisle growled at him as he took Jasper's place protecting me. "You thought she wouldn't be able to see through your plan."

"Yes, dad." Edward told him respectfully.

"In my book, that is deliberate deceit in order to get your way. Is it not?" Carlisle most definitely displeased with Edward's treatment of me today.

"It is, dad, and I'm sorry." Edward had submitted fully to the punishment that he was about to receive.

"We'll leave you and Esme to it then?" Carlisle asked.

"Actually, sweetheart, I need to have a girl day with Alice, Rosalie and Esme." I told him, stroking his face to assure him that I didn't _want_ to be away from him. "Would you take care of Edward's discipline, please?"

"Of course, my love." He smiled at me.

"I would appreciate if Edward came to our wedding, but I don't want him to have any part in the ceremony." I told Carlisle.

"I was thinking the same thing." He kissed me chastely before I walked off with Esme.

Jasper ran home ahead of us to get Emmett to go for a hunt while Esme and I walked at a more leisurely pace.

"I was actually hoping that you and Rosalie could walk me down to Carlisle at the wedding." I mentioned sheepishly as we neared the house. "While I don't care at all if we have Edward's blessing, I would like to have yours and Rosalie's."

"Of course you have our blessing, dearest." She hugged me. "We couldn't have asked for a better wife for him. We are both thrilled that you have made him so happy. I'm sure Rosalie agrees."

"I agree." Rosalie smiled at me as we entered the house. "We'll be glad to walk you to Carlisle."

I sighed, steeling myself for the talk I was about to have when Alice interrupted my inner monologue.

"I saw what you're going to ask us." Alice giggled. "And I nearly fell off the couch when I got the vision. Believe me. I never thought you'd ask something like that."

"Like what?" Rosalie was curious.

"Um…" I hesitated nervously. "I was hoping that you could teach me how to… to give a blowjob."

"Ho – ly shit!" Rosalie shouted. "That _was_ unexpected."

"Well, I'm out." Esme giggled. "This isn't really my area of expertise."

"So can you?" I looked back and forth at Alice and Rosalie nervously. "I think Carlisle may need a little honeymoon encouragement."

"He will." Alice nodded solemnly. "I've already seen that you're going to have to… initiate."

"Poor Carlisle." Esme sighed, beating herself up with guilt.

"Not if I can help it." I told them. "We _are_ going to have a beautiful honeymoon."

Alice ran off to the kitchen and brought back a zucchini, some carrots, and a bunch of bananas.

The night before the wedding, Alice and I had a rather heated argument about whether or not Carlisle would be able to see me before the ceremony.

"It's tradition, Bella!" She shouted at me. "You just _have_ to make him wait until you walk down the aisle!"

"No, I don't Alice." I argued. "It's a stupid tradition."

"So is waiting until you're married to make love." She countered.

"But that's what he wants, Alice, and I've made that concession because I love him. If he wanted to follow this tradition as well, it would be a different story, but he doesn't." I told her insistently. "So, I'm telling you as politely as possible, butt out."

"But it's bad luck!" She pouted.

"Alice," Edward poked his head into my room. I would have expected Carlisle to rescue me from Alice's meddling if he was home, but he had gone for a quick hunt. I never would have thought that Edward would be the one defending my right to buck tradition. "Bella has asked you repeatedly to let it go."

"But she's making a mistake!" Alice stomped her foot.

"It's her mistake to make, not yours." He insisted, ushering her out of my room. "Like she told _me; _if she regrets this in fifty years, you can tell her that you told her so."

"Fine, be cursed for all eternity." She huffed at me playfully. "But we're still doing your nails in twenty minutes."

"And waxing your legs!" Rosalie shouted from downstairs.

After Alice got my finger and toe-nails just the way she wanted, and Rosalie tortured me with the leg wax, they finally let me go to bed. Carlisle and I spent the night cuddling, but Carlisle wouldn't progress beyond chaste kissing. _It's almost over, sweetheart._ I told him silently. _I will show you how much I want you._

The next day, the Denali's, Eleazar, Carmen, Tanya, Irina, and Kate, arrived at seven in the morning. Those ladies were gorgeous. I could now see why Carlisle had left when they flirted. I still trusted him, but I could see why he would be nervous that I wouldn't.

"This is my lovely fiancé, Bella." Carlisle introduced me to them.

"It's wonderful to finally meet you, Bella." Tanya stepped forward and greeted me. "You must be very special. Carlisle would choose nothing less as his wife."

"Thank you." I told her timidly.

After I hugged them all, Alice ushered me off to get me dressed.

She had made my dress perfectly. It was just as I had envisioned it. The simple, short-sleeved lace top was cut to show just a bit of cleavage, and the skirt was just the right length, a simple two foot train. I took a quick shower and let her start on my hair. Rosalie put on my makeup while Alice worked on giving me a cute updo.

Esme came in a few moments later and gave me a pearl necklace that went well with my dress. Soon, it was time to fasten the veil on my hair.

When the piano started playing, Esme grabbed my hand. She and Rosalie embraced me. I really appreciated their support in this. I knew how much they both loved Carlisle, and knowing that they approved of me made me very happy.

Instead of holding their elbows as they led me down the stairs to where Carlisle was standing, we held hands, interlacing our fingers and walked down the stairs as equals.

I squeezed both of their hands and smiled at them each as we approached Carlisle, who for some reason was standing alone in a gazebo, awaiting me.

They didn't place my hands into his as would have been the custom. Instead they both kissed me on the cheek through my veil, first Esme, and then Rosalie. When they were finished, they stepped around me to the place where the officiant would have stood. They surprised me by greeting our guests and family. They were the ministers.

I smiled at them and then turned to Carlisle. When I looked through my veil into his eyes, I was lost. No, that wasn't right. I was found. I didn't hear a single thing Esme or Rosalie said. Carlisle's eyes were swimming with emotion. I could feel all the love he had for me.

"For over three hundred years, love had eluded me." Carlisle had apparently started saying his vows. "And I can't that our love was love at first sight because it wasn't. No, we actually took a very long time to realize our feelings for one another. Through trying times, our love was tested, and we came out with a stronger love than I ever thought possible. You bring joy to my life just by breathing. I will spend eternity loving and cherishing you."

As he finished, he squeezed my hands and smiled.

"I used to believe in soul mates," I nervously began my vows, "the mystical aligning of planets that meant there was one person meant for me. But what we have is so much more special than that. We started out two separate souls traveling through life, but on our journey, we found one another. And as we grew closer, our souls merged. And though I don't believe we were destined to be together from the beginning of time, we have something better, something we had to work for, and that is what I believe in. You aren't my soul mate, Carlisle. You are my very soul, my beloved."

_Wow._ He mouthed to me.

I once again stared at him, and the rest of the world slipped away until he slowly lifted my veil and brought his lips to mine for our first kiss as husband and wife.

We wasted no time on a reception that neither one of us wanted. Carlisle simply scooped me up into his arms and carried me to his car.

After two plane rides and a helicopter flight, we reached our destination, what Carlisle called la Maison Isabella. Since he thought a French villa was an appropriate wedding gift, I presented him with mine, the sculpture I had made of him. It was somewhat lackluster in comparison, but I appreciated the sentiment of having a private retreat that was just ours.

"It's when I realized I was in love with you." He breathed. "The day I restricted Edward to the house to ensure he would leave you alone."

"Yes, it's when I started hoping that we could one day be together." I admitted. "I suppose I was a little slower than you."

"My darling, you were just out of a very abusive relationship." He tipped my chin up so that I met his gaze. "I am not concerned about when you first found me attractive. I am just exceedingly glad that you caught up with me."

"I never said that was the first time I found you attractive." I kissed his lips. "That was the first time I saw you."

"It was the same for me, my love." Carlisle kissed me back, passionately. "I didn't know you felt the same for me."

"You _are_ insanely attractive." I wrapped my arms around his waist and pulled myself closer to him. "But I fell in love with your compassion, and understanding. I just lucked out that it happened to be wrapped in such a sexy package."

"Let me give you the grand tour." He told me in a shaky voice.

"Wait." I begged him, not really wanting to see the house right now. "I'd like to freshen up in the restroom."

"Of course, my love." He smiled at me before carrying me up to the bedroom. "Pardon my lack of sensitivity."

"Give me just a moment." I asked him.

He allowed me to climb down. Though I did want to use the facilities, I also went to the bathroom to change. Alice and Rosalie had arranged to leave a honeymoon gown in the bathroom for me. Rosalie had brought it out as soon as Alice was finished sewing it. It really did look like my wedding dress, except this had spaghetti straps and a lower cut.

After I put it on, I brushed the tangles out of my hair.

My heart started racing at the thought of what we were about to do. I wasn't _scared,_ per se. I was just nervous. I decided to exit the bathroom before Carlisle thought that I was having second thoughts.

When I left the bathroom, I found my very handsome husband fully dressed and sitting on the bed awaiting my return. He stood up at my appearance like the real gentlemen that he was.

"You look exquisite, my darling." He smiled at me, but looking positively shocked at what I was wearing. I think he really thought I wanted a tour, but my attire made him change his mind.

"As do you, husband." I closed the ground between us and wrapped my arms around his waist.

"I like the sound of that, my love." He told me as he ran his fingers through my hair. He was so hesitant, so nervous.

He looked like he was waiting for me to freak out and run away from him. In fact, I could feel it radiating off of him. If I wasn't careful, I was going to absorb this from him and ruin this for both of us.

"I really want this, Carlisle." I whispered in his ear.

"I'm sorry I'm so insecure. It's very hard to believe that this is actually real, that you aren't going to disappear." He stroked my face. "I love you so much, my dear."

"I love you too, Carlisle." I assured him. "May I… show you how much I want you?"

He nodded.

I started out with the plan I had made with Alice and Rosalie, and Carlisle relaxed considerably after I had used my mouth on him to bring him to release. After I helped Carlisle see how much I wanted him, he felt free to reciprocate, and our first time was painful, as expected, but still incredibly wonderful.

I had a bit of a hard time adjusting to his size, but he was infinitely patient with me, as I expected. By the end of our first experience, I was screaming his name.

As I rested in Carlisle's arms, I thought about our vows, and how I had felt that our souls had merged into a single soul, but I was wrong. We had only begun to merge our souls, and now that our bodies had been joined as one, we were complete with one another. I couldn't imagine living a single minute without him.

**Reminder: If you want to read the unedited version, go to one of the following: The Writer's Coffee Shop or non – canon – lovers . ning . com (take out the spaces)**


	21. From Pain to Pleasure Original Version

**AUTHOR'S NOTE (REVISITED): **SO, ONCE AGAIN, I AM TRYING TO LOAD THIS CHAPTER. I'M SORRY FOR ALL THE CONFUSION. THIS IS THE ORIGINAL, UNCENSORED VERSION OF THIS CHAPTER. I REALLY HATED THE WAY I EDITED IT FOR THIS SITE. I TRIED TO ADD THE ROW OF ASTERISKS, BUT IT DIDN'T COME OUT ON THE SITE. THIS TIME, I WILL ADD A BOLD LINE OF **SOUTS **AND ~'S BEFORE THE MORE DETAILED SECTION.

**PLEASE READ UNEDITED ENDING UNLESS A LEMON WOULD OFFEND YOU.**

**Chapter 20 – From Pain to Pleasure**

The only thing that made sense to me was that I was changing. That's how much pain I was in all over my body. I have no idea how long I screamed before I heard Carlisle's voice.

"I'm going to give you something to take away the pain, my love." He told me.

He probably injected me with something at that point, but the pain I was in was so intense that I didn't notice a needle. It seemed like an eternity, but eventually, I lost consciousness. I had no concept of time while I was asleep, and it seemed like I had just gone under when I heard Edward speaking harshly with Carlisle.

"It's been a week, Carlisle. I hardly think she'll wake up screaming." Edward snarled. "And I've told you a thousand times, if there was any other way, I would have chosen that. I didn't _want_ her to be in pain."

Carlisle was angry with Edward for my pain? Why? It wasn't his fault.

"My idea." I mumbled.

"Oh, thank God." Carlisle bent down and kissed my forehead.

"Don't be mad at him." I scolded Carlisle. "He saved us."

"I think you may be delusional, my darling." Carlisle kissed my forehead once more. "You are the one who saved you both."

_I _was the delusional one? How could I have possibly saved both of us?

"You gave Edward time for the rest of us to arrive." Carlisle explained. "I can't believe you would willingly put yourself in that much pain, my darling."

"I didn't think I was going to make it, but I thought that I could give Edward a chance." I cried. "If I was going to die anyway, I wanted my death to mean something."

"I just can't help but think that there _had_ to be another way!" Carlisle looked at Edward, exasperated.

Edward threw his hands up in the air and groaned in frustration.

"Stop it, Carlisle!" I admonished him. "If you're going to be mad at someone, be mad at me. It was, as I said, my idea, and for once, Edward didn't decide for me."

"He's not really mad at me, Bella." Edward smiled at me. "He's just tense because you're in pain."

"Yes, and I hate the thought of you being in a situation that the only two options are you dying or being in extreme pain." Carlisle kissed me once again.

"There was a third option…" I started crying. I wondered why he didn't change me. All of the old insecurities came flooding back into my mind.

"We had never discussed _when_ you wanted to be changed, my love." He kissed my cheek this time. "I didn't want to make that decision for you if you weren't actually dying. Once it happens, you can't take it back."

"But rest assured, I will change you, my love." He continued. "I've waited nearly three hundred and fifty years to find someone who loves me the way you do, who I can't imagine existing without. I won't settle for less than eternity with you. If you die, I die as well." Carlisle wiped the tears from my face.

"I want forever as well." I struggled to reach up and kiss him, but my body was so weak, I could barely move.

Carlisle accommodated me and bent his lips down to mine. He pressed against them so gently. I assumed that he didn't want to hurt me. The kiss was brief, but still, I was out of breath.

"Wait!" I suddenly yelled, pitifully. "Did you say it's been a week since the attack?"

"No, darling." He looked at me sadly. "It's been close to two. It's been a week since Alice told me that you would be out of writhing agony. I merely waited to wake you in order to lessen your pain more."

"I missed our wedding?" I started crying again. "I'm so sorry."

"We've merely postponed it for a little while." He smoothed my hair away from my face. "I can hardly be upset with you for being attacked by two sadistic vampires bent on killing you."

This had to be upsetting him more than he was letting on. It must seem like a cruel twist of fate that I would be incapacitated and nearly killed right before our wedding.

"My darling, I am exceedingly relieved that you are alright." He assured me. "It would be petty of me to focus on my own physical desires for you when you were almost…"

"How long do you think we'll have to wait?" I interrupted him, hoping to assure him that I was still more than ready to marry him.

"Alice sees you regaining your strength quickly since there is no real illness." Edward told us. "So you can probably be able to pop Carlisle's cherry in a week at the most."

"Edward." Carlisle scolded him tersely. "There's no need for language like that in front of a lady."

Carlisle obviously said more with his mind to Edward because immediately, Edward looked ashamed and properly reprimanded.

"That's alright, sweetheart. I like that you're as inexperienced as I am. It makes me feel special, like you waited just for me." I told him.

"You are special, my darling." Carlisle kissed my forehead. "And I would wait another three hundred years for you."

"Hopefully, it won't be that long." I teased.

"I'm sorry, dad." Edward apologized. I didn't miss the _dad _part. He must have been promised a spanking if he continued being crass with me. "I'm just upset with myself for not saving myself for someone as wonderful as Bella."

For the first time in a long time, I felt that Edward might be getting over me. He said someone as wonderful as me, not me. I was so happy for him. I hoped that he would move on. This made me smile.

Being proud of Edward made me wonder if he had confessed to Carlisle that he had been lying to him.

"Did you tell him about…" I started to ask.

"Yes, he told me, my love." Carlisle laughed at me. "And I've forgiven him."

"I knew you would." I smiled at him.

"I also told Esme what you thought about her super power." Edward smiled as well.

"She, of course, thinks you're biased and dismissed the idea." Carlisle interjected.

"She's just modest." Edward rolled his eyes. "The rest of us think you're right."

It took me nearly all of the week to regain my strength. Carlisle offered to put the wedding off for two more weeks just to be sure I was strong enough to be physical with him, but I told him ten days was my limit, after that, I was going to do everything in my power to seduce him. He was still thinking about holding out until Alice told him that not only was I dead serious, and he was in big trouble, but that ten days would be more than enough time to heal.

After that first week of healing, I began to notice how Carlisle had started restraining himself around me. At first, I thought it was because of Edward, but it seemed to be happening when Edward wasn't anywhere near us. I began to suspect that he was protecting himself the only way he knew how. He was distancing himself from me emotionally so that if I disappointed him, it wouldn't hurt so badly.

I thought about asking him about it, but I wasn't sure that he even realized he was doing it. I tried to imagine a way to figure out if I was right, and the solution I found was talking privately to Edward and Jasper, and then if I was right, I would have to speak with Alice and Rosalie.

I wrote two notes and snuck them both to Jasper and Edward. _I need to speak with you both privately._

They both agreed and took me out of the house for a walk.

"Is this about Carlisle's behavior?" Jasper guessed.

"Yes," I nodded. "I'm worried about him. I think that postponing our wedding hurt him more than he is letting on, and he may not even realize it."

"He's definitely isn't thinking it." Edward told me. "He isn't deliberately pulling back from you."

"No, his fear is kicking in." Jasper agreed with Edward's assessment. "It will probably get worse before it gets better."

I already knew what I was going to have to do. There was just no way I could tell Jasper, or especially Edward.

"Can you take Carlisle for a hunt?" I asked them both. "I need a girl day with Alice and Rosalie."

"First, I need to ask you about something else, Bella." Edward spoke up nervously.

"Okaaaaay." I drawled, nervous about what he wanted.

"Alone." He hinted pointedly at Jasper.

"No." I shook my head at him and inched closer to Jasper. I didn't like the vibe I was getting from him right now, and it made me a bit scared.

"Are you kidding me?" Edward huffed at me, and I stepped more deliberately towards Jasper who wrapped his arms around me protectively.

"You spoke with me alone a few weeks ago!" He argued. "Or do you actually blame _me_ for Victoria's attack?"

Of course, I didn't blame him. I was nervous about his demeanor, but I didn't think he had anything to do with the attack. Before I could form an intelligent response to his accusation, I heard Jasper punching in numbers on his phone.

"Esme, meet us in the forest. Edward's gone off the rails again." He said simply before he hung up.

"Damn it, Jasper!" Edward shouted. "I just wanted privacy so that I could ask her if I could give her away at the wedding! You didn't have to tattle to mommy!"

"Give me away at the wedding?" I asked incredulously. "Are you serious?" My intuition flickered. "No, you wanted to ask me privately because you knew that it was a ridiculous request that everyone would see right through. It sounds an awful lot like you owned me, and now you are giving me to Carlisle. Let's get one thing straight, Edward. You. Do. Not. Own. Me." I spoke through clenched teeth.

"I didn't mean it like that, Bella." He mumbled unconvincingly.

"Then how did you mean it?" I asked rhetorically. "Was it more of a take care of my girl for me until she snaps out of it and comes back to me? Or was it perhaps, that you finally give your blessing over our marriage?"

"Perhaps it wasn't the most well thought out gesture." He conceded. "I wanted to let you know that you have my blessing. Though I can see now, it isn't necessary."

"Definitely not." I calmed down at his admission. "But that's not the most upsetting thing, Edward. You tried to play on my emotions, again."

I sighed in relief just as Carlisle and Esme came into the clearing.

"I apologize for manipulating you, Bella." Edward hung his head remorsefully. "I should have never suggested that you blamed me for Victoria's attack."

"In the interest of disclosure, why did you want to be alone with me to ask me to let you give me away at the wedding?" I asked.

"I thought that Jasper would point out the obvious flaws in my suggestion." He looked ashamed to admit that.

"You need to stop treating Bella like she's an idiot." Carlisle growled at him as he took Jasper's place protecting me. "You thought she wouldn't be able to see through your plan."

"Yes, dad." Edward told him respectfully.

"In my book, that is deliberate deceit in order to get your way. Is it not?" Carlisle most definitely displeased with Edward's treatment of me today.

"It is, dad, and I'm sorry." Edward had submitted fully to the punishment that he was about to receive.

"We'll leave you and Esme to it then?" Carlisle asked.

"Actually, sweetheart, I need to have a girl day with Alice, Rosalie and Esme." I told him, stroking his face to assure him that I didn't _want_ to be away from him. "Would you take care of Edward's discipline, please?"

"Of course, my love." He smiled at me.

"I would appreciate if Edward came to our wedding, but I don't want him to have any part in the ceremony." I told Carlisle.

"I was thinking the same thing." He kissed me chastely before I walked off with Esme.

Jasper ran home ahead of us to get Emmett to go for a hunt while Esme and I walked at a more leisurely pace.

"I was actually hoping that you and Rosalie could walk me down to Carlisle at the wedding." I mentioned sheepishly as we neared the house. "While I don't care at all if we have Edward's blessing, I would like to have yours and Rosalie's."

"Of course you have our blessing, dearest." She hugged me. "We couldn't have asked for a better wife for him. We are both thrilled that you have made him so happy. I'm sure Rosalie agrees."

"I agree." Rosalie smiled at me as we entered the house. "We'll be glad to walk you to Carlisle."

I sighed, steeling myself for the talk I was about to have when Alice interrupted my inner monologue.

"I saw what you're going to ask us." Alice giggled. "And I nearly fell off the couch when I got the vision. Believe me. I never thought you'd ask something like that."

"Like what?" Rosalie was curious.

"Um…" I hesitated nervously. "I was hoping that you could teach me how to… to give a blowjob."

"Ho – ly shit!" Rosalie shouted. "That _was_ unexpected."

"Well, I'm out." Esme giggled. "This isn't really my area of expertise."

"So can you?" I looked back and forth at Alice and Rosalie nervously. "I think Carlisle may need a little honeymoon encouragement."

"He will." Alice nodded solemnly. "I've already seen that you're going to have to… initiate."

"Poor Carlisle." Esme sighed, beating herself up with guilt.

"Not if I can help it." I told them. "We _are_ going to have a beautiful honeymoon."

Alice ran off to the kitchen and brought back a zucchini, some carrots, and a bunch of bananas.

The night before the wedding, Alice and I had a rather heated argument about whether or not Carlisle would be able to see me before the ceremony.

"It's tradition, Bella!" She shouted at me. "You just _have_ to make him wait until you walk down the aisle!"

"No, I don't Alice." I argued. "It's a stupid tradition."

"So is waiting until you're married to make love." She countered.

"But that's what he wants, Alice, and I've made that concession because I love him. If he wanted to follow this tradition as well, it would be a different story, but he doesn't." I told her insistently. "So, I'm telling you as politely as possible, butt out."

"But it's bad luck!" She pouted.

"Alice," Edward poked his head into my room. I would have expected Carlisle to rescue me from Alice's meddling if he was home, but he had gone for a quick hunt. I never would have thought that Edward would be the one defending my right to buck tradition. "Bella has asked you repeatedly to let it go."

"But she's making a mistake!" Alice stomped her foot.

"It's her mistake to make, not yours." He insisted, ushering her out of my room. "Like she told _me; _if she regrets this in fifty years, you can tell her that you told her so."

"Fine, be cursed for all eternity." She huffed at me playfully. "But we're still doing your nails in twenty minutes."

"And waxing your legs!" Rosalie shouted from downstairs.

After Alice got my finger and toe-nails just the way she wanted, and Rosalie tortured me with the leg wax, they finally let me go to bed. Carlisle and I spent the night cuddling, but Carlisle wouldn't progress beyond chaste kissing. _It's almost over, sweetheart._ I told him silently. _I will show you how much I want you._

The next day, the Denali's, Eleazar, Carmen, Tanya, Irina, and Kate, arrived at seven in the morning. Those ladies were gorgeous. I could now see why Carlisle had left when they flirted. I still trusted him, but I could see why he would be nervous that I wouldn't.

"This is my lovely fiancé, Bella." Carlisle introduced me to them.

"It's wonderful to finally meet you, Bella." Tanya stepped forward and greeted me. "You must be very special. Carlisle would choose nothing less as his wife."

"Thank you." I told her timidly.

After I hugged them all, Alice ushered me off to get me dressed.

She had made my dress perfectly. It was just as I had envisioned it. The simple, short-sleeved lace top was cut to show just a bit of cleavage, and the skirt was just the right length, a simple two foot train. I took a quick shower and let her start on my hair. Rosalie put on my makeup while Alice worked on giving me a cute updo.

Esme came in a few moments later and gave me a pearl necklace that went well with my dress. Soon, it was time to fasten the veil on my hair.

When the piano started playing, Esme grabbed my hand. She and Rosalie embraced me. I really appreciated their support in this. I knew how much they both loved Carlisle, and knowing that they approved of me made me very happy.

Instead of holding their elbows as they led me down the stairs to where Carlisle was standing, we held hands, interlacing our fingers and walked down the stairs as equals.

I squeezed both of their hands and smiled at them each as we approached Carlisle, who for some reason was standing alone in a gazebo, awaiting me.

They didn't place my hands into his as would have been the custom. Instead they both kissed me on the cheek through my veil, first Esme, and then Rosalie. When they were finished, they stepped around me to the place where the officiant would have stood. They surprised me by greeting our guests and family. They were the ministers.

I smiled at them and then turned to Carlisle. When I looked through my veil into his eyes, I was lost. No, that wasn't right. I was found. I didn't hear a single thing Esme or Rosalie said. Carlisle's eyes were swimming with emotion. I could feel all the love he had for me.

"For over three hundred years, love had eluded me." Carlisle had apparently started saying his vows. "And I can't that our love was love at first sight because it wasn't. No, we actually took a very long time to realize our feelings for one another. Through trying times, our love was tested, and we came out with a stronger love than I ever thought possible. You bring joy to my life just by breathing. I will spend eternity loving and cherishing you."

As he finished, he squeezed my hands and smiled.

"I used to believe in soul mates," I nervously began my vows, "the mystical aligning of planets that meant there was one person meant for me. But what we have is so much more special than that. We started out two separate souls traveling through life, but on our journey, we found one another. And as we grew closer, our souls merged. And though I don't believe we were destined to be together from the beginning of time, we have something better, something we had to work for, and that is what I believe in. You aren't my soul mate, Carlisle. You are my very soul, my beloved."

_Wow._ He mouthed to me.

I once again stared at him, and the rest of the world slipped away until he slowly lifted my veil and brought his lips to mine for our first kiss as husband and wife.

We wasted no time on a reception that neither one of us wanted. Carlisle simply scooped me up into his arms and carried me to his car.

After two plane rides and a helicopter flight, we reached our destination, what Carlisle called la Maison Isabella. Since he thought a French villa was an appropriate wedding gift, I presented him with mine, the sculpture I had made of him. It was somewhat lackluster in comparison, but I appreciated the sentiment of having a private retreat that was just ours.

"It's when I realized I was in love with you." He breathed. "The day I restricted Edward to the house to ensure he would leave you alone."

"Yes, it's when I started hoping that we could one day be together." I admitted. "I suppose I was a little slower than you."

"My darling, you were just out of a very abusive relationship." He tipped my chin up so that I met his gaze. "I am not concerned about when you first found me attractive. I am just exceedingly glad that you caught up with me."

"I never said that was the first time I found you attractive." I kissed his lips. "That was the first time I saw you."

"It was the same for me, my love." Carlisle kissed me back, passionately. "I didn't know you felt the same for me."

"You _are_ insanely attractive." I wrapped my arms around his waist and pulled myself closer to him. "But I fell in love with your compassion, and understanding. I just lucked out that it happened to be wrapped in such a sexy package."

"Let me give you the grand tour." He told me in a shaky voice.

"Wait." I begged him, not really wanting to see the house right now. "I'd like to freshen up in the restroom."

"Of course, my love." He smiled at me before carrying me up to the bedroom. "Pardon my lack of sensitivity."

"Give me just a moment." I asked him.

He allowed me to climb down. Though I did want to use the facilities, I also went to the bathroom to change. Alice and Rosalie had arranged to leave a honeymoon gown in the bathroom for me. Rosalie had brought it out as soon as Alice was finished sewing it. It really did look like my wedding dress, except this had spaghetti straps and a lower cut.

After I put it on, I brushed the tangles out of my hair.

My heart started racing at the thought of what we were about to do. I wasn't _scared,_ per se. I was just nervous. I decided to exit the bathroom before Carlisle thought that I was having second thoughts.

When I left the bathroom, I found my very handsome husband fully dressed and sitting on the bed awaiting my return. He stood up at my appearance like the real gentlemen that he was.

"You look exquisite, my darling." He smiled at me, but looking positively shocked at what I was wearing. I think he really thought I wanted a tour, but my attire made him change his mind.

"As do you, husband." I closed the ground between us and wrapped my arms around his waist.

"I like the sound of that, my love." He told me as he ran his fingers through my hair. He was so hesitant, so nervous.

He looked like he was waiting for me to freak out and run away from him. In fact, I could feel it radiating off of him. If I wasn't careful, I was going to absorb this from him and ruin this for both of us.

"I really want this, Carlisle." I whispered in his ear.

"I'm sorry I'm so insecure. It's very hard to believe that this is actually real, that you aren't going to disappear." He stroked my face. "I love you so much, my dear."

"I love you too, Carlisle." I assured him. "May I… show you how much I want you?"

He nodded.

**~~~~SOUTS~~~~SOUTS~~~~SOUTS~~~~SOUTS~~~~SOUTS~~~~SOUTS~~~~SOUTS~~~~SOUTS~~~~**

I was not the only one that Edward had abused. Of course, there were extenuating circumstances, but Edward manipulated it to keep Carlisle's self esteem low, just like he had with me. I sought to rectify the situation immediately. My sexy husband desperately needed to know just how breathtakingly handsome he was.

My fingers soon found the buttons on his shirt, and I made quick work of them and pushed his shirt off his shoulders. I gasped in shock at how beautiful he was. He was surprisingly muscular. Of course, I knew that he was strong. All vampires are. But Carlisle looked like he must have been very fit as a human because he looked like he spent hours in the gym every day.

"Gorgeous." I ran my hands over his sculpted chest. "Absolutely gorgeous."

Carlisle gently ran his hands over my back, but didn't proceed any further.

I stroked and kissed his chest, discovering my husband's wonderful body. Soon, I moved my fingers down to the button on his slacks and looked up for permission.

"If you're sure, my love," he whispered.

"More than sure." I promised him.

I kissed him deeply as I freed the button and slowly pulled the zipper down. I gently pushed the waist over his hips, and they fell into a pool at his feet.

I smiled to myself when I saw his boxers. I was sure that vampires didn't really need to wear undergarments. He probably only wore them to make me comfortable. The boxers were beautiful white silk. I could see from the way his boxers stood away from his body, he was indeed rather large. I touched him through his shorts, earning a slight whimper in pleasure. I ran my fingers under the elastic and once again searched his eyes for permission to proceed.

He simply nodded holding his breath, and I eased his boxers over his giant erection and lowered them to the floor, bending to my knees as I lowered them as they didn't fall as easily as his pants. His… um… you know, was gorgeous. I was drawn to kiss the tip and taste him.

"May I?" I positioned myself directly in front of his glorious erection.

"Y-y-you don't have to." He told me nervously.

"Please." I asked him as I ran my hands over his perfect ass.

"Okay." He whispered.

I started by licking the tip, just wanting to taste him. As soon as the wonderful flavor hit my tongue, all coherent thought was lost. I just had to have more of that wonderful taste. I engulfed as much of his member in my mouth as I could.

Carlisle moaned, and I was brought out of my haze enough to remember what Rosalie and Alice had taught me. I moved my head up and down over him and breathed out my nose so that I could get him as deep as I could. I couldn't swallow him the way they had tried to teach me, but I did the best I could and hummed around his throbbing manhood. That elicited a deep throaty moan from my beloved. I caressed his underside with my right hand.

"Harder, my darling." Carlisle whispered. "Grab me harder."

Since he was a vampire, I knew that I could use quite a bit of strength on him and still not even hurt him. I slowly squeezed him harder as I moved my mouth faster on him as I created as much suction as possible.

"Bella, I-I'm…" He started to tell me as his muscles tensed, and I heard the most beautiful sound in the world, the sound of my husband having his very first orgasm. It sounded like pure music, the sweetest note. But that was nothing compared to the taste released into my mouth. I knew he would be delicious from the first little droplet, but it seems like the real thing was even better. I greedily swallowed all that he gave me.

"Delicious." I told him. "Can I do that again?"

"My turn, my darling." He laughed at my eagerness." I've been fantasizing about tasting _you_ for quite some time now."

He began by lifting me so that I was once again standing. He bent down and kissed me hungrily on the lips. He must have grown bolder with the knowledge that I really did want this as much as he did. Was it weird for him to taste himself on me? I might ask later. Right now, I was lost in passion.

He trailed kisses down my neck until he reached the strap of my nightgown where he slowly pushed it over my shoulder. He made his way back up to my mouth and slowly kissed me again before kissing down to my other shoulder and pushing the strap down. When he did this, the straps were loose enough that the nightgown fell to the floor in a pool beside his clothes.

"Beautiful." He told me as he looked at me lustfully.

When I saw that look in his eyes, I attacked him, kissing him as I ran my fingers through his hair. He easily lifted me as we kissed, gently laying me on the bed.

He hovered over me as his hand explored my body. His expert, surgeon fingers ghosted over my skin, and though he was cold, they set me on fire.

Soon he started using his mouth on me. His tongue found my breasts, and he nipped at them a bit before he suckled my nipples, giving each a little tug as he released them.

"More!" I screamed at him when I thought that he had moved on.

"Greedy little thing." He chuckled at me before suckling my right nipple while playing with my left.

I was panting heavily from the treatment he was giving me when I noticed his right hand snaking down between my legs. My first instinct was to protect myself, and Carlisle noticed immediately and stopped.

"Are you alright, my darling?" He checked on me.

"Sorry," I panted, "this is new to me."

"You can trust me, my love." He paused making sure I was ready to continue, and though he halted his actions, he didn't remove his hand.

"I do." I promised him. "I don't know why I did that."

"It's fine, my darling." He assured me as he resumed his previous path.

This time I opened my legs to him, and he played with the hair between my legs. It felt nice, but soon, I was desperate for him to explore lower.

"Please." I begged him.

"As you wish, my love." He whispered before sliding down my body, leaving a trail of kisses in his wake.

When he reached my lower patch of hair, he inhaled deeply. I shivered in anticipation and opened my legs wider for him. His tongue slipped out and explored my lower folds. I couldn't help the moan that escaped my lips or my back arching off the bed in sheer pleasure. I felt him smile against my most private skin as he began to intensify his ministrations. I was completely out of breath after a few short seconds. I gripped the sheets as hard as I could in an effort to anchor myself to the bed. Soon, a coil tightened inside me, and my heart began racing faster.

"More! Please! More!" I cried out to him as I felt my body become more and more on edge. I was sprinting towards something, and right now, I didn't care if it killed me. I wanted it badly.

Just when I didn't think I could take any more stimulation, the dam broke and the coil inside me exploded with release. The muscles inside me fluttered as wave after wave of pleasure washed over me.

"Carlisle!" I screamed in ecstasy, and I was lost in the pleasure of _my_ very first orgasm.

It could have been a lifetime that I lay there lost in euphoria, but the next thing I knew, Carlisle was on top of me, stroking my face.

"That was better than I ever imagined." He told me.

"Mmhmm." I agreed.

"Do you want to finish this now, or do you want our first night to be free from pain?" He asked me.

"Now." I told him. "I trust you, husband."

He positioned himself over my body.

"Do you want me to ease into it or…" He started to ask, but I interrupted him.

"Quickly." I answered as I raised my hips to give him easier access.

"I'm so sorry, my darling. Truly, I love you." He kissed me as he quickly thrust inside me.

It took everything I had not to scream in pain. Rosalie wasn't kidding when she said that this would hurt. I tried to be brave and push past the pain, but I couldn't help the tears that slipped out of my eyes. Carlisle was perfectly still, and I was grateful for his restraint. After a few moments, he seemed to be struggling with his need to move, and I was still hurting a bit.

"Do you want to move?" My lip quivered as I asked.

"Not if you're still in pain, my love." He worried. "In fact, it's probably best if we wait and finish this once you're healed."

"If you could just give me a few more moments, I really want to finish, or at least for you to finish." I told him hopefully.

He gave me an exasperated look, rolling his eyes at what he thought was my selflessness. I wasn't being selfless, though, I was being greedy. I wanted so much to see him orgasm again tonight even if I didn't get to.

"Please." I begged him.

A sudden inspiration struck him, and he kissed me passionately before he moved just enough to work his right hand between us and find my sensitive nub. Slowly, he started making circles on and around it until I was once again lost in pleasure.

Soon, I was panting in eagerness to have my second orgasm and desperately trying to get him to move inside me.

"Can I move my love?" He asked me.

"YES!" I half screamed, half moaned.

Very carefully, he started moving, and it only enhanced the anticipation of my next orgasm. Soon, I wanted more, and my hips started moving up to meet his thrusts. I had no idea how, but it was even more pleasurable than before. My eyes rolled back in bliss. I was nearly ready to explode when I heard Carlisle start to moan. My eyes flew open so that I could take in the sight of him, and it was beautiful. I hadn't been able to properly see his face the first time, but now that I had, it was by far the most beautiful sight I had ever seen. I tried to memorize the way he looked, but soon my own release washed over me and I was once again screaming his name.

As I rested in Carlisle's arms, I thought about our vows, and how I had felt that our souls had merged into a single soul, but I was wrong. We had only begun to merge our souls, and now that our bodies had been joined as one, we were complete with one another. I couldn't imagine living a single minute without him.


	22. Beautiful

**Author's Note: This is the next to the last chapter. I hope to start a sequel soon, but it could be awhile before it gets posted. Thank you all for reading and especially those who review.**

**Chapter 21 – Beautiful**

Carlisle rolled on to his back and pulled me on top of him while we came down from our high. I snuggled on to him and stared deeply into his eyes.

"That was wonderful." I finally broke the silence with a reverent whisper. "I couldn't imagine anything more perfect."

"It was indeed, my angel." He kissed me on my forehead.

Due to the lingering taste of Carlisle on my tongue, I couldn't get his taste out of my mind. His extraordinary flavor made me think of the game we played at Christmas and Emmett's question and almost question.

"I never told you, but during our question game on Christmas, Emmett started to ask me…" I began to tell him, but he interrupted me.

"You were going to say me, even then?" He seemed shocked, remembering that Emmett nearly asked me who I wanted to lose my virginity to.

"I actually almost said you anyway even though he switched his question to favorite food." I laughed. "But it's funny because now, it's true. _You _are my favorite food."

And it was. His essence was the most fabulous thing ever created. I knew there must be a God because only God could make something that tasted that good.

"I could say the same about you, my darling." He agreed with me. "No animal could ever compare to the flavor of you. You are the pinnacle of heavenly delicacies."

"And the other thing…" I meant making love for the first time. "That was unbelievable."

I gazed into his eyes and saw that he didn't look as blissfully happy as I thought he would. He looked like he was straining a bit.

"Is there something wrong?" I asked, worried that he hadn't enjoyed the experience as much as I had. I desperately hoped that it wasn't what I thought it was. I was very close to tears upset that I wasn't what he had expected.

"No," he told me as he looked down at me and saw my hurt and confusion, "especially not that, my love. You were amazing. I just thought that you might be more comfortable sleeping if I cleaned up our mess first." He explained.

I looked behind me to the place where "our mess" was and I gasped. There on the white sheet of the bed was my blood mixed with his semen. I started to cry in earnest.

"It's so beautiful." I turned so my back to him so that I could see it properly. "You can't ever wash this sheet."

"The blood doesn't make you faint, my love?" He asked me.

"Not at all. I wonder why." I thought about it for a moment, then sniffed. I couldn't smell the blood at all. "It's probably because your… contribution… masks the smell."

"Really?" He sounded a bit shocked. "Your blood is all I can smell. I can't even detect my… _contribution_," he teased me using my word instead of the medical term, "at all."

"Well, your _sperm_," I got brave and actually said the word, "tastes like the most fabulous thing I've ever eaten." I told him, my mouth watering at the memory of his delicious essence. "It's a struggle not to lick the sheets clean."

"You'd think _I _would be the one that struggled with that." He laughed.

"I thought you had perfect control." I reminded him. "I never thought you would be tempted to taste… my blood."

"Normally, I don't but after tasting you so intimately, I am intrigued as to what your blood tastes like." He admitted sheepishly.

While we were admiring our creation, my hand kept creeping over toward the sperm to capture some. Carlisle thought it was hilarious.

I turned toward Carlisle to make it harder to ruin our comingled fluids. It didn't take away my desire in the slightest. I started staring down at his… _penis_. There I thought the word… now to just say it out loud.

"Can I…" I lightly stroked the tip of his manhood as I nervously started to ask him if I could give him another blow job, but he got my meaning.

"Of course not, my love." He told me with a rare air of confidence to his voice. "Right now, we're tied."

"Tied?" I didn't quite understand what he was telling me.

"Two orgasms a piece." He shrugged.

"I'm not keeping score." I laughed at him. "Besides, I _really_like doing… that."

"But I am keeping score, and if we're tied, then I'm behind." He laughed at my confusion. "I hope to give you at least twice as many orgasms as you give me."

"Then, you are in for a real fight once you change me." I narrowed my eyes in mock seriousness. "When I'm as strong as you are, you are going to have to decapitate me to separate my mouth from your manhood if you want to keep that average up."

"That's a disturbing image, my love." He dissolved into a fit of very unmanly giggles.

His laughter was contagious, and soon, I was giggling right along with him.

"Speaking of disturbing images, I hope you don't think I'm weird, but can we take a picture of our _mess_? I want to remember the way this looks even when I'm like you." I asked him.

"Of course we can, my darling. And the only reason I didn't take the picture already is because I have perfect memory. I won't need the reminder." He gracefully disentangled himself from me and retrieved his phone from his pants on the floor and snapped a few shots of it from different angles.

"Thank you for leaving me out of the photos." I told him sincerely.

"Like I said, I have perfect recall. I don't need the pictures to remind me how exquisite you look, and I don't want anyone else to see." He whispered huskily to me though he remained standing at the foot of the bed.

He was still erect, and I was finding it difficult to not jump off the bed and drop to my knees in front of him.

"If you aren't going to let me have a taste, perhaps you shouldn't tease me." I licked my lips hungrily causing him to groan.

"I know you are willing, and probably a little eager to please me, but I really do want to wait for you to be fully healed." He rushed back to my side, hiding his very prominent erection from my sight.

"And you don't want to use your mouth on me so soon after my hymen broke for fear of triggering the change?" I asked, assuming that was the reason.

"Yes, that would be unfortunate if you were writhing in pain when I intended you to be writhing in pleasure." He nodded.

"We really don't have to be even," I practically begged him to let me do it, "and I _really_ want to."

"Please don't ask that of me, my angel." His eyes got very serious, and I knew that something was going on.

I concentrated on not absorbing his pain, and I touched his face.

"Talk to me, sweetheart." I coaxed him.

"To me, it's a sign of domination. I have some bad memories concerning that particular position." He explained. "If I can't reciprocate, I will feel guilty, like I'm asserting my authority over you. My father forced my mother into that position frequently, and made me watch so that I would know how to… dominate my future wife." He trailed off at the end.

"That's awful." I sympathized with him. "But… you didn't force me, remember? I volunteered."

"Yes, I remember, but…" he took a deep breath to calm himself, "I need a little more time before we try that without reciprocation."

"Of course," I agreed. "You wouldn't force me to have sex in the bathtub. I won't do anything that makes you uncomfortable either."

"Thank you for being so understanding, my love." He pulled me to himself and kissed me deeply.

"I'm sorry for bringing up a particularly painful memory." I apologized. "I would have never pushed it if I had known."

"I know." He sighed and shook his head to clear his thoughts. "Enough about my depressing childhood, let's get back to our happy honeymoon."

"Is it really that simple for you?" I could still feel his pain, so I knew that he was still struggling. "I can feel your pain. Tell me what I can do."

"Oddly enough, making you feel good makes me feel better." He smiled at me as his hand slowly migrated toward my center.

I stopped his movements.

"Umm…" I hesitated, wondering how to politely tell him that I didn't want to go there alone.

"Are you kidding me?" He laughed, kissing me on the top of my head. "You _are_ keeping score."

"Shut up." I tried hard not to laugh back at him, but failed. "Fine, you're right. I would feel _so_ guilty if you brought me to release and you didn't get to go there with me."

"We really are two peas in a pod, aren't we?" He asked rhetorically. "You'll just have to get by with the memory of my taste until you're healed. I will do the same." He kissed me and caressed my bottom, making me curse my frailty and tenderness.

"You're evil." I pouted but completely ruined the effect by giggling.

"Yes, and you really seem to hate it." He told me sarcastically.

"Your dominate side is such a turn on, sweetheart." I told him seriously. "I loved it when you gained confidence. Do you think you could do that more often, take control, I mean?"

"I could…" He seemed nervous to actually try that. "I would have to be _evil_, as you so eloquently put it."

"I'm not sure you have it in you to tease me." I challenged him.

"You have no idea." He growled at me softly. "I plan on showing you just how _evil_ I can be next time."

"Bring it on, Doctor Cullen." I kissed his chest. "But just so you know, two can play that game."

"I have perfect restraint, my love." He kissed my nose in a very patronizing manner. "You can _try_ to play that game, but you will lose."

"I am well aware that you have spent the last three hundred or so years resisting human blood, but that doesn't mean you are in any way prepared to resist _me_ when I decide to really turn it on." I smiled sweetly at him and stroked his erection.

"You little…" he paused to control himself, "tease." He growled softly in my ear.

I loved that Carlisle only called me tease. He seemed to instinctively know that I didn't want to be called anything vulgar. I snuggled into him.

"You know, if you want visions of my body to be yours alone, we're going to have to murder Edward." I told him seriously before continuing very suggestively. "I plan on giving you an awful lot to think about while we're here."

"Hmm…" He looked thoughtful. "I'm not sure I'll be able to keep this from him completely."

"He's seen me naked, Carlisle." I reminded him. "Plus, if he gets all possessive, you might want to _accidentally _remember tonight and show him what's what."

"The thought has crossed my mind." He admitted sheepishly. "I doubt he would be very pleased to see you screaming my name in pleasure."

I laughed at the thought.

"Or about how I can't get enough of you?" I suggested, grabbing his behind firmly. "Or how my every thought is consumed with how you taste and when I can have another drop of… you?"

"Edward would _love_ to hear those thoughts, my dear." He tried to sound sarcastic, but it really sounded very strained, almost like he was having a hard time resisting me already. "But I'm almost positive he'd prefer a spanking to seeing anything we've done so far, including the mess we've left on the sheets."

"I want to frame it and hang it on the wall." I told him nervously, serious about wanting it, but quite aware that it would be completely inappropriate.

"That would be an interesting piece of artwork." He laughed. "But I don't think it would be fit for public viewing."

"Can we at least take them off the bed, so that I don't accidentally roll over and ruin it in the middle of the night?" I bit my lip thoughtfully.

"We can." He nodded as he lifted me off the bed.

"Since I can't wash the sheets, I will settle for washing you… in the shower of course." He told me. "And you're right. We don't want to ever ruin your beautiful blood stain."

"My blood isn't the only thing that makes it beautiful, sweetheart." I twisted gracefully in his arms to kiss him. "It's because it's a mixture of both of us."

Carlisle shifted me to one arm while quickly changed the sheets. It was surreal watching him take the sheets off the bed, completely naked, holding me in one arm, and successfully put new sheets back on the bed, and he did it all in less than thirty seconds, hospital corners and all.

The shower after was _very_ interesting. Carlisle clearly had other things on his mind than getting me clean. He wanted to tease me as he washed my body. I tried to do the same, but he was right. I was clearly out of my league because of his restraint. I had some serious thinking to do before I could compete with him.

He started with the less erotic parts of my body and carefully scrubbed every inch. He then moved on to my backside using the rag on one cheek, and his hand on the other. He then moved between my legs to wash the blood of, but he was moving so slowly, I was panting with need for him. He then moved down to wash my breasts… with his tongue.

When he stood, I abandoned my teasing plan and just grabbed his erection and gave him a squeeze before I tried to drop to my knees to finish the job.

My perfect husband laughed at me before he picked me up and carried me back to our newly changed bed. He positioned himself beside me with his left arm under my head so that we could stimulate on another. I stroked him as he used his fingers to tease my little nub. It was very hard to remember to keep caressing him as I was lost in the pleasure his fingers were bringing me. I tried to concentrate on squeezing and moving my hand faster, but my movements were much more erratic than his were on me.

I winced involuntarily when he tried to insert a finger into my opening.

"Too sore?" He asked me breathlessly, but I could see a trace amount of disappointment in his eyes. He wasn't alone. I was also less than thrilled that we would have to wait a few days to make love again.

I nodded but kept up my ministrations. He resumed his previous pattern around my clitoris.

I looked at his beautiful member and saw a delicious drop of fluid leaking from the top. I tried to break free from his hold on me to capture it with my tongue, but he knew exactly what I was doing and held me firmly in place, smirking at me.

"I want you to find release as well, my darling." He whispered in my ear, his husky tone sending me over the edge.

As soon as my release found me, I felt Carlisle's cold, sticky discharge hit me in the chest and dripped all over my hand. Instinctively, l brought my hand up to my mouth and licked it clean.

I was brought out of my sperm-induced haze when Carlisle moaned. I opened my eyes and saw that he was doing the very same thing, relishing in my taste as I was in his.

"I fear I have the same problem you have." Carlisle chuckled when he caught me peeking at him. "You are simply too delicious."

"I can't possibly taste as wonderful as you." I argued.

"No, my love, you taste better." He assured me.

"Impossible." I yawned.

"We can argue about this later." He kissed my forehead.

"Mmhmm," I agreed, nodding off, completely spent.

The next morning, I was sore. So sore, in fact, that Carlisle had to carry me around the mansion to give me the tour, but I loved it, and so did he.

That night, we once again brought one another to release with our hands. I really enjoyed it, but I really wanted him to be inside me again. He of course, laughed at my enthusiasm, and checked out my tender area. I was disappointed when he told me it would probably be a two more days.

Those next few days, we spent creating. I sculpted while Carlisle worked on projects with wood. I asked him to teach me a little about woodworking because I knew that I wanted to include it in my next sculpture. He was very patient with me while his hands hovered over mine to ensure I didn't slip and injure myself. After a day or so, I was getting pretty good at it, though not nearly as good as he was, and I knew that I never would be, but that wasn't really the point.

Carlisle hummed while he worked. Though Edward was the real musician of the family, Carlisle's voice mesmerized me as I worked on my creation. First I made the clay part and cast it into bronze because the wood was more easily manipulated. He kept trying to see what I was doing, but I told him that it was a surprise. I think that he thought I was doing something pornographic, but I kept my thoughts to myself. After I cast the work, I stopped for lunch.

After lunch, I began the process of shaping the bronze and filing it. I was ready to apply the patina. This was a long process, which Carlisle wrinkled his nose at because of the smell, but he never said a word. It wasn't really time consuming on my part, it just needed to be repeated every 12 hours for a few days. When I was finished with the first coat, I set it aside to start on the wood portion, knowing that I wouldn't be able to completely finish the wood until after the bronze was complete.

"What are you working on?" I asked Carlisle while I whittled.

"Not a chance, my darling." He laughed. "If I don't get to know what you're doing, then mine is a surprise as well."

"So you're saying that you'll show me yours if I show you mine?" I teased him remembering the first time he said that to me when he brought me home after my birthday. I smiled at the memory knowing that if I hadn't gone through that pain, I would never have been able to be where I am now.

"Absolutely." He agreed dropping what he was working on and rushing over to my side in the blink of an eye.

He kissed me so passionately that I dropped my knife in surprise. Of course, Carlisle caught it before it cut me. I moaned in anticipation as his lips found their way to my neck. My hands quickly worked the buttons on his shirt as I freed him from his confines.

I saw him searching around the room for something briefly. I think he was trying to find somewhere that would be acceptable to make love to me, but he came up empty. I felt my body being lifted. He was going to carry me bridal style, but I wouldn't have it. Instead, I wrapped my legs around his waist as he carried me human speed through the house.

Carlisle was an excellent multi-tasker. While he carried me, he peeled off our clothes, leaving a trail of messy work clothes in our wake. By the time we made it to the bed, we were both completely naked.

This time, Carlisle was much less hesitant than our first time. This time, he took control, and I loved it.

He gently laid me down on the bed and began kissing every inch of my body. I was panting with need when he finally reached the place I most wanted him to go, but he skipped right past it.

"Please!" I begged him, but he just chuckled at me.

"You are _so_ going to regret this when it's my turn to tease you." I threatened which he only laughed again in response.

He ghosted over my sensitive flesh, but didn't cause enough friction for any kind of relief. I tried to thrust my hips upward to gain more friction, but he removed his hand altogether.

"Carlisle please!" I cried out in frustration.

This time, he relented and his fingers were quickly on my sensitive nub, rubbing it very slowly and softly. I sighed in relief. Soon, his mouth found my right breast, and he flicked the nipple with his tongue before pulling it slightly inside his lips and giving it a firm tug. I gasped in response. He gave the same treatment to the other side. All the while, he was slowly increasing the pressure between my legs.

Soon, he was sliding down my body. His magical tongue left a cold, wet trail. When he reached the promise land, he gently caressed me with his tongue. It felt magnificent. It wasn't long before the coil tightened inside me, and that sadistic bastard just stopped. He was so dead. When it was my turn, I was going to torture him until the only thing he remembered was my name.

He laughed at the frustrated little scowl on my face, but got off of me and walked away.

"Are you kidding me?" I screamed at him. "Get your sparkly ass back over here and finish what you started!"

"I'm not sure if you're fully healed?" He teased.

"Please." I whimpered, my own hand heading down to bring myself to release. I had never done anything like that before, but I was on fire with a burning need for him, and he just left me high, and not so dry.

"I don't think so, beautiful." In an instant, Carlisle was hovering over me and holding my arms above my head.

"Please." I begged him, putting on my best puppy-eyes. Though he had me pinned to the bed, I wasn't afraid. I was desperate for him.

"You mean you declare me the master teaser?" He grinded himself against the very outside of my sex.

I whined pitifully and tried to impale myself on him.

"Not a chance, my love." He chuckled at me. "I can stay in this position all day long."

"Even if I pout?" I stuck my lip out and tried to work up some tears. The tears failed to fall, though because I wasn't even the least bit sad only very sexually frustrated.

"Especially if you pout." He growled at me, smiling the whole time.

I tried. I really did. I stared at him for a very long time, trying to see if I could outlast him, but finally I gave in, knowing that someday soon, he was going to have to answer for this.

"You win." I attempted a growl. "For now."

"Forever." He corrected me as he thrust painfully slowly into me. He was torturing me, and I loved every second of it.

"Harder, please, harder!" I chanted, desperate for him.

He gradually picked up the pace until I was nearly ready to explode, and then he once again stopped, pulling completely out of me. I squeaked out a little complaint, but I couldn't say any words. I was on edge, very ready for him to finish.

"You were very unconvincing earlier when you declared me the winner, especially when you added that little, _for now_, bit." He looked at me expectantly.

I couldn't believe that he was actually doing this to me. Where had my shy Carlisle gone? When had I unleashed this incredibly sexy beast?

"You win." I mumbled and tried to get him to resume.

"I can't hear you, my love." He taunted me and licked my nipple. We both knew perfectly well that could hear what I just said. "Maybe you should enunciate."

What else could I do but agree with him? If I had been able to think clearly at the time, I would have been fully convinced that the U.S. should change their interrogation techniques to torture al la Carlisle. As it was, I couldn't think about anything but needing him badly, _right now!_

"You win." I was practically in tears.

"Are you sure?" He was relentless.

"Yes, please!" I begged him. "You win! I mean it!"

"That's what I thought." He smirked at me as he quickly thrust back into me.

I briefly, and I mean very briefly considered telling him to stop, but at this point, there was no way I could. I was on a collision course toward my release and the crash was eminent.

He reached down between us and rubbed me one more time, and that caused my body to explode in pleasure unlike I had ever felt before. Wave after wave of ecstasy crashed over my whole being for what seemed like an hour. When I had come down off of my Carlisle induced high, I found my beautiful husband staring at me in awe.

"I see that I didn't upset you with my taunting." He chuckled at me.

"I knew you would never get me that worked up and actually walk away." I kissed him on the lips. "Besides, now I get to pay you back."

"You mean _try_ to pay me back, don't you?" He teased me.

Instead of answering him, I grabbed him down below and stroked him softly until he was once again ready to make love. I didn't have it in me to torture him at the moment. I just wanted my gorgeous, wonderful husband over and over and over again.

Later, much later, after less torturous rounds of lovemaking, I made my way back to the workshop to apply another coat of patina and work on the wood carving some more. The carving took me a lot longer than sculpting because well, I went through five of them and wasn't satisfied. I was new at this, but this was ridiculous.

"Damn." I swore, throwing my mediocre carving against the wall.

"Problem, my love?" Carlisle stuck his head into the workshop to check on me.

"I can't get this quite right, and it's frustrating me." I was nearly in tears.

Carlisle surveyed the discarded wood halves of my creation and looked at the bronze half, smiling.

"Oh, I see what you're doing." He nodded. "And you're doing it wrong."

That was harsh. He had never spoken to me that way before. He had never been anything less than encouraging about my work. I looked at him in shock, tears beginning to fall from my eyes.

"Don't take it that way, my darling." He laughed, kissing my forehead. "I only meant to say that this is supposed to be an abstract representation of our lovemaking, yes?"

I was surprised that he had figured it out from the discarded wood halves and completed bronze half. I nodded, blushing.

"You're the bronze, correct?" He didn't wait for me to answer. "And you can't quite get the wood to represent me?"

"Yes, I just can't figure out what I'm doing wrong." I sniffled. "Why can't I get your half right?"

"Because you're not me." He explained. "You wanted to recreate our lovemaking by yourself, but that, my dear, is impossible."

"Obviously, it isn't possible to actually recreate our lovemaking, but I thought that metaphorically and artistically, I could." I shrugged. "It probably was foolish of me to ask you to teach me woodworking instead of collaborating with you. I just wanted to surprise you, and I had never worked with someone else before, but it sounds right, doesn't it?"

"Absolutely." He agreed.

"Please create this with me." I kissed his lips.

He swatted my bottom playfully and told me, "Go make yourself some dinner. I have an idea, but I want to surprise you."

I smiled as I walked away knowing that I would find a beautiful masterpiece when I returned. It wouldn't be as glorious as Carlisle, but it would still be wonderful.

Of course, his carving was completely beautiful and fit perfectly with my sculpture. My half was full of gracefully flowing curves, and I had tried to do the same with his, but it didn't look right. Carlisle chose to make his side out of intricate sharp angles to contrast mine, and it was beautiful, especially when we fitted the two halves together.

Together, we took the statue and placed it on the mantle. He put his arm around my waist as we looked in awe at the statue that we created together. It was now my very favorite piece.

"Make love to me?" I asked him.

"Anytime, my darling." He told me as his lips crashed into mine, and we melted onto the floor.


	23. My Turn

**Author's Note: I want to apologize right now for the probably terrible French in this chapter. I speak like ten words of French, and they are mostly numbers, and I don't really know how to spell them. Anyway, I used Microsoft Translator to translate my text, and I can't be sure, but I don't think it did an awesome job. So, if you do speak French, feel free to have some laughs at my expense because I have no way to make sure it's accurate. If someone wants to message me the correct French interpretation of the passages, I will repost with the changes. In case it was so awful, that no one could understand it, I went ahead and put my intended meanings after each paragraph in parentheses. Keep in mind, that Bella doesn't know French at all and though I have 'translated' it for you, she doesn't know what's being said.**

**This is the last chapter. I hope you enjoy it.**

**Chapter 22 – My Turn**

For days, I'd been trying to figure out a way to pay Carlisle back for the teasing incident in the bedroom the other day. The problem I had was that while I could tease him, he could always overpower me, not in a bad way, and force my teasing to come to an end. Knowing him, he would probably feel needlessly guilty about using his strength against me, though I would take it as a great compliment if his perfect restraint cracked a little bit because of my teasing.

I decided to bring up my concerns about this with him at night after lovemaking.

"I still plan on getting you back, you know?" I informed him, attempting to sound offhanded.

"Whatever for, my love?" He played innocent.

"You know exactly what." I poked him in the chest. "I was just _enlightening_ you that I fully expect to win, and I don't want you to feel bad if you should just so happen to… I don't know… lose your mind and use physical force to end my teasing."

"I would never…" He was dead serious, and I knew that I was right about him.

"I didn't mean that you would ever hurt me, sweetheart." I assured him, as I palmed him through the sheets. "I'm just saying that I _intend_ to fight dirty, and you're _going_ to lose."

"That sounds like… very interesting," he seemed a little intrigued, a little turned on.

"Yep." I popped the _P_, stilling my hand_._ "And when you bend me over the bed and take me roughly from behind, I will love every second of it."

"It's never going to happen, you know." He looked confident, a little too confident.

"Whatever you say, sweetheart." I blinked repeatedly at him.

My chance at reciprocity finally came a day later when Alice called and told us that the next two days would be cloudy enough for us to go to Paris and see the Louvre. A public setting would be a great place to exact my revenge on my beloved husband.

_Need help? _Alice texted me, seeing what I was trying to do to Carlisle. _I would SO like to help you break Carlisle's restraint._

_I need you to find me an arrogant, amorous Frenchman._ I replied. _That shouldn't be too hard._

_I see the perfect guy. Mind if I watch?_ She asked.

_Ummm…_

_I'll stop when he cracks, but pretty please let me watch._ She begged me.

_Okay, _I relented, _but text me when I can meet flirty guy. _I texted a final time before picking out my clothes.

I looked through the dresses that Alice had packed for me and found an empire waist dress that crisscrossed over my chest and was fairly short. The top was white and the skirt was black. I chose it because I couldn't wear a bra with it because it was backless and because the skirt flared out a bit. I channeled my inner Alice and found a pair of heels to match. The dress was tasteful, not slutty. I didn't want to tip him off before I even got started.

_Good choice._ Alice texted again. _See if you can get him to take the bus to the Louvre. The green and white one just to the right as you exit the airport. It will be nearly full, and the shocks aren't great._

_What? _She should have known that I had no idea what that meant.

_Shocks are what absorb the bounciness in a car. Sit on his lap. It will be extra bouncy._

I giggled at her, understanding exactly what she had in mind and selected a pair of black see-through panties, and went about the business of fixing my hair. I went with soft curls and light makeup.

It was nearly eight in the morning when I met my breathtakingly handsome husband in the foyer.

"You look beautiful this morning, my darling." He kissed me deeply. "You look beautiful every morning, but you know what I mean."

"Thank you." I smiled at him and led him out the door to the helicopter.

Carlisle insisted that I have a moderate breakfast this morning before I got ready so that I wasn't nauseous on the helicopter or starving once we landed. I also brought some crackers so that I could nibble them in case of air-sickness. I was grateful that they weren't necessary.

After a two hour helicopter ride, Carlisle led us toward car rental place, but I intervened.

"Why don't we take the bus?" I asked him as innocently as possible.

"Because…" He waited for an explanation.

"It's fun." I answered, smiling brightly at him, hoping that my enthusiasm would be contagious. "The full tourist experience and whatnot."

"If you insist, my darling." He laughed and let me lead him to the bus that Alice had described.

We were nearly the first people on the bus, so we got seats together. I didn't see a graceful way of sitting on his lap until a little old lady came up without a seat. She didn't look like she would do well standing for long even if she could hold one of the little handles overhead. For once, I beat Carlisle to the punch and stood to let her have my seat and promptly set on his lap. I didn't say anything to her because I didn't know very many French words.

Before the bus was even in gear, I could feel his erection poking me in the bottom. I pretended I didn't notice. In fact, I started a nice conversation with the Australian couple on the other side of us. Carlisle didn't join in much at all, but he did shift uncomfortably a couple of times. I suppressed a laugh.

Alice was right, of course. We could feel every single bump in the road. About five minutes in, I turned to sweetly peck Carlisle on the lips, and surreptitiously gauge his mood. He had a very hard look on his face. He must have been concentrating on not losing it. I didn't feel the least bit sorry for him. He had teased me mercilessly the other day, and now, the good doctor was going to get a taste of his own medicine.

When we finally stopped in front of the Louvre, I couldn't be sure, but I could swear I heard Carlisle say, "Oh, thank God."

I was getting to him. I tried very hard not to smile at him.

When we were exiting the bus, I was in front of Carlisle. I _accidentally _dropped my purse and bent at the waist to collect it. I knew that it was a very unladylike pose, and Carlisle and everyone behind me would be able to see up my dress. I trusted that he would see it quickly and protect my modesty.

As soon as I bent, I heard a sharp intake of breath behind me and felt Carlisle close the distance and cover my backside with his body. Unfortunately for him, he had to kind of had to press up against me to cover me, and also, as soon as I felt him back there, I backed up a little bit, pressing myself harder into him.

He growled. He actually growled at me. I stood up and made my way off the bus as if I didn't hear him.

As soon as we stepped through the doors, I got a text from Alice, but I couldn't answer it immediately because Carlisle abruptly turned me to face him.

"Don't think for a second that I'm not well aware of what you are trying to do, my love." He looked almost confident, but not quite. "You're welcome to try, but you are very much out of your league."

I feigned confusion as I looked back at him, and he laughed at me.

"You're not fooling me, Mrs. Cullen." He patted the top of my head in a very condescending way.

It was _SO_ on. I was going to ramp up my game in a major way. I walked away from him and discretely checked my text from Alice.

_Medium build, brown hair, blue eyes at the Alexander the Great exhibit. Don't let Carlisle get to you. You're doing great._

I led us toward the exhibit he was looking at and stopped right beside the man. He noticed me right away.

"Pardonnez-moi, belle dame." The obviously French guy spoke to me grazing my arm, and completely ignoring Carlisle. (Pardon me, beautiful lady.)

"I don't speak French." I shrugged at him with a hint of a smile. I wouldn't call what I was doing flirting. I wouldn't do that to Carlisle. That being said, I wasn't exactly shutting him down either. I bit my lip nervously, not knowing how to tell him that in French before I shrugged and said, "Sorry."

"An American?" He spoke with a thick accent as he took both of my hands in his. "I know all about the Louvre. I come here often. I could show you all the best…"

"Je parle français, et je suis parfaitement capable de montrer ma mariée autour du musée sans votre aide." Carlisle interrupted very rudely, pulling me away from the man, keeping an arm around me as he spoke to our momentary companion. (I _do_ speak French, and I am perfectly capable of showing my wife around the Museum without your help.)

"Cette gâterie succulent est votre mariée? Vous devez démissionner pour que je peux montrer ses amants français mieux combien sont que les américains." He told Carlisle in a rather mocking tone. (This mouthwatering treat is your wife? You should step aside so that I can show her how much better French lovers are than Americans.)

Carlisle set his jaw but said nothing. I gathered that the man was very insulting to Carlisle, but I actually had no idea what either of them was saying.

"It seems your _husband_ is a rather jealous man." He laughed.

"Really?" I cast a smirk over my shoulder at Carlisle. "I thought that my husband had _excellent_ self-control."

"Self-control?" He taunted Carlisle. "Ce n'est pas ce que les femmes veulent, mon ami. Votre femme a besoin d'un homme réel, pas un moine." (That isn't what women want, my friend. Your woman needs a real man, not a monk.)

"Let me show you how a real man treats a lady." He stepped in closer. "Your oaf of a husband could never please you the way I could."

"I have a real man, thank you," I smiled sweetly at him, "who has absolutely no reason to be jealous."

Since I had memorized the layout of the museum before we came, I led Carlisle away from the lecherous flirt, slightly swaying my hips as I walked. Carlisle growled at me, not menacingly, but playfully.

I wanted to text Alice to congratulate her on finding the 'French Edward', but I couldn't find a way to do it without Carlisle seeing what I was doing.

After the initial confrontation with the flirty guy, we made our way to the sculptures. Most people would have gone straight for the _Mona Lisa_, but I just gotta be me. I was more interested in Rodin and Michelangelo. I could have spent days just taking in all of the wonderful works, but alas, my stomach growling had another agenda, and besides, _I_ had a husband to torment.

For the most part, I was being gentle with him while we were in the sculpture area mainly because I didn't want to peak too soon and miss the opportunity to see some of my favorite works in person. I knew once it was lunchtime, I would ramp up my game in a way that he would never expect. Don't get me wrong, I was naughty and flirty in the sculpture area, but it was all very lackluster compared to what he had done to me. I wanted him to think that I was indeed out of his league, and that I had exhausted my bag of tricks. Then, I would go in for the kill.

Since I was starving, Carlisle took me downstairs to the food court where I chose corndogs with mustard. I usually didn't eat food like that. It didn't taste great to me, and it definitely wasn't healthy, but today it would hopefully accomplish what I intended. I put one corndog in front of Carlisle just for show.

Carlisle sat across from me with his own corndog but watched me while I ate. I gazed away from Carlisle pretending to be thinking about something else. Once I had dipped a very generous amount of mustard on the end of my corndog, I very slowly placed the tip of the corndog in my mouth circling the end with my tongue before sticking just the end of it in my mouth and moaning softly. Though the moan was somewhat exaggerated, I was actually a little turned on.

Carlisle cleared his throat and gave me a reprimanding look.

I pulled the corndog out and smiled at him, "When I'm finished with mine, I'd love to taste yours."

His eyes got really wide at my suggestive comment. It seems he didn't quite know how to handle what I had said, so he looked away from me, refusing to look at me for the rest of lunch. It took every bit of my self-control not to laugh at him, but somehow I managed.

It was then that I noticed that he wasn't breathing. I didn't know if he didn't like the smell of the food or maybe he couldn't take the smell of my arousal without snapping.

After I finished both corndogs, I excused myself to go to the restroom.

_Is he angry or just horny?_ I texted Alice.

_Definitely horny._ She replied. _You're doing great, by the way._

_French Edward was awesome! _I finally managed to tell her. _I can't believe how perfect he was._

_And will be… look for him when you leave the restroom. _She suggested. _French Edward? That's funny._

Oh, goody, French Edward was back! I could _so_ use this to torment Carlisle a little more!

I had planned on slipping my panties into Carlisle's pockets since I got dressed, but now a sudden inspiration came over me. He would never expect what I was about to do. But first… I had to text Alice.

_Don't watch for a minute._ I told her. There was no way I could do this if I knew she was going to see me do it.

_Too late, Bella! Holy crap! Are you trying to kill him? Better yet, are you trying to kill me? And also, have you been hanging out with Emmett too much?_

I was completely mortified, but I had to do this anyway. She'd already seen it. It wasn't like not doing it would erase her memory.

I decided to own it.

_Do you think that if you'd seen that while you were hunting, you would shoot blood out your nose? _I asked her.

_LOL! That's never happened to me before, but when you get back, ask Emmett about the Bear in 1976._

_Do I want to know? _I worried.

_Oh, yes._ I could almost hear her laughing.

_Will my plan work?_ I asked her.

_Cause Dr. C to lose his shit? Yes._ She replied. _You need a translation ap. Download it before you do the other thing._

I had no idea what that was about, but I assumed it was necessary since she mentioned it. I did a quick search and bought an ap so that I could translate from English into French.

After putting my phone back in my purse, I very carefully slipped off my panties and took a deep breath before putting my fingers inside my private place and gathering as much of the juices as I could. I was aroused just to do this to him, so there was plenty of fluid down there. With another deep breath, I exited the restroom with my panties in one hand and my feminine wetness all over two fingers of the other. It was quite a trick opening the stall door, but I somehow managed gracefully.

Carlisle was standing near the exit of the restroom, now smiling pleasantly. I was glad that he had stopped breathing earlier, or he would know what I was up to. I reached my left hand into his pocket and deposited my panties at the same time I brought my juice coated fingers on my right hand up to his mouth and lightly wiped it all over his lips. He took a deep breath and lost his beautiful smile.

Before I could pull away, Carlisle held me against himself in a vice-like grip.

"Do you have any idea how naughty you are?" He growled softly in my ear, but with an edge to his voice.

"I thought that I was out of my league." I told him innocently. "Or have you misjudged my teasing abilities?"

I felt the rumble of his growl before I heard it, but the message was clear. He was shoring up his defenses for another assault on my part.

"I left a present for you in your pocket as well." I nipped at his ear, playfully.

He reached inside to feel what I had left him, and he growled at me once again.

Carlisle was closer to cracking than I had ever seen him, but he wasn't quite ready to break yet. It seems that I was going to have to push him over the edge.

I looked over Carlisle's shoulder to find French Edward as Alice had suggested. He was getting some ice cream, and I mentally applauded Alice for her insight. I formulated a new plan.

"You know what sounds wonderful?" I put a lot of excitement into my voice. "Ice cream!"

I walked away from him, and he didn't follow. Perhaps he was trying to regain his composure. If my plan worked, his self-control wouldn't last long. On top of that, I seriously doubted he would let me be alone with that womanizer for very long.

My _friend_ noticed as soon as I walked up. He smiled politely, looking around for Carlisle. I pretended that I hadn't noticed that he was there.

I pulled out my phone and typed, _I would like a single dip of vanilla ice cream._

The philanderer saw what I was doing and put his hand over mine. "May I order for you, mademoiselle?"

Though I didn't speak much French, I didn't miss the fact that he referred to me as a single girl instead of a married woman.

"I guess." I nodded nervously. "This translator isn't very good anyway."

"Cette belle dame aimerait une trempette unique de glace à la vanille.." He ordered for me. (This beautiful lady would like a single dip of vanilla ice cream.)

The proprietor rattled off something or other. I assumed it was the price. I reached into my purse for my credit card, but the man was quicker.

"Allow me, belle dame." He started to hand the woman his card, but Carlisle suddenly showed up behind us. (beautiful lady)

"Cette _belle dame_ est le mien. Je paie pour la Putain de la crème glacée." Carlisle growled at him and paid for my dessert. (This beautiful lady is mine. I am paying for the fucking ice cream.)

"Elle a demandé mon aide, mon ami. Si j'étais vous, je n'aurait pas laisser cette petite colombe hors de votre vue, ou un certain français attrayant elle voleront de vous." The Frenchman laughed tauntingly at him. (She sought my help, my friend. If I were you, I would not let this little dove out of your sight, or a certain attractive Frenchman will steal her from you.)

I pretended that I didn't know what was going on. True, I didn't have any idea what they were _saying_ to one another, but I could guess from their tones that Carlisle was being possessive, and the Frenchman was implying that he could easily take me away from Carlisle. It was unbelievably sexy to see Carlisle angry and horny.

Sometime during their argument, the proprietor had given me my ice cream, and I stepped back to eat it. Truthfully, I didn't really _want_ the ice cream. It was just another prop in my plot to publicly seduce my straight-laced husband. I barely stuck the end of my tongue out of my mouth and circled the top of the ice cream with it, imagining that I was tasting Carlisle. I pretended that the ice cream was his cold, hard member as I opened my lips to engulf the top of the somewhat lackluster treat. I'm sure the ice cream was perfectly delicious, but I knew what the real thing tasted like, and this was nothing in comparison. Both of them broke off their arguments to stare at me in shock when I let out a soft moan and licked some residual ice cream off of my lips.

Carlisle quickly walked to my side and grabbed me roughly by the upper arm and pulled me along with him.

As we passed the Frenchman, Carlisle growled at him, "Si vous regardez ce que ma femme encore une fois, je vous briserai dans la moitié." (If you so much as look at my wife again, I will break you in half.)

I continued eating my ice cream provocatively and making yummy noises. Carlisle quickly took my ice cream away from me and threw it in the nearest trash bin.

"I think that we've had just about enough of this, Isabella." He growled at me as I struggled to keep up as he dragged me toward the exit. "You're very lucky I didn't put you over my knee in front of everyone."

I felt a rush of feminine wetness dribble down my leg at the thought of getting a spanking from Carlisle, even though he had threatened to do it in public.

I suppressed a smile and allowed him to drag me to the nearest hotel. He had cracked. I was so happy.

I didn't listen as he paid for the room. He had to take his arm from around me while he paid. I not so discretely reached down to my exposed leg and caught a bit of juices that were still dribbling down into my shoe. This time, he knew exactly what I was doing. He caught my hand before it reached his lips and pushed it away from him. On a whim, I just put my finger in my own mouth instead and licked it clean.

Carlisle's eyes were solid black as he snapped his face toward mine. He turned me to the side and gave me three sharp smacks to the bottom.

The clerk at the desk looked positively shocked that he would do such a thing until I smiled and wagged my eyebrows, and Carlisle threw a couple extra hundred Euros on the desk.

Carlisle guided me to the elevator which was already crowded by the time we stepped on. He groaned when he saw that he had no choice but to put me right in front of him. Once the doors closed, I wiggled my bottom over his straining erection.

"Isabella." He chided me sternly but softly.

I ignored him and kept swaying my hips until he put his hands on either side and stilled my movements.

After we reached our floor, Carlisle hauled me out of the elevator and unceremoniously hoisted me over his shoulder and carried me. Once the doors to the elevator shut, he smacked my bottom again.

"You do remember that my panties are in your pocket, and anyone in this hall can see right up my dress?" I asked him, but he didn't put me down. He simply walked faster, giving me swats all along the way.

When we finally reached our room, he gave me a slightly harder smack before he bent me over the bed. I giggled internally that he was doing exactly what I had told him a few nights ago.

"You've been a _very_ naughty girl, Isabella." He scolded me as he flipped up my dress. "Very naughty."

I wondered if he was going to spank me in earnest this time before he… well… _fucked_ me, but he didn't. I heard his pants hit the floor only seconds before he pushed into me from behind. The force of him almost drove me head first into the bed.

"Yes!" I screamed the same time he grunted.

I wasn't quite tall enough to maintain this position. I was straining on my toes to keep my sex high enough for him. Thankfully, his gentlemanly side was not completely gone. He lifted me slightly so that I was on my hands and knees on top of the bed.

"Mine!" He growled as he pounded into me.

He thrust repeatedly with much more force than ever before, and after only a few pushes, I felt the walls inside me contracting. He was hitting a magical spot inside me that he had never hit before, and I was in heaven.

"Oh, Carlisle!" I yelled as I fell hard and fast into oblivion.

I felt his cool release inside me quickly after. I went to climb up in the bed, but he stopped me.

"Do you think that I'm going to let you get away with that stunt you pulled at the museum?" He scolded me, pulling me by the arm over to a chair and bending me over his lap.

"You are a very wicked girl, Isabella." He scolded me as he landed a spank on my bottom.

I moaned in pleasure as he continued to rain down swats on my upturned backside. I lost count after about ten, and it wasn't from pain, it was from sheer pleasure. I arched into his spanks, and he took it as permission to increase the intensity. My bottom was _very_ warm, and I was quickly ready for round two.

"Have you learned your lesson, you evil little minx?" He ended with a slightly harder swat.

"Yes!" I yelled and twisted myself out of spanking position to where I was straddling his legs.

He removed our remaining clothing so quickly that I was surprised that he didn't rip anything. I kissed my beloved husband on the lips and impaled myself on his rather large erection. This time wasn't as fast and furious as the first, but it wasn't exactly slow either. We both had two more orgasms before we ever disconnected. He could tell that I was spent. I collapsed into him and was nearly asleep before he carried me to the bed and allowed me to sleep.

I woke up the next morning to an overly cautious Carlisle.

"Are you alright?" He asked me.

"Perfect." I kissed his lips. "And you?"

"Worried." He answered honestly.

"You're not angry with me?" I wondered biting my lower lip.

"For what you pulled at the museum?" He laughed. "No. It was fun to see my sexy temptress come out to play, and to be fair, you _did_ warn me."

"Then why are you worried?" I was genuinely confused.

"That maybe I pushed it too far giving you a spanking, or maybe because I went all caveman possessive on you and was anything but tender." He confessed.

"Did you not hear what I said the other day? I took all of that as a compliment." I told him, giggling. "I have never felt as sexy as I did yesterday, causing my husband's perfect control to snap."

"Well, you definitely did that." He laughed with me. "But part of me still worries when I treat you less than gentlemanly, though the larger part of me relishes being playful with you."

"I'm glad that you have let loose a little bit. You have no idea what it did to me when you told me that I was lucky that you didn't spank me right there." I relished the memory.

"I think I may have some idea." He smirked. "If I hadn't smelled the sudden rush of arousal when I said it, I probably wouldn't have had the courage to go through with the rest of what I did to you."

"I loved seeing you like that." I kissed him again to assure him that I was happy. "You are very sexy when you're jealous."

"But physically, are you alright?" He worried again.

I stretched my body to check it out. There were definite tender spots on my pelvis, probably where he grabbed me when he bent me over the bed. I smiled knowing that I could tell him about this, and he wouldn't freak out.

"I think you may have bruised my pelvis." I pulled back the covers to allow him to check me out.

"I definitely see finger marks." He ghosted over them with his hands, causing me to shiver. "Did it hurt when we were…?"

"Not that I remember." I shook my head at him. "I'd like to think that I would have told you to stop if…."

"I know that, my darling. I just worry about you." He kissed me passionately.

"I'm blissfully happy, husband." I returned the kiss.

"Internally, how do you feel?" He apparently was not done worrying.

"A little sore, but not nearly as much as after our first time." I tried to be as honest as I could as I assured him. "I could definitely go again… if you want to."

"I most assuredly want to, but you haven't eaten since lunch yesterday." He reminded me. "Let's get you some breakfast before we put any more strain on your body."

"I guess." I grumbled playfully as I skulked off to the bathroom. Carlisle swatted me lightly and chuckled at me before he grabbed the phone to order room service.

I took a shower while he ordered breakfast. I heard a knocking on the door as I stepped into my bathrobe. Room service was just bringing the cart in the room when I emerged from the bathroom.

Much to my surprise, the room service guy was the flirty Frenchman from the museum. I snickered to myself that he probably never mentioned his profession to most of the women he attempted to seduce. He most likely relied on his accent to woo unsuspecting American women into bed with him.

I immediately made my way to Carlisle's side, and he wrapped his arms around my waist. I wanted to let _French Edward_ know in no uncertain terms that he never had a chance with me, and he never will.

"Good morning, belle dame." He smiled at me and reached out to touch my arm. I couldn't believe that he actually had the audacity to flirt with me again. I leaned into Carlisle away from him before he continued. "Have you decided to give up your fumbling American husband for a skilled French lover?"

"It _is_ a good morning, isn't it? Last night, on the other hand, was a fabulous night." I smirked as I turned to face Carlisle and kissed him passionately on the lips. "Trust me when I say there was no fumbling last night." As I said this I ran my hand seductively over his perfect ass. "My _British _husband could teach you Frenchmen a thing or two about how to treat a lady."

"British, belle dame?" He laughed haughtily. "That's even worse. No romance. No _girth_."

"Trust me when I say that my husband has plenty of girth, and more than enough length." Instead of giving a rough estimate to our server, I instead stroked him through his pants, causing an instant erection.

"Naughty." Carlisle playfully scolded me as he swatted me lightly on my bottom as he half-growled, half-whispered in my ear, "mine."

"Caveman." I retorted, pulling him closer by the belt loops.

Carlisle reached into his back pocket for his wallet and pulled out fifty Euros while his other arm was still around me. He kissed me deeply as he reached around me to hand the man his tip. The second I heard the door shut, Carlisle ripped the robe off my body, and ravished me. It was a very good thing the meal was served in a container that retained its warmth because it would be awhile before I got to it.


End file.
